I enter the lecture hall and look around, surprised at how packed it is. From what I understand, Leia has been teaching for a few years now, and it makes me wonder why she’s been procrastinating on the completion of her PhD. All she’s got left to do is her dissertation, yet for years now, she’s been teaching as an Adjunct Professor, taking on the required TA duties alongside her teaching role. Once she completes her PhD, she could join as full-time faculty staff, so why doesn’t she? I suspect she suffers from fear of failure. I need to make her see that it’s okay that her dissertation will never be perfect. It isn’t meant to be. It should just be a starting point for future research she does, and that’s sufficient.
I find an empty seat in the back and sit down. It’s my job to guide her throughout her PhD, but from what I can tell from the files left behind by my predecessor, she doesn’t need much guidance. Her dissertation subject is well-rounded, and though it’s a tricky subject, it shouldn’t take her as long to finish as it has. Leia Sital is a bit of a mystery to me. I want to know what makes her tick.
She moves from behind the wooden podium where she’s connected her laptop to the screen behind her, and everyone falls silent.
“Welcome back to this class on Machine Design,” she tells the students. “I see some unfamiliar faces, so I assume you’ve skipped my first few classes?” She stares a few students down, and the class falls silent. “For those of you who are new here, my name is Leia Sital, and I’ll be teaching this class this semester.”
I lean back and look at her, taking my time to enjoy the view. Usually when we’re together, I have to restrain myself. I always have to make sure I don’t stare at her too long, and though I often fail, I have to at least try to keep my eyes from roaming over her body. Sitting here, in relative obscurity, gives me an opportunity I otherwise never have.
I watch the woman that captivated me years ago the way I wish I could every day. Her ridiculously long hair is parted in the middle, half of it behind her, and half draping over her chest, straight down to her waist. Her lips are bright red today, and she’s wearing a black pencil skirt with a white blouse. She looks perfectly respectable, yet I find her so fucking sexy, standing there in those high heels. She’s wearing another pair of utterly unique heels today. This time, they’re a studded silver color with red bottoms, and I’m surprised at how sexy I find them. I’ve never noticed shoes on a woman before, but I notice them on her.
If my life were different, could I have her? Could I have been the man that gets to love her, the one who shows her just how special she is, the one who gets to grow old with her?
I run a hand through my hair and shake my head. Fucking hell. I’ve never had these thoughts about Alice. We started dating whilst at university and everything just progressed so naturally for us. It was all so… comfortable.
Leia is anything but. She’s passion and fire. She’s everything my heart has always wanted, and everything I’d never dare reach for.
I watch as some of the boys nudge each other, and I can just about hear them whispering about how hot Leia is. It makes my fucking blood boil, and I struggle to keep my mouth shut. Hell, I can’t even say anything, because I’d just been checking her out myself.
“Tell me what comes to mind when you think of mechanical behavior.”
I watch as a guy in the front row raises his hand, and when Leia turns to him, she pauses in surprise before smiling in a way I haven’t seen in years. It’s an intimate knowing type of smile, and jealousy fucking guts me. Who is the guy she’s looking at? He’s clearly someone she knows. I lean in to take a closer look, annoyance slamming through me when I realize Lex Windsor is sitting in the front row, smiling at her.
“Yes?” she says, her tone playful. My stomach acts up, feeling all funny at the sound of her flirtatious voice, directed at someone other than me. I fucking hate it.
“Statics and dynamics?”
Leia nods. “Anyone else?”
I breathe a sigh of relief when she turns toward another student. “Robot arms,” he says, and Leia chuckles.
“I suppose,” she nods. “But think about those robot arms. What factors would you have to think of when creating them? Which factors would you test?”
She’s a natural at teaching. She seems at ease in front of her class, and she’s able to engage her students without too much effort. I suspected this would be the case, but as her advisor, I still had to see it for myself.
