“LIVVY!” Mari calls from outside the dressing room. “Do you need help?”
“No, I’ve got it.” I strip down to just my panties since I probably won’t be able to wear a bra.
Before grabbing the black dress Mari picked out for me, I stare at my body in the mirror for a moment.
Why do my boobs have to be so big and unsightly? They hang down almost to my belly. You’d think I had three kids.
Cole is standing right outside. Every flaw will be on display for his eyes.
I grit my teeth as I slip the tight fabric up my thighs, over my belly, and up to my chest. Goodness, I hate how the fabric clings to my every curve.
After pulling on the last strap, I keep my gaze away from the mirror. If I look at myself, I might chicken out. I already want to cringe at how the air hits my chest with this plunge neckline. It makes me feel disgusting.
In theory, I know I don’t really look disgusting, but this is the problem with sexual shame. It’s visceral. How can you talk yourself out of something you feel in your body? It’s like trying to reason away a fever.
“Is it on?” Mari shouts.
“Yes…unfortunately.”
“I don’t want to hear any of that. That’s our old youth pastor talking, making you feel ashamed for simply having breasts.”
A smile rises to my lips. “This is more than having breasts. This dress is practically lingerie.”
“Yes,” Mari shouts. “That’s exactly why I picked it. Okay, give us a runway walk.”
“I’ll give you guys a quick look, and that’s it. Mari, you can come in here if you want to get a better view of it.”
“Come on, Liv. You know Cole has been dying to see your beautiful boobs since the moment he
Cole chuckles, but I get the sense that he’s uncomfortable, and a smile rises to my lips. Goodness, Mari is so bold. She’s the ideal person to help me through this whole process. I need her to push me.
“My boobs are a problem in this dress.” I try to keep my voice low while still projecting it out of the dressing room. “I can’t wear a bra, and, Mari, you know how they don’t stay in one place without one. They keep moving around, and I’m worried someone’s going to see my…” I lower my voice to just above a whisper, “nipples.”
Mari cackles. “You have to see Cole’s face right now. It’s bright red.”
“Aww, I’m sorry, Cole.”
His laughter sounds a little forced. “It’s okay. I can go outside and wait if you want.”
“No, don’t do that. I highly doubt I’m going to buy this one, but I still want your opinion on it.”
I have to do this. If I can’t even show my body off in a dress, how can I ever expect to get naked in front of him? I straighten my spine and open the curtain.
Cole and Mari stand only a few feet away, and both of their heads perk up. I make my way out of the dressing room toward Mari. I can’t look at Cole’s face. Not yet.
“Oh my God!” Mari’s lips part into an open-mouthed grin. “This is it. This is the dress. You look like a goddess. I’m not kidding.”
When I start to complain, she halts me with her hand. “Don’t! Just listen to me first.”
I close my mouth and exhale heavily through my nose.
She looks at me probingly. “Your boobs look amazing. You understand that, right? Even if you don’t feel like it?”
“Sort of.”
“No, not sort of. You know. In your heart of hearts, you know your boobs look amazing. Just imagine if they were someone else’s boobs. Would you think they looked good?”
“I don’t know…”
“Think of Brenna. She has boobs like yours. Do you think they look good on her?”
My brow knits as Mariana’s short and curvy friend flashes in my mind. I guess she does have a similar body type, and she often wears shirts that show her cleavage. “Yeah, she does have really nice boobs.”
“See! You do understand.” She places her soft hands on my cheeks and forces me to look up at her. “You not wanting to show off your boobs is not you. It’s a youth pastor telling you your T-shirts are too tight and causing the boys to stumble in their faith. Your body remembers being told those things, even if you don’t agree with them now.”
She’s right. She’s absolutely right.
“Cole, can I get your help?” Mari places both hands on my shoulders and twists me around. “Tell her how good her boobs look.”
It takes me a moment before I can look up at his face, but when I do, a pleasant tingle runs over
my skin. His lips are slightly parted, and his wide eyes are fixed on my chest. He’s never looked at me like that before.
Strangely, I don’t want to cover my chest like I thought I would. The look in his eyes makes me feel almost…
Powerful.
“Cole,” Mari’s voice is almost a shout this time, and he snaps his gaze up to her face.
