Dane
I hate this shit.
Pretending not to care because she pretends not to care. If our conversation this morning taught me anything, it’s that Joss doesn’t know me as well as either of us thought she did.
Now, on top of everything else—Rose’s bullshit, stressing over my Dad’s shit—I’ll have to keep it together while Carlos’ ass is in town.
And what the fuck was I thinking suggesting that we throw a party here? The last thing I want to do is watch her with him all night. But since my dumb ass already brought it up, she’ll know there’s something up if I back out now.
No emotion, right?
That was her rule.
Shit. I’m fucked.
Flipping my pillow to the cool side, my head slams against it and I stare at the ceiling. Just like I have been for the last three hours. There’s movement in Joss’ room, but she hasn’t been out in quite a while. Not since she grabbed a glass of water and passed a discreet glance this way, maybe trying to see if I was asleep. Even when we locked eyes, neither of us spoke. She just went back to her room and closed me out.
Which seems like how things have gone between us lately.
I’m not sure how much longer I can keep this up, pretending not to care just so she isn’t uncomfortable. At what point do I just say fuck it and make her see what I see?
Fighting anger, I flip onto my side and focus on the window, on the rainwater pouring down it in sheets. Since sleep hasn’t come naturally, I force my eyes closed and just… hope for the best.
“Dane!”
The sharp scream that hits the air has my lids wide open again and I swear I’m off the couch before her voice even fades. Hurdling the armchair in my path with one swift motion, I sprint down the hallway faster than I’ve ever moved down the field.
Throwing Joss’s bedroom door open, my gaze shifts from one side to the other, searching for the threat.
“What the hell happened?” I ask, glancing as she squeezes herself into the corner near her bed, clutching a t-shirt over her bare tits. She’s naked from the waist up, and only wearing panties from the waist down.
Shit. Focus.
“There’s a fucking spider in my sheets!” she shrieks, pointing at the dark spot I hadn’t noticed before. It’s moving fast toward her headboard, but I’m faster.
Grabbing a sheet of paper from the notebook on her nightstand, I head it off before it knows what’s coming, then move to the window. Joss stares with relief as I crank the glass open, then let the eight-legged terror out onto the fire escape.
By the time my eyes are on her again, she’s panting a little less wildly, but with the threat gone I’m staring at her tits again.
“Thank you,” she says breathily, snapping me out of it.
“No problem.”
“I was changing for bed and sat down on the edge of the mattress to put my shirt on, then I spotted that thing out of the corner of my eye.”
She’s still worked up so I’m holding in a laugh now, recalling her overreaction to the bug.
“It’s nothing. I wasn’t asleep.”
She seems surprised by this, and before she can read more into it than I’d like, I turn to leave.
“Night.”
“Night,” she echoes, then I close her door behind me and head back to the couch.
No fucking way I’ll fall asleep now.
I fall against the cushions with a grunt, drawing in a deep breath to help me relax, but nothing works. Part of what’s kept me awake is that I’m horny as fuck. And now seeing Joss half-naked has made things even harder.
Literally.
My head pops up off the pillow and I glance toward the hallway through the darkness, making sure I’m still alone. After confirming, I try to alleviate the problem the only way I can, seeing as how our friends-with-benefits arrangement seems to have expired.
My hand lowers into my boxers and I stroke my dick once, remembering the feel of Joss’ soft palm working it up and down. That was unexpected, her wanting to touch me like that.
I lower my waistband a bit, until my dick’s free and aiming skyward. One last peek to make sure it’s just me out here, then I go at it, jerking myself off to the thought of flawless brown skin, dark curls that fall on smooth shoulders, and a body so perfect it’s painful to look at.
“Shit.”
The word hisses through my teeth as the fantasy in my head runs wild, as images of her touching herself dance into my thoughts. Biting my own lip, I imagine her mouth against mine, the moist heat of it driving me insane.
I’m getting close, feel my sac tightening. Any second now, I—
The sound of lightly squeaking hinges has me yanking the blanket over my waist and flipping onto my side at record speed, breathing hard like I just finished a workout.
Correction: almost finished a workout.
Soft feet pad down the hallway and stop somewhere near the entrance of the great room. I don’t look her way, though, for fear that she’d somehow know I was beating off while thinking about her.
“Are you still awake?” she asks quietly.
Trying my hardest to hide that I’m out of breath, I answer. “Yeah, I’m up.”
She takes another few steps, then stops again. Her silence is hard to read, so I eventually force myself to peer up to where she stands. With a pillow tucked beneath her arm, a sliver of moonlight cuts diagonal across her face, showing only her full, parted lips as she watches me.
“You okay?”
She doesn’t answer right away, so I prop myself on my elbow to get a better look at her. Her thighs are still exposed, with dark satin covering the triangle at their apex. The t-shirt she held over her a few minutes ago is now on, covering her tits and half her midriff.
