IT’S hard to leave a crying woman, so I don’t. After I fucked her out on the deck and chased after her to the shower, Sylvie turned on the waterworks and hasn’t stopped. We’re currently lying on her bed, her in my arms, her face nestled against my bare chest, her leg draped over both of mine. She’s naked too, our skin and hair still damp from the shower. My chest extra damp, thanks to her tears.
I don’t know what to do or what to say, so I try and offer her comfort in the best way I can. By holding her and remaining silent. We’ve done this a lot over the years, and I’m used to it.
For once, I’d like to see us go through a period of time together with Sylvie not shedding any tears. Jesus.
“I’m sorry,” she finally says, lifting away from my chest, so she can stare into my eyes. Hers are still watery and red-rimmed, her lips puffy. Despite all the crying, she’s still beautiful. Maybe even more so.
This is where I admit to myself that I’ve always gotten off on a sad Sylvie. What does that even say about me?
“It’s fine.” I run my hand along the side of her head, my fingers tangling briefly in the wet strands of her hair before I pull away. “I fucked up.”
I’m referring to us having sex without a condom. A stupid, idiotic thing. Our relationship isn’t even close to stable. If I got her pregnant? That would be a giant mistake.
Huge.
Even her laughter is sad. “Yeah, you did. But I fucked up too.”
“I didn’t mean to do that.”
“You didn’t mean to have sex with me? Or you didn’t mean to forget the condom?”
“Both,” I admit truthfully.
Pain flickers in her gaze, and I feel like a shit. “I’m not on any kind of birth control.”
Of course, she’s not. “I figured.”
That’s why she panicked and tried to…wash my semen out of her. I’m sure she got a few sperm cells out, but come on. I came inside her. Deep inside her.
A shiver moves through me at the memory. It had felt good too. Skin on skin, no condom acting as a barrier. I didn’t even think of putting on a rubber. I was just in the moment, enjoying it.
Now there are consequences I don’t even want to have to consider.
“What if something—happens?” Her voice is hesitant. A little shaky.
“What if you get pregnant?” I clarify.
She nods, her lips pressed together.
“We’ll deal with it then.” I stare up at the ceiling, my thoughts drifting. I’m tired. Sex always makes me sleepy.
“I’d get an abortion,” she says without hesitation.
Alarm slams into me, making me pull away from her. “What do you mean?”
“I mean what I say. I can’t be a mom. First, I’m too young. Second, what if I end up just like…her?” She whispers the last word, referring to her mother.
“You’re nothing like her,” I say quickly.
“I’m exactly like her,” she counters, sending me a look that says come the fuck on. “I’m manipulative and demanding. Selfish. Vain. All of her bad traits, I have. That’s why I can never be a mother. I’ll do everything to my child that she’s done to me. Maybe even worse.”
That’s her own panic and worry talking. She’s been through so much, she would never do that to her child. I just don’t believe Sylvie has it in her.
“You would never.” I tug on her arm, pulling her back to me, and she comes willingly, her face buried against my shoulder, as if she can’t look at me. “I know you, Syl. You don’t have a mean bone in your body.”
She lifts her head, the incredulous look on her face clear. “That’s not true and you know it. I am horrible. I’m mean. You always said I looked like an angel, but I’m the devil in disguise. Or a fallen angel. I don’t know what’s worse. Pretty sure they’re one and the same.”
“I was just teasing you—”
“No.” She shakes her head. “Don’t bother arguing with me. It’s true. My soul is black. My wings are black too. That Halloween costume is the perfect representation of who I am.”
“You wore it when you were sixteen. You’re not like that at—”
“Stop.” Her voice is firm, shutting me up. “Don’t make excuses for me when you’ve said those very things to me before.”
We’re quiet for a moment, analyzing each other. Memories flit through my mind, one after the other, and I’m sure the same thing is happening to her.
“You’re panicking.” I reach for her, cupping her face, forcing her to look at me. “You’re not going to get pregnant.”
“I need the morning after pill,” she whispers, her voice pleading. “God, why does this house have to be so far from civilization.”
“You’re not going to have a baby. You’re just freaking out.”
“With reason.”
Right. And, sometimes, there’s no reasoning with her.
“I wouldn’t want you take a morning after pill anyway,” I murmur, my grip easing, fingers streaking across her soft cheek.
“Why the hell not?”
“If we made a baby? Me and you?” I can’t handle the thought of her destroying the one good thing that could possibly come out of this union.
