Rebirth—Day 56, hour 5
The clattering of glass stopped abruptly. It was as if the realm itself had reached its breaking point and couldn’t handle it anymore.
That or the nurses in the psych ward had increased my medication dosage so I was no longer hallucinating sounds.
You could never tell for sure these days.
Either way, eerie quietness prevailed as the storm dissipated like an obscure nightmare.
I blinked, and the world flickered in and out of focus.
Streaks of scarlet dripped down my chin. The liquid was feverishly warm compared to my chilled flesh.
I’d been on all fours for hours, and my cold muscles were locked into place.
Like I was cosplaying as a cow.
The light of the eclipse trickled through the dark cloud cover and refracted off the piles of glass. The lawn sparkled. Smoke rose in lazy tendrils as the cold abated.
Everything was quiet. Pretty.
Tilting my head to the side, I jolted from pain, and my eyes rolled back from the agony.
In the storm’s aftermath, I was grotesque.
Grotesquely sexy.
A long time ago—ten minutes earlier in the throes of an intense pain induced delusion—I decided that the key to survival was self-confidence.
The reasoning had made sense in the moment.
Down a tunnel far, far, far away, Lothaire’s voice echoed, “The fourth competition is concluded. Competitors must now exit the arena of their own free will.”
Free will is an oxymoron. The universe is nothing but a connection of horrors. Everyone is trapped in an endless loop of suffering. No one can escape.
Oh great, I was getting philosophical.
Never a good sign.
A furry body climbed out from beneath me and then a warm hand touched my shoulder.
I tried to turn my head, but I couldn’t move.
The force of the pain was paralyzing.
My ravaged fingernails dug deeper into moist soil, and the dirt was soaked in blood, water, and fragments of glass.
Across the steaming field, as a crowd spilled out of a concrete building, shouts and fighting echoed. The noises quieted as the mob stood at the edge of the arena and waited.
I dropped my head and inhaled shakily through my nose.
“Your back,” Xerxes said with horror. “There are letters.”
The glass storm had shredded the fabric off my back, and my clothes were hanging in tatters off my body.
“You licked my eyeball,” I whispered brokenly.
There was a shuffling noise and swearing. Xerxes mumbled something about being mentally unwell and knelt beside me as he said, “I can’t carry you. You have to leave of your own free will.”
“Please increase my dosage, I’m still hallucinating,” I said loudly so the nurses in the ward could hear me.
Xerxes grabbed me beneath my armpits.
“Stranger danger!” I shouted, and he jumped back with surprise.
I blinked rapidly and waited for the hallucinating to end.
“I’ll help as much as I can.” Xerxes’s voice cracked. “What you did for me was—there are no words. I will forever be in your debt.”
The hallucinating continued.
Xerxes picked me up by my armpits and held me straight up like a doll.
I narrowed my eyes at him warily and said, “You’re a very emotional man, aren’t you?”
My legs dangled uselessly.
“You’ve been through intense pain,” Xerxes said slowly. “It makes sense that you’re confused and delirious. Just try to stay calm.”
Shredded clothes fell off my frozen body, and I was partially exposed. Glass shards dug into my frozen feet and made my soles burn.
“I’m nude,” I pointed out helpfully.
Xerxes grimaced and averted his eyes. “Try to put weight on your feet. You just have to make it off the arena, and then you’ve survived and it will all be over.”
Liar. It was never over.
Xerxes omega-whined. “Please, Aran. If not for yourself, do this for Sadie.”
My feet touched the ground as he slowly removed his grip.
For a second, I stood straight, then the sparkling field rose to greet me. I smiled at how pretty it was.
Closed my eyes.
Xerxes caught me inches before I face-planted.
He didn’t yell, swear, or get upset like I was used to with the kings. Xerxes picked me up and whispered encouragement as he set me back on my feet.
I nodded.
And fell back over.
Ten tries later, sweat poured down my face uncomfortably and burned my wounds.
“Okay, lock your knees now,” Xerxes said calmly as he took a step away from me.
I snapped my aching legs straight and clenched my butt cheeks tight.
Long seconds passed.
I stood upright and grinned triumphantly.
It was all in the ass.
Xerxes beamed like I’d done something miraculous, and he gestured across the field. The edge of the arena was a long way away.
“Okay.” Xerxes clapped his hands together. “I’m going to go forward and clear the glass. You just follow my path. One foot at a time.”
I shook my head to clear my delirium. I wet my chapped lips and winced as the moisture burned.
