ONE MONTH later
Whoever said time heals all wounds is a fucking liar.
The wounds Camden Fields left are like open, gaping ones that I can’t repair. They only get uglier the longer I go without him. What makes it worse?
He’s everywhere. Everyone’s talking about him. Them. The football team. They’ve gone on to the playoffs. They’re projected to be in the championships, and I wouldn’t doubt for a minute that they’re going to win. Knox tells me Cam’s never played better—the entire team is in top form. They haven’t lost a single game yet.
They’re breaking school records, causing a commotion in town and on campus. In the entire state. They recently set up banners on the light poles on campus with photos of all the best players—my brother. Cam. Especially Cam. It pains me to walk around campus and see his handsome face glowering down at me, a football clutched in his hand. Even the banners where he’s wearing his helmet, I can still see his eyes. Like he’s watching me everywhere I go.
I hate it.
I love it.
He still hasn’t reached out.
The clock is ticking, but time’s almost up. I can’t wait much longer like some pathetic loser, who’s hoping the idiot love of her life will see the light and realize he needs her by his side. I’ve confessed all to Rita and Cheyenne, and while they’re supportive and give me good advice, they also both think I’m giving him way too much time.
“I would’ve fucked someone else by now to forget him. Get back at him,” Rita admitted to me last night, when we were all hanging out in the living room together and passing around a bottle of Peppermint Schnapps.
Why were we voluntarily drinking that again? It’s like chugging straight mouthwash.
“Rita, stop,” Cheyenne admonished, and all I could do was stare at her, trying to imagine myself with someone else.
I couldn’t. Just the idea made me nauseous.
The majority of their football games the last four weeks have been away games, which was the perfect excuse for me not to attend. Joanna asked a few times if I wanted to tag along with her and Natalie. I felt bad for turning her down, but I couldn’t do it. I just…couldn’t sit there and cheer them on, knowing I couldn’t actually talk to him afterward. And I wasn’t about to approach him either. This is all on him. The ball is in his court, so to speak.
I don’t know what he’s been up to beyond football, and I refuse to talk about him with Knox. Not that my brother ever brings him up. We barely talk anyway, considering he’s always with Joanna, spending every free moment he has with her.
Honestly? I don’t blame him. I would do the same thing with a certain someone, if he’d only get his head out of his ass.
I’m currently sitting in the living room, contemplating getting drunk again like we did a couple of nights ago. Rita is taking a shower. Cheyenne is making a salad for us for dinner, and while I said yes to her offer only a few minutes ago, I’m not really that hungry.
Pretty sure I’ve lost at least ten pounds on the he broke my heart diet I’m currently on.
Cheyenne eventually enters the living room, handing me a silver bowl filled with the salad she made and a fork. I take it from her gratefully, saying thank you before I ask, “Hey, is there anymore alcohol in this place?”
She settles into the overstuffed chair across from where I’m sitting on the couch. “No. That’s why we polished off that nasty peppermint Schnapps last night. It was all we had left.”
I make a face, staring at the contents of my bowl. This is a beautiful salad, full of all of my favorite things and I start gathering a few items with the fork. Lettuce, cucumber, a crouton. “We should Door Dash some vodka and orange juice.”
“God, no. Alcohol is not going to solve your problems, Blair.”
“I know,” I say morosely, chewing for a while. Lost in thought.
Cheyenne remains quiet as well, both of us eating for a few minutes until she finally says, “Is he worth it?”
I pause in my eating, staring at her. “Who?”
“Him. Cam. Is he worth your sadness while you wait for him? What if he never comes back around?”
The possibility is there. The longer he takes, the worse I feel. I’m wasting my time. I’m being such a wimp right now. A doormat. The type of woman who will sacrifice everything for a man who gives her nothing. That’s the worst.
If I told my mom this, she would be so mad at me. So disappointed. And the last thing I want to do is disappoint someone.
Truthfully? All I’m doing is disappointing myself.
“Then I guess I move on.” I shrug and resume eating.
“I figure that’s what you’re doing right now. Moving on.”
“Am I?”
“I don’t want to sound mean, but you probably should.” Cheyenne’s gaze is full of sympathy. “Don’t wait for him forever.”
