Pretty Boy D: Chapter 35

Joss

No one should dread a visit from their father, but that’s practically all I’ve done this week—cycling through every worst-case scenario to decide how I should cope when one of them happens.

When, not if.

Now that the night’s finally arrived, I’m still unprepared and scared shitless about seeing him for the first time since he and Mom took off.

I tried on at least a dozen dresses, searching for the perfect one. I finally settled on a sleeveless A-line piece that I paired with nude heels. Only, I couldn’t quite get my hair right. I fussed over it for nearly an hour before snatching it down from bun after bun, eventually getting so frustrated I let my coils spring free. My dad prefers it ‘neat’ and ‘tamed’, which is why the plan was to conform, giving us one less thing to argue about, but I couldn’t get it to cooperate.

I’d just plugged in my flatiron, deciding to go the route of straightening it a few seconds before Dane came into my room. He approached from behind and joined me at the mirror, showered but not yet dressed for the charity event he committed to. He had no clue about the hell I’d just put myself through, or how insecurity was starting to slip in, but I swear he must’ve felt it. He touched my hair gently, twirling his finger around a single ringlet while his other hand moved down my torso. I watched in the reflection as four words rolled off his tongue.

“You look fucking amazing.”

He sealed the compliment with a slow kiss to the side of my neck and with so few words, convinced me to leave it. Now, as I walk toward the restaurant, I cling to that memory and hold my head high.

Ambient chatter floods my senses when I enter the sheik lounge and instantly begin scanning for my father. Our reservations were for five minutes ago and that man is never late for anything. A hand shoots up across the room and I point him out to the host, who then escorts me to the table. I thank him but keep my eyes on my father as he stands to greet me. To my surprise, I’m brought into a warm hug that matches the kind smile on his face.

“It’s wonderful seeing you,” he says, still holding me tight.

“You, too. I’m glad you had a safe flight.”

He finally releases me and pulls out my chair before returning to his own. He scans me with a look that sends heat rushing up my neck to my face, wondering what scathing thing will leave his mouth as he evaluates my appearance, but his eyes simply lower to his menu.

“We should decide what we’ll order first, then we’ll talk.”

His eyes flash up at me again, and then they’re gone, leaving me to wonder why I’ve been asked here today. The unknown admittedly has me terrified.

“I’ll just have whatever you’re having.”

“Very well then. We’ll both have the tomato basil linguine.” He lifts his finger into the air to signal a waiter to order, then after he finishes, it’s just us again.

“How’s Mom? I’m surprised she didn’t travel with you.”

“When I got called back to the city, she decided to stay behind to oversee the contractors in my absence. She sends her love, though.”

I nod, keeping to myself how I’m aware that he’s likely the reason she hasn’t called. I also keep to myself that she should’ve gone against his wishes and reached out anyway.

“Well, we could chitchat all day, but you know I’ve never been one to mince words. I’ve got something on my heart, and I must say it.”

I blink into his stare, breathing deep to calm myself.

“I should begin with an apology,” he says, shocking me half to death because my father does not apologize. Like, ever. “I dealt with you harshly the night we spoke in my study and I should have had more compassion. What your mother and I proposed wasn’t something we should’ve expected you’d take lightly.”

Still in disbelief, I nod slowly. “And… I accept your apology. Thank you.”

He nods once. “I’ve also regretted interfering with your internship. You worked hard to earn it and I had no right to cost you such a great opportunity.”

I don’t speak this time. Partly because that has been such a bitter pill to swallow, but also because there’s clearly more he’d like to say.

“It’s been so strange. Your mother and I have tried hard to settle in, make ourselves at home although our current residence is not permanent, but nothing works. No matter what we do, we still feel a void. And what’s missing is you, Josslyn.”

My heart nearly shutters to a stop when he admits that. All because he doesn’t let his feelings show like this.

“I’ve missed you both, too, Dad, but I haven’t changed my mind about leaving.”

And what I don’t say is that I’m even stronger in my decision to stay in the city now that Dane and I have finally found our way to one another.

My father’s gaze lowers, and I can actually sense that his remorse is genuine.

“I’ve made quite a mess of things. Even before our last argument,” he admits.

He doesn’t say as much out loud, but I can’t help but to wonder if he’s referring to his affair. Or should I say affairs… plural.

“And while I certainly accept the blame for the current state of our family, I also think it’s the reason we should all be together right now. It’s the only way we’ll heal.”

He’s being less abrasive about it this time, but his narrative is still the same. He wants me to drop everything and everyone to run off to Haiti with them. Only, my narrative hasn’t changed either.

“I really appreciate you bringing me here, but more than that, I appreciate that you were able to acknowledge my feelings,” I say. “But my mind is still made up, Dad. Cypress Pointe is my home, and I can’t just walk away from it.”

A long, solemn stare stays trained on me and I know he hates not having the same control over me that he used to, but his anger doesn’t flare like it would have in the past. Instead, he releases a breath and I follow his hand when it drops into his pocket, then lands on the table with an envelope between his fingers.

“I was going to wait until after dinner to give you this, but now seems like as good a time as any. Open it,” he instructs.

With my pulse racing, my hand meets his at the center of our table, but he doesn’t release the envelope as easily as I expect. When I follow his gaze, I understand why. He’s fixated on my hand or, rather, my empty finger.

An image flashes in my head, of Dane sliding the ring off before I gave him everything that night. No, my father can’t say for sure I’m not wearing it because I’m no longer a virgin, but that look on his face says otherwise.

He seems to realize that I’ve noticed his observation and he relaxes his grip. I breathe through the spike of anxiety and finally reveal what I’ve just been given.

“It’s a plane voucher. Good for a one-way ticket to your mother and I. Whenever you’re ready,” he adds. “Although, my hope is that you will join us sooner rather than later.”

I’m certain it’s killing him not to try ruling me with an iron fist, but I’m pleased I’m being treated like an adult for once.

“I appreciate this, but I won’t be using it.”

When I try to hand it back, he doesn’t accept it.

“It’s still yours. In case you change your mind. I’ll be in town a few more days and it’s my hope that I won’t be leaving the city alone. I need you. Your mother needs you,” he adds.

We hold one another’s gaze for a moment, then I decide to just slip it inside my purse to maintain the civility between us.

“I’ve only ever meant to do right by you, Josslyn. I hope you know that.”

His words have me thinking back to what it must’ve been like when he got the call from Mom, letting him know their last night together resulted in my conception. They chose to be together, so I’d have both parents in the home, which was what they believed to be the best thing at the time. So, while my father’s methods are sometimes heavy-handed and harsh, I do know that I’m loved. And I do know he’s made sacrifices with my best interest at heart.

When I nod, acknowledging this, he seems satisfied.

The waiter returns with our meals and the conversation comes to an end. Neither of us truly got what we wanted, but I think we both got more than we expected. While my father hasn’t changed his mind about me continuing to live here, he at least seems to realize I’m old enough to make decisions for myself, which is something.

For the first time in a long time, the air between us is clear.

So, if that’s true, why the hell do I still feel so shitty?