On Tuesday, Paisley and I decided to redecorate her bedroom.
“Are you sure your dad is going to be okay with this?” I asked, looking around her room. I’d shown her a few pictures of my apartment around Christmas, and she was obsessed with decorative strings of lights, especially after I told her that I keep a few all year round.
“Yes, he’ll be okay with it,” Paisley said, looking a bit too innocent.
I’d texted Tate half an hour ago, but he still hadn’t answered. I didn’t want to overstep any boundaries and preferred to check in with him before we started.
“You know what? Why don’t we go and have a second lunch,” I said, “and wait for your dad to answer. Then we can go to Home Depot and buy everything we need.”
“Okay,” Paisley agreed.
We went downstairs, and I made toast with her favorite cheese.
“These are so yummy,” she said.
“Yes, they are, and I’m starving.”
“Why didn’t you come for breakfast today?” Paisley asked.
“I overslept.”
She grinned. “Really? I didn’t know adults oversleep.”
I laughed. “Well, this adult does. Never happens to you or your dad?”
She shrugged. “I don’t know. He’s here every morning for breakfast. I’ve never had to go into his bedroom and wake him up.”
Wow. That was one dad who was excelling at adulting. I never overslept during the school year because classes started at eight, but summers were my time to relax, so I usually didn’t even set an alarm, which was exactly what happened last night.
It didn’t help that I was dreaming about a certain sexy guy. This man was having a strange effect on me, but I chalked it up to the fact that I’d been intensely thinking about him.
When my phone buzzed with a message, my heart skipped a beat.
Tate: Sure. How are you feeling?
My pulse sped up.
Lexi: Great. My ear doesn’t hurt anymore. I have to remember the drops and antibiotics.
After a few more messages with Tate, I announced to Paisley, “Your dad says it’s okay.”
She clapped her hands. “I told you.”
“I know. I wanted to make sure. So let’s finish the toast, and then we can go.” Her excitement about decorating her room was contagious, and I was looking forward to seeing the end result.
Tate owned two cars, a Mercedes and a BMW, and I drove Paisley anywhere we needed in the latter. I was careful driving it because it was a brand-new SUV—much larger than the secondhand Mini Cooper I owned and rarely used. I relied on Uber and public transportation a lot.
I loved spending time with Paisley. She was a good kid and didn’t take advantage of situations, and I was impressed that she didn’t ask for anything else except the twinkle lights. We bought a lot more of them than I knew we needed, but I figured they could use them elsewhere around their house during the Christmas season.
Once we were back, we headed directly to her room to set them up.
“Where do you want to hang them?” I asked, looking around.
“Everywhere,” she exclaimed, making me laugh.
“Okay, so I have a few ideas. Why don’t we put a strand around your windows? We do need a place to plug them in, so that’s going to restrict us a bit.”
Paisley pushed out her lower lip. “Okay.”
“It’ll still look like a fairy tale,” I promised her.
It took us the whole afternoon to set up the twinkle lights, mostly because Paisley couldn’t make up her mind where she wanted them. She had a lot of plugs in her room, so we had several options. In the end, she had one string around each window, one around her bed, and one on her toy shelf. We turned all of them on and stood in the doorway, surveying our work while I braided her hair.
“I think we’ve done a great job,” I said.
“I love it. I’m like a princess,” she said, running off toward her bed before I could finish her braid. It came undone immediately as she jumped on her mattress and grinned as she looked around.
I took a picture of her against the backdrop of lights. Her smile lit up her little face. I sent it to Tate, who replied instantly.
Tate: Someone’s happy. Can I also get a picture of you?
Why would he ask that? And why was my heart flipping like that?
Tate had this effect on me. Just remembering his words and the way his lips felt on mine was enough to stoke the fire inside me.
“Let’s take a selfie, Paisley,” I said. “But wait, let me finish your braid first.”
“Okay.” She could barely stand still as I did it, and then she did mine. It was a bit messy, but I liked seeing her confidence grow as she braided my hair again and again, getting better at it each time.
I held the phone up, grinning at the camera as Paisley lifted my braid to the side so it was visible in the photo. Her toothy grin was priceless. She was so proud of herself. I sent it to Tate, along with a message.
Lexi: She’s getting better and better at braiding.
He didn’t reply, so I put my phone away, focusing on Paisley.
“Thank you for helping me with my lights,” she said. “I’ll take a picture with my phone and show it to my friend. She said only mommies could redecorate, and I told her you could do it too.”
My heart sank. I looked at Paisley carefully. Her smile had dimmed a bit. I wasn’t sure what to say. “Any time you want to do something that others get to do with their moms, you can ask your dad or me.”
“I can ask you?” she said, looking up at me with a smile.
“Yes, of course.”
“Okay. I’m going to talk to Mommy later today. I’ll show her the lights. I know she doesn’t have time for me, but I think she might like them anyway.”
My heart ached for her. I had no idea what it must feel like to grow up without your mom. Remembering what Tate said about Nora canceling their vacation together made me angry. Wanting to lift Paisley’s mood, I asked, “Do you want us to look up princess rooms online? That could give us more ideas about what to do with your room.”
