Fuck. What am I doing?
I need to stop letting these moments happen between us. Each and every time, I get so fucking caught up, and I can’t help myself from toeing that dangerous line. Aspen already made things clear and I voiced my stance on it. We have to remain as just friends. Crossing that line could fuck this all up.
Unless there was a way around it. We could still be friends. Friends with benefits. And if it doesn’t work out, we just go back to the way things are. As long as feelings don’t get involved. I don’t have to worry about that for myself, but it’s her that concerns me. I know Aspen doesn’t seem to develop attachments, but I’d hate for her to do that with me.
Especially when I would never be able to reciprocate that.
Friends with benefits is beginning to sound more enticing as I mull over the idea of it in the car. Aspen is fairly silent, toying with Bluetooth settings in my car as she attempts to connect her phone to it. She’s said a few things, but with the pink tint that hasn’t left her cheeks and the way she shifts nervously in her seat, I know she’s just as affected by the tension as I am.
Sexual tension is the fucking worst, especially when you don’t know how to eradicate it. I think I may have our solution, though—but it will only work if Aspen agrees to it with the same mindset that I have about it.
Aspen finally connects her phone just as we’re pulling up to the restaurant. It wasn’t a far drive from campus, but with the way things feel between us right now, the car felt like it was suffocating me. I need to get out, get some fresh air, and tell my dick that he needs to behave.
I find a parking spot and turn off the engine as Aspen climbs out on her side. She doesn’t even give me the chance to walk around to help her out, but I attempt to make up for it as I hold the door open for her to walk into the restaurant. As we step inside, the place is packed and since I forgot to put in our name ahead of time, the hostess tells me that it’s going to be at least an hour wait.
“Do you want to go somewhere else?” I ask Aspen as we walk back through the doors, stepping into the chill of the night. There was barely any standing room inside to wait, so we had no option but to come out here.
Aspen shrugs, a smile touching her lips. “I’m honestly not a picky eater at all,” she tells me, glancing back at the restaurant. “If you don’t want to wait, we can definitely go somewhere else.”
I’m a little annoyed at the fact that the restaurant is packed, since I wanted somewhere quiet for the two of us to eat and talk. Considering the fact that it’s a Friday night, I think our chances of finding a place like this are slim unless we want to wait or call ahead.
“There’s a sports bar not far from here,” I offer. “It’s where we usually go after practice or a game. They have good food there and there’s also the restaurant area if you don’t want to sit in the bar section.”
Aspen smiles up at me, wrapping her arms around her middle to shield herself from the cold breeze. “That sounds perfect to me. Anywhere we can get a seat and something to eat.”
Smiling back at her, I fight the urge to wrap my arms around her to keep her warm and instead turn back toward the parking lot. She follows along behind me, her shorter stride extending to keep up with my long legs. I slow down my pace, stopping at the passenger’s side as I open the door for her.
Thanking me, Aspen drops down into her seat and I wait until she’s tucked inside before shutting the door. My mind is reeling as I round the front of the car. Perhaps this was a bad idea and I shouldn’t have brought her out with me.
It’s too late for that now…
The bar is pretty crowded when we get there, but we’re able to grab a high-top table on the opposite side of the room. Aspen seems pretty content with it, not bothered by anything going on. I know that she doesn’t really drink much, but she seems to fit in with the atmosphere. In a way, she’s like a chameleon. Constantly changing to fit the mold of whatever environment she is in.
It’s not that she doesn’t belong anywhere she goes. She spends so much time in her own head, it’s like she’s trained herself to just adapt and conform to whatever she needs to. I’m not sure if I like it or hate it. Her mood or behavior toward me doesn’t change, but there’s a shift. Like her guard is back in place and I want to tear it down and break it to pieces.
“Do you know what you want to eat?” I ask her as I set my menu down. I ordered myself a beer and Aspen stayed true to herself, ordering a water instead. Maybe I was wrong about her need to conform to her environment. Perhaps she’s just being herself and is actually that laid-back and easygoing with whatever atmosphere she is in. If she were trying to fit in, I feel like she would have ordered an alcoholic drink too.
I don’t know what it is about her, but I cannot fucking figure her out.
Just when I think I’ve opened a door inside her, I’m met with another closed door. She’s more complex than she lets on. Fucking layered as hell, and I’m ready to peel her layers away.
“Yep,” she says easily, just as our server, Amanda, walks over to the table. She’s been working here for as long as we’ve been coming here. I didn’t miss the disapproval in Aspen’s expression when Amanda greeted me by name. I come here too often, clearly.
Surprisingly, none of the guys are here. They were all talking about going out when I last saw them, but maybe they decided to try somewhere new. Of course, none of them let up on the shit they were giving me when they found out I was studying with Aspen. If any of them saw us here tonight, they would be fucking eating it up.
Aspen goes ahead and places her order before I tell Amanda what I want too. She writes down our food order and then disappears from the table into the crowded bar. There’s a playoff game on the TVs here, so most of the patrons are all drinking and watching the game, which reminds me of Aspen’s confession earlier.
