“So, how did you two meet exactly?”
I glance sharply across the table at Rachel. She’s wedged into the booth between Ilmari and Jake. I’m in the corner on our side, Ryan next to me, and Caleb on the end. It’s Friday and we’re all enjoying a decadent sushi lunch before the guys have to report downtown for some media event arranged by Poppy.
Ryan asked the question. In his defense, Rachel left the door wide open by cracking a joke about the time we were kicked out of a spin class for hacking the Bluetooth speaker and changing the teacher’s god-awful techno music.
Rachel snatches up her Diet Coke. “Umm…in Cincinnati.”
“Duh, we all know that, Seattle,” Jake teases, taking the last salmon nigiri off the sushi boat with his chopsticks. “He asked how you met. Not where.”
“She knows exactly what he asked,” Caleb says from the table’s end, grabbing the last soft-shell crab roll. “She’s deflecting,” he adds, dipping it in soy sauce.
“Thank you, Captain Obvious,” I say.
Ryan glances between us. “What am I missing? Is it a state secret or something?”
“It’s not a secret,” I reply, taking a sip of my iced tea. “It’s just a little embarrassing.”
“It’s not embarrassing,” Rachel counters.
I set my drink down. “I was stumbling drunk in a gutter, okay? Rachel literally pulled me up out of the gutter, like I was a stray cat.”
Around the table, the guys all go still.
“It wasn’t quite as dramatic as that,” Rachel says.
“It was,” I press. “It was like that scene out of Breakfast at Tiffany’s where she chases after the cat in the rain. Rachel appeared looking like…well, her,” I say with a wave across the table. “I think you were even wearing the black dress and the pearl earrings. Meanwhile, I was the stinky, wet cat hiding in the gutter.”
“Why were you in a gutter?” Jake asks, his kind eyes locked on me.
I purse my lips, trying to suppress the memories of what is arguably one of the worst nights of my life. No such luck. Opening that mental door has it all sweeping back in. I can almost feel the cold rain on my skin.
“It was my birthday,” I begin. “I was supposed to be at my not-so-surprise party, but I chose to get drunk and stumble down the streets of Cincinnati instead.”
“It was my first night in the city,” Rachel adds. “The sport clinic took all the new residents out for dinner, hence my fancy duds.”
“Why didn’t you want to go to your birthday party?” Ryan asks, giving me his full attention.
I clear my throat, unabashedly holding his gaze. “Well, seeing as earlier that afternoon I caught my husband with his pants down in his office, choking his secretary with his dick, I wasn’t feeling in all that festive of a mood. Especially not once I got to the surprise party and saw her blowing on a noisemaker with the same lips she used to blow my husband. So yeah, I bailed through the bathroom window and took myself drinking instead.”
“Jesus.” With a glare, Jake glances around the table at his partners. “If any of you ever do that to me, I’m just setting the building on fire. You’ve been fucking warned.”
“I’m sorry, Tess,” Ryan says, his hand brushing my thigh.
I shift away, snatching for my drink again. “It all worked out in the end,” I say, going for a casual tone. “Rachel took me back to her hotel, dried me off, and tucked me in on her very uncomfortable sofa. I think I cried in her arms for two hours, threw up in the bathtub, and in the morning, we ate our weight in French toast. We’ve been best friends ever since.”
Rachel gives me a weak smile. It’s hard to think about where we started and not feel haunted by that most broken version of myself. That was Tess Owens at rock-freaking-bottom. Hopeless, joyless, friendless. I was too angry and embarrassed to go crawling back to Troy, back to the house that never felt like a home. I was ready to freeze in the gutter instead. I really did feel lower than a cold, wet alley cat.
But then Rachel was there, smiling down at me like a dark-haired angel. She held out her hand and literally pulled me from my misery. She took all those shattered, broken pieces of me and helped me hold them together with tape and glue. We moved in together, we cooked together, shopped for furniture and groceries. We made margaritas in our underwear and danced in the kitchen. And god but we laughed.
She’s a doctor, right? She knows how to diagnose a patient and prescribe the proper medicine. In my case, the cure to the bottomless shame and despair I felt over my failed marriage was rib-cracking, spleen-rupturing levels of uncontrollable laughter.
And meaningless sex with hot women.
Oh, and copious amounts of Thai food.
