“Wait—you’re gonna have to say that again,” Tess squeals, her voice echoing all around the inside of my Toyota RAV4.
When Jake learned I was terrified to drive my pickup truck, he drove it straight back to the Rays offices and handed the keys over to Vicki. He came home in this cute little SUV. It’s small enough that I don’t feel like I’m driving a spaceship, but big enough for me to fit all three massive hockey guys and still have room for Poseidon, beach chairs, and a cooler in the back for beach day.
Which is the plan for today. I’m currently driving halfway across town to pick up Ilmari. His truck is in the shop this week, so he’s missing a set of wheels. I only agreed to take him to the grocery store if he suffered through beach day with me and the guys.
Is this emotional extortion? I mean, yeah. But I want them all to get to know each other better. After our ice cream night, Mars said he would try. And I intend to facilitate that at every opportunity.
And I could strangle Caleb and Jake right now. They’re being so weird. I’m pretty sure Caleb means to avoid his feelings with his dying breath. It’s been so hard not to just slam open the door while Jake is in the shower and shout out, “Caleb is in love with you, you idiot!”
Meanwhile, Ilmari is using his no car bullshit as an excuse to stay away. They’re all running scared. From their feelings, from each other. Well, it stops today. Poseidon and I have a plan. Operation Beach Day will give us all a chance to just relax. And the public venue means there’s no chance of feelings boiling over into action. I may be a horny little horndog after three men at once, but I draw the line at public indecency.
Speaking of horny…
“Hellooooo,” Tess sings into the phone. “Earth to Rachel. You there? You were in the middle of telling me how you’ve added a third freaking man to your hockey harem!”
I snort. Tess is the only one who knows about the guys. I’ve been hiding it from everyone. I’ve all but iced out Harrison. I’m pretending we’re playing the world’s longest, most unsatisfying game of phone tag, but really I’m hiding. I’m not ready to pop the pretty pink bubble of my new, very fragile polyam relationship.
“Rachel, I swear to god—”
“I’m here,” I say with a laugh, checking traffic as I make a turn at a red light.
“So…what’s the deal? You went to Cincinnati with the goalie—stood me up, by the way,” she adds. “I had an expensive bottle of wine and a $70 cheese board waiting for you, bitch.”
I snort. “Yeah, well I had a 6’5” blond Viking saying ‘bend over.’ You tell me what you would’ve done in my position, Tess.”
“Ooooohmygod,” she squeals. “He did not say that!”
“He did,” I reply, my chest feeling all warm and fuzzy.
“So…what is this then? The boys and you are all one big happy family? You’re taking dicks three at a time, living the dream in the beach house with the dog and the four-person income? When’s the wedding? Am I invited?”
I groan, hands gripping tight to the wheel.
“Uh-oh. Trouble in paradise? It’s been like a week, Rach. What happened?”
“I don’t know. There’s something they’re not saying. Something holding them back. Caleb and Jake, at least. I feel like the vibe between us can’t settle until they let their secrets out.”
“Rach, this whole thing is one big messy secret,” she replies. “You’ve all but made me swear in blood to stay silent. They’ve got secrets, you’ve got secrets, and you’re keeping it all a secret. I don’t know how you’re doing it, honestly. And I don’t know how they’re cool with it.”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean that guys like that…rich guys, confident guys, guys used to showing off their girls and being super public with their relationships…asking them to shut up and hide out in the corner with you while you work through your trauma has got to be tough on them.”
I sigh. “Tess—”
“I know, I know,” she says quickly. “I didn’t live through it with you. And I know how hard you’ve worked to rehab your image. But…” She sighs, falling silent.
“But what?” I urge.
“Well…at least part of you has to know what you’re doing here, right?”
“What do you mean?”