“So, you said you wanted to come to one of my games?” I ask her, having to raise my voice as the crowd cheers for the team that scored. “Do you know Isla, August’s sister?”
Aspen nods, lifting her glass of water to her lips as she takes a sip. I watch her slender throat, the way it moves as she swallows the cold liquid. “Yeah, I have a class with her. We don’t really talk much, but she seems nice enough. She’s dating Logan Knight, right?”
“Yeah. She usually comes to most of the games and we always have a few open seats that are reserved for friends and family.” I watch her as her tongue darts out, slowly licking her lips before she parts them slightly. “If you want, I can have her call you if you guys want to sit together.”
“That would be nice,” she says softly, a smile touching her plump lips. “You don’t think she would mind if I sat with her, do you? If not, I could always just get tickets to the game or something.”
“Nonsense,” I retort, shaking my head at her. She isn’t my girl, but the last thing I’m going to do is let her buy tickets to come to my game. If she’s coming, she sits where we have seats reserved. “Just let me know when you want to come to one and I’ll have everything arranged.”
Aspen smiles back at me, her lips parting as she goes to respond, but I watch as she quickly closes them. Her face falls for a moment, her eyebrows pulling together as she looks just over my shoulder. And then I feel a pair of hands touching my back, the sensation of long fake nails pressing against my skin.
“Hey you,” Kiara breathes in my ear, the smell of liquor flooding my senses as she leans against my back. “Who do you have with you?”
My eyes lift to Aspen’s and she raises a suspicious eyebrow as I silently apologize to her with my gaze. “This is Aspen,” I tell Kiara, wishing that she would just fucking disappear.
Kiara is a barfly that I met here last year. She isn’t an ex, but she’s someone I fucked around with more times than I wanted to admit. Things were never serious between the two of us and we never had a relationship, but I’ve been to her apartment enough times to spark some jealousy in her.
Plus, this isn’t the first time she’s tried to chase another girl away. Although, none of them were like Aspen. I didn’t care if she chased them away, because she always had a bed for me to land in. Things are different with Aspen, though, and the last thing I need is an old fuck buddy running her off.
Because the last place I was going was home with Kiara.
“Aspen,” Kiara slurs and Aspen’s name on her tongue sounds fucking wrong. “What a pretty name. Only seems fitting for such a pretty girl too. I’m Kiara,” she says, holding her hand out to shake it.
Aspen quickly recovers, shielding the suspicious look on her face as she offers Kiara a warm smile. Taking her hand, she shakes it before dropping it like it’s contaminated with germs. “It’s nice to meet you,” she offers softly, with no malice detected in her voice.
Her eyes slice back to my gaze and I don’t miss the coldness that settles in them as Kiara stands beside me, her hand still on my shoulder.
“I haven’t heard from you in a while,” Kiara tells me, her bloodshot eyes searching mine. “I thought that maybe I did something wrong, but now it all makes sense. This isn’t the first time I’ve seen you with another girl, but this one is different, isn’t she?”
I swallow hard, my jaw clenching as I narrow my eyes at Kiara. “It was nice seeing you, Kiara, but I haven’t called you because I moved on. You know how things go.”
“Mhm,” she murmurs, dragging the sharp tip of her long nail down the side of my neck. “I also know that I’m the one you always come back to.”
Aspen clears her throat and Kiara looks back to her, tilting her head to the side. “Is there something wrong, honey?”
My jaw feels like it’s going to lock up with how tight it is right now. I stare back at Aspen who looks like she could potentially be sick as I plead with her using my eyes. “You need to leave, Kiara,” I tell her as Aspen rises to her feet. “Where are you going?” I question her, pushing Kiara’s hand away from me.
“I need to use the restroom,” she says quietly, the hurt lingering in her eyes as she quickly diverts her gaze toward the floor.
Aspen starts to move through the crowd and I’m right behind her, leaving Kiara standing back at the table. “Aspen, hold on!” I call after her, following her into the hallway that leads to the bathrooms.
She stops, spinning on her heel as her gaze meets mine with a look of torment. “What, Cameron? Clearly, this was a mistake. You could have at least told me that your girlfriend or whatever the hell she is would be here.”
“She’s not my girlfriend and I didn’t know she would be here,” I tell her with nothing but honesty as I chance a step toward her. Aspen takes a step away from me, backing up until her back hits the wall. Following along with her, I plant my palms on either side of her head as I stare down at her. “Are you jealous, Aspen?”
Her throat bobs as she swallows hard. “Absolutely not. I don’t care what you do or who you do it with.”
“Oh yeah?” I question her, tilting my head to the side as I lift an eyebrow. “So, if I were to go home with Kiara tonight, you wouldn’t give a shit, would you?”
Aspen’s jaw tics and she shakes her head as she lifts her chin in defiance. “Nope. Do whatever the hell you want, Cam. You’re a grown-ass man and we’re just friends, remember?”
A smirk falls on my lips and my face dips down to hers, breathing in her soft floral scent. Aspen’s lips part slightly, a ragged breath falling from her as her chest rises and falls in rapid succession. “Just friends… I’m not sure how I feel about that anymore, babe.”
“Then do something about it.”