“You don’t have to,” I croaked. Awareness that I’d been acting deranged made me flush. “Uh, sorry about yelling stranger danger,” I said awkwardly.
Xerxes lost his composure.
His princely features darkened, and he snarled, “You’re a queen, Aran, and from what I’ve seen, you’re going to make a great one. You must learn to expect people to serve you. Own it. Don’t apologize.”
I grimaced. Men being nice to me made me feel weird.
It creeped me out.
Xerxes wrapped his tattered shirt around his hand and used it to clear a path through the glass.
“Keep your legs locked,” he ordered. “One step at a time.”
I stared at him with exasperation.
“Now. Right leg,” he barked out.
I obeyed.
Salt burned my lips. Blood burned my eyes and coated my feet, making my steps slippery.
It hurt so fucking badly.
Huffing with what felt like punctured lungs, I followed Xerxes.
As I shuffled slowly across the field, I discovered firsthand why Xerxes had led armies for Mother. He was exacting and demanding, but he was also endlessly patient, and I wanted to obey him.
He was a natural leader.
I hobbled pathetically. Tiny shards that Xerxes had missed stabbed through my sensitive feet.
We proceeded at a snail’s pace, but he never shamed me or complained. Not once.
Halfway across, I narrowed my eyes at a strange structure protruding off the far side of the field.
Xerxes looked back and followed my gaze.
He halted.
We both stared.
The bodies of the devil, leviathan, and assassin competitors were piled in a tentlike structure. The devil’s long femur bone propped them all up.
We looked away at the same time.
Xerxes’s voice trembled as he said, “Left leg, step.”
We continued forward.
Neither of us mentioned what we’d seen.
Minutes later, we finally neared the crowd of students and competitors standing at the edge of the arena.
They watched my pained progression with wide eyes.
Horror on their faces.
My harsh breathing was uncomfortably loud in the silence. I nearly collapsed from the agony in my feet, but I didn’t.
In front of everyone, the angel competitor tapped her foot impatiently with a smirk on her face. She was mostly unharmed and looked bored. Around her, the angel legion postured arrogantly with their noses in the air like they were better than everyone else.
They thought they’d be the ones chosen by the gods.
I was half-naked. Frozen. Covered in carnage and gore. Yet I knew in my bones that I’d experienced more in my twenty-four miserable years of life than they had in all their combined immortality.
You could see it in their eyes—wide and clear.
There were no shadows.
You could see it in their actions—the angel competitor had a fifteen-foot wingspan of crystal wings to protect herself with, yet she’d killed the others so she wouldn’t have to suffer.
Disgusting.
The angel competitor fell to her knees as she covered her ears. The rest of the angels winced and covered their heads like they were blocking out some sound.
“I needed to protect myself. I’m sorry.” She sobbed on the ground as she convulsed like she’d been electrocuted. She babbled incoherently to herself.
Just like their captain had after they’d lost a teammate in the second challenge.
Students backed away from the angels.
When I was ten feet from the edge of the arena, students turned their attention to me and whispered. Even the angel legion looked up from their knees to gape at my appearance.
Half of my chest was exposed, and what was left of my pants was hanging dangerously low on my hips.
I pulled my shoulders back.
Yes, my tit was out.
Yes, my feet were throbbing.
I lifted the corner of my mouth in a smirk.
From their expressions you’d think people had never seen a nipple before.
I stared straight back at them.
It wasn’t that deep.
I wasn’t the one on my knees convulsing, after all. I was walking of my own free will. Kind of.
“I just want to say,” Xerxes said quietly so only I could hear, “I’m really sorry about the role I played in your abduction. I never apologized for serving her. I was a coward.”
I licked my cracked lips and tasted copper. “Don’t mention it.”
“No, I really think we—”
“Please,” I cut him off. “Please don’t mention it. We’re good.”
Sun god, were all the shifter men this in tune with their emotions? I’d clearly been around the kings too much because I was having a lot of secondhand embarrassment from him.
Dr. Palmer would just love him.
Who talked about their feelings?
Xerxes nodded and changed the subject. “Right foot forward. You’re close.”
I hobbled forward.
Finally, we walked side by side between two of the towering posts that demarcated the edge of the arena.
We finished.
Lothaire’s voice boomed, and there was an edge of excitement in it. “The fourth competition is concluded. The two legions chosen for the showcase test will be announced tomorrow. The gods will discuss.”
A few feet away, Lyla walked out of the concrete structure and glanced over.
