Metamorphosis—Day 47, hour 14
I rubbed the crust from my eyes as consciousness returned.
Everything ached.
I moaned and turned my face into the soft pillow. The worst part of life was the moment when you were ripped from sleep and remembered that you hadn’t gone on a shopping trip in years.
My eyes shot open.
I jolted upward and immediately regretted it as the stitches littering my body pulled and pinched.
The room was a quiet dark-red haze, and it took my eyes a moment to adjust.
I was alone in bed.
My teammates were asleep.
Malum and Scorpius were wrapped around Orion, snoring softly. Vegar and Zenith were lying on the bloody mattress pads on the floor, and their hands were outstretched toward each other. The tips of their fingers were interlaced.
They were so romantic.
It made me sick.
The clock on the wall read two in the afternoon, but the curtains were closed like it was night.
I gagged and covered my nose.
The room reeked of sweaty male and gore.
It definitely hadn’t been five days since the competition, because the servants hadn’t cleaned anything.
Arcs of blood had been splattered across the floor, wall, and even the hearth like in a crime scene.
I went to lie back down but tensed my abdominal muscles and froze because there was a loud squeak in the bathroom.
Luka’s muffled voice said, “I told everyone. So the plan better have worked. They know there are two of us.”
There was a pause.
“It’s done. It all worked out.” The voice that replied was virtually identical, but it was a little less gruff. It was also extremely familiar. Holy sun god, John was speaking.
The twins were in the bathroom.
Together.
My eyes widened, and I froze.
Luka gasped.
“I’ve told him I’ve chosen my gynaíka.” John’s voice was full of emotion. “He’s freed me from my obligation.”
It was a term I’d never heard before.
There was a shuffling noise.
“Holy fuck,” Luka said. “That’s the…”
“Don’t say it aloud,” John cut him off with a hiss. “Just speaking its name can alert poachers.”
“And you think it will work for me?” Luka asked softly.
I leaned forward on my bed.
John’s response was so quiet that I couldn’t hear it through the bathroom door.
I picked at my lower lip. I had no idea what the twins were discussing, but from the awe in Luka’s voice, it was a big deal.
My stomach pulled into knots as I thought about the tender moment I’d shared with Luka after he’d stitched me up.
It didn’t seem as sweet when I remembered all his secrets.
The twins were purposefully keeping me in the dark.
Were they toying with me?
Was it all some sick prank, pretend to befriend the loser fae girl?
I made a face at my stupid thoughts. Did I think I was in some coming-of-age teen romance? I wasn’t a helpless, naïve girl getting pranked by stupid boys. I was a depressed twenty-four-year-old fae queen who’d killed a lot of people.
“Stay safe, brother,” John said.
“You too.” Luka’s slightly deeper voice trailed off like he disappeared.
The door squeaked.
I flung myself back into the bed and pulled the covers over my head, heart racing. I feigned sleep.
Footsteps padded softly across the rug.
Then the bed moved.
A large body squeezed into the gap between me and the wall. Arms reached out and wrapped around me. They pulled me against a hard chest. The rich scent of sandalwood, not spice, filled my nose.
I was lying in John’s arms.
I didn’t know if I wanted to laugh or cry.
John sighed contentedly, and his breath steadied as he drifted off to sleep.
Hours passed.
I lay wide awake.
I was afraid to move and have the mirage of my friend disappear. I’d wanted him to come back so badly, and now here he was. A part of me mourned the loss of Luka.
It was all so confusing.
So I waited.
Hours later Malum yelled, “Everyone, up. Time for dinner. We need the fuel.”
John jolted awake; his warm muscles tensed as he pulled himself away from me. I pretended to keep sleeping.
Instead of getting off the bed, John climbed over me. The covers were pulled off my head, and cool air hit my face.
I went impossibly still.
Callused fingers touched the back of my neck, and something cold and heavy settled around my throat. John’s breath was faint against my cheeks.
“Stop wasting time and move, Luka,” Malum snapped, and John climbed off the bed.
“That’s not Luka,” Scorpius said slowly. “I listened closely this week and noted the slight difference in how they breathe.”
Malum’s voice deepened. “What?”
The demons groaned from the mattress pads on the floor as they woke up.
“He’s right. I RJE’d back a few hours ago, and I was going to let everyone know,” John said casually like he was talking about the weather.
“Bullshit, you weren’t going to say anything,” Malum snapped. “But you will explain just what in the sun god’s realms is going on right now.”
“You have five seconds to explain,” Scorpius sneered. “Or we’ll hurt you.”
“All I can tell you is that there are two of us. Until everything else is sorted out, I’m still sworn to secrecy.” John chuckled. “Seriously. You can even ask Lothaire.”
Malum growled like a wild animal. “Unacceptable! I am the captain of this team, and you will explain.”
