If I could hate you
Like you hate yourself
I wouldn’t be eaten alive
By guilt
Desire
And lust
Daria
I wake up with a blossoming hangover that presses against my eyelids like cold metal. Reaching for my face, I graze my hand over the necklace Penn gave me back. A grin spreads on my face before I remember Via slapping me. My admission to her. How Penn ran after her. My mouth goes dry.
She could tell Mel.
She could tell Penn.
She could tell the whole school.
Shitballs.
Melody, Dad, and Bailey are already downstairs. The scents of fresh cleaning products from the crew that came in last night to take care of the mess we left, bacon, eggs, and honey buns waft through the crack of my door. I feel for my phone on my nightstand and check it, frantic.
There are the usual group messages from my friends, then another message from Penn.
Meet me in Vaughn’s pool house at noon.
My heart paces back and forth, trying to decode this invitation, shaking its imaginary head. I try to calm it to a reasonable pulse. Penn probably wants to do what Vaughn did in my pool house at my party, and we can’t do that here with my parents around. He doesn’t sound mad. He sounds like good ole dry Penn.
I type back.
See you there. xoxo
During breakfast, Melody tries to convince me to go with Bailey and her to New York. I say no. When that turns unfruitful, she explains that Via will be joining them. I should’ve seen it coming from miles away, but my answer remains a big fat no. If anything, I’m glad to get some downtime with just Dad and Penn. Other than Bailey, they’re the only people I can stand.
At a quarter to noon, I sneak into Vaughn’s pool house on the Spencers’ estate. I’m not sure how Penn is planning to get in. I guess through Vaughn. I have all of the Spencers’ security codes. They have ours, too.
Once inside, I decide to defrost Penn’s tin man heart.
I strip down to my panties and bra—matching black lace items from Agent Provocateur that go well with the black velvet sofa I’m lying on—and mess with my phone as I wait.
Penn enters the pool house five minutes later, looking ragged and ruffled. There’s sweat on his brow, and he is wearing his sneakers, basketball shorts, and no shirt at all. It’s obvious he’s been running. From what or who, I don’t know. His torso is bronze, cut, and muscled to a fault. I would lick the sweat off his body drop by drop if he’d let me. His eyes, however, are rimmed with black circles. It looks like he hasn’t slept a wink.
“Whoa.” We exhale at the same time when we take each other in. But it’s his face that falls as soon as he sees me half-naked.
I sit upright, covering my bra with my arms. Penn saunters to my clothes in the corner of the room and kicks them toward me.
“Put some clothes on, Daria. You’re embarrassing yourself.”
Daria? What happened to Skull Eyes? I actually grew attached to the stupid pet name. I frantically pull up my Daisy Dukes over my legs, getting dressed without eye contact. This isn’t a booty call. But I do agree that it’s freaking embarrassing.
“What the hell, Penn?”
“Nothing. I got what I wanted from you, and you got what you wanted from me. Time to cut the bullshit.” He delivers the news with no hint of emotion in his voice. My knee-jerk reaction is to tell him it’s a good idea. Great. That I wanted to break it off a long time ago. That he is trash. That his sister is a two-faced bitch. But that’s the old Daria. The one who pretends she doesn’t care about losing things.
The new Daria? She doesn’t want to lose him.
“Where is this coming from?” I slip into my shoes, covering myself up more and more, only to feel more naked.
He shrugs in my periphery. “I’m bored of you, and it ain’t worth the risk. Your parents are going to kick our asses if they find out. Besides, you have Prichard, and I have Adriana.” He scratches his barely existing struggle with the back of his hand. “Game over.”
“It’s not like that,” I say hurriedly. If I have to tell him what’s going on with Prichard, I will. I’m not proud of it, but pride is a very slippery slope where love is involved. Marx. Love. I don’t use the L word lightly. I don’t go around telling people I love pizza or chocolate or Riverdale. I like those things. Love, I save for the important stuff.
But I am hopelessly, tragically in love with Penn Scully.
That’s why I can’t really hate his sister. Not entirely, anyway. She is an extension of him, and he has my heart.
“Let me explain.” I rush toward him, placing a hand on his damp chest. It squeezes on instinct, and he swats my touch away.
“No explanation necessary. Just wanted to give you the bottom line somewhere private, you know, because you’re so prone to crying like a little wuss.”
My mouth goes dry, and my breaths become shallow and fast. My heart is all over the place, elbowing its way out of its cage. It wants out, and it wants Penn. Me? I just want to make him understand Principal Prichard and I are not what he thinks. But this came out of nowhere, and at an odd time…
Via.
Via did this. Via killed this for me. Again. My blood is boiling in my veins. I know he is being mean and unfair to me, but in my desperation to explain myself, I don’t see that.
“But Penn, Principal Prichard and I—”
He cuts me off harshly.
“You deaf? I said I don’t care. It’s not about Prichard.”
“Then tell me what…”
“Because of Harper, okay?” he snaps, kicking the velvet sofa. “I’m never going to leave Addy. Much less for your spoiled ass. She’s coming with me to college. Grow some self-respect and give it a rest.”
He turns around and stalks out, slamming the door in his wake. I suck my lower lip into my mouth, trying not to cry and fulfill his rude prediction. Pacing the room, I grab the back of my neck and pull at it, raking my fingers over my neck until the skin breaks.
Penn has a daughter.
He said he and Addy are not what I thought they were to him, but he lied to get what he wanted from me.
He got into my house and pants and then my heart, feeding me whatever bullshit line he thought I wanted to hear.
The door opens, and I twist, expecting to see Penn on the other end. Praying that he came here to tell me it was all a stupid prank gone wrong.
It’s Vaughn.
When he sees my eyes brimming with tears, he looks away as if I’m not decent. Feelings make him wince.
“Did you know?” I whisper.
He waltzes deeper into the room, clad in black, a teenage Lucifer out for misery and blood.
“That he was going to break up with me,” I explain. “That he was playing me?”
“No and no. All I knew was that you needed some privacy. Something you weren’t very good at giving me last night.” He arches a meaningful eyebrow.
Bitter laughter clogs my throat.
“About that. Are you screwing around with my best flyer?”
“When time permits.”
“Are you falling for my best flyer?” Esme doesn’t deserve a guy like Vaughn.
“I’ll fall in love with a pet rock first.”
“Don’t diss pet rocks. They’ll never die on you.” I sniffle.
He pulls me into a hug. A rarity I know not to take for granted when it comes to Vaughn. I bury my face in his chest and let myself crumple, feeling my bones shaking inside my body.
“You’ll be all right, Followhill.”
For the first time in a long time, I don’t believe this.
