Joss
We’ve cleaned nearly the entire loft and haven’t spoken one word to each other. As far as shitty nights go, this has been one for the books.
By the end of the party, I was so pissed off that it made things super weird and tense between Carlos and me, which he didn’t deserve. My anger was only for the asshole currently straightening the coffee table. He doesn’t see it when I roll my eyes at him, but I sure as hell hope he feels it.
I put the last clean dish back in the cabinet, head toward the hallway and flip the light switch, bathing the great room in darkness.
“You don’t see me working in here?” Dane barks at me.
I stop halfway down the hall before deciding not to be completely petty. When I double back and flip the switch again, he’s already glaring in my direction. Turning, I take one step toward my room before his voice halts me.
“Are we gonna talk this shit out? Or should I plan for another two weeks of the silent treatment?”
His words feed my anger, making goosebumps prickle my arms as rage flares inside me.
“The way I’m feeling right now, trust me, you don’t want that. I’m going to bed.”
I take another step, but he’s not done yet.
“Then I’ll do the talking, and you can fucking listen,” he says, sounding frustrated and on the brink of losing his shit. Hence the reason I said we should wait to talk.
“I hated tonight,” he begins. “I hated seeing you with bitch-ass Carlos, hated seeing his damn hands on you, hated that you let that asshole fucking touch you. Hated him in general.”
He’s filled with rage, and now I’m the one glaring. “You barely said two words to him. How the hell would you even know what he’s like?”
Dane’s shaking his head before I even finish speaking. “Do I look like I fucking care what he’s like? You could be dating a saint who rescues children from burning buildings for a living, and I’d still hate his ass,” he seethes, panting with fury I don’t fully understand.
“You’ve got some serious nerve,” I hiss, charging toward him. “You’re pissed because Carlos touched me? At least I didn’t fuck him and pretend that shit didn’t happen.”
Whatever words he’d been about to speak died on his lips as his frown deepens. “What the hell are you talking about?”
I stare into his eyes and there’s genuine confusion in them. I didn’t mean to say so much, didn’t mean to let on that I care so much.
“That bitch was all over you tonight, but I’m supposed to feel guilty Carlos was being friendly? No, fuck that and fuck you.”
I attempt to storm off, but he grabs my wrist and I stumble back in his direction, slamming into his chest. My gaze lands on him and his stare darkens.
“You know everything that goes down with Shawna is work shit,” he says, his face only inches from mine, anger still smoldering in his eyes.
I was fully prepared to drop it, but since he wants to keep going, I may as well lay it all bare.
“Was taking her to a hotel a few weeks ago work shit, too, Dane?”
You could hear a pin drop. His eyes narrow on me and I’m breathless.
“I saw Pandora’s pics of you two after the meet-up at the gallery,” I admit.
His eyes stay trained on me and I feel his heart thundering just as wildly as my own.
“You saw that post and your first thought was that I fucked her? Your first thought was that I’d break our agreement over a piece of random ass?”
His tone is scolding, like I’m some wayward child he needs to put in her place. Feeling so small where he still has me drawn to his body, my lashes flutter with his gaze locked on me.
“I saw the pictures. Then you came home well past two in the morning. What the hell else could you—’
“It was an after party,” he snaps. “I haven’t laid a finger on that girl. Tonight, her hanging on me, that’s the most physical contact there’s ever been between us. We’ve never kissed. Hell, we’ve never even hugged,” he confesses and, despite having created numerous scenarios about that night, and despite the mounting rage I’ve stored up when I think about it… I believe him.
Shit.
“I just… I thought—”
“You thought I settled for her because I can’t have you.”
The statement makes me cower a bit, knowing I really fucked up this time. He releases my arm and I wish I could read his mind. His energy has shifted from anger to something else, but it’s still powerful, still overwhelming.
I take several steps back, until my shoulder blades touch the brick wall. My thoughts are a tangled mess of what I thought I knew and what I should have known. I can’t even look at him now, realizing the only one who messed up is me.
Even when I hear his steps coming closer, I don’t lift my eyes. Not until his palms press flat against the brick at either side of my face. So close, I’m trapped, forced to meet his gaze. I’m caged in, inhaling traces of expensive cologne permeating from his skin, trying to hold my ground.
“I gave you my word, Joss. Didn’t I?”
I breathe him in deep, causing my chest to press into his.
