I WONDER if Knox Maguire is actually sincere. Is he really into me? Or just desperate for any female companionship? I’m still approaching this entire situation with caution. It wasn’t that long ago I was with Bryan, the lying, cheating boyfriend. I’ve learned from that situation, thank God.
I’m not as trusting as I used to be. I’m also a little jaded, which sucks.
It’s not fun, feeling this way. I miss being carefree and open to anything or anyone. Instead, I’ve got my guard up, especially with Knox.
Still can’t believe we attacked each other in the library. That he had my shirt half off and my bra shoved up to my neck. His mouth on my breasts. My entire body goes warm just remembering what happened, and I glance over at him to find he’s staring at the library, a wistful gleam in his eyes.
“Fake it till you make it?” I finally ask.
He turns to look at me over his shoulder. “Yeah. I do that a lot.”
“In all aspects of your life?”
“Not really. Definitely not with my friends or with football. My family.” He smiles faintly. “I like my family.”
“Your sister is really nice. She came over to our place Sunday night.”
“She did?” Knox angles himself toward me. “How did you guys meet anyway? At the bar that night?”
“She was sitting next to us at the game.”
“Oh, that’s right. You had tickets in the same section.”
“She’s very friendly. I like her.” I hope he doesn’t think I’m talking to her because she’s his sister.
“I’m glad you’re becoming friends with her. I know she was worried about finding friends here.” He smiles faintly. “Thank you for that.”
“I’m glad we’re becoming friends too,” I admit.
He stares off into the distance, the breeze ruffling his hair and causing it to fall across his forehead. I’m filled with the sudden urge to push it out of his eyes, but he does it before I can even make the attempt. “My mom would probably love you.”
Okay, this is a conversation we don’t need to have. I’m never going home to meet Mama Maguire, so it’s pointless. “You have another sister, right?”
I already know the answer. Blair confessed all, but I need to change the subject.
“Yeah, Ruby. She’s the youngest. She’s a freshman in college, and from what I hear, she’s tearing it up. Partying all the time.”
That’s exactly what Blair said.
“Kind of like you?”
“I’m partying less these days,” he says. “Trying to focus on football more. The last couple of seasons, we’ve been cleaning up our act. When you’re tired and hungover all the time, you don’t play as good.”
“That makes sense.” I nod, taking another sip of my vanilla latte, which is delicious. I noticed how he hasn’t really drunk much of his coffee, which makes me think he doesn’t like it. “You have practice today?”
He nods. “Every day except Sunday.”
“That’s a lot.”
“Pretty sure you’re just as busy.” He smiles at me.
I smile at him in return.
“What are you doing tonight?” he asks, his voice deceptively casual.
“Um…nothing. I have class at three-thirty. Then I’ll head home.”
“Want to get together?”
I’m gaping at him, surprised he wants to spend more time with me. “Like a date?”
“If you want to call it that, okay.” He shrugs.
“I thought you were celibate.”
“I can hang out with you and not fuck you, Jo Jo.” His smile is slow.
Naughty.
“I don’t know about that.” My tone is sarcastic.
My observation accurate.
He chuckles. “Okay, you’ve got me there. I just don’t have plans tonight, and I definitely don’t want to go to a bar or anything like that. So I wondered if you wanted to get together. We can do something casual at your place. Just hang out or whatever.”
Sounds like a booty call. Like a Netflix and chill moment. Hanging out in my room, his hands wandering until they slip under my shirt or into my pants.
I’m tempted, but is this a good idea? Or am I setting myself up to get burned?
“Okay,” I say.
Knox appears shocked. “Yeah?”
I nod. “Come over around eight?”
“You have your roommate, right? Natalie?” When I nod, he continues, “Is she still seeing Derek?”
“I have no idea if anything is going on with her and Derek.” I don’t think they’ve spoken since Saturday night.
“Well, make sure his ass doesn’t show up when I’m over there because then my cover is blown and I’ll owe him a thousand dollars.” Knox unfolds his large frame from the bench and heads over to a nearby trash can, tossing his mostly full coffee cup in it. “You have class in twenty minutes?”
I check my phone to see that he’s right.
“I need to go. I have practice in twenty minutes too.” He holds his hand up in a semi-wave. “Text me your address?”
“But I don’t have your number.”
He frowns, heading back toward the bench where I’m still sitting. “Shit. Give me your phone.”
I hand it to him and he adds his name and number to my contacts before he sends himself a text from me. “Now you’ve got my number, and I’ve got yours.”
“Thanks.” I take my phone from him, glancing down at the screen, smiling at the name he gave himself.
Your favorite student.
I don’t know if I needed the reminder that what we’re doing is probably unethical, but it’s still kind of cute.
