At Sea
“Something is different,” Rachel said the next evening as I studied at our dining room table.
I looked up from my calculus book and took a sip of my post-workout protein smoothie Landon was torturing me with. “With what?”
She sat down across from me, folded her arms, and narrowed her eyes. “With you.”
I felt the sudden urge to swipe at my forehead just in case “Gave Up My V-Card” had been tattooed overnight. “I don’t know what you mean.”
“You’re happy,” she accused.
“Happy is a crime?”
“Happy is odd for you, lately.”
I did a quick assessment. Physically I was sore in a way I’d never experienced before. Because you’ve never had someone inside you before, duh. Emotionally…huh. “I guess you’re right. I’m kind of happy.”
“Who is he?”
I scoffed and took a completely obvious sip of my disgusting smoothie. “What the hell does your boyfriend put in these?”
“The tears of my enemies. Now who is he?”
I shut my math book and stood. “I have no idea who you’re talking about.”
“Yeah, okay,” she mocked. “Seriously. You didn’t come home last night, you’re all secretive in your room lately, and now you’re all glowy and shit. I know one thing does that to a girl, and it’s a guy, so who is he, Penna?”
“Maybe I’m happy because I aced last week’s geography test. Maybe I’m happy because I’ve been getting enough sleep, or because I’m back in the gym. Exercise causes endorphins, you know.”
“Uh-huh. So does sex.”
I rolled my eyes at her and took my book to my room, dropping it on the stack that consumed my desk.
“You know I wouldn’t tell the others, right?” she asked softly, leaning against my doorframe. “I owe you for so many things, and you were there for me when you most definitely didn’t have to be, given our history. I just want to make sure that you’re okay and that you know I’m here. Leah’s here, too, just…you know…down the hall.”
I smiled and hugged her to me, squeezing her tiny frame. “Yes, I know. And thank you. I promise that if it’s something that needs to be talked about, I’ll do the talking with you, okay?”
She pursed her lips and openly glared at me before softening when she realized she wasn’t going to win this battle. “Yeah. Okay. Fine,” she threw over her shoulder and left me in peace.
Rachel was right. I was happy. All the shit with Brooke, my parents’ selfish defense of her dismissive cruelty, it all faded away with the thought of how simply, beautifully happy I was with Cruz. And that had been before the sex. Now I was just blissed-out on cloud nine.
Was this how Rachel felt about Landon when they cheated on Pax? How Pax felt about Leah when we told him it wasn’t safe for him to fall for his tutor? If so, I finally understood why they had risked everything, their very souls at times, to be together—to keep this feeling.
I stared at myself in the mirror, wondering if I could see a physical change. Other than more muscle definition from my enforced gym time, I looked exactly the same. Except my eyes. Those were brighter. They weren’t sunken in anymore, or shadowed. I looked like me again.
A blob of pink caught my eye, and I turned to see my lucky Fox bandana hanging off the corner of my bed frame. Before I lost the urge, I plucked it from its resting place and took off, barely remembering a key on my way out.
With single-minded focus, I ignored everything on my trip to the fourth deck, unwilling to let anything distract me in case I lost courage. Bursting through the door to the mechanic shop, I looked around at the team working. Every head turned to look at me, including Pax’s.
“Everyone get out.” My voice carried across the space, clear and decisive. “I’m not kidding, get the hell out!”
Pax’s eyebrows shot toward the roof, but he cleared his throat. “You heard Rebel, get out.”
One by one, the CTDs filed out. Pax never let a single Crash Test Dummy near a bike or any other piece of equipment until they knew how to destroy it and rebuild it from the ground up.
Pax walked over, camera crew in tow.
“You okay? Need me?”
I smiled and patted his arm. “Not this time. But if you could take them with you?”
“Your contract—” Victor started.
“Fuck my contract, or the next time I’ll tell Doc to let you fly overboard, got it?” I snapped. There was zero chance I was letting this happen on camera. Not if there was even the slightest chance I couldn’t do it.
“And that’s your cue to leave,” Pax said to Victor, slapping him on the back. The man took one more look at me and vacated the room.
“You too, Pax,” I said softly.
“Look, whatever you’re going through—”
“Isn’t something you can help me with, otherwise I would have come to you after Dubai. You like to fix things. After being your best friend for the past, oh, seventeen years, I’ve caught on to your ways. I need to fix this myself.”
His gaze dropped to where I had my bandana clutched in my hand. “Okay. You know I love you, right? There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you.”
“I know.”
He swallowed and conceded the battle, closing the door on his way out. I knew what walking away cost him, and loved him all the more for it.
Alone in the mechanic shop, I walked toward where Elizabeth rested, held up by her travel stand Landon had made to safely house the bikes on the rough seas. I ran my hand over her smooth seat, across the gauge, and up to the handles, as if I was introducing myself again to her.
