“OKAY, I’M SICK OF THIS.”
I jump when Leon slams a stack of books on the counter, my head whipping toward him. He’s standing right next to me, a dark scowl on his face, and I angle my body more toward his, concerned.
“What’s wrong?” I haven’t worked as much as usual at the bookstore, so I don’t know what’s going on around here like I normally do. And that’s only because I’ve been busy with school and my tutoring job, though there is a natural slowdown at the store, thanks to being halfway through the semester.
Oh, and then there’s Knox.
It’s been a month since the first time we had actual sex and I’ve seen him on an almost daily basis. At first, we were sneaking around, trying not to get caught by Derek, but eventually, Knox couldn’t take it anymore.
“Fuck it, I lose. I lost a while ago, and I don’t care. I’m giving him the cash,” he’d told me one night after an extremely passionate encounter that involved the two of us in the shower until the water started running cold.
I didn’t even protest. Why would I? It was a total relief, Knox handing over that money and revealing that we’re…together. He claims none of his friends have really asked about me or what’s going on between us, but I have a hard time believing that. I let it go, though. I’m sure I’m overthinking it.
Typical behavior on my part, ugh.
Even with us constantly having sex, it’s not hurting his gameplay at all, and he’s doing well in school too. The tutoring sessions are working, and I gave him the login to my Audible account, so he can download whatever books he needs to read for class and he pays me via Venmo for the cost.
My mood has improved since spending all of my time with Knox. I’m happier. Maybe the happiest I’ve ever been, and sometimes that scares me, because what if it ends? What if he leaves me? I’m afraid I’ll be even more devastated than when Bryan and I broke up.
When we’re not busy, we spend every waking moment together. And not just having sex either. We go out to eat and we hang out with Cam and his other friends from the team. We hide away in his bedroom and try to watch movies or binge-watch a show, but he’s so distracting. Always kissing me, sliding his hands beneath my clothes.
I don’t say anything because I don’t want to jinx it, but it’s almost like he’s…
My boyfriend.
“You’re keeping secrets and I don’t like it.” Leon’s voice draws me from my Knox-induced daze and I note the stern look he’s sending my way. “Confess all, Jo Jo potato. I need to know what’s going on in your private life.”
I haven’t said much to Leon because I haven’t worked with him in a while. It does feel like forever since we’ve talked.
Gossiped.
“Nothing much,” I evade, like the giant liar I am. “I’m seeing Knox a lot.”
“During your tutoring sessions?” Leon’s eyebrows shoot up.
“Sure.” I shrug a shoulder.
His brows climb farther.
“And other times too,” I add. My cheeks now hot.
“Are you guys like…dating?” He sounds shocked.
“I don’t know what to call it.” Casually hanging out? Bed buddies? Though we don’t just do it in bed. He kind of wants to fuck me anywhere he can have me. And I let him.
I guess that means we’re fuck buddies. God, that sounds harsh.
“He’s not just using you for sex, is he?”
I used to worry about that, but I eventually had a talk with myself. If he wanted to use someone for sex, he could use the many, many someones who are always willing to give it up to him. He wouldn’t need to stick with one girl, when he could have his pick.
Knox Maguire likes me. I can see it in his eyes when I catch him staring. I can feel it in the way he holds me. Kisses me. How he takes care of me. The things he says.
He cares. And oh God, this is so scary to admit, even to myself, but I care too.
Probably too much.
This man is holding my already fragile heart in his hands and I wonder if he even knows it.
“No,” I say firmly, believing in myself. Believing in Knox’s unstated feelings. Actions speak louder than words, right? “I think he actually likes me.”
Leon’s expression softens and he slowly shakes his head. “There’s a lot to like about you, Jo. You don’t give yourself enough credit.”
I’m trying. It’s a struggle, but I’m working on myself. Working on believing in myself and what I can do. What kind of person I am and what I have to offer to others.
“I’m working on that,” I tell Leon, and the smile on his face tells me he’s glad to hear it.
“You’re worth about a million Knox Maguires, so I hope you realize that. That boy is kind of a manwhore.” Leon sniffs, sounding like a snob.