Her entire face lit up. She sat on her bed cross-legged. “We can do that?”
“Yes,” I said hesitantly, wondering if I was opening Pandora’s box. Browsing Pinterest led me to redecorate my apartment periodically. Was nine too young to have the redecoration bug? I hoped not, because I had a feeling Paisley was going to follow in my footsteps.
We sat side by side on the bed, and I opened my phone, pulling up the Pinterest app. Paisley fell hook, line, and sinker. She oohed and aahed at almost every picture.
“I want that,” she said, pointing to a white bed with swans as the four posts.
“I’m not sure where you can get that, to be honest,” I said.
Oh man, I had opened Pandora’s box.
“And I want a pink room,” she declared, standing up on her bed, looking around. Then she lay down on the bed, and I hurried next to her. She flashed me yet another grin before cocooning against me. I adored this little girl to bits. If I had a daughter, this was exactly how I’d spend all my free time: thinking up ways to make her laugh.
“I want to paint this wall and that wall, and maybe the ceiling too,” Paisley exclaimed.
Oh, dear Lord. “We should talk to your dad about this.”
***
Tate
When I came home, I heard Paisley’s voice upstairs. She was giggling. I headed straight up, but I didn’t announce my presence immediately; instead, I stood and looked at them through the open door. They were both lying on the bed, looking up at the ceiling, and something tugged in my chest. Paisley was laughing so easily, and Lexi looked like she belonged here. I took a picture of them with my phone. Lexi was so damn warm and sweet that it was nearly killing me. She was special, and I had to convince her of that. That we needed her.
That I needed her.
I’d hired plenty of people to look after Paisley, but this was different because Lexi genuinely cared. She stirred things inside me that I’d long ago pushed to the back of my mind. I knew she felt the pull too, the attraction and the connection we had.
Ever since the divorce, I’d felt empty inside, and I’d been determined to stay that way. The alternative seemed too dangerous. It still did. Getting involved could only end up badly. My daughter was hurt once. I wouldn’t risk it again. But I couldn’t deny that Lexi made me feel, and that in itself was a damn miracle.
“We have to ask your dad,” she said, snapping me to the present moment.
“Ask me what?” I said, stepping inside the room.
Paisley shrieked, jumping off the bed and coming straight to me. “Daddy, I want to make my room pink,” she said, staring up at me with her toothy grin. “All of it.”
I looked up at Lexi, taking my time as I glanced around the room. I tried to keep a healthy balance of what I allowed my daughter and what I didn’t. I didn’t want her to grow up being spoiled and entitled, but I couldn’t see why she shouldn’t make her room pink.
“Okay,” I said. “I don’t see why not.”
She gave yet another shriek and then ran back to Lexi, jumping on the bed.
Lexi was avoiding my gaze. I watched her intently. She’d missed breakfast this morning. She’d texted to tell me she overslept, but I wondered if that was the only reason. The last thing I wanted was for her to feel uncomfortable, but fuck, just being with her in this room, my daughter’s room—I wasn’t able to keep my thoughts straight. Not when it came to Lexi, and not when I saw how easily she made Paisley smile. She also lit up an inner joy inside me that I didn’t think I was capable of.
“Daddy, it’s six o’clock. Can we call Mommy?” Paisley asked, eyes wide.
I sobered up instantly, feeling as if someone had thrown a bucket of ice over me. Monday evening was when we called Nora.
“Yes. Call her from your phone.”
“I’ll be downstairs,” Lexi said, looking between the two of us. “I’ll start dinner.”
“You don’t have to do that, Lexi. I’ll take care of it after the phone call. It won’t last long.” It never did. Nora rarely seemed interested in details of Paisley’s life.
“Okay, then. I’ll wait downstairs and leave you two alone.”
After Lexi left, I FaceTimed Nora’s number. The call was for Paisley, not me, so I wasn’t in the picture, but I did hover around while they spoke. It was a force of habit. I wanted to keep my daughter safe from everyone, including her mother.
“Hey, Mommy,” Paisley said when the camera turned on.
“Hey, sweetheart,” Nora said. “What’s that behind you?”
“It’s a twinkle light, Mommy. Lexi and I put it up today. She’s helping me turn my room into a princess room, and Daddy said I could have pink walls.”
“Sounds like you get along well with Lexi,” Nora commented. Since Lexi had been in our lives, Paisley had mentioned her to her mother a few times.
“Yes. She’s very friendly, and she’s so pretty, Mommy. She has long dark hair, and she’s teaching me how to braid it.”
“Good for you,” Nora said. Her eyes were already glazing over on the screen.
For fuck’s sake. She had ten minutes with our daughter every few weeks. Couldn’t she at least focus on her now?
“Nora, Paisley wants to tell you about her weekend,” I said in a tone laced with warning.
She immediately trained her gaze on the camera. “How was your weekend, honey?” she asked.
