“You didn’t,” he said, frozen in place.
I pulled back my shoulders and froze, ready to fight, but not sure what Jax would do.
“I absolutely did.”
His nose scrunched and, for a quick second, I almost expected him to get mad, maybe yell, but he only leaned forward, wrapping his arms around me and sticking his cheek right against mine.
“Jax! Get off of me!”
“Can’t. We’re stuck now,” he said, making no attempt to move.
“We are not! Get off!”
He peeled away, and I was glad to see he at least kept most of his chest off of me.
Riot barked, jumping up at Jax to get between us, but Jax dropped, letting Riot smell the salve before petting him until he rolled over.
Suddenly my phone went off, pinging over and over, making my heart rate pick up with each new incoming text.
“Oh shit, I forgot to tell you that I gave Ash your number for the group chat,” he said, grabbing his own phone to glance at before setting it back down. “Sorry, I had no choice. She was going to come for me if I didn’t.”
“What? Why would she want that?”
“Check your phone and good luck. Please remember that I am not the one who inflicted this on you. It’s all my friends’ fault.”
I opened my phone to see a group chat that was already ten texts deep.
ASH
Hi Carly!
SCOUT
Finally.
KYE
Do you really think she wanted to be in on this? Say goodbye to your phone battery.
SCOUT
Why wouldn’t she? I keep trying to tell you guys that we’re delightful. Stop making people think we aren’t.
KYE
Speak for yourself
FOX
I’m pretty fucking delightful.
I looked up at Jax. “What is happening?”
He gave a tight smirk. “Welcome to the group chat. Like I said, good luck,” he said, laughing now. “They wanted you added. I can’t tell them no. Sorry.”
“Why would they want me on this?”
“Maybe because they like you? They want to talk to you?”
“Jax, I can barely handle texting one person back. What am I supposed to say?”
“You can be a grumpy little witch and tell them to shut up, or say nothing, or just join in the conversation. Whatever you want. The point was that they wanted to be able to tell you stuff, not to make you all anxious and feel obligated to respond. I go days without saying anything. Ransom just adds pictures. Kye only makes smartass comments. You can say hi or even send a middle finger emoji if you’re feeling extra feisty today.”
QUINN
We wanted to see if you guys were going to the races tonight?
SCOUT
I will be.
FOX
Shocking, Scout. And yeah, Ash and I are going. Leave in an hour?
KYE
I’ll meet you guys there.
QUINN
Sounds good. Carly? Jax?
“They are asking if we are going to the races tonight?” I said, not looking away from the texts coming in.
“Oh yeah, I forgot about that. Yeah, I’m going. Did you want to come?”
“Should I? Won’t there be a chance of Slaughter or Tristan there?”
“I doubt it. I haven’t seen Slaughter at races in months. I assume Tristan would be with him usually? They aren’t as interested when no one will bet them money. When everyone knows you don’t pay, but want to get paid, no one is interested in betting with you. I don’t know if you knew or not, but they got unofficially kicked out of Thursday night races. This one is even smaller than that, and is only happening because it’s supposed to rain on Thursday when everyone usually meets up,” he smiled up at me, still on the floor with Riot. “Plus, I’ll be there. Your dedicated bodyguard.”
I rolled my eyes. “Of course. How could I forget? So, what should I say then?”
He got up laughing. “You are overthinking this. You could literally only send an emoji and they won’t care. Do you want to go?”
“Actually…yeah, I do,” I said, surprising myself. I would normally choose to hide away, but for the first time in a long time, getting dressed up and going out sounded fun.
He moved behind me, wrapping his arms around me, and tapping at the phone. I tried not to move, the feel of him flush against me was both wonderful and tortuous.
CARLY
We are going. We’ll be downstairs in an hour.
“Now hit send,” he said, waiting as my thumb hovered over the button before hitting send. “Ahh, that’s my girl, being brave and texting a bunch of street racers all at once that you want to go hang out with them.” He started laughing hard, his body shaking behind me as he pulled away. “Not only hang out with them, but you want to go race with them.”