“How are you and Lani?” Yes, they’re Leon and Lani and they’re just as cute as their names sound together. They’ve been a couple for almost a year now and Leon is totally into her.
His expression falters and my heart pangs at that look on his face.
Uh oh.
“Um, not so great. I think we’re going to break up.” He winces.
“Oh no! Why?”
“Because I’ve met someone else and…I’m confused.”
“Leon.” I’m shocked. “You’re not cheating on her, are you?”
“No, I would never. I love her.” He looks miserable. “I just don’t think I’m in love with her anymore, you know? All I can think about is this other person.”
“What’s her name?”
“That’s the thing.” He sighs, leaning in closer to me, his voice dropping a few octaves. “It’s a him.”
Leon told me before he’s bisexual. He falls in love with a person, not their gender is what he explained to me, and I love that about him. He’s open and accepting of everyone, even that so-called manwhore Knox. Ha.
A group of three women enter the bookstore, essentially ending our very private conversation.
“Let’s go grab coffee after we close,” I suggest. Knox will still be at practice and I’ll most likely go to his apartment later. Poor Cam, having to deal with us all the time.
He’s been leaving the apartment more and more, disappearing for long hours, and sometimes not even coming home for the night. Knox is sure he’s found a girl that he’s seeing on the down-low, while I think he’s just trying to get away from us, so he doesn’t haven’t to listen to our sexcapades every night.
The walls are thin in Knox’s apartment, just sayin’.
“I’d love to. I’ve been needing to unload this.” Leon’s smile is full of gratitude at my offer.
“You can tell me anything,” I reassure him, giving his hand a quick squeeze before I go greet the customers.
A few hours later and we’ve closed the store for the night, walking over to the cafe that’s on campus, not too far from the bookstore. Leon is mopey, constantly on his phone texting someone, and I wonder which one it is.
Lani or his new mystery man?
I’d be texting Knox right now, but he’s at practice, so there’s no point. We have an unspoken agreement that we get together almost every night. Unless he’s traveling for a game.
Leon and I order, get our drinks and find a tiny table nestled in the corner of the café. It’s quiet, not a lot of people are here, and mostly everyone’s orders are to go, which is preferable. That gives us more privacy for Leon to speak freely.
“So where did you meet this guy?” I decide to get right to it.
“My art history class. He impressed me with his knowledge of Renaissance art.” Leon sighs. “I’m such a sucker for an intellectual.”
I smile. “You guys started out as friends?”
“Yeah. We partnered up for a class project and it turned into us moving on from class partners to friends. I’ve done nothing else,” he says when I part my lips, ready to ask him if he’s crossed any lines. “But he knows my relationship with Lani hasn’t been the best for the last couple of months. I’ve confided in him a lot lately, and he’s admitted he’s attracted to me.”
“Did you admit you’re attracted to him?”
Leon shakes his head. “I can’t. It feels like I’m cheating on Lani, but I am attracted to him. It’s so difficult.” He takes a big swig from his to-go cup, making a face. “Shit, that’s hot.”
“Have you told Lani how you feel?”
“We’ve been fighting pretty much nonstop for the last two weeks, so yeah. She knows how I feel, just like I know how she feels too. Yet neither of us can seem to pull the trigger,” he admits.
“Maybe one of you should, if all you’re doing is fighting lately. That can’t be healthy. It doesn’t sound like it’s working.” Though no one can tell you when you’re ready to break up with someone. That has to come from within you.
“It’s scary though, you know what I mean? I still love Lani. We used to have a lot of fun together, but that was a while ago now.” Leon hangs his head, miserable. “Ending a relationship with someone you’re comfortable with is…terrifying.”
That he says the word comfortable and doesn’t mention that he’s still madly in love with Lani is telling.
“I definitely know.” I think of Bryan and how I knew we weren’t working out, yet I was afraid to call it quits. It was tough to admit to myself that we were over, but deep down, I knew it, long before it actually happened.
Then Bryan came along and ended it for both of us, confessing that he’d met someone else. And while I knew we were over, it was still devastating to hear he’d moved on to another woman.