I want to do the best I can for her, but she genuinely doesn’t seem to need any guidance. I should be happy about that, yet somehow I can’t help but feel bitter. I want her to lean on me, and my role as her PhD advisor is the only capacity in which I can offer her support.
Leia’s class flies by. It’s rare for students to actually enjoy a class, but they really seem to. Leia announces an assignment that has to be handed in next week, eliciting a few groans from the crowd, but she takes it in stride.
The room slowly empties once class ends, but Lex doesn’t leave with his classmates. Instead, he walks toward Leia, and I rise from my seat.
I walk down the steps, toward them, but neither of them notices me. Her eyes are on him, and it irritates me. “Leia,” I say, my tone sharp.
She looks up, freezing when her eyes land on me. “Professor Astor.”
“Good class, but there are a few things I’d like to discuss with you.”
“Right. Of course, Professor.”
I glance at my watch, not bothering to greet Lex. He’s officially on my shit list. It irritates me that he’s the same height and build as me. Clearly, she has a type.
“Follow me. I have some time before I have a class to teach.”
Leia nods and turns toward Lex, smiling apologetically. “I’ll call you later, Lex.”
Leia walks past me, heading toward the exit, and I smirk at Lex before following her.
She’s quiet as we walk to my office, the smile she was wearing for Lex nowhere to be seen. I’m nervous as I hold the door open for her. I don’t necessarily have anything to discuss with her, I just wanted to get her away from that guy. I was so certain she felt what I did last night, yet here she is, flirting with fucking Lex Windsor.
“What’s going on between you two? Are you dating him?” I ask as I close the door behind her and turn toward her.
Leia tenses and pauses in the middle of my office, turning back around to face me. “Who?”
She knows exactly who I’m talking about, but she’s playing dumb. “Lex.”
“Oh. He’s also a PhD student.”
“Then why was he in your class?”
“I… I’m not too sure. You’ll have to ask him, Professor Astor.”
I take a step forward, and Leia takes a step back, the two of us continuing our dance until her hips hit my desk. “I’m asking you. Who is he to you?”
“A friend,” she says, her voice husky.
I place my hands on either of side of her, caging her in against my desk. “Do all your friends flirt with you the way he did?”
“I… what? He wasn’t. Besides, even if he was, is it really any of your business, Professor Astor?”
I grit my teeth, annoyed. She’s right, of course. “It’s unprofessional. I don’t want my PhD students involved in any petty drama or scandals. It’s your responsibility to behave in a manner befitting the school.” It’s bullshit, and she probably knows it, but she doesn’t say anything. She just looks into my eyes, as though she knows what I’m really thinking.
“Then what would you call what you’re doing right now, Thor?”
I clench my jaw and look away. I’m usually so level-headed — it’s one of those things Alice always hated about me. She always hated that she couldn’t get a rise out of me, but it’s different with Leia.
I pull away from her and run a hand through my hair, unable to suppress my frustration. When it comes to Leia, my mind and my heart are at odds. I keep convincing myself to stay away from her, but I can’t make myself do it.
“You’re ready to pick the kids up later?”
She nods, her expression softening. “Yes. Aren’t I always?”
I look away, trying to come up with a reason to keep her here and failing. “I’m sorry,” I tell her. “I was being unreasonable just now. When I saw him flirting with you… and the way you were smiling at him, I just…”
She leans back against my desk and smiles at me. “You what? You were jealous?”
I look down at my shoes and nod. I’m too old to be playing games. I won’t lie to her. “Yes, Leia. I was jealous. I shouldn’t have acted on it, though. I apologize.”
Her smile melts away and shakes her head. “No, I get it. We have history, and there’s no use pretending that we don’t. You owe me one now. One free pass to act equally unreasonable.”
I chuckle, surprised by her words. “Very well. You got it.”
Leia walks past me and pauses by the door. “It can’t happen again, Thor.”
“Are you sure, Leia?”
She hesitates, but then she nods and walks away, the door falling closed behind her. I stare at it, my heart aching. What the fuck is happening to me?