My insides twisted. She always asked open questions so Paisley could talk by herself, and Nora would only have to answer with a yes or no or smile in the right places. It fucking gutted me, because my daughter deserved more. Every child deserved attentive parents who doted on them, who wanted them. Paisley was so young when Nora left, so I didn’t think she knew how a relationship with her mother could be, but soon she would be a teenager, and she was observant.
She’d already asked me if I didn’t want to date, for God’s sake.
The phone call ended a few short minutes later, less than ten minutes total. I forced a smile on my face when I looked at Paisley. “Want to go down for dinner, pumpkin?”
“Yes, Daddy.”
Annoyance coursed through me as I led Paisley downstairs, and also guilt.
The second I stepped into the kitchen, the negative emotions vanished into thin air. Lexi was dancing around the island. Her braid had come undone, and she was swinging her hips and mouthing along to the lyrics of the song she’d put on her phone.
Paisley shrieked with laughter, going straight to her. “You can dance. Please teach me, Lexi. Dad can’t do it.”
Her eyes widened, and then she blushed instantly, looking from Paisley to me. “Oh, I’m so sorry,” she said, scrambling to pause the music. “I thought you’d be upstairs for a while.”
“No, we’re here. It’s done,” I said, rounding the corner and walking up to her. I wasn’t going to be able to forget the image of her hips swinging any time soon. Everything about her was branded in my mind. The way she danced, the way she smiled, the delicious way she blushed when I even looked at her.
“You two do your thing while I make dinner,” I said.
Paisley grinned, clapping her hands. Lexi turned the volume up, moving her body to the rhythm. Fucking hell, I had to look away from Lexi or I was liable to walk up to her and kiss her senseless right in front of my daughter.
Dinner wasn’t complex enough to keep my attention from wandering to Lexi. I made mac and cheese with chunks of ham. It was ready in fifteen minutes. The girls weren’t showing signs of slowing down even when I set the table.
Wait a second. They were looking at each other with meaningful glances. I immediately recognized Paisley’s expression. It was the same one she had when she and Tyler threw firecrackers.
When they both looked back at me, I cocked a brow.
“Whatever you’re thinking, don’t,” I warned.
Paisley jutted out her lower lip. Lexi’s eyes widened. Her mouth was puckered in the shape of an O.
My daughter dropped her shoulders, motioning with her head toward me.
“No, we can’t do it now. It doesn’t work if he can tell we’re planning something,” Paisley explained to Lexi.
“I see. We have to surprise him,” Lexi replied in a serious voice as if she was taking mental notes.
That impulse to kiss her grew stronger.
Behave, Tate. Your daughter is here.
We all sat down, eating the mac and cheese in no time. After dinner, Paisley went to the living room. Her favorite TV show was on.
“What were you and Paisley planning?” I asked Lexi as she helped me clear the table.
She looked over her shoulder, chuckling. “Right. Like I’d tell you. We’re still planning it. We have to time our attack better.”
“Fuck, you’re adorable, Lexi.”
“I thought I was dangerous for you.”
“That too. But I like living dangerously. I like you, Lexi.”
Ever since the divorce, it had been just Paisley and me. The casual dates didn’t count. I hadn’t wanted to allow anyone near us. It happened almost on instinct, and now it was the opposite. I wanted Lexi here with us. But she’d almost quit because of this crazy attraction between us, and I needed to know why.
“Why did you want to quit?”
“My rambling explanation didn’t make sense, huh?”
“I understood your concerns on the professional side, even though I can’t really say I agree. Paisley doesn’t go to your school.”
She flashed me a small smile. “Mom said something similar.”
“But that’s not the only thing holding you back, is it?”
Her eyes widened. “Well, you seem like you don’t really believe in relationships, and it’s totally understandable after your divorce.”
I stepped closer, watching her suck in a breath. “Lexi, I have scars, I won’t deny that. But know this. These past few weeks, all I could think about was getting home to Paisley and you, and seeing you in the morning.”
“Tate, God… the things you say.”
I brought my mouth closer to hers, skimming my hands down her waist. She clasped my wrist.
“You can’t kiss me here. Not now. Paisley is in the other room,” she whispered urgently.
I groaned, gripping the counter instead.
“You’re right. Not here, not now. You make me lose my head.”
“Funny. You do the same to me.”
I touched her cheek with the backs of my fingers, barely restraining myself. “Lexi, let’s do something, just the two of us. Outside of the house.”
She bit her lower lip. “Are you sure that’s a good idea?”
“I have no fucking clue.”
“I like the sound of it.” Her expression morphed into a grin.
“You like that this might not be a good idea?” I double-checked.
“Yes. I think you need that. And I think I do too. My mom reminded me that some things are worth the risk. So here I am, taking a risk.”
She kept surprising me.
She traced one finger around the button of my shirt. It made me want to hoist her up on the counter and bury myself inside her.
“If you do that, I will kiss you so hard that you’ll forget we’re not alone.”
She dropped her hand, flashing me a sheepish smile. “I’ll save that for when it’s just the two of us, then.”