“You’ve come so far, Tess,” Rachel says from across the table. “I haven’t seen you this happy in a long time,” she adds with a smile at Ryan. “Jacksonville is good for you.”
“So is sex with hunky hockey players,” Caleb teases. “Ouch—” He hisses, glaring at Mars, who probably just kicked him under the table.
“Yeah, well you would know,” Rachel teases him right back.
Across from me, Jake laughs. “Dude, did you just call Langers hunky?”
“Shit, guys, it’s almost 1:00 p.m.,” Caleb says, ignoring his partners as he glances down at his phone.
Collective groans go up around the table. None of them want to go to the media event today.
They all slide out of the booth, Rachel’s guys each giving her a kiss in parting. Ryan and I drove together and I’m suddenly realizing that if he’s leaving—
“Here,” he says, holding out his keys.
I glance up. “I can’t take your car.”
“I’m riding with the guys. They’ll drop me off later.”
“But—”
“Relax,” he says with a smile. “It’s a set of keys, not a diamond ring. You just need a way home.” And then, as if we’re making it a freaking habit, he leans in and kisses me right in front of Rachel, dropping the keys in my open palm. “See you later, beautiful,” he says against my lips.
And just like that, he slips out of the booth, taking all my air with him. The guys all shuffle away, leaving Rachel and I alone at the table. I glare across the empty sushi boat at her. Sharing sushi with four hockey players means there’s literally nothing left, not even the ginger garnish.
“Why are you all being so cool about this?” I say, arms crossed as I stare her down.
“What do you mean?” she asks, taking a sip of her Diet Coke.
“I mean why aren’t you threatening him or making him miserable with invasive questions and best friend attempts to protect my virtue? Where’s the righteous indignation?”
She smirks. “What makes you think we haven’t tried that already and it just didn’t work?”
I roll my eyes.
“Besides, do you really need me to protect your virtue?”
“You’ve never liked anyone that I’ve dated,” I press, my glare deepening.
She meets me stare for stare. “Is that what you’re doing, Tess? Are you and Langley dating?”
I lean across the table. “What are you up to, Rachel Price? You always hate my partners.”
“Because you always date losers who are no good for you,” she replies.
I huff, leaning away. “Erica was an art historian with a degree from Brown. She played the viola and she spoke four languages. You’re calling her a loser?”
“She was an emotional leech who bored you to death,” she counters, not missing a beat. “And the sex was middling at best, you told me yourself. She wasn’t a good match for you, Tess. You need…more. You need competence and confidence. You need excitement and playful curiosity. And you need someone who can call you on your shit,” she adds with a pointed look.
“Oh, and you think a twenty-two-year-old hockey boy is all those things?”
“Tell me he’s not,” she parries. “Tess, I have never seen you light up the way you do around Ryan. You’re comfortable with him. You’re…you. What is it about him that has you so hooked? What happened?”
“I told you what happened,” I reply, my voice lowering. “We had sex,” I say, mouthing the last word.
She rolls her eyes, speaking at a normal volume. “I know you’re having sex. That’s what happened this week. I’m talking about before.”
“Before when?”
“Before before,” she presses. “You two have been keeping dirty little secrets for weeks. Hell, I’m pretty sure it’s been months. Otherwise, how did you get so hung up on him so fast?”
“I—fuck—it was beach day, okay? We shared a sort of kismet moment.”
“Yeah, the soccer ball to the head,” she replies. “I was standing right there.”
“No, this was after.”
“After what?”
“After the beach.”
Her eyes narrow. “You just said it was on beach day.”
“It was after I left the beach,” I explain. “I went back to Jake’s to get ready for my dinner date with Charity and I may have slipped out of my suit and tossed it in the washing machine. And then I may have…wandered around naked a little.”
“Oh, Tess.” Rachel shakes her head, a smile quirking her lips.
“Yes, okay? He saw me naked on beach day. He was in the pantry, digging around like a raccoon, looking for more chips, and I didn’t see him in there.”
“And you gave him more to look at,” she teases. “So, that’s the big secret? He saw you naked on beach day?”
I glance back up at her.
She goes still, her smiling falling. “Oh, what the hell did you do? Did you fuck Ryan on beach day? Is that when this all began—”
“No,” I rasp. “And shush. Do we need this whole restaurant to know our business?”