“You did, but I—”
“And have I ever lied to you?” he rasps.
I rack my brain for an answer, but don’t really need to. “Never.”
He draws in air and his eyes lower to the base of my throat, where I imagine he’s noticed my racing pulse.
“So, tell me, when the hell are you gonna accept it?”
I blink, swallowing deeply. “Accept what?”
“That the only girl I want to touch, the only one I want to fuck… is you?”
He flashes a look to my eyes again and I feel frozen, stunned that he’s dared to say so much. I should’ve known there was an explanation, but my emotions got the best of me, made me crazy, made me jealous, and—
He kisses me rough, parting my lips with his tongue as I moan into his mouth. All I can think about is getting closer. Closer than we are, closer than we’ve ever been. Both hands slip down his toned torso, moving over the soft fabric of his t-shirt before I lift it to touch his skin. He’s raw tonight, still toggling between anger and lust, carrying so much tension in his back when my palms slip around to pull him closer. Heat from his mouth moves to my jaw, then my ear.
“Will you ever stop thinking so damn much and just… take what you want?”
Those words ring inside my head, forcing me to answer the question “What do I want?”
He pulls away and I stare up, dazed by the deep green of his eyes.
“All I want is you.”
He doesn’t move after I speak, just keeps me caged there while he gnaws the side of his lips, thinking. “I’m gonna need you to be a bit more specific than that.”
My heartrate’s nearing critical, but I’m not unclear where this is going. So, despite my nervousness, I slowly push my hand down his stomach, then grip his dick, forming my fingers over the thickness of it.
“I want you. All… of you,” I add, trying not to lose my breath, aware of what I’ve just said, aware of the invitation I’ve just given.
A dark look sweeps over me as Dane scans me from head to toe, like he’s seeing me for the first time. He backs off slowly, wetting his lips.
“Your room. Five minutes.”
Is it normal to be this scared?
Is it normal to shake so hard my entire bed is trembling and he isn’t even here yet?
Deep breath. You’ll be fine. It’s Dane.
I take the pep talk to heart and breathe deep, but my nerves are still shot. I lit a candle, then blew it out, then lit it again, figuring that it’s best if I’m able to see at least a little. That way, I’ll know exactly what’s happening.
Well, sort of.
I undress, then slipped beneath the covers, hoping that’s right. Maybe he would’ve liked to take my clothes off for me, though.
Don’t overthink it. Just go with the flow.
The sound of footsteps down the hall have me sinking deeper beneath the blanket, eyeing the doorway when he steps into the room still clothed, which has me thinking I should’ve waited to take mine off.
Shit. It’s too late.
My gaze follows when he approaches the bed, keeping my eyes trained on him when he slips off his shirt, then unbuttons and unzips his jeans. He pauses to remove a condom from his pocket and places it on the nightstand before removing his pants completely.
I’ve come to love the sight of him in boxer-briefs, how they squeeze and showcase his best below-the-belt features. I only get to gawk for a second, though, because he removes those next.
I draw in air and wet my lips, realizing that taking all of him in won’t be easy as far as first times go, but I trust he’ll be gentle.
Candlelight flickers against his skin as he slips beneath the sheet beside me. He’s so warm and I love the feel of his nakedness.
He scans me with a look that honestly takes my breath away. All because it says so much without a single word having left his mouth.
“You’re so fucking beautiful, you know that?”
My neck and face warm with the compliment. “Thank you.”
Like always, he leaves me swooning, hanging on every syllable he speaks.
His lips find my shoulder, kissing down to my breasts where he draws my nipple into his mouth, teasing it with the tip of his tongue. It’s a distraction from his hand leaving my stomach, wandering between my thighs. I open for him, letting him explore. The tip of one finger strokes my clit until I moan into the darkness, inspiring him to sink two inside me.
His mouth leaves my nipple to harden in the slight chill of the air and he brings his lips to my ear, still pushing and stirring his fingers.
“You’re sure you’re ready for this?” he rasps, sounding like he’ll die of depravation if I change my mind.
I’m barely coherent when the question registers, but even still, I’m not confused about what I want.
I nod and he exhales against my cheek, gradually sliding his hand from between my thighs. When he reaches for my finger, my eyes are glued to him, focused as the ring I’ve worn for many years is removed. The gentle clang of the metal dropping to my nightstand when he places it there makes me want this more. Hence the reason my eyes stay trained on him when he positions himself between my legs, and then lowers his mouth to my slit.