“I’m not.” I mean, I am, but I’m also busy with school. The semester is almost over and finals are coming up. We only just got through Thanksgiving and now the holiday season is upon us. Christmas decorations are up everywhere and holiday music is playing in just about every store I enter lately, but I’m not feeling it.
This is my favorite time of year and I can’t even enjoy it.
I’m halfway finished with my salad when my phone dings with a text notification. I check to see who it’s from, surprised to find it’s Knox, asking me where I’m at.
Me: Home.
Knox: Why are you at home?
Me: Where else would I be?
Knox: Come hang out. We just got to that pizza place across from the library.
They have the best pizza there.
Me: I don’t want to.
Knox: Why not? You’ve become really boring lately. You never want to do anything.
I don’t want to do anything if it involves his best friend.
Knox: Just come out and hang tonight. It’ll be fun. I miss you.
Me: You’re full of shit. Who put you up to this?
My heart is hammering so hard against my ribs, I swear it’s going to burst out of my chest.
Knox: Fine, Joanna asked about you. She wants you here. She misses you.
I call him, tired of texting. I just want to finish my salad in peace.
He answers immediately.
“Please just stop bugging me, Knox,” is how I greet him, not worrying about being polite because he’s my brother. “I don’t want to go out tonight.”
“Come on, B. Just get your butt over here,” Knox encourages, and I can tell he’s got me on speaker.
Alarm races through me at Knox calling me B. Something I don’t think he’s ever really done before. That’s a Cam thing. “Who are you with?”
“Who else would I be with? Jo Jo and the Duke of Camden.” I can tell Knox is smiling, happy to be with his girlfriend and best friend.
That sounds like torture. Not the Joanna part.
The Cam part. Duke of Camden. Only my brother has ever called him that.
“Oh.” I go quiet, thinking, glancing over at Cheyenne, who’s watching me with curiosity. “I don’t know. I don’t feel like pizza.”
“Give me a break. You love pizza.”
“And I look terrible.” I’m in sweats. No makeup. My hair needs a good wash.
“It’s just us, Blair. We don’t care what you look like.” He’s quiet for a moment, asking either Joanna or Cam, “You don’t care what my sister looks like, right?”
I hear a slam, like the sound of something hitting a table. “Nope. Don’t care at all.”
Oh shit. That was Cam.
“Really?” I’m pissed. “Are you drunk, Camden?”
“I’ve had one beer, Blair. Give me a fucking break,” Cam mutters.
“Hey, language,” Knox says mildly.
“I’m not a baby, Knox. I can handle it when Cam drops a fuck here and there,” I say snippily.
I’m guessing Cam doesn’t want me there. I’m sure he’d run away with his tail between his legs if I showed up at the restaurant.
“Ouch, okay, sorry.” Knox sounds defensive. Typical. “Are you coming or not?”
Don’t do it, don’t do it!
“You know what? Yes, I’m coming. I’ll be there in ten minutes.” I end the call and leap from the couch, taking my bowl to the kitchen and dumping it into the sink before I head for my bedroom.
“Where are you going?” Cheyenne asks.
“You don’t want to know,” I tell her at the same time I receive a text from my brother reminding me of the name of the restaurant they’re at, even though I already knew.
Can’t wait to show up and I hope seeing me strikes fear in Cam’s heart.
It’s the least he deserves.
I’m entering the restaurant fifteen minutes later, the scent of cheese and oregano and tomato sauce hitting me, making my stomach growl. That salad didn’t even put a dent into my suddenly ravenous appetite.
I’m starved.
Knox spots me first, lifting his hand in a wave and I make my way toward the table, confidence flowing through my veins. I revitalized my hair with dry shampoo and it flows down my back in slight waves, bouncing as I walk. I slicked on some of those glow drops on my face, giving myself a dewy finish as they say in the ad. I’m wearing my favorite straight leg jeans and a black turtleneck that makes my boobs look huge, and all I want to do is make Cam swallow his tongue.
At the very least, choke on it.
I approach their table, stopping at the head of it, smiling at all of them, even Cam.
“Hey, guys,” I say brightly.
Knox and Joanna greet me while Cam stares at my chest like he’s never seen a pair of tits before.