“Will you just tell me what happened—”
“We kissed, alright?” I say over her. “We—well, we shared a perfect fucking moment if you must know. He was flirty and sweet and attentive, and we kissed, and I was naked, and it was magical. And I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want you giving me judgy eyes or unsolicited advice—or worse, looking at me like that,” I say, pointing at her face.
“Like what?” she replies, eyes wide.
“Like you see hope for His & Hers towels in our future,” I hiss.
It’s her turn to glare. “You know I would never give you monogramed towels as a wedding present. Is that really what you think of me?”
“This is so not about the towels. Why are you so okay with me dating Ryan?”
“Because he’s good for you and he’s good to you. What else could I possibly want for you in a partner?” she replies. “I’m just terrified that you’re not in the right place to receive his love, and you’re both gonna end up hurt. And I don’t know how to talk to you about it without making you bolt even faster.”
“Do you see me bolting?”
“Your running shoes are on, and you’re waiting for the sound of that starter pistol,” she replies honestly. “You always are, honey. And Ryan doesn’t deserve that. Frankly, neither do you. We all just want you both happy. If your best happiness comes from being together, that’s what we want.”
I suck in a breath. “Rachel…”
“That sweet man is not gonna bolt,” she says, pointing her finger in the direction of the restaurant windows. “Ryan Langley stays. If you want him, he’s yours for the taking. If you don’t, let him down gently…and soon. Because he is crazy about you, honey. He’s in this. He’s sticking. Let him stick…or let him go.”
“I can’t give him what he wants,” I whisper, tears burning in my eyes.
“He wants you,” she replies. “Correct me if I’m wrong, but you’re the only person who can give him that.”
“He wants a version of me that I don’t know if I’m ready to be,” I explain.
“And what version is that?”
I swallow down the emotion sitting thick in my throat. “Wild Tess,” I whisper. “The Tess who laughs and dances in her underwear. Free Tess who says what she thinks and takes what she wants. Fun Tess who plays with toys and fucks with joyful abandon.”
“He wants you then,” she says with a soft smile. “The woman you just described is the Tess I know and love. He sees you too, doesn’t he?”
I nod, glancing down at the empty sushi boat. “Yeah, I think he does.”
“And you’re terrified of being seen,” she summarizes.
I nod again.
“I’m sorry,” she says after a quiet minute. “I want to be there for you, but I don’t always get it right. I think it’s time that I settle for being your friend, not your partner or your guardian, certainly not your parent. Tess, I’m sorry. If I’ve ever overstepped or gotten in the way, I’m really sorry.”
I glance across the table. “Where is this coming from?”
She smirks. “Ryan might have yelled at me the other day.”
I gasp. “He did? Oh god, what did he say?”
Her smile widens. “He called me Hades…and he called my guys Cerberus…before he told us all to back the fuck off and leave you two alone. He seems to think he can take better care of you than I can.”
I laugh, picturing it in my mind. “Hades? Girl, that’s probably gonna stick.”
“I know. For a sweet puppy he’s got some bark,” she teases. “And a little bite.”
I groan, wiping my tear away with a frustrated flick of my finger. “Fuck, I cannot fall for a Virgo right now. He’s too centered for me, too uncomplicated.”
“He’s perfect for you,” she counters. “You need centered and uncomplicated. Does he call you out on your crap?”
“Yes. All the freaking time. It’s like I can’t get anything past him.”
Her smile widens. “Good. Is the sex any good?”
I glance up, letting her read my expression, and her smile turns into a laugh. Pretty soon we’re both laughing, holding our sides with tears in our eyes.
“Oh, you are in so much trouble,” she says with a slow shake of her head. “These Rays are something else, huh?”
“Says the woman who snagged not one but three,” I reply.
“Right?” She laughs. “You’re talking to the expert.”
“So, what do I do, oh wise one?” I tease. “Teach me the ways of the Rays Whisperer.”
She’s somber for a minute, her smile falling as her tone turns serious. “Don’t worry about Ryan or who you think he wants you to be. If you want to be fun Tess again, be her for yourself. Dance in your underwear, eat whipped cream from the can. Wild Tess is yours before she belongs to anyone else.”
Her words coil deep in my heart, settling in my soul. Wild Tess is mine. Wild Tess is me.