I press my head into the mattress, and it all comes rushing back to me, how good this felt last time, how good I imagine it’ll feel every time. I gladly endure the pleasurable assault from his tongue and lips—flicking, sucking, licking. Dane patiently feasts until I’m drenched, dripping wet and ready to take him in. Only then does he lift to his knees and grabs the condom, rolling it into place. He hovers over me with one hand pressing into the mattress just above my shoulder, the other gripping the base of his dick, slowly caressing my slit with its tip. My entire body buzzes with nervous energy, anticipation as I open my knees further, inviting him in.
Then, finally, we quench a thirst we’ve suffered through for seven… long… years.
The smooth, blunt head of his dick opens my pussy and I gasp, feeling him sink into me slowly.
“Fuck,” he hisses with a long breath. His eyes flutter closed, and I sense him struggling with patience.
My channel barely gives, gripping him tight as he pushes deeper, cautiously giving me more. There’s a sudden heaviness in my eyelids, making them want to close as the contrast of intense pleasure and pain takes me over. I swear I feel everything, the thickness of his shaft filling me when he finally pushes to the hilt.
A deep groan rumbles in his chest, but he wrangles it in, quickly refocusing his attention on me.
“Was that okay?”
I nod against the pillow, feeling a tear streak from the corner of my eye and into my hair. He pauses, leaning in to kiss me there, then his lips find mine. There’s a feeling radiating from him, and it says more than he’s dared to say aloud, but I feel it. Feel him.
“I’ll take it slow,” he promises, whispering against my mouth.
His hips lift and then slowly lower again. He slides his cock in and out, deep like before but at a gentle pace I can manage. We fall into a steady rhythm as the pain subsides. He takes everything away, then gives it all back. Over and over and over again. It isn’t long until I’m hooked on the delicious friction mounting between us, addicted to the way his dick fills me, hits every single pleasure point. He’s so, so deep, changing his pace as his hips thrust in shallow, grinding pulses between my thighs, rocking into my core. My head pushes into the pillow and that once-controlled look in Dane’s eyes is long gone, and a new feeling emerges within me, one that’s deeper than any time he’s made me come before this.
My nails bite into the skin of his back, but he doesn’t even seem fazed. A breathy cry leaves my lips and I’m devoured by the ecstasy of an orgasm so powerful it’s not only physical, it’s emotional.
The sensation lingers with me, and I savor it, seeing how tension floods Dane’s expression next. He pushes into me, and my arms sweep beneath his to hold his back again, feeling his muscles flex and release against my palms. Then, he lets out a pleasure-infused groan that has me biting my own lips, mere seconds before I feel him throbbing inside me as he comes.
Our heavy breaths are synced, showing how our bodies are completely in tune with each other. He presses a kiss to my mouth and I peer up at him, aware of never having felt closer to another human being in my entire life.
“You okay?” he asks quietly, panting a breath away from my lips.
I nod. “Better than okay.”
That draws a smile from him, and he pulls out of me slowly before going to the edge of the bed to remove the used latex. He disappears in the bathroom for a second then comes back—still naked, still unshakably beautiful from every possible angle.
At first, I’m focused on his dick, feeling possessive as hell of that shit, possessive of him. It’s my incessant staring that accounts for why I’m only now aware of the sound of running water.
When I finally tear my eyes away from his package and meet his gaze, Dane’s smiling a bit, noticing my curiosity.
“The bath is so you’re not sore in the morning. Well, not as sore as you would be without it,” he clarifies.
Already, my thighs ache somewhere deep I didn’t even realize they could hurt.
There’s a lingering look in his eyes that has me smiling now. “What?”
His stare flits to my breasts for a second, then he refocuses.
“Just thought I might join you in the tub.” His tone is so gentle, so sweet I have to steady my thundering heart as I nod.
“I wouldn’t say no,” I say coyly, liking this idea of his.
He takes my hand and helps me to my feet, and it hits me that I feel less self-conscious. Even being completely naked in front of him. If tonight has taught me anything at all, it’s that, more than anyone, I can trust him.
As far as firsts go, Dane leaves nothing to be desired. Moving forward, let’s just say I’m starting to believe we could make this work.
But even if there’s no guarantee… I think I’m ready to at least try.