Is it possible for an erection to get so out of control your dick explodes and kills you? Cause I think I’m about to fucking find out.
“I don’t think I can sleep in there after the whole… spider thing, so I was hoping I could lay with you.”
She sounds sweet, innocent even, but that’s a far cry from what I’m staring at right now. With her curls wild and covering her face a little, she looks like a Playboy model. My gaze wanders down the well-defined curve of her hips, making me envision the perfect ass that’s currently hidden from view. She’s always hated the size of her thighs, but I sure as hell don’t. They’re smooth and athletically toned, making them slightly larger than her ideal, but whatever her measurements are, they’re definitely my fucking ideal.
Shit. I was supposed to respond.
“Uh… yeah. Of course.”
Scooting a few inches higher, I drop my head onto the armrest. Joss sits, then leans to the side to rest on her pillow, drawing both feet onto the couch. Smoothing the sole of one up my inner thigh, she stops just shy of my dick. Our legs are loosely tangled now, locked into some kind of figure eight.
She’s completely silent when I spread my blanket over us both. My thoughts are on football, ice baths, and even my grandfather—anything that’ll make this hard-on go away.
“I’m sorry.”
The softly spoken words surprise me, so I lift my head a little to look at her. Dim light filters in through the window and shadows of the raindrops streaking down the glass move over her skin.
Football.
Ice baths.
Grandpa Boone.
“What do you have to be sorry about?” I finally ask.
“I haven’t been myself lately and it’s caused me to be really cold and distant toward you, which you don’t deserve. I’m working on finding a way to work through my shit without it affecting the people I care about,” she says.
“You don’t need to apologize. Neither of us have exactly been warm lately.”
She’s silent, thinking as she blinks into the moonlight.
“At the end of the day, all I want is for you to be happy and for us to be… us.”
“Same goes for me,” I say. “So, how do we fix it?”
She shrugs and settles in a bit more, moving her knee across my leg while she thinks.
“I believe the first step was for us to stop pretending there wasn’t anything wrong. Now, maybe we can move forward, being mindful of each other’s feelings. Being mindful that, above all else, what’s most important is our friendship.”
I can do that. To start, I initiate a conversation we would’ve had before all the other shit got in the way.
“So, this Carlos guy is really making his way here, huh? Guess it’s been a long time coming. The two of you have gone back and forth for a while.”
“It’s not really like that,” she says with a sigh, hinting at frustration. “By the time he told me his plan, he’d already bought his ticket.”
This shouldn’t make me feel relieved, but it does, knowing she’s not nearly as into this guy as he seems to be into her. I’m not naïve, though. Her mind could easily change when he gets here.
“That’s kind of a bold move, isn’t it?”
She nods and releases another of those tense sighs. “That’s one word for it. Like I said, though, he won’t be here very long. Just a couple nights.”
Now she sounds relieved.
“So… you really don’t feel anything for him?” I’m aware that the question could be perceived as invasive, needy. But I don’t really give a fuck about that at the moment.
She shakes her head first. “Not as anything but a friend.”
Hearing her admit that twists me in knots, because I know for a fact that she sees me as more. Even if her stubborn ass won’t admit it.
My eyes are glued to her, and with each deep breath she draws in, her tits lift. Firm nipples poke through the fabric of her tee, making my mouth water for her more than it already was.
Damn girl’s gonna be the death of me.
When she stretches one arm above her head, I can only guess she’s just as restless as I am, which leaves me to wonder if she’s restless for the same reason I am.
My mind starts to wander, questioning whether a girl comes to lay with a guy in only a shirt and panties if she truly wants to be left alone. Or… maybe she hoped something would ignite between us. Like it usually does.
As I think it, the smooth sole of her foot slides higher up my thigh, reaching my boxers. She stops there at first, but to my surprise, answering my question, she grazes lightly over my sac, then my dick. The lingering contact lasts far too long to be an accident,
“You didn’t come to me because you’re scared.” That isn’t a question. It’s a fact I’ve just been made aware of.
“I… no,” she admits, sounding like she might’ve considered lying first, but knew I’d see right through it anyway.
The hammering in my chest is telling of how she gets to me, draws a physical reaction from me that no other girl’s been able to evoke.
My thoughts run wild, imagining all the shit I could do to her right now if she’d only let me.
“Come here.”
She hesitates at first, but then moves the cover, revealing the rest of that sexy-ass body. She stands and takes my hand when I reach for her. I rest on my elbow, smoothing my fingertip across the waistband of her panties, staring up while she watches.
“Is it okay if I touch you like this?”
Distracted and maybe letting her imagination run wild, too, she nods.
My gaze lowers to where her thighs touch, to the outline of her slit through her panties, which brings an even better idea to mind.
There’s only one question.
Will she let me have my way tonight?