“Yeah…” He lifts his hand and scratches the back of his head. “She looks beautiful. She always looks beautiful.”
“No.” Mari shakes her head sharply. “Don’t minimize it. You know this dress is on a whole other level, and I asked you specifically about her boobs. She’s self-conscious about them. We were raised to think that our bodies are sinful. Livvy especially got hit hard with it, because she developed when we were really young. Tell her how luscious and gorgeous they are. How you want to squeeze them.”
I snort out a laugh. “Mari, stop.”
She looks at me sternly. “When you wear this out tonight, people are going to be staring at your boobs. They won’t be able to help it. How are you going to handle it if you’re too embarrassed to let Cole look at them?”
“I just don’t want him to feel forced to say—”
“I don’t feel forced, Livvy.” When I glance at Cole, his eyes are almost dazed. They drop to my chest, and that achy heat fills my belly once again. “You look…gorgeous. Fucking goddamn…” He shakes his head.
I can’t stop the grin from spreading across my face, even though it probably makes me look girlish. “Well, in that case, I’ll get the dress.” I turn to Mari, frowning. “But what am I going to do about my boobs? They move around too much. How can I stop them from falling out?”
“I’ve got you covered. We’ll tape them.”
I wince. “It always looks so painful when you tape yours.”
“It’s not at all. Trust me. And you’ll feel supported. We’ll push them up like this—” she cups my boobs and smashes them together, “—to give you the best cleavage. What do you think, Cole?”
A little laugh is pulled from my chest, and when I glance at Cole, his eyes are molten again.
“She looks great.” His voice is breathy.
My goodness, he really likes how I look in this dress. Maybe I wasn’t reading too much into that kiss.
Maybe he really does want me.
“Okay,” I say. “But where are we going to get ready? I really don’t want my parents seeing me dressed like this. Not yet. Honestly, I’m not even comfortable with your parents seeing me. Or your abuela. It’s silly, but I know how disappointed they’ll be in me, and I love them so much. It’ll make me sad and just throw off my whole vibe for tonight, you know?”
Mari nods slowly. “And you know my dad will tell your dad.”
I smile sadly. “They’re going to start praying for both of us.”
“Why don’t you guys get ready at my place?” Cole says. “I can stay out of your way when you…
You know… Tape her up. I’ll make you guys dinner.” He looks at Mari, his brows drawing together.
“We need to make sure she eats a full meal before we go out. I don’t want her getting drunk too fast.”
Mari nods. “Lots of protein. She’s going to want carbs—”
“You guys,” I interrupt, rolling my eyes.
Their heads snap in my direction, as if they’d forgotten I was here.
“I appreciate how much you’re both looking out for me, but I don’t think either of you had anyone acting like this the first time you got drunk, and you both turned out just fine. I want to feel like a regular college student. Let me have a wild night. If I get drunk too fast because I didn’t eat enough protein, that’s on me. Let me suffer the consequences of my actions, like you two have on nights when you’ve had too much to drink.”
Mari opens her mouth to speak, but Cole talks over her. “We agreed I’ll look out for you so that you can relax and have a good time, and that’s what I’m going to do. I’m not letting you get sick.”
I sigh, not wanting to get into an argument with him when it’s a reasonable expectation. Still, it would be nice if he framed it as a request instead of a command. I smile warmly at him. “That’s very thoughtful.”
His expression softens. “I just want you to have fun.”
“I know you do.” When I reach out and touch his arm, his body goes rigid at first, but then it relaxes, and his gaze drifts to my chest.
Wow. This is new. I don’t think I’ve ever caught him staring at my boobs before, let alone three times in five minutes.
“If you really want Livvy to have a good time, you should invite some of your hot friends. Ooh, maybe we could even pre-party at your place?”
Cole’s posture grows rigid. “I don’t want to make her nervous with too many people.”
I shake my head. “It won’t. I want to force myself to socialize more.” I look at Mari. “We could have Travis meet us there instead of at the bars.”
Cole’s jaw ticks. “Travis is coming out tonight?”
Mari nods. “Livvy’s considering him for her first drunken make-out session, but we also talked about Zac.”
Cole’s eyebrows shoot to the top of his forehead. “She is not making out with Zac.”
“Why not?” Mari asks.