“If you don’t mind, maybe you shouldn’t tell Natalie I’m coming over,” he suggests. “I don’t want it to get out to Derek if she’s still talking to him. And she might slip up, if she knows I’m there.”
What this guy is asking for is impossible. I don’t particularly like how he’s treating this situation either. Like we’re sneaking around and seeing each other on the side.
I don’t want to be treated like some side piece no one knows about, if that’s what he’s really proposing. Talk about making me feel like shit.
“How am I going to keep it from her when she lives with me and you’re coming over tonight? You expect me to sneak you in through my window?” I’m totally joking about the last part, but…
“That’s not a bad idea.” He scratches his chin, seriously contemplating it.
No. Not gonna happen.
“It’s a terrible idea.” Huh. Maybe he shouldn’t come over after all. “I could go to your place.”
“No way.” He shakes his head. “I live with Cam. He’ll tell everyone I had a girl over and the celibacy plan is ruined. I’ll owe everyone a bunch of money.”
Which means I’m not worth it—and that’s fine. We barely know each other. We’ve had a couple of hot hookups and they’ve been fun but…
Irritation zips through my blood and I stand, poking him in the chest with my index finger. “You know what? I’ve changed my mind.”
“What do you mean?”
“I don’t want you coming over. I’m not your secret hook-up. I’m not…anything like that. I’ve been lied to by a guy before. And I’m pretty sure I’ve been kept a secret. I refuse to ever let that happen again.” Grabbing my coffee and my book bag, I start to walk away from him. “See you Thursday!”
“Joanna!” He calls after me, but I don’t turn back. I keep walking, my head held high, my heart in my stomach. None of that went as I’d hoped. Not even close.
God. Men are truly the worst.
“And so you just left him there on the bench?” Natalie asks, her expression incredulous.
“You bet I did. I’m not going to let him treat me like that. I don’t care if he’s a god on campus or whatever you want to call him.” I wiggle my fingers at her, indicating I want more of the peach whiskey she’s currently clutching in her hand.
She hands it over and I take a long pull from it, straight from the bottle, making an ahhh noise after I swallow it down. We’ve been drinking for over thirty minutes and I’m starting to feel the effects.
My vision is blurry. My head is pounding. I might even be slurring my words. Only slightly though.
Damn that peach whiskey is strong.
“Did he text you about it?”
I shake my head. “I haven’t heard a word from him. He’s a complete chicken shit.”
“Ouch.” Nat is grinning. I know she’s eating this up. She’s been wanting me to hook up with someone since Bryan and I split up. “Knox Maguire aka King Chicken Shit! That’s his new nickname.”
I laugh, nodding as I hand the bottle back to her. “He deserves that nickname. We were having a great conversation. He bought me coffee. He asked to get together tonight. Everything was good. We were vibing. Then he had to go and ruin it all.”
“Men. They’re pathetic.”
“You’re damn right.” I frown, taking the bottle from her and downing more of the awful whiskey. It’s honestly not that good. The peach flavoring makes the liquor a little more tolerable, but this shit is way too sweet. I need to ease up or else I’m going to be tasting it coming back up, and that’ll be worse than it is going down. “I don’t get him.”
“I don’t get any of them,” Natalie stresses.
“He had his hands all over me.” I didn’t go into too much detail with Nat about what happened in that meeting room in the library, but it was undoubtedly the hottest thing I’ve ever experienced. Hands fucking down. “He told me he couldn’t stop thinking about me.”
“I guess he wasn’t thinking that much of you.” Nat finishes off the last of the whiskey, setting the empty bottle on our tiny kitchen table. “We need more liquor.”
“No, we don’t.” I shake my head, hating the way her words make me feel. I don’t want to think like that. I want to hold onto the idea that Knox is totally into me. At least for a little while.
As a secret, that horrible little voice in my head reminds me. That’s it.
I shove that nasty voice to the darkest corner of my brain, mentally telling it to shut the fuck up.
“We do.” Nat nods, glancing around our small dining room, which isn’t a dining room at all. More an extension of our equally tiny kitchen. “I have a great idea. Let’s drown your sorrows at Logan’s.”
“No freaking way, Natalie. I’m not going to Logan’s.” My voice is firm.
She mock pouts. “But Derek might be there.”
“Oh please. You want to see him again? After he essentially ghosted you?” After I told her what happened between me and Knox, she confessed that she hasn’t heard a single word from Derek since Saturday night, the rat bastard. They didn’t have sex that night, but they did mess around and she thought he was totally into her.
The jerk.
“Maybe,” she admits.
“Fuck that guy,” I tell her, thrusting my finger in her face. She bats my hand away, laughing.