Poor Lani. She’s going to struggle, and there’s nothing I can do for her. We’re not that close and besides, my loyalty lies with Leon. I’ll be there for him no matter what.
“Does your new friend understand your situation and what’s going on?”
“I’ve confided in him a lot, which I know isn’t the smartest move, but he was there when I was really going through it, and he could tell I was troubled. He asked me what was wrong and I completely unloaded on him. He offered up some pretty solid advice, and listened when I needed someone, you know? He’s a great person. I don’t want to lose my chance with him.” The pleading look in Leon’s gaze tells me so much.
He knows what he needs to do. Now he has to work up the courage and actually do it.
“You’ve got this. You’re going to make the right choice.” I smile at him in encouragement.
Leon takes a long sip of his coffee before sending me a pointed look. “I need to ask you a question.”
“What?” Apprehension fills me.
“What’s going on with you and Natalie?”
Oh shit.
At one point during our sophomore year, when Leon wasn’t with his girlfriend yet, we spent a lot of time together, the three of us. We went to parties. Studied in the library together. We even had a class together, and it was a lot of fun. Then Leon got together with Lani and he didn’t spend as much time with us, which we totally understood.
I sort of forgot Leon and Natalie were good friends too.
“She got mad at me about a month ago and things haven’t really been the same.” I rub at my chest, hating how empty I feel at that admission.
Ever since we had that stupid fight over Derek, Knox and freakin’ Bryan, and how she believed I didn’t trust her, we haven’t talked much. I’ve been preoccupied with Knox, so I tried not to let it bother me but…
It bothers me. A lot.
“She told me about it.” His brows lift and my mouth drops open.
“When?”
“I ran into her at Logan’s last week.”
I almost roll my eyes. Of course he ran into her at Logan’s. She’s been partying nonstop since school started, and I wasn’t lying when I told her it was concerning.
“Was she with a guy?”
“No. She was with a group of girls she works with.”
Right before school started, Nat got a job as a hostess at a local restaurant. The hours are pretty minimal, but at least she’s making some money.
“Oh.” I wonder what happened to her and Derek.
“You really don’t talk to her? She said you were busy and she rarely saw you.”
“Did she say anything bad about me?” I brace myself, waiting to hear it.
“No.” He shakes his head. “I swear she didn’t. But she wasn’t her usual gushing self over you either.”
“I need to talk to her.”
“Yeah, you do. I can’t believe you two have let this rift between you go on this long. A month, you said?”
I nod, hating myself for not talking to her about it immediately. “I was mad at her, and then I got preoccupied with Knox and I just…we haven’t really spent any time together since.”
Leon makes a tsking noise at me. “You need to work on that.”
Sitting up straighter, I look him right in the eyes. “I will. I swear.”
“You better. Now let’s talk about something else.” He leans forward, his voice lowering. “Tell me more about Knox Maguire and his magical ways.”
Grateful for the subject change, I launch into a brief description of what’s been happening between Knox and me the last month, leaving out the raunchy details. Which means there isn’t a lot to tell, beyond the fact that we hang out a lot and I help him with his English homework.
“You’re going to his games and all that too? Girl, you are in deep.” His eyes bug out for emphasis. “The dick must be good.”
“Stop.” I’m blushing and I hide my face behind my to-go cup, though it doesn’t really help.
“Your face says it all. I’m guessing he’s better than Bryan. Which isn’t a surprise because, come on, look at Maguire. Big ol’ football player who charms all the ladies.”
“He better not be charming any other lady but me,” I say fiercely, right before I burst into laughter.
Leon laughs with me, sighing loudly when we finally calm ourselves down. “This is exactly what I needed tonight, Jo. Thank you for making the offer.”
“Of course. I love you.” I really do. Leon has been such a great friend to me.
“Love you too, sweetheart.” He reaches out, settling his hand over mine. “Give me strength so I can do the right thing, okay?”
“You can do it.” I squeeze his hand, smiling at him.
There’s a sudden shift in the air, ominous and foreboding, and a shadow falls over us. I glance up to find Knox standing in front of our table, his fists clutched at his sides, his mouth a thin, angry slash.
“What the fuck is going on here?” he bites out.
