“YOU ARE STILL BEING SO SECRETIVE.” The look Natalie sends my way is full of speculation. “Why can’t you just come out and say it?”
It’s Thursday morning, and we’re both getting ready for our day. I’m eating breakfast at our dining table while she’s moving about the kitchen, packing up what looks like a lunch or at least a snack for later.
After my spectacular evening with Knox, I snuck home in the early morning hours from his place via Uber, having no idea if Natalie was home or not. We didn’t run into each other at all yesterday and now she’s ready for me to give her all the information when all I want to do is sip my cup of coffee in peace.
My body is still languid from my night with Knox, and my muscles ache in the most pleasant way.
“What happened with you and Derek?” I’m completely diverting the conversation because I’m not ready to tell her about Knox yet.
Sweet Knox and his giant dick. His talented fingers and perfect tongue. His outrageous body. God, all of those muscles. I wish I could’ve explored them—him—more. I should’ve spent an hour mapping his skin, but I don’t know if that would’ve been enough time.
After we “finished,” we were both exhausted. I tried to leave, but he wouldn’t let me, convincing me to stay in bed with him for a little while longer. Then he proceeded to wrap me up in his strong arms and hold me close, eventually falling asleep. His breathing was low and even in my ear, his hand curled around my right breast, like he wanted to claim it as his.
It was kind of cute, how snuggly he was. Especially after what we did.
Our night together was all sorts of filthy and hot. The hottest moment I’ve ever had with a guy.
“Ugh, nothing happened.” She grabs her travel cup of coffee from the Nespresso and dumps a bunch of creamer in it before snapping the lid closed, then swirls it with a flick of her wrist. “He said he had to go to bed early because he has a big test .”
Ouch. That doesn’t sound promising.
“But he did thoroughly kiss me when we left the bar, pinning me against the building before he walked me to the parking lot. So that was kind of hot.” Nat grins before taking a sip of her coffee, her smile switching to a scowl. “Damn, now that’s hot.”
She does this every time. You’d think she’d learn that the coffee is practically scalding after coming out of the Nespresso.
“Are you going to see him again?”
“I hope so. We didn’t make actual plans.” Her gaze narrows. “Now stop trying to change the subject. What happened with you and Knox? You went home with him. Something happened, and don’t tell me it was nothing because this is huge. Your first hookup post douchebag! This is a major moment.”
I smile at her, hating that she brought up Bryan, but it makes sense. I compared Knox to my ex because I couldn’t help it. Bryan is all I know.
Well, and now I know Knox.
“I see that dreamy look in your eyes. Don’t hold out on me now!”
I think of Nat saying something to Derek and I realize I can’t tell her anything about my night with Knox. I’d rat him out for breaking that stupid celibacy vow and he’ll end up having to pay up.
Why did he ever agree to that bet in the first place?
“We just…kissed. That’s it.” I offer up a closed-mouth smile, which is my signature move for keeping my mouth shut and she knows it.
“Girl…” She shakes her head, her disappointment clear. “You’re not giving me any deets, are you?”
“I just—I want to hold onto the moment for a few more days. Keep it to myself.” That isn’t a lie. There was something so perfect about the entire night. He didn’t push for anything. I wanted to give him that blow job, despite how intimidated I was by his size.
“Uh huh. You suck.” She takes another sip of her scalding hot coffee, making a face. “You get action and I can’t even live vicariously through you.”
“It wasn’t a lot.” I’m trying to play it off, and her comment about me sucking is way too accurate.
The skeptical look she sends me screams she doesn’t believe me. “Fine, keep your secrets. I’m sure it was great.”
Panic races through me. I really don’t want her saying anything about this to Derek, so…
“Don’t mention what happened between Knox and me to anyone, okay? Especially Derek.”
Nat’s eyes shoot up. “Why can’t I mention it to Derek?”
I can’t remember if I told her about the bet or not, but I’m going with not for now. “Knox just asked that we not really talk about it with anyone else, you know?”
“What, so he’s going to keep you a secret?” Her eyes narrow. I love that she wants to fight my battles for me, but this isn’t even a real battle.
“No.” I shake my head. “It’s not like that at all. He’s actually really sweet.”
“I don’t know if you’re the best judge of who’s sweet or not. You did tolerate Bryan’s shitty behavior for years, after all.”
My mouth pops open. What the hell? “What exactly are you trying to say, Nat?”
“That you might be letting Knox take total advantage of you, and that’s not cool, Jo. I’m just watching out for you. He’s a total player, you know?”
“Oh, I know. You keep reminding me,” I say weakly, staring at the bowl of cereal I was enjoying, not even a minute ago. Now it looks like a soggy, lumpy mess. I push the bowl away from me. “But it’s not like that between us.”
“Why do you say that? Because that’s what he told you before he got you naked? Please.” She rolls her eyes and grabs her backpack from where it rests on one of our dining table chairs. “I don’t want to be mean, but you’re fresh out of a controlling relationship that you were in for years, and you might not have the best judgment when it comes to guys.”
“A controlling relationship? Bryan didn’t control me.” My voice is shrill, and I clamp my lips shut, trying to calm down. Like she just said, she’s watching out for me.
