“You want me to go to Cincinnati?” Ilmari is standing in the beach parking lot next to his big blue truck, arms crossed over his barrel chest. I followed him over here, leaving the rest of the group behind. This has been our only chance to get a real moment alone all afternoon.
I wrap the ends of my white sweater tighter around myself. “I have a specialist at my residency clinic in Cincinnati. You and I go, we get our scans, we keep it private. It will be off the NHL’s radar. Off the FIHA’s radar too, which matters more to you, I think.”
He gives a curt nod.
“Please,” I beg. “I’m asking you trust me here. Just come to Cincinnati with me.” I hold out my hand, waiting to see if he’ll take it.
Slowly, he unfolds his arms, dropping them to his sides. Then he raises his right hand and shakes my hand. “I trust you.”
I sigh with relief. “Thank you, Mars. God, I was so afraid you’d say no. Okay, well it’s all set up. We’ll leave tomorrow, yeah? Our flight goes out in the morning, and we’ll go straight to the clinic. If the scans are clear, and you respond well to rehab, you should be back on the ice for the week the FIHA scouts come.”
He’s quiet for a moment, his expression still unreadable. I go to drop my hand, but he holds onto it. “Rachel…Doctor Price,” he corrects. “I’m sorry.”
I gaze up into his rugged face. Oh, shit. He’s talking about the kiss. I can’t see his eyes behind his sunglasses. My gaze darts down to our joined hands. “It’s fine—”
“No, it was unpardonably rude,” he says. “It won’t happen again.”
I nod, trying to control the confused fluttering of my heart. Unpardonable is such a strange word choice. Passionate. Possessive. Those words better describe our kiss. Maybe it really meant nothing to him…
Yesterday I would have believed that. Today, I’m not so sure.
“So, you’re going to Cincinnati…with Mars Kinnunen?” says Jake, setting his fork down atop his massive bowl of spaghetti. Beach day is long over, and Jake, Caleb, and I are eating take-out spaghetti in the kitchen. Caleb and I sit at stools, while Jake stands across the island, waiting while a few more pieces of garlic bread reheat in the oven.
Tess is out for the night. A friend from college just picked her up and they took themselves down to St. Augustine for dinner and a ghost walking tour. I’m sure booze will be involved. I imagine she’ll call around midnight expecting a ride home from one of us.
“Mhmm,” I say, taking a bite of my salad.
“What’s in Cincinnati?” says Caleb.
I pause, looking down at my food. I don’t have permission to discuss Ilmari’s medical history with his teammate.
“Oh, shit,” Jake murmurs, getting there on his own. “This is about his groin pull, right? Is he gonna be out for rest of the season? Does it need surgery? Did it happen during the last game?”
“Stop,” I plead. “Jake, I can’t discuss his medical status—”
“What about your relationship status?” Caleb presses. “Are we allowed to know about that? Or is that confidential too?”
My gaze shoots over to him. “Okay, that’s the second time you’ve made a snarky comment about me and Mars. Just ask me what you want to ask.”
“Fine.” He rattles his fork down. “Are you fucking him?”
My eyes go wide. “What? No!”
“Do you want to?” he presses.
“Caleb—”
“Because he sure as hell wants to fuck you,” he adds.
I cross my arms over my chest. “What makes you think Mars Kinnunen wants to fuck me?”
He glances over at Jake and back to me. “Seriously? You’re serious right now? You want us to list it out for you? We’ve got a running list of like ten things. Your list is shorter than his, but it grows longer every day too.”
“Wait—you’re both keeping a list? Are you in on this?” I cry, looking at Jake.
“Well, yeah. We only talk about it all the time,” he says with a shrug.
“Look, guys. I’ve been helping him manage an injury, and that’s all. I want to take him to Cincinnati to see Dr. Halla. He’s a hip expert, and he can get us scans off the record. Scans that won’t have to go into any official NHL files.”
The guys share a long look, a novel’s worth of words passing between them.
It’s Jake who speaks first. “You’re helping him off the record? Isn’t that, like, illegal?”
I huff. “No one is going to jail for giving Ilmari an MRI.”