John sighed loudly. “I can tell you that on my end, I’ve completed my…other obligations…and I will not have to RJE away again. Since Luka is still otherwise engaged, the secrecy stands. If anything changes, you’ll be the first to know.”
Malum made a noise of disbelief.
“Trust me,” John said in a serious tone. “It has killed me to deceive everyone, and I wish things were different.”
“I’m sure you fucking do,” Scorpius snarled.
John’s voice was hard. “We all know how the realms work. We’ve all made sacrifices to be here. So don’t try me. A secrecy enchantment prevents me from speaking on the issue, and all you’ll do is piss me off. Now, can we go to dinner?”
Malum scoffed. “Screw you.”
“Very mature,” I said as I gave up playing dead, because let’s be real, I couldn’t pass up an opportunity to needle Malum.
I rubbed at my eyes and yawned dramatically like I was coming out of a deep sleep. My neck cramped, and I rubbed at a knot on the base of my skull.
I winced at the state of my arms.
Blue-and-green bruises wrapped around my pale flesh and contrasted nicely with black stitches that held together about a dozen new, weeping wounds. They crossed over the scabbing, old wounds. The skin under my left eye throbbed.
I looked exactly how I felt.
“What the actual fuck!” Malum bellowed.
He moved with impossible speed, a blur of bronze and flames, as he flew across the room in my direction.
John moved into his path and blocked him from getting to me.
The air shimmered black.
Manic silver eyes locked on mine as Malum’s upper lip curled back with disgust, and he radiated distress.
I patted my hair and tried to smooth down the wild curls.
My bedhead was bad, but it seemed slightly excessive to scream and charge across the room because of a bad hair day.
Malum breathed raggedly like a maniac.
This was exactly why all fae men would be jailed at birth and not released until they proved themselves peaceful. Thank the sun god I was queen and not some male whack job.
“Why are you wearing that! Take it off now!” Malum shouted, and I stared back at him blankly.
Was he having a breakdown? I hated to say it, but that would be the most relatable thing he’d done to date.
“Maybe try lying on the floor to ground yourself. It can help panic attacks,” I pointed out helpfully and crossed my arms over my chest to demonstrate. “Deep breaths.”
Malum snarled and gnashed his teeth like a rabid animal.
I spoke slowly. “No, you have to suck in through your nose.” I pointed to my nostril and sucked in. “Then try to release it through your mouth.” I nodded at him as I blew out.
There was a sizzling sound as his shirt caught on fire.
I narrowed my eyes. “I feel like you’re not trying.”
Malum trembled with rage. Poor guy was giving it his best shot, but he just couldn’t get the hang of it.
Orion whispered in Scorpius’s ear, then moved across the room and laid one hand on his flaming mate’s shoulder while he pointed his other hand at me. “Your neck.”
I looked down.
Gasped.
A black teardrop jewel about the size of my palm hung from a glittering diamond chain around my neck. The jewels were ice-cold and ridiculously heavy.
My eyes snapped to John, the man who’d knelt atop me seconds before.
He stared back.
Then arched a dark brow and smirked like he was offering a challenge.
I arched my brow back at him and asked in a snooty tone, “You couldn’t have gotten anything bigger?”
Malum choked.
Orion’s jaw dropped.
John’s dark eyes twinkled as he matched my energy and asked, “Have you earned a bigger diamond?”
I gracefully crawled out of bed, shoulders back, neck straight, and stopped in front of him. My aching knees begged to give out, but I locked them tight and flexed my thighs.
Like a queen I arched my brow at him. “Please, we both know what I deserve. Now, care to explain the rock hanging from my neck?”
John shrugged casually. “It’s nothing serious. I’ve always owned it, but I never had a woman to give it to. Figured I might as well give it to my bestie.”
I narrowed my eyes and stared up at him as I searched for the lie.
“You just happened to have this hanging around?” I asked skeptically as I fingered the cold weight.
It was heavy.
I’d grown up with coffers of expensive jewels, and I’d never seen a single stone so large. Especially not one that was such a unique shade of black.
“Yep.” John flashed his dimples. “It’s really not a big deal.” The smile slipped from his face, and his eyes looked sad. “Think of it as an apology for deceiving you.”
John glanced around the room uncomfortably as the devils and demons stared at him with distrust.
He put his hands into his sweatpants’ pockets and rocked back on his heels, shrugging. With his messy hair and dimples, he looked young. Vulnerable.
My heart hurt.
From his expression, it was clear he’d been afraid I wouldn’t want to be his friend after I found out about Luka.
Playing with the necklace, I grinned at him. “Apology accepted.”
John smiled so brightly that it hurt to look at him.
He draped his arm across my shoulders and leaned against me. “Thank the sun god, I could not have handled having to befriend the kings.” He shuddered dramatically. “That would have been horrible.”