I stayed still, trying to hide the shiver that ran through me at him being so close. As soon as he stepped away, I stepped even further, needing that distance as my body flushed.
“Let’s eat then and get ready.”
I sat back, picking at my food, and thinking about what I was doing. He was right. I had just texted a big group of them that I wanted to go out to the races with them. And I think I was even looking forward to it.
A sudden wave of grief rolled over me. I wanted to text my sister.
She always tried to tell me to go out more with her, but I started to go less and less until I never went at all. She still did, always asking me to go with her, but I never liked her friends, so it was hard to have any fun when I did try to go.
She would laugh if I told her what I was willingly doing tonight.
The weight on my chest wasn’t easing, and I lost my appetite all at once.
“I’m going to go get ready,” I said, cleaning up, shaking off the sadness and trying to stay excited to go. At least Ash, Scout, and Quinn would be there. Maybe I could try talking to them more. They might understand why I missed my sister more than Jax could.
“I need to grab my clothes and then I’ll change in the bathroom.”
He nodded, following me into the bedroom.
As I turned to go to the dresser, Riot ran in, hitting my legs and throwing me to the side.
Jax grabbed me, pulling me hard against his chest and keeping me upright.
“Thanks.” I breathed, not looking any higher than his collarbone. The tattoo on his chest was full of intricate details that I was pretty sure I could stare at for hours, but the small block lettering that only said ‘forever’ was the only thing keeping my attention right now.
“You’re welcome,” he said, still holding onto me.
“How are you already naked again?”
“I only took my shirt off. I’m not naked.”
“Mmm, right,” I said, my hand splaying out across his abs. I really was only doing it to push away from him, but the minute I felt them, I lingered. They were so solid. One part of me could only think about dropping down and running my tongue down them.
The other part of me was horrified that I even thought of that.
“You can let me go now.”
He pulled away with a knowing smile before heading to the closet as though nothing happened, but my entire body was on fire.
Jax was attractive. It was hard not to notice, especially with that smile that seemed to never leave his face, but I wasn’t expecting to notice quite so much.
I couldn’t get any ideas that anything was happening and expect him to be interested in me. He could have any girl he wanted, not one with literal truck loads of baggage, about twenty extra pounds on her body, and not anywhere near the sweet, cuddly woman that would better suit his constant sunshine attitude.
I knew all this, and knew that it wouldn’t change, so every time I noticed just how good he looked, I would have to find a way to ignore it.
Since I never really cared about noticing guys and their looks, this could easily be controlled.
I glanced at the dresser, knowing the laptop was hidden away there and trying not to feel guilty. I still hadn’t had the guts to open it up and look through everything on it. I was too worried about what I would find and too worried that they would be able to track me somehow if I did. If there was evidence to get Slaughter in trouble, I would have to pursue it, and right now, I didn’t know if I could do that. The entire thing felt so overwhelming.
Worse than that, I wasn’t sure if I could tell Jax what part I had played in it all. If they knew that I helped, even inadvertently, they might worry that I was on Slaughter’s side of all this and not want to help me anymore. And if I didn’t have Jax’s help right now, I had no other options.
I grabbed my clothes and headed to the bathroom, hoping that all of my body would calm down by the time I came back out, including my brain.
I had chosen one of my favorite outfits. I could probably get away with wearing whatever I wanted tonight, but after days in the apartment, and years hiding in my old room, I wanted to feel good and go out, even if it was only to drive around.
I slid on my skirt, the zipper off to the side and a harness garter on one leg. I pulled on my bra, which was half a harness too, the straps wrapping around my neck before trailing back down. Last, I grabbed my shirt, the low cut top showing off so much of the bra that it looked like an accessory. It took me ten more minutes to fix my hair and put on some makeup before I was ready.
I thought I looked good.