His expression grows incredulous. “He’s one of my best friends.”
“What difference does that make?” Her tone is suspiciously earnest.
When Cole’s eyes widen and then grow dazed, I take it as my cue to step in.
“I won’t make out with Zac. I can see how that would make you uncomfortable.”
His expression softens. “No, it’s okay. I trust Zac. And if you’re going to…” He inhales a deep
breath before giving me a hard stare. “If you’re going to do this, I’d rather it be with people I trust. I can even invite over a few of my old baseball buddies. I would trust any of them with my life.”
Mari smiles wide. “Livvy, if you could pick from the baseball team like they were a box of truffles, which ones would you select?”
“Hmm… Theo’s really cute.”
Cole’s mouth tightens. “You called Theo a man-whore.”
I scowl. “The old judgmental Livvy said things like that. Now I would say that he has sex like a normal person.” I shoot Mari a saucy smile. “Guys who have lots of sex are probably good at kissing, right?”
She smiles back. “Absolutely. If you know how to move your dick, you know how to move your tongue. The two things go hand in hand.”
When I giggle, Cole steps forward, his expression tight. “Mari, let’s not push her with all this stuff. We need her to take it slow.”
A hint of a smile touches Mari’s lips. “We need that? Why do we need that?”
His nostrils flare. “She’s shy. We don’t want her—”
“We,” Mari interrupts. “You keep saying that like we’re on the same page, and we’re not. I want her to break out of her shell. You seem like you don’t want her to. In fact, whenever she’s around other guys, you look like you want to lock her up.”
He huffs out a laugh, but the sound of it is brittle.
“It’s okay. I know you’re just worried about me,” I say to Cole, though I’m starting to wonder if maybe it’s more complicated than that. “Tonight, I’ll just focus on getting drunk and flirting. I’ll only make out with someone if it feels right.”
His jaw clenches. “And I’ll be right there if you need me. I’ll make sure you’re safe.”
I smile. “Thank you, Daddy.”
He averts his gaze from mine and exhales an unsteady breath.
Cole
HER SOFT VOICE floats into my kitchen, and my whole body relaxes. I can’t quite make out what she’s saying over the sizzling bacon, but I can tell just from her tone that she’s really trying to assert herself. She’s spoken much more than she normally does when she’s in a group of guys. Whenever I’ve brought her around my male friends before, she’s stayed glued to my side as if she might get devoured by a wild animal if I left her alone. Fuck, she’s so sweet.
And so vulnerable.
There are three guys in there, all of whom I know well, and I still can’t relax.
Why do I want to hit something?
It’s good that she’s putting herself out there and pushing through her shyness. I’m a selfish bastard for wanting her to be the way she was before—sitting so close our legs were almost touching and reserving her smiles only for me when I turned and talked softly to her.
If I could only say yes to her proposition, none of this would be happening. There would be no point in inviting guys over. I could give her everything.
God fucking damn it, why does she have to be so tempting? I can’t have her that way. It will put me on the path toward losing her forever.
When the bacon strips are nearly black at the edges, I scoop them up and plop them onto a plate. I march out into my small living room. All three guys are standing around where she sits on the couch.
Her tits are practically falling out of that dress, even with all the tape Mari put on them, but I can’t let myself look at them again.
I might lose my mind.
I set the plate down on the coffee table in front of her. “I want you to eat all of this before we leave.”
Her brow knits. “You were making that bacon for me?”
I shrug. “You love it.”
“I mean… Yeah, but I already had dinner.”
“You picked at it. You barely ate anything, and we ate way too early. You need something more before you start drinking.”
She frowns. “I don’t think I can eat all of it. Do you mind if I share it with everyone?”
“Don’t argue with Daddy,” Mari says.
Livvy smiles up at me. “Are you going to spank me if I don’t eat every bite?”
When chuckles break out, Livvy’s grin widens, and my heart squeezes in my chest. Oh God, I don’t even think she realizes how sexual that sounded. She just thinks it’s funny because her insane parents actually spanked her until she was thirteen years old. She has no clue that every guy in this room is probably imagining doing it to her now. I can’t stand this. I want to haul her away from here.
