Late August
“We’re excited to have you as a part of this program, Ruby.” My advisor smiles at me, his teeth blindingly white. Jim Williamson was in the NFL for about a minute, before my dad and uncle’s time, and he’s been using that ‘connection’ with me since the moment I met with him via Zoom over the summer to discuss my goals and aspirations as part of the sports management and marketing program.
I didn’t call my plans ‘goals and aspirations,’ he did. But anyway…
I decide to give Jim what he wants.
“I’m excited to be here.” I sit up a little straighter, my gaze wandering over all of the stuff in his office, taking it in. He has an entire shelf devoted to his college and NFL career, with photos and plaques and ribbons and a signed football encased in plexiglass. I’m sure he’s proud of his accomplishments but that was a long time ago and I can’t help but wonder if he’s the type who revels in the glory days.
My father isn’t. He was in the NFL for years—part of that time when I wasn’t even born yet—and Dad doesn’t brag about it. He doesn’t even really talk about it much. With Knox he does, of course, because my brother is just like him. Whenever Knox needs advice, Dad is always willing to give it to him. And now Knox is on a professional team like our father, about to play his first season opener in like what…two weeks?
Yikes. I bet Knox is nervous. Excited. I can’t wait to watch him.
“An opportunity has come up,” Jim says, his voice serious and I return my gaze to his. “We have paid internships with the teams here on campus and one of the students had to pull out of the program, due to her withdrawing from the university. You were the first person I thought of for the job.”
“Oh, wow. Thank you.” I’m flattered. I took classes at the other college I went to, but nothing specifically for this major. The sports marketing major that Colorado University offers is right up my alley. And while I’m not a diehard football fan—I’m not a huge fan of any type of sports—I do know my way around athletes. Plus, I enjoy marketing and promotion, specifically in social media, and I’ve put together some great projects in the past. It seemed like a natural fit. “But I’ve barely been in the program.”
It’s only the second week of school. How am I the first person Jim thought of for the job?
“I know, but I truly believe you’re the perfect candidate.” He smiles at me, looking pleased, but doesn’t say another word.
“What’s the position?”
“Social media for the football team.” Jim leans back in his chair, resting his linked hands on his chest. “Running their Instagram and Facebook pages, I guess. Oh, and that clock app. Twitter? Is anyone there anymore? Reels and videos and whatnot.”
Spoken from a man who sounds like he doesn’t have a firm grasp on social media. “Are you saying I would be the social media manager for the football team?” I’m shocked they don’t have one currently.
“Not the manager. They already have one of those. You’d be an integral part of the team though.”
“How big is the team?”
“Not sure. It varies. Would you care to interview? They need someone right away, so they’re willing to talk to you ASAP.” He smiles. “I already put in a good word for you and told them you’re Knox’s little sister.”
Frustration ripples through me at his using my family name as a selling point. Though I suppose I can’t blame him because the Maguire name is well-known on campus, thanks to Knox. “I appreciate the mention, but I can get by on my own merits, Mr. Williamson.”
“Call me Jim,” he insists. “And trust me, it doesn’t hurt to say who you’re connected to, young lady.”
Ugh. I want to roll my eyes, but I just nod and smile instead.
“They like the fact that you’re so steeped in football history. Your family is a legacy. That you want to carry it on in a sports-related field is a smart move. You’ll get far with the Maguire name on you.”
That’s not necessarily why I chose this major and potential profession, but it’s definitely influenced me. I’ve been immersed in football pretty much my entire life. I understand athletes and they don’t faze me. They’re just people. I don’t get dazzled by their massive fame or strong confidence or outrageous good looks. Many of them are sweethearts. Some of them are egotistical assholes. I can handle any of them.
All of them.
“The interview is later this afternoon if you’re interested,” Jim continues, grabbing a piece of paper from a notepad and thrusting it toward me along with a pen. I take both from him, the pen poised on the paper, ready to take down…what exactly, I’m not sure. “Three o’clock in the athletic department. You know where the building is?”