“I want to ‘accidentally’ run into him and give him a piece of my mind.” Natalie crosses her arms in front of her chest, leaning back in the chair so far, she tips it over, falling onto the floor. “Oh my God!”
“Nat!” I rush toward her and grab her hands, helping her stand. She’s wobbly on her feet, leaning into me and laughing way too loudly into my ear. “You can’t go to Logan’s like this. You’re drunk.”
“Oh, I’m going. I need to be drunk to face that crowd. We’ll take an Uber.”
“No, we won’t.”
“We will. You’re coming with me.” She smiles, her eyes hazy. “We’re going to wear the hottest clothes we own and show up at that bar looking like a million bucks. And then we’re going to flirt with other guys. We’re going to hang all over them. It’s going to be amazing because Derek, the rat bastard, and Knox, the king chicken shit, are going to get so jealous. They’re going to lose their ever-lovin’ minds.”
That sounds like a complete nightmare.
“I don’t want to do this,” I whine, letting her drag me out of the kitchen.
We’re sort of dragging each other down the hall, hanging all over each other and giggling uncontrollably. We go into Natalie’s bedroom first, because she’s the one with the closet full of slutty clothes—or so she says.
“Let me find an outfit for you.” She lets go of me and slides the closet door open, her expression turning serious as she flicks through the clothes hanging on the rack. “Ooh, what about this?”
She holds up a blood-red dress that is really nothing more than a scrap of material.
“Absolutely not.”
Nat frowns. “Why? I love it.”
“My tits might fall out.”
“That’s the plan, bitch.” She turns away from me and continues going through her clothes. I swear she only calls me names when she’s drunk, and I don’t even mind. “Ooh, how about this shirt?”
She holds up a tube top made of stretchy, sparkly material.
“This is a casual Tuesday night at a bar, not a hot Saturday night picking up men,” I remind her.
“God, you’re no fun.” Natalie shoves the shirt back into her very packed closet and keeps searching. “I want to witness Knox Maguire swallow his tongue when he sees you.”
“I’m not that special,” I remind her.
My best friend whirls on me, her eyes blazing with her anger as she reaches out and grabs me by my upper arms, giving me a shake. “Stop always putting yourself down. I hate that Bryan made you feel this way. You’re such an incredible person, and you don’t even see it. You’re smart and you’re thoughtful and you’re such a hard worker. You’re a great friend and you’re always there for me. You listen, and not many people listen, Jo. Trust me. Oh, and then there’s the fact that you’re beautiful and you have a bangin’ body. Like, if Knox can’t see that, then he’s a complete idiot.”
“He is a complete idiot,” I remind her solemnly, overwhelmed at the sweet words my friend just said about me. Pretty sure I’ve got tears shining in my eyes.
“Don’t you dare cry on me now,” she says, just before she chokes out a sob.
We cling to each other, crying, and I can’t help but give her a pep talk too.
“Forget that Derek guy. Knox told me he’s a player. You’re worth more than that,” I practically wail into her hair.
“But I want to play around.” She pulls away from me, her hands clutching my arms once more. “I don’t mind the idea of being with a player. As a matter of fact, I want to be a player too. Who wants something serious right now?”
“Not me,” I say with the utmost sincerity.
“Ah, okay. So we’re both going to play it then.” Natalie is about to turn back to her closet, yet again, but I grab her hand, stopping her.
“Nothing that exposes…everything. I want to look cute but sexy.”
“Cute but sexy.” She nods. “Got it.”
After much digging around and dismissing one item after another, we finally come to a conclusion. Natalie is wearing a cream-colored corset with a floral print and satin ribbon straps that tie on her shoulders, paired with jeans and her favorite brown sandals.
I’m wearing a white lace top with puff sleeves that cinch at the elbows, and the neckline dips into a deep V. Oh, and it’s cropped. With an open tie back at the top of my neck. It’s classy yet somehow also sexy. Revealing without being over the top.
I dug up a pair of black flowy pants that offset the shirt’s cropped hem. Once I try everything on, Natalie’s eyes practically bug out of her head as she stares at me.
“Knox is going to dieeee. All of the guys are going to die when they see you.” She stops just behind me in front of the full-length mirror, pulling my hair back into her hands. “Wear it in a ponytail.”
“No.” I shake my head. “I need to wear it down and straight. You should wear yours in a ponytail though.”
She hikes her own hair up and I nod my approval. “We’re going to show them what they’re missing.”
I start to laugh, but it sounds hollow, even to my own ears, so I press my lips together.
Is that what I want to do? Show Knox what he’s missing? After all…
I’m the one who walked away from him.