With effort, I shoot her a reassuring smile. “Eat as much as you can.” Be a good girl for me. The words hover on the tip of my tongue, as they always do when she unintentionally turns me on.
“Alright!” Mari claps her hands. “Daddy Cole, you need to give her some room if we’re going to get her out of her shell tonight. Livvy’s goal is to have a wild, hot-girl summer. She’s finally living like a regular college student, and we’re going to help her. We’re going to get her to flirt tonight. She doesn’t know how, and it’s not her fault. It’s a Christian thing. We were taught to evangelize, which is the opposite of flirting.”
“Yep,” Travis says. “It’s why we’re all socially awkward.”
Mari nods. “You can all help her practice by flirting like crazy with her.”
Theo looks at me, his eyes wide. “Are you okay with this?”
Heat washes over my skin. I’m about to answer when Zac bursts into laughter. “No fucking way, dude.” He’s still chuckling as he looks at Livvy. “Don’t get me wrong, I would love to flirt with you, but I’m going to self-eliminate. Cole would kill me. Literally kill me.”
“No, I wouldn’t.” I glare at him. “I’ve only been protective of her in the past because she didn’t want the attention. Now she does, and I’d rather you flirt with her than a stranger at the bar.”
Zac snorts. “A stranger at the bar. God have mercy on his soul. You are very hot, Livvy, but I’m not risking my life just to flirt with you. Now, Mariana on the other hand…”
“No.” Mari shakes her head. “Tonight’s about Livvy. I’m going to busy finding guys for her.”
“I’m happy to volunteer,” Travis says, and my jaw clenches.
“Thank you, Travis,” Mari says. “Why don’t you start by sitting next to Livvy?”
“Jesus, Mari,” I can’t help but burst out. “Can’t you just let it happen naturally? This is awkward as fuck for everyone.”
She glares at me, but something that looks like mischief sparks in her eyes.
Goddamn her, she’s doing this just to annoy me. Mari’s always known how to get under my skin when it comes to Livvy. She probably senses that I’m hanging on by a thread, that it’s killing me not to order the guys to stay away from her.
Livvy turns to me, laughter dancing in her eyes. “It’s okay. I’m having fun.”
The tension leaves my shoulders at the delight in her voice. I can do this. I can get through the night, especially if she’s having fun. What are the odds that she’s actually going to make out with someone? Slim to none. She can’t change who she is in one night.
Livvy glances at Travis and then Theo. “You can both sit next to me.”
The guys grin, like they’re charmed by her awkward little suggestion. How could they not be? She doesn’t have to be good at flirting when she’s the most adorable person in the world.
Both of the guys plop down on the couch, scooting close to her afterward, and something churns in my stomach. Fuck, I don’t like this.
Livvy smiles up at Zac. “I would invite you too, but you already said no to flirting, and there’s no more room.”
Zac grins at her. “That’s okay, sweetheart. I like my life.”
I roll my eyes. “Zac, that joke is getting old.”
“It’s not a joke,” Mari says, shooting me a hard look. “I want to talk to both of you for a second.”
Before I get a chance to speak, Mari grabs Zac and I and drags us into the kitchen. I can’t stop my gaze from drifting back into the living room.
Travis is leaning in close to Livvy, and she’s smiling up at him.
“She’s fine.”
My gaze snaps to Mari’s face. “What do you want to talk about?”
“This.” She gestures at me. “You’re hovering over Livvy, and it needs to stop.”
“I was literally just standing there.”
She rolls her eyes. “No, you weren’t. Zac, was he hovering?”
“Yes,” he answers immediately. “He always hovers over her.”
I scowl at him. “What the fuck does that even mean?”
“You give her no space,” Mari says. “You stand right next to her. You insert yourself into all her conversations.”
“So I’m acting like normal fucking human beings do when they hang out with people?”
“You don’t look like a normal human being.” She gestures at me. “You’re huge. What guy is going to be brave enough to approach her at the bar when her glaring six-foot-five bodyguard is hovering?”
I raise both hands into the air. “What exactly am I supposed to do about that? I can’t help that I’m tall.”
Mari’s expression grows exasperated and she glances at Zac. “Please help me.”
“Do what we’re doing right now,” he says. “Stay back a little bit. Maybe find your own girl tonight—”
“Absolutely not,” I say. “I’m not leaving her alone her first time out drinking.”