But she’s also pissing me off.
“He totally controlled you. You didn’t really do anything social the entire time you two were together, and he was an entire state away! While he was off having a great time, going to parties and hanging out with girls all the time, you were holed up in our dorm room like a freaking nun.” Nat grips her backpack strap tight, her face turning red. “I love you. You’re one of my best friends, but you have to understand—what Bryan did to you was total bullshit, and I tried to warn you countless times.”
“You’re right, it was total bullshit, but I was in love with him, Nat. And he was in love with me—or so I thought. I wanted to stay home. I didn’t want to go out and party. I missed him too much.”
“Even last year? When things were getting worse, and he would never respond to your texts and calls? You two fought all the time, you have to admit. I’m pretty sure he was cheating on you with Clara a lot longer than you realize,” she says.
I flinch at her words, pushing away from the table and rising to my feet. “I don’t want to talk about this anymore.”
“Truth hurts, right?”
My mouth drops open and I stare at her, shocked she would be so cruel. “You want the truth? We could talk about how you’re going out too much and I’m worried about you.”
She waves a dismissive hand. “Don’t try and turn this around on me. I don’t have a problem.”
“You’re getting drunk all of the time lately. I think it’s becoming a problem.” I hesitate, wondering if I should say more before I decide to just go for it. “You go to the bars a lot, Nat, and it’s…concerning.”
Her face hardens into an impenetrable mask. “Great. Now you’re calling me a drunk. I’m watching out for your wellbeing and you insult me.”
“You basically said I was in an abusive relationship,” I point out, my anger and frustration reaching a boiling point.
I’m done with this conversation.
“I guess we’re both fuck ups then, huh?” she calls after me as I march down the short hall and storm into my bedroom, slamming the door behind me.
I lie on the bed facedown, trying to calm my racing thoughts. My angry, out of control thoughts. I hear the front door slam closed, and I realize Natalie has left for the day. Probably still mad at me.
Well good, I’m mad at her too.
Rolling over onto my back, I stare up at the ceiling, going over what she said in my head. I suspect Bryan was with Clara longer than he admitted to me too. Did he cheat on me the entire time we’ve been going to college? I don’t think so. We really didn’t run into serious trouble with our relationship until last year. But was he having fun while also coming down on me about how he didn’t like it when I went to parties because he didn’t want guys talking to me?
For sure. The double standard was strong in Bryan and I always told him that when we argued about it. He would reassure me that even when he went to parties, he was only ever talking to his friends. But he never specified if those friends were male or female.
God, I was such a gullible idiot back then. Maybe I still am. I was the one who worked so hard at keeping our relationship afloat, while he was off doing whatever he wanted, getting together with me over breaks and holidays and treating me like his favorite girl. He used to call me that. His favorite girl.
Puke.
No wonder I was his favorite. Blindly accepting what he said for the past three years without question? I was the perfect, little dumb girlfriend who never wanted to cause trouble.
An angry sound leaves me and I sit up, pushing my hair away from my face. I’m so tired of being taken advantage of. I need to take control of my life and stop worrying about hurting people’s feelings when they have no problem stomping all over mine.
I’m over it.
Over. It.
By the time it’s early afternoon and I’m striding into the library about to meet with Knox for our appointment, I’m still in a sour mood. I don’t want to take it out on him though, so I try to repeat mantras in my head.
It’s a good day. He’s a good guy. He’s not taking advantage of you.
Yeah. The mantra isn’t working because it’s so much easier to just lump all guys together and label them as terrible.
I enter the meeting room to find Knox already there, pacing the floor, breathtaking in jeans and a rust-colored Henley shirt that molds to all of his muscles, showing them off to perfection. I come to a complete stop in the doorway, watching as he pauses in his pacing, his green eyes lighting up when they land on me.
“Hey.” His deep voice rumbles over me, soothing all of those agitated nerves that have been bouncing in my stomach throughout the day. “You look pretty.”
I push the door shut and lean against it, glancing down at myself. I was so frustrated over my argument with Natalie, I put zero effort into this outfit. I’m wearing my favorite baggy jeans and a cropped, cream-colored sweatshirt with my favorite Reeboks on my feet. The ones my mom loves to tell me she owned when she was my age.
Whatever Mom.
“Thank you,” I finally say, sounding breathless.
Because just being in his presence makes me breathless. That intense glint in his gaze as he approaches, his hands settling on my waist as he stops directly in front of me. I tilt my head back, my heart racing when I realize he’s coming closer, his mouth brushing against mine in a brief, sweet kiss.
“Hi,” he murmurs, pulling away slightly. “You seem stressed.”
“Hi,” I whisper, swallowing hard. “How do I seem stressed?”
“This little line right here might be an indication.” He rubs the spot between my eyebrows, easing the line I get every once in a while. Like now. “You okay, Jo Jo?”
I rest my head against the back of the door, slowly shaking it. “I got into an argument with my roommate.”
“Natalie?” When I nod, he asks, “What about?”
“Something stupid.” I’m not about to tell him it involved him, though really, the argument was more about Bryan than anything else.