For the first time in a while, I felt good.
I walked out, finding Jax leaning against the back of the couch, scrolling through his phone. He was in his dark jeans and t-shirt, a leather jacket thrown on the couch next to him, and hated how good he looked with his damp hair and defined muscles. I shouldn’t care about this. I shouldn’t worry about how cute that ridiculous smile was going to be.
But I cared. Every part of me cared.
“Ready?” he asked before finally looking up. “Fuck.”
His stunned gaze roamed up and down my body, inspecting every inch of my outfit.
“Well fuck,” he said again, getting up and coming closer. “What the hell is this? This looks like some sort of bondage outfit. It’s that kink thing from before, isn’t it?”
His eyes were wide as he mindlessly ran his fingers over the straps around my neck. The touch put me right back to where I was before.
So much for not bothering to notice him.
“It’s a part of my bra.”
His lips parted, and he pulled his hand back.
“Right. Wow.”
“I really can’t tell if that’s a bad wow or a good wow.”
“That’s a good wow. I didn’t know people wore these things in public. And wow, I also didn’t know I was going out to get into fights all night. I should probably change out of my favorite shirt to avoid blood stains.”
“And why would you be getting into fights?”
He waved his hand over me. “I don’t think I have to say anything. Look in a mirror. You aren’t going to be able to walk five feet without being hit on. Repeatedly. Have you been to any race night? Unsurprisingly, it’s a hopped up testosterone and adrenaline party with men clawing to take a woman like you home.” He grabbed his keys and headed to the door. “Fuck, I need to meet a girl,” he mumbled, but I heard it clear enough. I didn’t like that my heart fell at the words.
I didn’t realize that I had been looking forward to hearing his compliments. That I was waiting for his face to light up like it seemed to do at everything else, but he was only frowning now. The deep curve of his lips was unnerving when I was so used to his smile.
I pulled my shoulders back and tried to forget it.
Not that it mattered. What he thought of me didn’t matter. I repeated that four more times as I slid my shoes on.
“Ready?” he asked again, waiting as I stared at the open door.
“Yeah,” I growled, stomping out the door in front of him. I went to the garage, not bothering to wait for him as I headed to his car.
Quinn and Ransom were still at their car. “Whoa, who pissed you off?” Quinn asked. “I guess that’s a rhetorical question, considering you are staying with Jax. What did he say?”
“How do you know he said something?”
“Because Jax is gifted with saying and doing the wrong thing at the wrong time. We don’t know how he does it, how he senses it, but it never fails,” Ransom said.
“I can tell,” I replied as Jax came down. Quinn gave him a pointed glare before getting in the car with Ransom.
“What was that about?” he asked, watching me over the roof of the car.
“Nothing. Are we going?”
“Are you riding with me?” he asked, making rejection shoot through me.
“Should I not? I can go with someone else.”
“No, you should. I planned on you staying by me, but I didn’t know if you were going to fight it based on the sudden attitude.”
“I wasn’t planning on it, but maybe I should,” I said, getting into the passenger seat.
He got in the car with a smile. “Grumpy?”
“Annoyed.”
“With me? How is that possible? I’m perfect,” he said, the joking tone annoying me further.
“You are a perfect ass.”
“I do have a perfect ass. Thank you for noticing. Most of the time, I understand what I say wrong, but this time, I really don’t know what I did.”
“Nothing.”
“You know I was kidding, right? I’m not actually going out to fight. We are just going out to race a bit.”
“Yeah, I figured as much.”
“Then, I have no idea what I did, but you’re stuck with me all night, so you either better get over it, or tell me what’s wrong.”
He pulled out, following behind the rest of the crew as they turned onto the main road in a line before taking off. One by one, they sped up until we were right there behind them. No hesitant braking, no questions, just them driving together like I’m sure they had done a thousand times before. The calm confidence of it all brought me comfort and kept my anxiety at bay.
At least my anxiety with the fast cars.
