“Sawyer!” Coach calls my name as he ducks his head from his office. We all just arrived for practice, but judging by the look on his face, he isn’t too happy to see me right now. “In my office, now.”
Swallowing hard, I nod and prop my stick up next to my bag. Logan and August both look over at me, eyebrows raised in suspicion. Shrugging at them, I turn to head toward his office, with an idea of what this is about.
Hayden King walks past me, his eyebrows drawn together. “What’d you do, Cam?”
Ignoring him, I keep moving toward our coach’s office. I don’t have time to give anyone an explanation, especially with so much hanging on the line. My entire life of playing hockey could be in jeopardy after this talk we’re about to have.
As I step into his office, he motions for me to sit down as he takes his seat at his desk. His expression is impassive, with a hint of disappointment lingering in his hazel eyes. Staring back at him, I notice the wrinkles on his face and the specks of gray in his dark hair.
“I’m imagining you probably have an idea of why I wanted to talk to you, Cameron,” he starts, folding his hands on his desk in front of him. He frowns slightly as I nod. “I was notified that your biology grade dropped below a C. As you are aware, we require that you have at least a seventy-five percent in all of your classes to remain on the team.”
“Yes, sir,” I reply, nodding as my stomach sinks. “I’ve been struggling with that class, and my grade just recently dropped after a recent exam I bombed.”
“With the regional championship coming up soon, you’re going to need to bring your grade up and maintain it in order to be able to play.” He pauses for a moment, the frown still fixed to his lips. “Are you aware that the grade requirements also apply to your scholarship?”
Swallowing roughly, I nod again. “Yes, I’m aware of that. If I am able to bring my grade back up, will it affect my scholarship then?”
Coach shakes his head. “As long as you can get your grade back up to where we need it, you are able to play and your scholarship will remain unaffected.” He pauses for a moment, pursing his lips. “Have you considered possibly finding a tutor?”
“I’ve been trying to study myself, but the thought has crossed my mind, since what I’m doing obviously isn’t working.”
“Look into your options because we’re cutting it pretty close, and I would hate to see you lose any game time this late in the season.” His eyes bounce back and forth between mine. “You’re an asset to this team, Cameron. And you are on your way to big things in the future. The last thing I want to see is for those opportunities to vanish for you.”
My stomach rolls as the realization of my reality strikes me. I’ve worked so hard for so long for this to all go away. As a kid, I grew up living and breathing hockey. It has always been my life, the one thing I had devoted all of my time and energy to. I can’t afford to lose it all this late in life.
Since I’m in my junior year of college, I literally have to make it through next year and then hopefully get drafted into the NHL. That has always been the goal and I refuse to give that up now. My mother always told me to dream big and shoot past the stars. I took that to heart and shot past the damn universe.
“I will bring my grade up, Coach. I promise you that it won’t come in the way of me being able to play.”
“I hope so, Cameron,” he says as he rises to his feet and motions toward the door. “Go get ready for practice. And be ready to skate your ass off out there.”
Nodding, I rise to my feet and head toward the door. “Thanks, Coach. For giving me the opportunity to bring my grade up, rather than just booting me from the team now.”
“You’re a good kid, Sawyer. And one hell of a player. I’d be a fool to let you go now.”
His words snake their way around my heart, clutching it hard. Compliments aren’t something we typically get from him, so hearing his praise has me feeling like I’m walking on top of the world right now. I know I don’t come close to playing like August or Logan, but I play my position pretty damn well.
Now, all I need to do is make sure I can get my biology grade up and not completely fuck this up.
As I walk back out into the locker room, I watch the last of the guys heading out, laughing about something as they give each other shit. A smile doesn’t come close to touching my lips as a heaviness rests on my shoulders. None of them have to worry about this shit like I do. As of right now, I’m the only one on the team here who is on a scholarship because I literally cannot afford to be here.
Some of the other guys got here on full-rides too, but most of them come from money, so paying for their schooling without it wouldn’t be a problem. I come from a family where both of my parents worked their asses off just to be able to scrape up the spare funds to put me through all of the financial demands with hockey.
I owe them my life and when I make it big, my first goal is to pay them back for everything they’ve done for me.
If I were to fuck this up now and lose my scholarship, it would definitely be a slap in the face to them. Not to mention the fact that I’m the first in our family to make it to college. High school was hard as hell for me, but I made it through with impeccable grades. I owe it to Logan and August for helping me whenever things got rough.
There’s just too much riding on what I have going right now, but I can’t think about that now. It’s time to get out on the ice and practice. These guys are like my family and the last thing I’m going to do is let them down too.
Pushing the lingering thoughts from my mind, I quickly get dressed, strapping on all of my pads before pulling on my practice jersey. It doesn’t take long for me to lace my skates, making sure they are as tight as I can get them before I slide my helmet onto my head. Grabbing my gloves and my stick, I head through the locker room and step into the tunnel that leads to the arena.
Standing at the edge of the ice, I watch as they all skate around effortlessly, taking practice shots with Asher, our goaltender. I can’t help but feel a twinge of guilt, knowing that I could end up letting them all down. None of them know in this moment and I don’t know if I’m ready to tell any of them. I know they would offer nothing but support, but it almost feels shameful.
My skates hit the ice and I push off with my feet, feeling the muscles tighten in my thighs, before gliding toward my teammates. Logan and August slide over to me, their skates slashing through the ice as they abruptly stop near me.
“Everything good?” Logan asks, his eyes searching mine through the cage covering his face. August stares back at me, waiting for some response before offering any words of his own.
“Yeah,” I lie through my teeth, not yet ready to discuss my problem with either of them. The two of them are my closest friends and I can’t stand the thought of disappointing them in this moment.
Hayden skates over to us too, curiosity written all over his expression. “Coach chew your ass out for something?”
“Something like that,” I mumble, forcing out a laugh to brush off the awkwardness.
Hayden smirks at me, his arrogance rolling off him in waves. “Trust me. Compared to the shit I pulled at my last school, I’m sure you’re not in nearly as much trouble.”
“I mean, he didn’t sleep with the coach’s daughter like you did, King,” August reminds him as he rolls his eyes. “Has anyone told you that it was a dumb-ass move, by the way?”
Logan laughs and Hayden glares at August.
“I mean, it seemed like a good idea at the time,” Hayden shrugs, his expression softening. “It’s a mistake I don’t plan on repeating again, though.”
“That’s probably a good idea,” I laugh, slapping the puck away from his stick. Being around them has the ability to lift my mood, but the reminder of my reality still lingers in the back of my mind. “Let’s go,” I tell the three of them, skating off in the direction of the puck.
Sometimes, hockey is the only thing that can clear my mind of the bad shit.
And maybe it’s because it is all I’ve ever had.