It’s attached to the stadium. “I do.”
“The meeting is with Marilee. She’s in charge of the entire athletic department’s social media section.” He smiles, nodding toward the paper and I jot that little fact down. “You’ll like her.”
“Are there any other positions available?” I ask, offering a weak laugh at the sharp look Jim sends my way. I don’t mean to act ungrateful and I do want to work with the football team. Sort of. Though there is someone on the team I’d rather avoid…
I’d rather not think about him at all. That’s been my plan since I walked onto this campus.
“Not that I know of,” Jim answers. “You can ask Marilee that particular question, but I figured you’d jump at the opportunity to work with the football team.”
“Oh, I want to. Of course, I do.” I smile and nod, hoping I look more enthusiastic than I feel.
Minutes later, I’m walking around campus, the notepaper crammed into the pocket of my denim shorts with the meeting details written on it. I should probably change into something more professional. Or maybe I should go to the student store and buy a Golden Eagles T-shirt. Would that be too obvious?
Whipping my phone out of my pocket, I FaceTime Natalie. My new roommate and bestie. She answers on the second ring.
“Why can’t you call like a normal person?” She’s still at home. From the looks of it, she’s still in bed.
“I like to see your face, especially when you’re so cheerful,” I tease.
I lucked out getting Natalie as a roommate. My brother’s girlfriend, Joanna—and Natalie’s best friend and now former roommate—left campus to be with Knox. She’s still a full-time student, taking her classes online and she’ll come back to graduate here in May, but she wanted to be with Knox during his first NFL season after he begged her to go with him. The man is obsessed with her and she seems to feel the same way about him. I guess I can’t blame her.
They’re madly in love. They want to be together as much as possible.
With Joanna gone, Natalie needed a roommate and so did I, since Blair did the same thing as Joanna and she’s now living with Cam. Considering Natalie and I got along so effortlessly when we hung out over the holidays, it made sense.
Natalie rolls her eyes. “Why are you calling so early?”
“It’s eleven,” I point out. I’m not a total early bird, but come on.
The day is almost half over.
“That’s still early for me. My first class doesn’t start until one.”
“Must be nice,” I mutter, plopping down on a nearby park bench. “I need advice.”
“About a guy?”
It’s my turn to roll my eyes. “You wish. No, not about a guy. About a job.”
Natalie makes a face. “Why do you need a job?”
“It’s for my major. I spoke to my advisor and he said there’s a social media manager position open for one of the teams.”
“That sounds perfect.” Natalie sits up a little straighter, pushing the hair out of her eyes. “Why do you need advice?”
“I still have to interview for it, though he made it seem like I already have the job.” I can’t count on that though. I can’t really count on anything unless I achieve it myself.
“Would it be for the athletic department or for a specific team?”
“A specific team.” I hesitate. “The football team.”
Natalie is a shit friend because she immediately starts laughing.
Like…hysterically.
“It’s not funny,” I try to interject, but she’s not listening to me. And she knows how I feel about the football team, but it’s obvious she doesn’t care. “Seriously, Nat. What am I supposed to do?”
“Take the job if they offer it to you. Make his life a living hell,” Natalie says, sobering up quickly.
“Wouldn’t it be better if I just ignored him?”
“How can you? He’s the freaking quarterback. He struts around campus like he’s the top dog and damn it, he is the top dog.” She sounds irritated. I appreciate her undying loyalty to me, I really do. Even if she was laughing at me only a moment ago. “I hate him.”
“You do not.”
“I do. If you hate him, I hate him.”
I don’t hate Ace Townsend. Though I am still pissed over what happened on New Year’s Eve. I thought we had a connection. We definitely had chemistry. That almost kiss in the bathroom still ranks as one of the hottest moments I’ve ever experienced, but then he had to go off and ruin everything.