“Nothing is wrong,” I said, trying to take one deep breath for a more confident tone. “But I’m not sure what I’m supposed to do if you bring a girl back to the apartment. Do I stay with someone else? Do I have to ride back with you?” I asked, my nose scrunching at the thought. “No, that’s not even an option. I’ll get a ride with someone else, and I will absolutely stay with someone else. Scout is a little afraid of Riot, but maybe Kye will be fine with us for a night?”
He cocked his head towards me but didn’t take his eyes off the road. His eyebrows were furrowed so hard that there was a crease between them. “What are you talking about? Bring a girl back? And why are you even insinuating you would stay with Kye? I know for a fact that I didn’t say something so bad that you would want to go stay with him now.”
“For a fact?”
“Okay, well, fair point, the confidence in that is wavering. I’m about eighty percent sure now,” he said, smirking.
“You said that you need to find a girl, and I want to be clear on what I’m doing if that happens.”
“I said that?” he asked, the crease forming again.
“Yes?”
“Oh. Ohhh.” He shook his head as we slowed down. “Shit, no. I didn’t mean I was coming out to find a girl tonight. I just meant…” He shook his head harder. “I didn’t mean it like I needed to run out and find someone to bring back to the apartment. I promise, I can handle not bringing a girl back while you are here. I don’t really do that anyway. And in my defense here, your damn outfit got to my head.”
“Do you really have a problem with my outfit? I thought it was cute.”
“I never said it wasn’t. Although cute is not the word that came to mind.”
“What word came to mind?”
He was quiet, and my imagination ran wild with what he could say. None of them were good.
“Seductive. Tempting. Hot. Everything besides cute.”
My eyebrows shot up, and I was speechless as we drove. I really didn’t know what to make of him saying that, especially after he said that he would prefer someone other than me.
He pulled into an abandoned parking lot that was now overflowing with people, and came to a stop between Scout and Kye’s cars.
“Stay around me, and if Slaughter or Tristan are here by some chance, we are leaving immediately.”
“That part, I will not fight.”
“Good, because I’m already prepared to piss you off if you don’t want to listen.”
“How exactly are you pissing me off this time?”
He parked and turned to face me. “I’ll put that damn harness to good use and force you to come with me.”
He looked so proud of his threat, but I wasn’t falling for it.
“Prove it,” I said, leaning in closer.
I was surprised when his finger hooked under the strap at my neck and pulled.
“Don’t even think for a second that I won’t follow through on what I say. I’m protecting you tonight and unless you want this to be used as a damn collar to drag you back to the car. Be a good girl and don’t cause trouble.”
“Don’t patronize me.”
“Don’t act like these demands wouldn’t keep you safer.” He was so close now, his lips only a foot from mine, and I could smell the clean musky soap he used.
“You are a jerk.”
“And you are a brat,” he said, his lips twitching with a smile.
He was still holding on me, his finger hooked under the strap. My body flushed with heat and I couldn’t help but bite down on my lip to find any other sensation besides…hot.
“Fuck, now I don’t know if I’m threatening you or flirting. Come on. I need to race.”
“And I need to get away from you,” I mumbled as we got out of the car. Really, it felt more like I needed to get away so I wouldn’t crawl all over him. I didn’t know what was wrong with me, but I needed it to stop.
“That’s not happening,” he said, grabbing my arm. I tried to pull away, but he only held on tighter.
“Stay by me all night. Please, Carly, don’t make me worry about you all night.”
The problem was that I didn’t want to be away from him, especially in this mess of street racing, but I hated my body’s reaction to him. I looked him over, the concern in his eyes clear, but the genuine need to keep me safe only annoyed me further. He shouldn’t want to do all these things for me, and I hated how cute I thought it all was. This strange attraction was one sided, and I needed to remember that. I let out a deep breath and relented, stepping closer to him.
“Fine. I’ll stay by you all night.”
“Thank you. Now, can we please go have fun?”