I let him drag me out of the room and lead the way to dinner.
As we walked down the hall, lightning struck, and John’s smile slipped from his face as he stared down at me.
His expression tightened as he glared at my arms and face.
I stumbled.
Horror slowly unfurled in my gut.
Somewhere among the competitions, Luka, the gruesome wounds, and the haze, I’d stopped worrying about what had happened between the two of us.
From the darkness in John’s eyes, he’d just remembered.
Did he regret giving me the necklace? Was he disgusted to be touching me? Was he repulsed by my cowardice?
I was done being pathetic. “About the punishment,” I blurted out and faced the elephant between us head-on.
It was John’s turn to stumble.
Students and competitors pressed together in the crowded halls as the entire academy went to dinner, but the two of us might as well have been alone.
The world faded into background noise.
It felt like we were alone.
John took a deep, shuddering breath, and he glanced quickly at my necklace. “Let’s not talk about that right now. We have bigger issues.”
I bit down hard on my lower lip to steady myself and rasped, “Okay, later.”
My heart beat like it was trying to jump out of my chest. Why wouldn’t we talk about it now? Was it too terrifying for him to discuss? Did it trigger him?
Possibilities unfolded before my eyes, each worse than the last.
By the time we made it to the dining hall entrance, I was convinced that John was waiting until the competition was over to petition the High Council to have me arrested for assault and emotional battery.
Sure, I was probably catastrophizing.
But what if I wasn’t?
John pulled away as we passed the sacred tree. “I need to talk to Lothaire. Save me my usual seat.” He walked away.
The bloodied man crucified to the tree gurgled as my heart fell to my toes. What if he was going to tell Lothaire that he wanted to press charges?
I slapped the heel of my palm against the side of my head. Hard.
The pain didn’t help.
Distracted by my racing thoughts, I didn’t see the shoulder until it slammed into my side.
A woman invaded my personal space.
Sari scowled.
I hadn’t been this close to her since I’d carried her limp body down the hall.
She had dark circles around her eyes, and her blouse was askew. “You don’t deserve to wear that.” She pointed at my neck.
I grabbed the jewel protectively. “What?”
“Actually.” She smiled, and it wasn’t a pleasant expression. “You probably do, it’s very fitting.”
“What is?” I asked dumbly as I stared down at the necklace.
“They call it death.” Sari wrinkled her nose patronizingly. “You’d know all about that, wouldn’t you? Since death is your thing.”
She smirked.
I fondled the heavy black stone with curiosity. I’d heard of black jewels called jade but never death. Seemed a little dramatic.
I shrugged.
I’d known it wasn’t jade because the jewel refracted light and sparkled brighter. Who cared about a jewel’s name anyway?
Sari waited, probably for me to spiral.
I could see what she was getting at. I was the fae queen, and my rightful throne was called the seat of death. I’d killed too many people to count, and now I wore a type of jewel called death.
I couldn’t find the energy to do anything but stare back at her blankly.
She waited for me to freak out.
My lips curled downward in a frown as I took in her battered appearance.
Jinx’s advice about doing the right thing pounded against my skull.
I rubbed at my chilled arms, and my fingers snagged on stitches. I hadn’t even realized I was still wearing my tattered sweatshirt.
“I’m sorry about Tara.” I pushed my pipe between my lips but kept my eyes locked on hers.
I let her see my regret.
Sari’s pretty face contorted into something hideous. “How dare you say her name,” she spat. “You didn’t save her.”
I nodded and refused to look away like a coward. “I know. And every day, I regret that I didn’t get there sooner.”
Sari’s eyes widened. “Please,” she wheezed harshly. “You were there in time. You just froze. If you’d acted sooner, she’d still be alive.”
I rubbed my eyes.
Thought back to the night.
Everything was a twisted blur of drugs and intoxication.
Loud music. Dancing. Running through the hall frantically. Horace leaning over Sari, killing her. Tara dead on the floor. Stabbing Horace as I straddled him.
“She was already dead.” My voice cracked. “On the floor.”
Sari leaned closer. “She was still breathing, and you paused and wasted time. Time that could have been used to save her.”
She spat onto the floor in front of me.
I rubbed at my face with both my hands, my harsh movements opening the stitches on my face.
Blood dripped.
The man on the sacred tree gurgled louder, and it sounded like he was crying for help.
“I know. I should have done more,” I said defeatedly. “You’re right.”
Sari’s voice was filled with abject loathing. “You’re a disgusting, worthless person.”
I could feel how much she hated me; it was a tangible energy between us.
My shoulders slumped, and I nodded at her. “I know.”
“Go back to your royal table, you useless whore,” Malum snapped, and his voice was harsher than I’d heard it in a long time. I’d forgotten how cruel he could be.
The students who were taking their seats around us froze.