Runes shimmered against her dark skin, and her green hair glowed neon. The tiniest smile curled up one side of her mouth.
I didn’t smile back.
Dick and Lothaire walked out behind her, and Lyla’s expression went flat.
The three of them stepped forward onto an enchanted platform, and they levitated into the air.
My eyelid twitched.
This was why people bullied theater kids. They grew up to do stuff like that.
“Why do they need to float in the air to discuss it?” I muttered.
Xerxes scoffed in agreement.
A small golden body hurled itself at me and Xerxes. It slammed into my frozen flesh with such force that I bit my tongue, and copper flooded my mouth.
There was so much pain streaking through the rest of my body that the sensation of biting my tongue was borderline pleasant.
A new low.
Sadie trembled against me and gasped, “I was so worried. I almost enslaved the judges to try to save you. I was freaking out so badly. Never do that to me ever again.”
I patted her head and pulled my hand away because her white hair turned pink.
“Thank you, Aran. You saved him.” Sadie pulled Xerxes and me lower so all three of our heads touched.
“Iddng humpfwv,” I grunted.
Sadie patted my head tenderly. “What are you saying, my sweet, precious friend?”
I tried to speak but gagged from the pain.
Jinx walked up behind her with a ferret wrapped around her neck like a scarf. She studied her cuticles. “She said, ‘It hurts,’ you moron.”
Sadie loosened her grip and pulled her head back. “Oh my sun god, I’m so sorry. Why didn’t you say anything, Aran?” She reached up and traced her fingers over an open wound on my jaw.
I saw stars from the pain.
Ever been best friends with a dumbass? Same.
A very humbling experience.
“She needs medical attention.” Jinx walked up, hit Sadie’s hand away, then narrowed her creepy dark eyes on me. “Congrats on not being a complete failure.”
I narrowed my eyes back. “You secretly love me.”
“You sure about that?” Jinx arched her brow.
As I stared down at the annoying thirteen-year-old, a familiar pain twisted through my back.
A crack echoed in my skull.
No. No. Not right now. I can’t.
Something shifted inside my skeleton.
Something bad.
Jinx’s eyes widened as she stared at me like she knew something was happening.
Crack. Bones shifted in my back, and I was in so much pain that I did something I’d wanted to do for weeks.
I kicked Jinx.
“Did you just kick a child?” Sadie’s jaw dropped, and Xerxes chuckled.
Jinx stumbled from the blow but didn’t look surprised.
Sweat erupted across my skin from the harsh movement, and the world swayed. Experience had taught me I had a few minutes before I was inconsolable.
I tipped over.
This time, it wasn’t Xerxes that caught me.
“You scared me, Aran. We need to get you back to the room,” John said roughly as he pulled his sweatshirt off and gently helped me put it on.
Then he picked me off the ground and held me against his chest.
“Why am I wearing your clothes?” I asked between whimpers of pain.
John made a strangled noise. “I’m preserving your modesty.” His voice filled with fear. “I would have gotten to you sooner, but the fucking shifters blocked us from getting to you. Malum was about to light them on fire when they finally let us through.”
As he spoke my teammates popped into view around him.
They surrounded me.
“My man, are you okay?” Vegar asked with concern as he leaned closer to take a look at me.
Shivering from pain, I gave him the evil eye.
“Actually, I feel really great right now,” I said through gritted teeth.
Vegar raised his eyebrows. “Really?”
I didn’t bother to respond.
“Sweetheart,” Orion whispered as he stared down at me with wide, watery eyes.
His tender expression shattered as he glared over at Malum, who was partially on fire and couldn’t meet my gaze. I looked over at Scorpius, who was dragging his hands over his face tiredly.
Zenith stepped up beside Vegar and leaned close to me. Up close, the inky lines under his eyes expanded and thinned like they were breathing. “You did not embarrass us,” Zenith said in a clipped tone. “For the most part.”
I squirmed uncomfortably under the weight of his profuse praise.
Everyone was in tune with their emotions today. Was a planet in this solar system retrograding?
Another wave of convulsions made me shake, and John squeezed me and said urgently, “We need to get her inside. Now. Everyone, move.”
The students surrounding us gawked and shuffled to the side, but the crowd was so thick there was barely any room.
I whimpered from the pain.
Malum exploded in flames and roared, “Everyone, clear a path for her or you’re dead.” Fire shot from his mouth into the sky, like a dragon.
A stampede erupted as students shoved at one another, desperate to get away from the unhinged king.
The kings pushed forward, kicking and punching people who didn’t get out of their way fast enough.
