Bastien’s POV
“You’re doing this,” Selene accuses wretchedly, “Your wolf is doing this.”
What is she talking about? I demand of Axel.
She’s near her mate. Her instinct is to change. It has to happen eventually – her wolf has never been free.
I swear under my breath. I know he’s right, but the timing is terrible. I remember my first shift vividly – all wolves do. It’s a horrible process, requiring almost every bone in the body to break and reform, slow and agonizing. Thankfully shifting gets easier and easier until it’s effortless, but there’s no way to make the first few any easier. You just have to suffer through.
“It isn’t like that sweetheart. It’s just your time.” I explain apologetically. I gather up Selene and deposit her on the sofa, moaning and writhing, before moving toward the bed to retrieve Lila.
Aiden! I call through our mental link.
He appears almost instantly, and I carry Lila to him, “Selene is about to shift, I need you to take the pup until it’s over.”
“What are you doing?” Selene snarls, trying to rise from the couch and crumpling, “you’re not taking her anywhere!”
Handing off Lila, I return to my mate, pulling her up and speaking softly and urgently in her ear, “Easy Selene, he’ll take care of her.”
“No!” She insists, a mother wolf in full defense mode, “you can’t have her, she’s mine!”
“Do you really want her to see this?” I demand sternly, “She’ll be terrified.”
Selene’s brow furrows, and I can see the gears in her head spinning with confusion, emotion warring with instinct. “Don’t take her from me.” She finally begs, tears spilling from her eyelashes.
“No one is taking her from you, baby.” I vow, “You have my word, they’re just going to get her someplace safe while you shift. I’ll take you straight to her in the morning.”
“Let me hug her goodbye,” Selene requests pitifully.
I nod to Aiden, and he returns Lila to her mother’s arms for a tearful cuddle before removing her again and leaving Selene and I alone in the safehouse.
My mate curls up into a little ball, rocking herself back and forth and clamping her eyes shut. “How long is it going to take?”
I reach for her, sighing when she flinches away. “Everyone is different. If you’re lucky it will be an hour or so. If you’re unlucky… it could be all night.”
Selene whines, undoubtedly dreading the idea of such a long transformation. I don’t have the heart to tell her what she’s feeling now is only the beginning.
My stomach drops, I can’t remember ever feeling so helpless as I do now. Sitting by and doing nothing goes against the very core of my being, as does seeing someone in trouble and not being able to help.
You know how to comfort her. Axel growls.
She doesn’t want me to touch her. I growl back.
She doesn’t know what she wants right now, she hurts, make her feel better. He orders, a note of strain in his normally steady voice.
Grumbling under my breath, I reach for Selene again, this time refusing to let her evade my grasp. She tries to fight me, but every time she lashes out, a new spasm of pain cripples her, and her attacks wane. Tucking her small body against mine, I hush her protests and massage her sore muscles.
“Just breathe little wolf, it’s okay.” I promise, “I’m here. I’m not going to leave you.”
“Why are you doing this?” She asks deliriously.
“What do you mean?” I inquire, inhaling her sweet scent and trying not to feeling any happiness to have her back in my arms. Yes, under any other circumstances I would be thrilled, but having her writhe in agony next to me kind of takes some of the romance out of the moment.
“Why are you here?” Selene clarifies, a bit more firmly.
“Because you’re my mate, and you need me.” I answer easily.
Before she can answer, a sickening cracking noise fills the air, and Selene’s back bows as she howls with pain. “Shhh, I know sweetheart, I know it hurts.”
“I blame you for this.” She informs me when she can breathe again. If you’d stayed in Elysium where you belong, this wouldn’t be happening.”
“That’s not very fair to your wolf, Selene.” I chastise, without venom. “Do you really think it would be fair to keep her trapped inside you forever?”
“No.” Selene keens despondently.
“Besides,” I continue, petting her hair. “If you don’t know what shifting is like, how will you be able to help Lila through it when the time comes?”
“Stop being logical when I’m trying to feel sorry for myself.” She growls.
“I’m sorry.” I repent, “You’re right, this is a terrible, horrible thing to go through and I wish I could protect you from it somehow. I’d go through it for you if I could.”
Selene’s tossing her head back and forth now, her eyes clenched shut and face glistening with sweat, “Stop being nice to me.” She orders.
“Why?” I question.
“You didn’t want me without my wolf.” She cries, seemingly out of nowhere. “I know you only want me now because she’s back.”
I release her for a moment, sitting up to study her face, unsure whether or not she’s serious. Is this delirium talking? “Are you out of your mind? Selene I always wanted you.”
She shakes her head, “Stop lying.”
For the first time ignoring her pain, I grab Selene by the shoulders, giving her a gentle shake. “Selene, look at me.”
Her blue and violet eyes are glazed with pain, her pupils pinpricks despite the low light. She looks at me hopelessly, and I wish there was a way to steal these thoughts from her brain. “Selene, I have loved you from the first second I smelled you. I have never wanted anyone else. I never will.”
“But Arabella–”
“Arabella is nothing!” I growl. “She’s the one I care for out of obligation, not you.”
“But–” Selene tries again.
“No buts.” I scold fiercely. “I’m speaking as your husband, your mate, and your Alpha now. I love you, and only you. Is that clear?”
She nods mutely, but it’s not good enough.
“Say the words, Selene.” I command.
“You love me and only me.” She whispers, her normally silky voice reduced to a croak.
“Good.” I grumble, stroking her spine as another surge of torment takes her. “You’re mine, Selene. And don’t you forget it.”
_______________________
Selene’s POV
The agony breaks like a wave on the sand, swelling higher and higher until it crests in a rush of blinding white light, then ebbs away as if it was never there in the first place. I don’t know how long I rode that wave, but it’s light out by the time the transformation is finally complete.
Everything from last night is a horrible blur. I remember getting to the safehouse with Lila, and I certainly remember Bastien’s arrival. I recall the transformation’s first terrifying pangs, but things start to get fuzzy around the time Aiden took Lila away. I’ll never forget the abject anguish of the shift, the feeling of being ripped apart from the inside out, but the details in between are about as solid as air.
For instance, I don’t know how every pillow and duvet in the house got shredded into ribbons, leaving snowy white feathers to blanket every visible surface in our spacious surroundings. Neither do I remember how the curtains were ripped from the windows or why the coffee table is upside down, with all its contents smashed beneath it.
I open my eyes to find Bastien curled around me in his own wolf form. The huge black beast watches me with gleaming silver eyes, and I realize that what I had first taken to be more feathers cushioning my body, is actually fur.
My fur.
A perfect white coat of downy fur covers my body from head to toe, only it’s not my body – it’s Luna’s. I sit up suddenly, belatedly remembering that there was a point to all the torture. For the first time in my life, I’ve adopted the form I take in my heart; the incarnation of my soul the Goddess always intended me to inhabit.
Luna? I reach out hesitantly.
Selene. I can hear the utter joy in her voice, even though I’m struggling to balance myself on these new legs. Bastien is watching me with amusement, but he doesn’t interfere to advise or coddle.
How do you feel? I ask my wolf tentatively.
Like I’ve never truly been alive until this moment. She breathes serenely. Then with pure mischief she adds, Are you ready to see what it’s like being in the passenger seat?
Oh Goddess. I tease, please behave yourself.
No promises. She quips.
A huge shape approaches on my right, and I look up at the wolf who has haunted my dreams for so many years. He towers over me even in wolf form, at least a foot taller and immensely broader. There’s a knowing glint in his eyes, and exhilaration begins building in my chest before he even speaks.
All right, little wolf. His voice sounds in my head. Are you ready for your first run?