Mari’s eyelids flutter dramatically. “Okay, I think we’re talking in circles here.”
Livvy’s giggle floats into the kitchen, and my chest grows heavy. That was genuine laughter. Livvy will laugh at anything. She’s always so worried about hurting people’s feelings, and when they tell dumb jokes, she gives a forced giggle.
That wasn’t it though.
I only hear that laugh when it’s just the two of us.
When I glance into the living room, she’s smiling shyly at Travis. “I don’t know if you have a good heart, but I don’t have any reason to think you don’t.”
Mari sucks in her lips to fight a smile, her expression growing almost pained. “A good heart?” she whispers. “Did she really just say that? Oh my God, my bestie is precious.”
Heat pulses through my veins as I strain to listen over Mari’s voice.
“I wish I had talked to you more,” Travis says. “I bet I seemed like a dirtbag back then.”
“No, not at all.” Livvy’s tone is urgent. “I was really judgmental of the kids I thought were rebellious, but that was mostly because they intimidated me.”
“Did I intimidate you?” Travis leans in so close his forehead is practically touching hers.
“A little bit.” She averts her gaze from his, clearly uncomfortable with his closeness.
When I take a step toward the living room, Mari grabs my forearm. “Don’t you dare.”
I lift a hand in the air. “I was literally just going to walk in there. It’s weird that we’re all whispering over here.”
“Stay.” She delivers the word through clenched teeth.
I exhale a shaky breath. Fuck, this is so hard. Why am I so territorial with her?
“I promise you I’m just another awkward Christian,” Travis says, and the gentleness in his tone makes me want to roll my eyes. He’s putting on a show for Livvy. I’ve never heard him talk about being religious before.
“If I seemed rebellious,” Travis says, “it’s because I’m a huge try-hard.”
Livvy giggles again. She loves it when people make fun of themselves. It endears them to her.
Goddamn Travis.
Theo walks into the kitchen and I spear him with a hard look. “What are you doing?” I ask.
“It seems like they’re hitting it off,” he says. “I thought I’d give them some alone time.” He frowns. “Isn’t that what you guys are doing?”
“We’re trying,” Mari says, glaring at me. “Not everyone wants to give her alone time.”
Theo snorts. “I can’t believe you’re allowing this. I always thought she was…your girlfriend, basically. Or that she’d be your girlfriend as soon as you’re ready to get married.”
I avert my gaze. “I’m never getting married. I don’t even believe in monogamy.”
“Okay, Cole,” Mari says. “We don’t need to hear your whole fuck-boy manifesto.” She looks at Theo and then Zac. “Livvy’s not planning on waiting until marriage anymore. She wants to lose her virginity this summer.”
“Jesus,” I whisper shout. “We don’t need to tell the whole world.”
Mari waves a hand at me, not even glancing my way. “Livvy’s not keeping it a secret. She actually wants to make out with someone tonight. If Travis doesn’t make a move, maybe one of you could—”
“We’re not doing that,” I say. “We agreed not to push her.”
Mari glares at me. “She’s already had her first kiss.”
“With me.” My voice feels like it’s coming from outside of my body. “She had her first kiss with me, because she trusts me.”
The kitchen grows quiet. Good God, what came over me?
“Holy shit,” Zac says. “When did this happen?”
I look away, unable to meet his eyes. Fuck, he’s never going to let this go. Now that he knows I kissed her, he’s going to harass me endlessly.
When I’m finally able to look at Mari, her grin makes heat break out over my skin. She knows what that was. She knows I was making sure they all know who she really belongs to.
She doesn’t, though. Why can’t I stop these impulses when I know they’re irrational?
“Livvy,” Mari calls out to the living room. “Hurry up and scarf your bacon so we can head to the bar.” She looks at Travis. “Do you want to be her gentleman escort?”
“I’m driving her,” I say.
“No, Daddy Cole.” Mari says. “It’s time to let the little one leave the nest.”
I roll my eyes. “Mari, the whole Daddy Cole thing is really starting to creep me out.”
“Only when I say it.” Her eyelids grow lazy “You love it when she calls you Daddy.”
When the guys chuckle quietly, I look away. Holy fuck, how am I going to get through the night?