The crowd parted, and John jogged through.
When we got into the academy, tears streamed down my face, and I bit down on my lip to swallow a scream.
John began to sprint.
As the torment intensified, everything became a blur of pain and movement.
Vegar brought over a makeshift cot, and John gingerly laid me down on it before the hearth. He said something about needing to see my injuries as he gently tugged his sweatshirt off me.
As I stared at the fire, roaring flames disappeared into glowing embers.
I arched my back.
Screamed.
“We need to flip her over,” Malum barked, and multiple hands reached down to turn me over.
“I’m sorry for everything,” he whispered as he turned me, and I threw up from the jostling.
John pressed a cloth to my face to wipe up the sickness, but midwipe, he halted.
Everyone ceased moving at once, and the room fell creepily quiet.
No one breathed.
The sudden tension was a tangible weight.
Orion whispered something to Scorpius.
“Why,” Malum said roughly. “The fuck.” His teeth clashed together. “Is ‘WHORE’ carved into your back?”
Crack.
I opened my mouth and whispered my darkest secret aloud, “Mother did it. The night before I killed her.”
I sobbed and convulsed. Arched my back and jackknifed my legs.
“What!?” Scorpius bellowed.
I spat out between gasps of pain because apparently, I was feeling very chatty. “She used to light me on fire. For fun. Just like you, Malum.”
In my peripheral vision, the wingback chair burst into flames.
“Aran,” John whispered brokenly.
Someone’s fists slammed against the wall.
Malum made a broken noise, and he stalked over to the bathroom door, ripped it off the hinges, then cracked the flaming wood over his knee.
Orion fell to his knees beside me.
He screamed, and the sound was so high-pitched and lyrical that a headache throbbed in my temples.
The demons backed away from me with horror.
John draped himself across my back like he was hugging me. His large body trembled, and warm tears dripped across my skin.
More pain exploded across my back, and I couldn’t swallow the whimper that burst from my lips.
I bit down on my lip to hold in another scream.
“We need to help her,” Scorpius growled. “Orion, bring the first aid kit. Now!”
There was a loud sizzling. Scarlet flames turned purple, and the bathroom door disappeared into a pile of ashes.
My teammates fell to their knees around me.
Hands held me down.
Fingers pulled bloody glass shards from my back. A needle and thread were pulled frantically through my wounds.
Crack.
Bones shifted in my back, and nothing anyone was doing helped the agony streaking inside my spine.
“Should we try to stitch the letters?” John’s voice trembled.
Zenith said, “Yes.”
I opened my mouth to tell them no, but another bone cracked in my back, and all that came out was a high-pitched scream.
“We need more supplies,” Scorpius said, and there was a commotion as everyone searched the bathroom for more first aid kits and rags. Everyone was distractedly looking.
Malum pressed his lips against my ear and whispered roughly, “I don’t care that your mother’s dead. That is not enough. Whoever served her will burn by my hand. Whoever failed to help you will burn by my hand. Whoever was within a hundred-mile proximity to her when she did this will burn by my hand. I swear it on the honor of the House of Malum. You will be avenged.”
I tried to speak, but my throat was shredded from screaming.
Turning my head to the side, I mouthed at him, “I hate you.”
I didn’t want his vengeance.
I didn’t want anything to do with him.
As I glared up at Malum, silver eyes hardened into molten steel.
He looked at me sadly.
For a long second, he looked soft and young.
Devastated.
Then his expression hardened. “You don’t have to forgive me, just like I don’t have to forgive them. I will make this right for you. You’re not alone anymore.”
Crack. I whimpered from agony and the pain in my heart.
Did he know that was what I wanted?
My deepest desire?
To finally belong. To have a family that loved me unconditionally.
There was a reason I latched onto Sadie and John.
“It’s not that simple,” I whispered. “Everything isn’t black and white.” I panted as I tried to keep my thoughts straight. “You can’t just murder people.”
Malum’s expression turned dark. “When it comes to those I care about, I can. I’m the Ignis of the illustrious House of Malum. I’m the twenty-seventh immortal king to serve the sun god since the dawn of time. I don’t deal in shades of gray. I hurt those who hurt what’s mine.”
He tipped his head back and bellowed, and fire shot from his tongue in a long arc. “She carved a slur into your flesh, Aran. Everyone who served her is dead. They’re all dead.”
Unconsciousness pulled me under, and one thought rang clearly through my head.
He couldn’t massacre an entire realm. Right?
