This is a disaster. Oh god, why did I do this? Why did I try to have this conversation now in the middle of a crowded airplane?
Because if you didn’t pump the breaks, you were gonna start snogging him right here in the seat, comes the snarky voice in my head.
She doesn’t know anything. I’m totally in control. It’s not like I’ve been sitting here, heart racing, memorizing the shape of Ilmari’s mouth as he speaks. I’m not holding his hand, our legs brushing from knee to hip, wondering if he’ll notice if I just rest my cheek on his shoulder and breathe him in.
Yes, you are.
Oh, god-fucking-damn it. I totally am. I don’t know what it is about this man, but he completely unravels me. His strength inspires me, his calm quiet makes me curious. What happens behind his thick outer walls? Who is Ilmari inside the defenses he wears? The man is a living, breathing goalie, and he’s quite literally never off the clock. He keeps out everyone and everything all the time. It must be exhausting. And lonely.
Maybe it’s just my damn stubborn streak, but I want to take a shot on his goal. But the more contact we have, the more I learn about him, the more hesitant I am to take my shot. Because I have a strong feeling that, if I do get inside this man’s net, there’ll be no getting out again.
Caleb is calling this a recon operation. I have questions, and I need answers. Is this just about physical attraction? Or is it more? I think he and Jake still see Mars as the quirky goalie. They see his silence and his tics, and they believe this is only about sex for him. He wants me, and I want him, and we’ll both feel better when we get it out of our systems. One wild night.
Now I’m not so sure.
But I had to tell him. The boys and I agreed. I couldn’t take a step forward with Ilmari unless he knew the truth about us. It wouldn’t be fair to him or them. At least he’ll be discreet. If there is one single person on the Rays I can trust to know our secret and not go blabbing it around, it’s Ilmari Kinnunen. He won’t tell a soul.
But now the look on his face has me wanting to press rewind. He’s pulling away, stacking the bricks of his thick walls a mile high. I guess this is answer enough. He’s not interested in sharing. They said he wouldn’t be. I should have known better than to hope.
Or…
Maybe his hesitancy is more about civility. There are unspoken rules in hockey, after all. Sacred rules. Like how you don’t go after another teammate’s girl. Or his sister. In Ilmari’s eyes, Jake has already staked his claim. He has no choice but to bow out.
“I’m sure you have questions,” I murmur, watching him tense at hearing my voice.
“I don’t.”
“Mars—”
He rounds on me, his blue eyes depthless as the sea. “Fuck whoever you want, Doctor Price. Leave me out of it.”
His words are so cold, his tone so unfeeling. I sink back in my seat away from him. “So…I’m Doctor Price again? That’s convenient.”
He crosses his arms, trying to minimize our points of contact. “I will call you Doctor Price, because that is who you are,” he counters. “And when we return to Jacksonville, I believe our professional relationship will need to end. I’ll seek out an alternative medical care provider.”
Thank god the lady next to me in the window seat is zonked out asleep, because I really don’t want an audience when I start to cry. I look down at my knees, blinking back the tears I refuse to shed. “How did we get here?” I murmur. “One minute, you’re racing down the aisle, desperate for the chance to just hold my hand. The next, you’re cold as ice, severing all ties as if that’s so easy for you to do.” I glance up, trying to search his face in profile. “I have a life, Mars. I live it, and I’ll not apologize to you for that.”
“I never said you had to,” he replies, still so cold.
“Yes, but you’re judging me for it. I can only imagine what you’re calling me in your mind right now. I’m sure it’s not ‘doctor’ or whatever that word was in Finnish. I’m only trying to be open with you. I won’t lie, and I won’t lead you on—”
He glares down at me, the look in his eyes halting my words. “I get it. You’ve told me, and now I know. My English is proficient enough to understand your full meaning, Rachel,” he all but growls. “You are with Compton and his DVP. Which means there is nothing left to be said.”
I flinch, the sting of his words hitting me like a slap. Somewhere behind his walls, he’s churning, seas bubbling, as a dormant volcano deep in his ocean floor begins to heat. I’ve always preferred fire to ice.
“Okay, Mr. English Major,” I say, leaning in with a matching glare. “First, the term is DLP, domestic life partner. And yes, I’m with them both. I love them both, and they are mine. But they don’t own me, and I don’t own them. And my interest in you has nothing to do with them…unless you want it to,” I add with a teasing smile. “Which brings me to my second point.” I flash two fingers in his face. “DVP means double vaginal penetration, Mars. Do you know what that is?”
He glares at me, the muscle in his neck twitching.
Fuck it. I’m poking this bear.
I lean in closer, lowering my voice. “Imagine your cock buried to the hilt inside my cunt, Mars. Then Caleb slides in with his pierced dick, edging you to the point of euphoria. That’s when my pussy will strangle you both, and we all come together in a shaking, sweating pile of arms and legs and dripping cum. That’s DVP.”
I cross my arms as we glare at each other. He shifts in his seat with a soft grunt, and I glance down, my mouth tipping into a smile. The reason he’s suddenly so uncomfortable is unmistakable. He’s hard. Getting harder.
I slowly raise my gaze back to his face to see him smoldering, his jaw clenched tight under his blond beard. “You alright there, Kinnunen? Things feeling a little tight back here in coach. You had your chance to sit in first class. You gave it up to sit with me. And if you’ll remember, you kissed me in that hallway, not the other way around. You started this, Mars. Do us both a favor and just admit it: you want me too—”
Before I finish speaking the words, his right hand comes up and grabs me by the jaw, tipping my face sharply up. I suck in a breath, eyes wide, as he leans down, turning my head away. I arch my neck for him, waiting…hoping.
His breath is warm on my skin as he hovers his face over my ear, the tip of his nose brushing featherlight against my lobe. Then he slowly breathes me in, filling his lungs, breathing out against my skin as I suppress a shiver of want.
“Careful, Rakas,” he murmurs in my ear, the growl in his voice sending a shock straight through my chest and down to my aching core. “I am not the kind of man who appreciates being teased…or managed.” He rests his forehead along my temple, his hand still holding tight to my jaw. “You’re trying to handle me,” he adds. “You think if you bend me to your will, you’ll feel less like the ground is shifting beneath your feet.”
My breath hitches as I turn to hold his piercing gaze. He thinks he knows me so well?
“You like control,” he adds, his gaze boring into my soul. “I’m sure you’ve done this before. I’m sure men fall to their knees for you. I’m sure you lead Compton and Sanford by their cocks, and they follow you gladly, your pretty pink cunt taking them so sweetly.”
As he speaks, his left hand curls around my leg, just above the knee, and he slides it up my thigh. I fight a whimper as his other hand moves down my neck to circle my throat. He applies no pressure, but his hand rests there, his fingertips brushing against the racing of my pulse.
“But know this, Rakas,” he says, voice low. “I do not bend. I do not get on my knees. And I do not share what is mine. I started this and clearly that was a mistake. I’m finishing it. Here. Now. There is nothing left.” With that, he lets me go, leaving me reeling in my seat as he shifts away.