Kissing another girl on New Year’s Eve isn’t necessarily a crime, but I don’t want to deal with a guy like that. He can’t commit. Not even to a kiss at midnight. And that sucks.
At the time, my thoughts were all about someone temporary. The good-time guy who knows how to have fun. But he couldn’t even manage that and over the last eight months, I’ve had some…thoughts.
No more settling for the guy who obviously doesn’t want to commit. I deserve a man who’s totally into me. It should be painfully obvious.
Which means Ace definitely isn’t the guy for me.
After the NYE Incident as I call it, I also swore off men. There was no point in trying to get with any at my other college. I was leaving anyway so I threw myself into my school work and ended up getting all A’s last semester. I impressed my parents and myself.
See what happens when you forget about guys and don’t party as much? You actually get things accomplished.
But now I’m here at CU and Natalie is a gigantic flirt, who is always on the prowl for hot guys and while that makes her sound awful, she’s not. She just knows how to have fun, like I used to. She also knows when to get serious. And this is where we differ.
I’m the type who goes all in. I either wanted to party all the time like I did my first year in college, or like last semester, when I threw myself completely into my studies and focused on nothing else. I need to learn how to balance myself out a little more, where I can have fun, but I can also be serious. It’s like I don’t know how to be one with the other.
“I have to get over myself,” I finally say with a sigh. “And get over what he did.”
“You’re allowed to hold a grudge,” Natalie says, giving me the permission I didn’t know I still sought. “He was a jerk to you.”
“Not really. He didn’t even know me.” I didn’t know him either.
“He knows your brother. He knows Blair. He led you on.” Natalie’s voice is firm, telling me I can’t convince her otherwise.
“I can do this, right?” My voice drops and I glance around before I continue. “If I get this job, I can ignore him and go about my business? And still work for the football team? I’ll be able to keep things professional…right?”
The doubt that lives within me lately is nearly crippling, and I hate it. Why am I second-guessing my every decision? Maybe because the first university I went to, I didn’t like. I think that happens a lot more often than we think. And it’s okay to make a mistake and change my mind. That’s what my mom said.
Plans change and that’s okay. Yet here I am questioning every move and choice I make, scared shitless to actually do anything.
Like, who am I right now?
I stuck it out for two years at that stupid college I hated and now I’m back in my home state, wondering if I’m doing the right thing, even though deep down, I know I am.
I know it.
“Of course, you can. You’re Ruby Fucking Maguire. You can do anything you set your sights on,” Natalie says, as if she’s reading my mind and knows how full of doubt I am.
I smile, thankful for her encouragement. “Should I go to this interview wearing an Eagles T-shirt?”
“Ew, no. You need to play it cool. Can you come home right now?”
“I have an hour break.” Meaning going home will be cutting it close to make it back to class on time.
“Then get your ass here and I’ll help you pick out an outfit. I’ll start going through my closet right now.” She climbs out of bed.
“I’m sure I have something.”
“Oh, I’ll be going through your closet too. I just want to check and see what I have first. A cute dress always works.”
“Okay. But nothing too cute, you know?”
“Always professional,” Natalie says with a firm nod. “You’ve got this in the bag.”
“If you say so.” Yep, there’s that doubt creeping in. I don’t know why it happens. My parents have believed in me ever since I can remember. My entire family is supportive. I’ve never let my insecurities get me down. Throughout high school, I was a total overachiever, both in class and in my extracurriculars. I love a schedule, staying busy, creating things, doing things.
But the moment I graduated high school and went away to college, I’ve felt…wayward. A little lost. Unsure of myself. I can’t explain why. I’m not sure what I’m supposed to be doing here, if that makes any sense. What’s my purpose in life? Why are we expected to have our life plan in place at eighteen and know what we want for our future career?
Over two years have passed since I graduated high school and I’m still unsure as to what I want to be. What I want to do. I’ve changed my major twice already. I’m hoping I’ve zeroed in on something that will make me happy and give me purpose, but we’ll see.
We will see.