Triumph flowing through me, I tell him, “Scoot over,” and he does without saying a word, allowing me to slide onto the bench beside him.
This is probably going to hurt me in the end, but for now, I’m going to try and enjoy every single minute of this interaction with the man who’s too big of an idiot to see that I’m in love with him.
Because, yes, it’s true. I’m in love with Cam and I believe he’s in love with me too. He just doesn’t realize it. Doesn’t believe he can actually feel that emotion, which is the dumbest thing ever. All of us are capable of love.
We just have to believe in it.
“It’s good to see you, Joanna,” I tell my brother’s girlfriend, and she smiles at me when I reach across the table and squeeze her arm.
I refuse to look at Cam. I hope it’s killing him.
“It’s been forever,” Joanna agrees with a faint smile. “What have you been up to?”
“Nothing in particular.” I’m purposely vague. “School has been kicking my butt lately.”
Well, that’s not a lie.
“Mine too.”
“Not mine,” Knox chimes in with a smug smile. “Thanks to Joanna. She’s a huge help.”
I roll my eyes. “Yeah, yeah. You two are so lucky and in love. Blah, blah, blah. I’ve heard it all before already from you.”
“Don’t knock it till you try it.” Knox glances over at Joanna, all gooey-eyed. “I don’t think I can stop talking about you.”
Cam makes a derisive noise mixed with a snort, and I glance over at him, noting the annoyance on his face.
The pain in his gaze when it quickly meets mine before he looks away.
“They’re gross,” I tell him, feeling like I’m twelve.
“Tell me all about it. I have to deal with them all the time,” he mutters before bringing the beer mug to his lips.
“They hang out at the apartment a lot?”
“Every damn day.” He grimaces. “A constant reminder.”
“Of what?”
“Of what a relationship could be like when it works out.” His gaze holds mine for a second before it drops to my mouth for a brief moment. “You look good, Bumblebee.”
I can’t even lash out at him for calling me that. It feels too good to hear the nickname fall from his sexy lips.
God, I am so weak when it comes to this man, when I need to remain strong.
I don’t need him. I don’t even like him.
Liar, the little voice inside my head whispers.
“Blair, your timing is impeccable,” Knox says.
I turn away from Cam to find a server is at our table with the pizza, setting it on the little silver stand before passing out paper plates to us. Her gaze lands on Cam and her mouth pops open, her eyes going wide.
“Wait, you’re—”
“No, I’m not,” he tells her, taking the plate she offers. “Could we get some ranch dressing, please?”
“S-sure.” She looks at me, her eyes going wide. “You need anything else?”
“I’m great. This is perfect. Thank you.” I smile sweetly at her and she scurries away from us, glancing over her shoulder a couple of times, in awe of Cam.
“Is this how it always is with you since your face got slapped on every banner around campus?” I ask, my tone just as sweet as it was to the poor starstruck server.
“I’m not on every banner,” he points out, reaching around me to grab himself a slice of pizza.
He sets it on my empty plate instead.
“Thank you,” I murmur, reminding myself politeness shouldn’t be impressive. This is the very least he can do. “And you’re essentially on every banner.”
“No, I’m not.” He grabs his own slice, taking a bite and breathing around it because it’s so hot. Once he’s swallowed, he says, “Right Knox?”
Knox tears his mouth away from Joanna’s. “Right, what?”
“I’m not on every banner on campus.”
Knox snorts. “You’re on most of them.”
“You’re on a few,” Joanna says, nudging into his side.
He wraps his arm around her shoulders, ignoring the pizza and nuzzling her face. “Thanks for noticing, babe.”
Cam and I share another look, and I realize I’m enjoying this moment far too much with him. “They really are disgusting.”
“Right?” He lifts his brows, taking an enormous bite of his pizza.
“Watch it. You’re going to burn yourself.”
“You still care?” His voice is low, his expression…ugh…sexy.
“Always,” I admit, hating that I just said that. “Though it has more to do with me possibly encouraging you to go ahead and do it anyway since you never listen to me in the first place. So go ahead, keep eating that extra hot pizza and burn the roof of your mouth. I’m not your mama.”
“No.” He grins. “You’re definitely not.”
