Mock exam season sent the school into a hive of buzzing study sessions and busy library visits, and it wasn’t just cramming that had everyone humming and focused. The Presentation of the Pillars was approaching, and soon Rosewood would come to life with the memories of its namesakes, which would have been exciting, except for the fact Lottie still had nothing to contribute.
With Binah’s advice still nestled in her head, Lottie put all her other worries to the side, and set out to finally face what she’d spent so long trying to ignore. It was time to confront herself.
Lottie settled in Room A-2 while Samuel stationed himself outside the door. It was a cosy little room on the top floor of the art department, the very same place she’d first learned of Liliana over a year ago. The white shutters rattled in the cold breeze, the crawling ivy from the outside wall peeping in, curious to see what she was up to. Taking a deep breath, she extracted Jamie’s ring from her pocket and put it on her finger, then, as if she were ornamenting herself before a coronation, she placed her family tiara on her head and began.
She was surrounded by art materials, paints, pastels, brushes and an array of canvases. It felt like years since she’d really painted anything this personal, and the thought made her fingers twitch in anticipation, like being reunited with an old friend. Away from the messy art supplies, spread on the tables around her were all the books she could find on Liliana and her alter ego William Tufty. Exactly forty-four books lay open, like a flurry of seagulls in flight, and, out of all the books, only three of them mentioned Liliana, and, out of those, there was only one painting of her. It was the image she’d already seen: Lili – her tiara atop a cascade of tangled curls, a fierce look in her eyes, as she held a sword before her. The very sword Lottie had hidden under her bed now. Only Lottie and her friends knew that this was not the last image of her to survive, that her study was filled with self-portraits and adoring renderings of the people she loved.
It was all there, hidden in William Tufty’s rhyme, ‘The Vixen and the Delicate Mouse’. Little did anyone know that they were both the same person: Liliana was the vixen and Tufty the mouse. Two sides of one coin.
As Lottie delved deeper into the books, remapping all her discoveries about Liliana Mayfutt the wayward princess, her adventures in Japan, meeting her ancestor Henry, becoming William Tufty, the founder of Rosewood, and locking away that wild part of herself, something rekindled inside her. It felt like a light had been switched on deep in her body, one that had always been there, dimmed, but was now growing, as if every word she ate up was feeding the fire.
How could I have been afraid of this?
She remembered what Ellie had said before their fight, pleading with her to think about what else she could be beyond her Portman role. Don’t you ever wonder what that means? What else you could be?
As soon as she heard the words in her head, everything shifted. It was as if her vision had been clouded since Jamie had left and it was finally clear.
They had to find out who they were, all of them – and that meant Jamie too.
It hurt to admit it, but it was a sweet ache, a peacefulness settling over her now that she finally understood why Jamie had left.
‘I hope you find what you’re looking for,’ she said to his ring, ‘and when you’re ready, come back to us.’
His ring winked at her in response as it passed through a stream of sunlight from the window, the stars erupting into thousands of tiny lights. It reminded her of her tiara with the opal moon. Now she had the whole night sky.
With a start she realized that’s what they were, the three of them together: Jamie, Ellie and herself. They were a whole universe they’d built themselves and she had faith that one day they’d orbit back to each other.
The thought felt like déjà vu, a happy memory before Leviathan, Claude and the unknowable future. She was dancing in a dress with threads of gold and fabric woven from sunshine. She was twirled between a boy who was a knight, in a suit as dark and wondrous as midnight, and a girl who was a prince, drenched in a dress sewn out of the moon and stars, the three of them spinning together in an endless sunrise.
Jamie had said he’d gone to his family, but he was wrong; they were their own family. He belonged with Ellie and Lottie the way sun and stars belonged to the sky, but she also understood that he had to find that out for himself, just as she had.
Before Lottie could even register what she was doing, her hands were moving over the canvas beside her, graphite lines linking her abstract thoughts to the page.
Soon the empty white was filled with an image of two people dancing, free and happy in each other’s arms, just as Lottie had been with Ellie two years ago at the ball. Only this was not her and her princess. This was the two sides of William Tufty, soft as summer like Lottie and intense as a storm like Ellie. It was so obvious now what she’d been missing. Whenever she looked at her reflection and struggled to see which one she was more like now, it was because she was becoming both.
She’d been so afraid of what she’d be without Ellie, pushing away any thought of a future where they might not always be together. But that wasn’t right. They would always be with each other. They had been bonded into something strange and new and that would never go away.
She breathed her name into the canvas, colour springing to life where she made her marks, confident bold strokes to tell the world her story. ‘Ellie, I don’t know what you’re hiding from me, or how you plan to save Jamie, but, no matter what, we’re meant to be together.’
She knew now that what she needed to do first was to make Ellie see that they were better people because of their differences – and that they were each perfect just as they were. The Wolfsons had lost Jamie because they’d been so afraid of him leaving them. They dreaded that he’d turn into something they couldn’t cling to any more, that they couldn’t control, and it was exactly that which had driven him away. But Lottie could see it now, so plain and simple, that it didn’t matter that they all had their own separate paths and journeys; no matter how they grew and changed into new versions of themselves, they’d always be connected.
She had to speak to Ellie.