“That’s just you being a chauvinistic male.” She circles her fingers around my wrists, pulling away from my touch before she rolls out of bed. “Wanting to plant your seed in every woman you desire.”
“Plant my seed?” I start to laugh, watching as she marches across the bedroom to the dresser on the other side, her perfect ass on display. She’s definitely gained weight since the last time I was with her like this, and it’s a good look for her. “In every woman?”
She yanks a drawer open, pulling out a pair of lacy, sheer panties. “I’m sure there are plenty of women you’ve desired throughout the years.”
I was not a saint over the nearly three years without her, I can’t lie. But we don’t need to discuss that either. “I don’t want to plant my seed in any woman.”
Except you.
The two unspoken words ring throughout the room, but she pretends not to hear them. She’s too focused trying to get the panties on, yanking them up over her slender thighs, covering up her delectable pussy.
My cock stirs and I immediately want her again.
“You still want to start over with me?” She turns toward the bed, her hands on her hips, clad in the skimpy white panties and nothing else. Her hair is drying into a wild tumble of blonde around her head and her skin is literally glowing, I swear. She is the picture of health. Gorgeous.
Sexy.
All mine if I want her.
I sit up, yanking the comforter over me and covering my growing dick. “I think we’re too far out to start over.”
“Told you.” She throws her hands up in the air. “The back and forth is a pain in the ass.”
“I agree.”
“I don’t want to return to New York.”
A sigh leaves me and I rub the back of my neck. “I knew you would say that.”
“But I would return to New York if it meant we were actually together.” She bites her lip, looking so scared, all I want to do is comfort her.
I’m surprised by her confession. This is big for her. Sylvie doesn’t make sacrifices for just anyone.
“You’d do that for me?” My voice is gentle, like I’m dealing with a wild animal and I’m worried she’ll bolt if I say the wrong thing.
She nods, her eyes wide and unblinking. “If you’ll still have me.”
If I’ll still have her. That’s hilarious.
She’s all I ever wanted.
“I need you to listen to me.” My tone turns fierce. Sincere. I’m going to be real with her right now, and I hope it doesn’t bite me in the ass. “I have been in love with you for so long, I don’t know how to stop. I will do whatever it takes to make this work. Even give you another chance, despite how you shit all over me the last time we were together. I should’ve turned you away then and banished you from my life. But it’s like I can’t, and you know it.
“Seeing you at Whit’s wedding threw me. You looked so damn beautiful, were so vulnerable and open. All those old feelings came flooding back. I probably shouldn’t have come after you now, but I can’t help it. I can’t stop the way I feel about you. And I think you feel the same way too.”
She stares at me, to the point that it’s difficult to stare back, and I let my gaze drop, focusing on her perfect tits. Her pale pink nipples are hard. Tempting. I’m on edge, dreading what she might say because, for once in my life, I told Sylvie how I actually feel about her, and I’m thinking she’s going to tell me to fuck right off.
I suppose I deserve it, but so does she.
“I’m tired of the round and round we put ourselves through Syl,” I admit, my voice low. “This endless cycle we can’t seem to break.”
Now is the time to break it. Either we try to make this work or we walk away from each other.
Forever.
“You really love me?” she asks, her voice small.
That would be the one thing she focused on out of everything. She is starved for love. She always has been. All of the Lancasters are. “I’ve never stopped loving you.”
Despite my telling her I love her, she still looks…worried. Unsure. “I didn’t know you loved me in the first place.”
“I don’t recall ever telling you how I felt. I assumed you just…knew.”
She rolls her eyes, the sass returning in full force. “Typical Spence.”
“Typical Syl,” I return to her before I throw back the comforter, revealing my hard dick. “Come over here.” I pat the empty spot beside me.
She’s wary, but her gaze snags on my erection, and she slowly makes her way back over to the bed. When she’s within touching distance, I grab her hand and pull her onto the mattress, making her shriek. I roll over, so I’m on top of her, my face in hers, and she spreads her legs, allowing me to settle in between them.
“If I have to stay here with you for the next few weeks, I will,” I tell her, giving her a kiss when she tries to speak. “I’m not budging from your side until we know for sure if you’re pregnant or not.”
Her brows draw together. “What are you, a caveman? That’s so archaic, Spence.”
“I don’t care. If I have to lock you away in a room for the next nine fucking months, I will. If you’re pregnant, that baby is just as much mine as it is yours.”