“Isn’t that always the way?” He brushes a few stray hairs away from my face, tucking them behind my ear. My skin tingles where he touches me and I close my eyes for the briefest moment, taking a deep breath before I open them and gently push him away.
He takes a few steps back, allowing me room, and I turn into the efficient, on-top-of-everything tutor that I should be.
“You have a rough draft due tomorrow, don’t you?”
Knox grimaces as he pulls a chair out and falls into it. “I do. She gave us time to work on the paper in class today, but I’m sure I mangled it.”
“You probably didn’t,” I reassure him as I settle into the chair right next to his. “Let me read it.”
We work on his rough draft for the majority of the hour. Me offering him tips and tricks while he pecks at the keyboard, frowning in utter concentration. A lock of hair hangs over his forehead and it’s the cutest thing. My fingers itch with the urge to push it back, but I restrain myself.
I mean, I had his dick in my mouth a couple nights ago, but it still feels too soon to be all touchy-feely.
Oh, and he smells incredible, like he spritzed himself with some sort of cologne infused with pheromones and an aphrodisiac, making me want to bury my face into his neck and never, ever leave.
“You keep staring at me,” he says at one point, sending me a shit-eating grin when I gape at him.
I sit up straighter, keeping my focus on his laptop screen. “I’m trying to help you.”
“By staring at me?” The moment I turn to explain myself further, my lips parting, he leans over and kisses me, brief and full of tongue before he pulls away. “It’s not helping. You’re a complete distraction.”
Oh my God, he’s the distraction here.
“We need to stay on task.” I wave at his laptop. “Keep writing.”
“I hate writing papers.” He groans, shaking his head.
“You’re so close. Only a couple more paragraphs.”
“I need a reward,” he says, dead serious. “Something to keep me going, so I finish this stupid essay.”
I check the time on his laptop. “We can make out for five minutes straight if you finish it in ten,” I offer, somewhat kidding.
“Deal.” He hunkers down, staring earnestly at his computer screen while he continues to write.
Of course, he finishes only a few minutes later, angling the laptop toward me, so I can read it. It’s a standard college essay that’s about two pages, and I skim over it, making a few spelling corrections and fixing grammatical errors before I declare it’s good enough to turn in. He sends it with a few clicks of his fingers, then slams his laptop shut, turning to me with that naughty grin he tends to wear.
“You owe me now, Sutton.”
I arch my brow. “Oh, you’re calling me by my last name now huh, Maguire?”
He nods, reaching for me, lifting me completely out of my seat and pulling me onto his lap. I have no choice but to straddle him as he slips his hands beneath my cropped sweatshirt, touching bare skin. “You’re killing me with these crop tops, Sutton.”
“They’re not even that cropped, Maguire.” His fingers slide around to my back, his touch so light, it’s making me shiver. “They barely show any skin.”
“That’s the problem. It’s like a sexy little tease.” He kisses my neck, his mouth lingering. Soft. Damp. “Those words describe you perfectly.”
I rest my hands on his shoulders, leaning into his mouth. “A sexy little tease? Pretty sure no one has ever called me that before.”
“Hmm, it’s true.” His right hand slides down my side, his fingers tracing atop the waistband of my jeans. “I can’t stop thinking about what happened the other night.”
I love it when he makes these confessions. They make me feel so wanted. Something Bryan rarely did. “The other night was…”
“Fucking awesome.”
“I was going to say really good.” He nips at my neck, making me giggle. “But your description works too.”
“You snuck out though.” He pulls away slightly, so he can look into my eyes. “I don’t remember hearing you leave.”
“I just—I needed to get home. Sleep in my own bed. I made sure and locked the door before I left.” Not the deadbolt but I tried.
“It’s okay.” He skims his fingers from my jaw to my chin, catching my lower lip with his thumb and dragging it down before he releases it. “Fuck, I like your mouth.”
My cheeks grow hot at his compliment. “We only have like…four minutes left, Knox. You better take advantage of your reward before we have to leave.”
He cups my cheeks with both hands and pulls me in for the most delicious tongue-filled kiss I think I’ve ever experienced. Better than the first time he kissed me. Better than a couple nights ago when we couldn’t stop kissing. Better than anything.
We keep it up for long minutes until I’m finally pulling away from him, out of his embrace, and climbing off his lap. He reaches down, readjusting himself, and I smooth a shaky hand over my hair, working my jaw to ease the ache.
“I’ve never kissed a girl as much as I’ve kissed you in my life,” he admits, reaching for his laptop and shoving it into his backpack.
Another shockingly sweet admission from Knox Maguire. I feel like I get a lot of them, and every one of them is a surprise.
“Oh, come on.” I gather up my things and put them in my book bag, then slip it on my shoulder. “That sounds—”
“Unbelievable? Well, it’s true. And it’s all I can think about.” He grabs hold of my waist, yanking me toward him and my thoughts scatter.
“What’s all you can think about?”
His grin is knowing, like he’s fully aware I can’t concentrate when he’s near. “Kissing you, Jo Jo. I can get kind of fixated sometimes.” He kisses me like he can’t help it. “Pretty sure I’m completely obsessed with you.”