Dropping her brush and slipping Jamie’s ring back into her pocket, she ran from the room, overalls covered in primaries and pastels fluttering around her like butterflies. ‘Sorry, Samuel,’ she called behind her, racing down the steps. ‘I’m heading back to the dorm.’ She was only briefly aware of Samuel giving chase, too focused was she on finding her princess.
When she arrived at Room 221, her breath was ragged with nerves. Without hesitation, she pulled the door open, and there she was, sitting in the centre of their room, right where both their worlds collided into magical chaos. A circle of frosty sunshine from the balcony encased her in a spotlight.
‘Ellie, I’m so glad you’re here. I wanted to tell you something.’ The words tumbled out of her as fast as a downpour, but she had to get them out before she could think about it too much. ‘I’m going to apply to art college, to do a foundation. And I’m going to look into my family’s history. I want Liliana’s legacy to be remembered. I want to be part of it.’
Ellie’s mouth parted, and she blinked away the shock of both Lottie’s abrupt entrance and the sudden onslaught of information. She looked tired, as usual, purple and blue under the eyes. And there was something else now. Her hair had grown a little too long, the sharp edges of her cheekbones sank a little too deep, and her skin was a little too pale. ‘When did –’
‘I know this is out of the blue,’ Lottie explained, and she felt the telltale heat on her cheeks that let her know they were turning pink, ‘but I’ve been thinking about everything you said, and about us, and I want you to know you don’t have to be afraid.’ Ellie’s eyes willed Lottie to go on. ‘Us knowing each other is a good thing, Ellie. It’s made us both better people, and I need to trust that I can take everything I’ve learned from being your friend out into the rest of the world.’
As if they’d become a mirror image of one another, they both sagged, as if a weight had been lifted. The last time Lottie had tried to speak to Ellie she’d been so afraid that she’d said all the wrong things. Now Lottie knew exactly how she felt and exactly what to say.
Ellie slowly stood up. ‘Lottie, I … What’s brought this on so suddenly?’
Lottie couldn’t help smiling when she spoke, so relieved to be talking to Ellie again, having her listen, and she could see in the way Ellie leaned forward, just slightly, that the bridge was mending. ‘All this time I’ve been trying to hide away from the fact that one day I won’t be your Portman by focusing on Leviathan and Claude and anything that made me feel connected to my job. I felt that if I could stay in this role, then you and I would always be linked.’ The more she spoke, the more Ellie’s eyebrows crawled up her face, the twitch of a smile playing in the corner of her mouth. ‘But I was wrong,’ Lottie admitted, feeling the power in her confession. ‘No matter where we go or what we do, no matter whether I’m your Portman or not, we’ll always have each other. We’re better as a team.’
She grabbed Ellie’s hand, holding it dearly to her chest. ‘I know it’s true, and even if we have to go our separate ways after we graduate we still have one more year to be us. And to become the best versions of ourselves.’ She squeezed Ellie’s hand tightly and looked her dead in the eyes. ‘We’re unstoppable, and I don’t want you being afraid of that any more. You don’t have to push me away. We can survive with each other and apart. I know that now … but let’s face this together.’
Ellie stood totally still for a long moment, the only sound their ragged breathing mingling. Her painted lips parted once more, and again she seemed about to say something, but she swallowed whatever it was down hard and instead gifted Lottie with her little half-smile.
There was still something Ellie wasn’t telling her. She just had to hope she’d trust her soon. She needed to if they were going to rescue Jamie.
‘I knew you’d come round,’ Ellie said, and with a great sigh she leaned forward, forehead resting in the crook of Lottie’s neck, her warm breath tickling her skin. ‘I’m sorry.’
The shape of Ellie’s words against her neck felt like a kiss, and it took all Lottie’s self-control not to fall into it.
‘Yes, well, one of us had to –’ Lottie was about to make a joke, when she glanced down at where Ellie had been sitting. ‘What’s all that?’
Ellie turned to the mess and boxes. ‘Oh, I was just starting packing, you know.’ She shrugged, uncomfortable with the change in conversation. ‘I want to get to Maradova as soon as I’m able to for reading week, what with the circumstances.’
‘Right, of course. I didn’t realize we’d be going back for half term.’ Lottie felt silly for not considering such a thing in light of Leviathan having new information on them. ‘It’s going to be OK, you know?’ she added. ‘We’ll bring Jamie back.’
‘Yeah, it’s going to be OK,’ Ellie agreed, and the look on her face let Lottie know that she really believed it. ‘I’ve made sure of that.’
Lottie tilted her head to the side, not sure if she’d heard her right. ‘What do you mean?’
Ellie waved off the question, stepping back to lie on her bed, sizing Lottie up with a mischievous smirk. ‘The only thing you should be worried about is the huge smear of paint you have across your forehead.’
‘What?’ Lottie rushed over to the mirror and, sure enough, there was a massive streak of rose-pink paint that ran from her brows and across down to her ear, the same colour as her cheeks, making her look like a grinning peach. ‘Well, it finally happened. The blush has taken over my whole face.’
She turned round, grinning at her princess. It was so easy the two of them falling back into their comfortable teasing, laughing at each other as if nothing had happened at all. But, even though Lottie wanted to let herself go, there was still something that Ellie was holding back.
Whatever it was, Lottie was sure they’d recover from it. As long as they were together.