She huffs. “Come on, Rach. You know the press heat you’ll get for this when it comes out. ‘Hal Price’s wild daughter dating three men.’ The headlines will write themselves. You’ve got two NHL players and their equipment manager wrapped around your sexy little finger. When this blows up in your face—and it will blow up in your face, because secrets like this always do—you’ll leave a Rachel-sized crater in their lives. They’ll never recover, babe. Their careers, their hearts. You’ll blow them wide open, and leave them for dead.”
My heart is pounding as I check my mirrors, switching lanes. “What do you mean ‘leave them for dead?’”
“Well…”
“Tess,” I hiss into the phone.
“Fine,” she huffs. “I’ll just say it, okay? I’m saying it. You’ve got priors. You never stick around, Rach. The moment things get tough, you bail. The moment things get too public, you bail. If you think there will be a nanosecond of press scrutiny on your life or your decisions, you bail. You’ve perfected the art of living like a mouse in the wall.”
“This is different,” I say quickly.
“How is this different? All I’ve heard is that you’re living in a mousey little nest of secrets. You’re living with two men, involved with a third. They all live very high-profile lives and yet you’re managing to keep it all under wraps. But that won’t last, Rach. Listen to Tess. You will get caught. What’s your game plan when you do? You gonna break up with them all and bail again? You going to pick one and yeet the others? Or are you gonna put on your big girl panties and march out into your own dang spotlight and live your life boldly on your terms?”
“But it’s not just my life,” I say, pulling over at the front of Ilmari’s neighborhood. “They didn’t sign up for my mess—”
“They did,” she presses. “By choosing you, they chose your baggage too. That’s how grown-up relationships work, Rach. They don’t get the girl without the drama. If all three of them are sticking, and you want them to stick, you gotta let them stick, babe. But you have to come up with a plan. Sit down with them, ask them what they want, and plan it out. I love you, and I don’t want you hurt, and I really don’t want to see you live with the pain of having hurt them.”
I sigh, dropping my forehead down to my knuckles on the steering wheel. “You’re right.”
“Of course, I’m right. I’m a freaking genius…also this is a straightforward relationship problem with a super easy solution, so…”
I laugh. “Super easy?”
“Yep,” she replies. “It’s called communication, Rachel. That’s the beginning and the end of your problems. They need to communicate with each other, and you need to communicate with them. I won’t pretend to be the queen of polyam relationships. But I do know something about failed relationships and toxic relationships…and one-sided relationships. And I definitely know about staying in a relationship long after it’s ended. The missing link in all of them? Open communication. Talk to your boys. Make them talk to each other.”
I sigh again, glancing in my review mirror to see Poseidon standing, his nose poking over the top of the back seat, smiling at me with those pretty blue eyes. Maybe Operation Beach Day is coming at just the right time.
“Tess, I gotta go,” I say, quickly spinning out a new plan.
“Okay. Well, let me know how it goes!”
We hang up and I drive down to the back of the little neighborhood, pulling up outside Ilmari’s house. “Come, Sy,” I say. He pops through the front seats and shoots like a rocket out of the car, rushing for Ilmari’s front door. He yips in excitement, jumping up and down as Ilmari opens his door.
As I walk up the little stone path, I hear him cooing at the dog in Finnish, petting him. I can’t help but smile. He’s wearing a pair of board shorts and a tank top, his hair pulled up in his characteristic bun, a beach towel tucked under his arm.
“Hey, Rakas,” he says at me, holding out a hand.
I take it and he reels me in, Sy dancing at our feet as we kiss. “Hey,” I say, my nerves settling at his mere touch.
“What’s wrong?” he says, sensing my mood.
Big girl panties, Rach. You can do this.
“Do you mind if we come in for a minute?” I say.
Without hesitation he steps back, gesturing me inside. Poseidon darts in first, eager to explore. I follow him in.
Ilmari shuts the door behind me. “What’s wrong, Rakas? What happened?”
I take a deep breath, turning to face him. “Get your phone out, Mars.”
He narrows his eyes at me. “Why?”
“Because I want you to google me. There’s some stuff you deserve to know before this goes any further.”