“But I’m the one who’ll have to carry it,” she reminds me.
“I’ll be there with you every step of the way.”
She makes a face. “I don’t even like babies.”
“I’m not too fond of them either.”
Sylvie makes an exasperated noise. “Then why would we have one?”
“Because we’d like ours. We might even love it. Her. Him.”
Her eyes widen. I’m not saying what she wants to hear. “I’ll get fat.”
“You’ve always been too thin.” I draw my hand down her side, settling on the gentle curve of her hip. “Though you’re definitely not too thin now.”
“I will turn into a raging shrew.”
“You already are.” I kiss her again before she gets too angry, my tongue seeking, finding hers before I break away. “You’ll have to come back to New York with me.”
She slowly shakes her head. “I don’t know if I can.”
“What do you mean, you don’t know?” I thrust my hips against hers, my cock dipping just inside her. “You just said you would.”
“I’m—scared.” She’s shaking her head faster, her hair rustling against the pillow. “She’ll be there. She’ll find out I’m back. And she’ll want to see me.”
Her fucking mother ruins everything. “I will protect you no matter what. I won’t let her get near you.”
“You can’t keep guard over me all the time.” She arches against me, sending my cock deeper, both of us groaning at the sensation of me sinking inside her.
“Watch me,” I murmur before I race my lips down the length of her elegant neck, tonguing the spot where her pulse beats erratically. “I will do anything to protect what’s mine.”
We’re quiet for a moment, moving and shifting. Fucking without actually doing it? I don’t know how to describe it, but it feels fucking phenomenal.
“I don’t know.” She undulates beneath me, her body lighting up, responding to mine. I shift my hips, sending myself deeper, just before I pull back. “Maybe I’ll go with you.”
I pause, staring into her eyes. “You will.”
She rests her hand on my cheek, sincerity glowing in her bright blue eyes. “You’re right. I will do just about anything to have another chance with you. Even go back to New York and face all of my demons. Like my mother.”
I press my forehead against hers, thrusting deep and pulling almost all the way out before pushing back in. “I’ve got you. Don’t worry about her.”
“So easy for you to say.” She runs her hands over my shoulders, her head falling back, eyes slowly closing. “God, that feels good. Keep doing what you’re doing.”
The rhythm is steady. In and out. Back and forth inside her wet, suctioning heat. She’s got the tightest, sweetest pussy and I’m addicted to it. To her.
I can’t get enough.
Without warning I pull out of her and she cries out, confusion on her beautiful face. Ignoring her protests, I grab her hips and flip her over so she’s on her stomach.
“Get on your hands and knees, Syl,” I command.
She doesn’t hesitate, scrambling into position, wagging her ass at me, her pink pussy glistening. I loom above her on my knees, grabbing her hip with one hand, slipping a finger deep inside of her with the other.
“Oh.” The sound falls from her lips when I add another finger, my gaze never straying as I push them in and out of her cunt. My fingers are coated with her juices and I pull them out, gently drifting them across the ridged skin of her ass.
A low moan falls from her lips and I test her back there, slipping just the tip of my finger inside of her. She stiffens, going completely still, her breaths heavy.
My finger sinks deeper, only by a centimeter or so and she spreads her knees wider, pushing back against my touch.
Sending me a little deeper still.
“Oh. My. God,” she bites out as I barely move my fingers in and out of her ass. “That feels…amazing.”
“About to feel even better,” I say before I guide my cock inside of her welcoming pussy.
I thrust hard, again and again, my fingers slipping out of her ass when I feel the need to grip her hips tight, keeping her in position. She moans with my every deep thrust, her fingers clawing at the sheets as if she’s completely out of control. I pound my way inside of her, concentrating on the rhythm, watching my cock slide in out of her, over and over, and that’s all it takes.
I’m coming. Fucking hard. So hard, my vision grows blurry as the shudders take over me. Her inner walls have me in a chokehold, strangling the orgasm right out of me and her name leaves me on a groan.
Fuck me.
When it’s over and we collapse onto the mattress, she crawls her way into my arms, her head nestled beneath my chin, her soft hair brushing against my jaw.
“Sometimes I worry I might die, it feels so good being with you,” she admits, her voice so soft I almost don’t hear her.
I slip my arm around her shoulders, pressing my lips to her forehead. “You’re never going to die on my watch.”
She strokes my chest, her light touch making goosebumps break out on my skin. “Promise?”
“Always.”