Sari gave me one last glare before she stomped back across the room to her seat.
Like a zombie I turned around and walked toward the dais.
An arm settled around my shoulders, and I relaxed against it, then instantly stiffened when I realized it didn’t smell of sandalwood and the body was taller.
Bergamot and musk filled my senses.
“What are you doing?” I asked Scorpius as I tried to disentangle myself from him.
His arm tightened painfully so I couldn’t move.
“She’s wrong,” he said viciously.
I rolled my eyes. “Let me guess, because she’s a worthless woman.” I sucked in enchanted smoke. “No. She’s right.”
Scorpius laughed cruelly. “No.” His fingernails gouged the back of my neck. “She’s wrong because she’s a naïve, sheltered fool just like the rest of them.” He gestured his head toward where the students sat.
“Whatever.” I blew out a cloud of smoke, not caring what one of the academy’s biggest bullies had to say.
“He’s right,” Malum dipped his head to whisper in my ear as he walked past.
I blinked at his retreating form.
He glanced back over his shoulder, and at my inquisitive look, a blush stained the tops of his cheeks.
A queasy sensation filled my gut.
For a second, Malum looked young.
I always thought of him as someone who was over one hundred years old like Jax, but it struck me for the first time that he was young. Someone had said he was turning thirty.
When it came to immortality, that was nothing.
Yet he already seemed to have the weight of the world on his shoulders. Was that why he was so harsh all the time?
Sun god, ever since the second competition, he’d been confusing.
I felt like I didn’t know who he was anymore.
When we got to our table, Scorpius let me go so I could sit down, but he didn’t walk around the table to his seat.
He grabbed my shoulders with both his hands and stood behind me.
He squeezed.
“Ow, can you stop hurting me?” I snapped at him.
He loomed above me.
“The students at this academy think they’re powerful leaders.” He bared his teeth. “They’re nothing but political sheep who rely on us to keep the realms safe for them. That pathetic girl who spoke to you has never had to wield a blade. She’s never taken a life. And yet she judges you for the speed at which you killed your own friend to save her worthless existence.”
His nails dug deeper into my skin as he leaned closer.
He whispered into my ear, “The ones who never sully their souls will only ever cast judgment on those drenched in shadows, because darkness is power. The weak fear what they are not.”
I puffed out smoke and tried to shove him off me.
It was like trying to push an immovable force.
After a couple awkward seconds of shoving with no results, Scorpius released me and walked away slowly. The bastard was definitely emphasizing that he was leaving by choice and not because I’d made him.
“That doesn’t even make any sense,” I said with annoyance as he took his seat.
Arms crossed in front of his chest, Scorpius sat back in his chair and smirked. “It’s not my problem if you’re not smart enough to get it.”
Please. We both knew I was intelligent.
I sucked in enchanted smoke and tossed back at him, “They muddy the waters to make them seem deep.”
It was Jinx’s favorite quote from Nietzsche.
Scorpius speared a piece of steak with his knife and brought it to his lips. “Sounds like something someone would say if they didn’t understand.”
He chewed aggressively.
I opened my mouth to reply but stopped as John huffed and took his seat next to me. “What did I miss? What don’t we understand?”
“Our souls are corrupted, and we’re awful people,” I said at the same time that Scorpius replied, “Arabella let a pathetic sheep tell her she was a bad person.”
Malum made a weird growling noise, and Orion raised his eyebrows at me.
I rolled my eyes. “Obviously, we’re not the good guys,” I said sarcastically.
John scooted his chair closer to me. “We kill because someone has to do it. That doesn’t make us evil.”
I choked on the piece of broccoli I’d shoved into my mouth. Swallowing thickly, I said, “Uh, we’re definitely evil.”
As if I’d entered an alternate universe, everyone at the table burst into laughter. Loud, boisterous chuckles.
The demons slapped the table.
The kings clutched their stomachs.
John clapped me on my back and grinned. “Good one, bestie. That’s like saying that fire in the hearth doesn’t scream.”
“Could you imagine not hearing the screams of the dying?” Scorpius sneered between laughter.
The men shook their heads and chuckled harder.
He confirmed what I’d already deduced: we all heard the screams of the dying in fire because we were killers.
We’d all done horrible things.
The men laughed harder and clapped one another on the back. Everyone in my legion was completely delusional.
They wiped tears of mirth out of their eyes like the idea of them being evil was funny.
I stared down at the table with horror.
Holy sun god, they didn’t know they were villains?
I was the sanest person at the table.
A twisted, oily sensation expanded in my gut as my teammates kept laughing.
I pressed my pipe between my lips, tipped my head back, and whispered the inscription that was carved in small lettering on the floor of the fae palace.
The one I’d stared at for hours as my teeth chattered and my muscles cramped in the aftermath of torture.
May the sun god save us from ourselves.