“But it’s not policy,” Caleb clarifies. “You’re hiding it from the team, from the coaches, which could get you in serious trouble. It could get you fired, Rachel. It could get Mars released from his contract.”
I shrug. “Sometimes what’s in the best interest of the team isn’t always in the best interest of the player.”
Jake nods, his face solemn, while Caleb just gives me a look like he’s chewing on glass.
“Look, I swore to Mars that I would help him,” I explain. “No matter whether it’s the right thing for the team, he’s my patient. I don’t want his career ending before it has to.”
“Why do you care so much about Mars Kinnunen and his damn career?” Caleb says.
“Because I’m a damn doctor,” I snap back at him. “Do you really think for one second I wouldn’t have moved heaven and earth to help you if you were the injured player on my table? Or you?” I add, spinning around to glare at Jake.
“How bad is it?” Jake murmurs.
I shake my head, setting my fork down, appetite gone. “We don’t know yet,” I admit. “Right now, it’s presenting like a groin pull. But I can’t treat him properly without scans, and he’s terrified to get them with the Finnish Olympic scouts on their way. This is his dream, guys,” I add, glancing between them. “Playing for Finland in the Olympics. His grandfather played, his father. This is his shot. I’m just trying to help him take it. Is my way the right way? Hell, if I know. But I’m following my heart here, and I’d really appreciate if you guys would back me up instead of tear me down.”
Slowly, Jake nods. “It’s good that you’re helping him, Seattle. Go to Cincy and get your scans.”
I smile at him with relief.
But next to me, a storm is still brewing. “That still doesn’t address the other thing,” Caleb mutters.
“What other thing?”
“The ‘Mars Kinnunen wants to fuck you with his Viking cock’ thing,” Jake supplies.
I suck in a breath, trying to control my spiraling emotions.
“Look, Seattle, you just gotta tell us,” Jake urges. “What the hell is going on with you and Mars? I mean, you sit next to him on every flight, every bus ride.”
“Yeah, because he makes me,” I counter. “You all made me move, remember?”
“When the team is on the ice, your eyes are on him half the time,” Caleb adds, his gaze obsidian.
“Because he’s been playing injured, and I’ve been terrified he’ll make it worse!”
Caleb shoves off his stool and moves away, circling around the other side of the island. Each step he takes is a chasm opening between us, tearing at my heart.
“He talks to you,” Jake goes on.
“He talks to Tomlin too! And Davidson and Coach Johnson. He talks to you on the ice all the time, Jake. And you, Cay.”
Jake shakes his head. “That’s the job. When the job is done, he’s a total closed book. He opens for you, Seattle. Only you.”
“Are you seriously gonna sit here and tell us there’s nothing between you two?” Caleb jabs, arms crossed over his chest.
They’re both standing across from me now, my angel and my devil. Jake is in a white t-shirt, Caleb in black. Jake looks wary. Caleb is pissed.
“Oh god,” I groan, dropping my elbows onto the counter and burying my face in my hands. “I don’t know!” I lift my face, shaking my head as I give them the only truth I have. “I don’t know, okay? I don’t know what’s happening to me. I don’t—look around us!” I cry, waving my hand around Jake’s kitchen. “This is all fucking crazy! What are we doing here, guys? What is this? Where is this going?”
“I thought it was pretty obvious,” Jake replies, crossing his arms over his chest again.
I laugh. It’s a little, choked sound caught in my throat. “Obvious? Nothing about this screams obvious, Jake. We’ve all been dancing around this for weeks, not saying anything. We live together! We buy groceries and cook like a happily married throuple. We fuck like crazy. I’ve only slept in my room twice since I moved in. And yet there is nothing but walls up between us. Things we’re not saying, feelings we’re not acting on, truths we won’t let out. It’s a goddamn obstacle course in here, and we’re all stumbling around it in the dark, and it’s driving me crazy.”
My speech over, I realize I’m standing too, hands gripping to the white granite countertop.
Now both boys have their arms crossed, glaring between me and each other.
“Well then let’s have it out,” Jake says. “Sudden death. Let’s leave it all on the ice.”