“I’m so sorry it’s taken me this long,” I said quietly. “It’s not that I blamed you for what happened; I blamed my own choices. I thought if I returned to you that it meant everything that happened with Brooke meant nothing, like I was throwing my sister away if I went back to what I love. But that’s not true, and the more I find myself, the more I know the biggest piece of me that’s missing is you.”
I swung my leg over Elizabeth and settled into the seat.
Home.
My hands flexed on her handles, and my eyes closed, my body finding the immediate balance and peace. I moved with the dips of the ship, and I knew it was time. This was where I belonged, and I couldn’t let Brooke take this from me.
She’d taken enough already.
It didn’t mean that I didn’t love her, didn’t worry about her. It simply meant that I couldn’t live my life running from her fears. I hopped off Elizabeth’s back and walked over to the supply section of Pax’s shop, where everything was crated and carefully contained.
Then, with my thoughts on every pitch of the ship, I methodically changed her oil and performed some routine maintenance, losing myself in the actions I’d performed thousands of times.
When I was done, I washed my hands and opened the door to find Pax and Landon sitting with their backs against the wall in the middle of the hallway. They looked up with cautious optimism.
“Scared I was going to steal shit?” I asked with a grin.
Landon sighed in relief, then jumped to his feet, pulling me into a bear hug. “More scared we were going to hear the sounds of you beating the shit out of your bike.”
“Nawh,” I said, hugging him right back. “You guys want to come with me for a second? I think I have a plan.”
They both nodded, then soundlessly followed me to my suite, knowing I’d only talk when I was good and damn ready. I brought my laptop out to our dining room and, filled with sheer jealousy, blatantly ignored Rachel sitting on Landon’s lap.
Two months. Then you can go public.
A tiny skip of joy in my heart, I hacked into the ship’s internet system, using precious bandwidth to connect to the net. Then I fired up Skype and hit Nick’s name.
A few rings later, he picked up, those blond curls and contagious smile filling the screen.
“Well, if it isn’t my favorite Rebel. What can I do for you, girl?”
“You still there with Little John?”
“Yeah, he’s working on some stuff with me. Miss him already?”
“Always. Look. I know you don’t want to come down here. I know you’re not ready to go public, and I’m about to ask you to chance it.”
He leaned forward. “Penna, what’s going on?”
“When Little John comes to Buenos Aires with my ramp, I need you to come, too. We’ll need on-the-spot ramp modifications that only you will be able to accomplish.”
Those eyes went dead serious, and I could all but feel Pax and Landon breathing down my neck behind me. “You have my attention.”
“I know what I want to do for the Cuba open, and I might not be in shape yet, but I still have two months to get there and at least four ports, if you can move ramps that fast for practice.”
He arched an eyebrow, waiting for me to drop the bomb.
“I’m going to be the first woman to complete a freestyle motocross double backflip.”
“You’re fucking kidding me,” Pax growled.
I spun. “Seriously, Mr. Gotta-nail-the-triple-front?”
“The bike is too heavy. You know that. That’s why it’s never been done. It can kill you,” he fired back.
“Then we drop as much weight as we can from the bike. Strip it to the barest of bones.”
“No.”
“You don’t get to tell me no. You’re not my dad, my boyfriend, or my sponsor. What you are is my best friend, and it’s your job to shut the fuck up and support me just like we’ve all done for you.”
His fists flexed on the back of the chair.
“Landon?” I asked, abandoning Pax to his temper tantrum.
He raked his hand over his hair and blew out his breath in a long sigh. “You’re determined to do this?”
“I am,” I said, not realizing just how badly until the words escaped.
“Okay. Well, you have a bigger shot at not killing yourself if we’re all on board. You went to twenty-one thousand feet for me, and I’m ready to go to hell for you. I’m in. We’ll get you stronger, but you have to be willing to put in the work.”
Hope blossomed in my chest. It was one thing to make the choice, and another to know my family was ready to back me up.
“Nick?” I asked.
Out of all of us, Nick had lost the most in pursuit of a trick. If anyone had a reason to tell me no, it was him. But if anyone understood what it was like to chase the impossible…well, he had that spot, too.
“Maybe if we construct foam pits at each port until Cuba. I’ll contact the FMX tracks there and see what they’ve got. It’s going to cost us some money in material and crew to assemble at every port when there’re only days between them, but it can be done. You have my support, even if I think you’re a little nuts.”
“I would totally hug you if you were here,” I told him, wishing more than anything that he’d come with us, that the Originals were whole through more than a computer screen.
“Give me a few weeks and you can. I’ll meet you in Buenos Aires in three weeks. Pax, can you keep the cameras the fuck away from me?”
We all turned to look at Pax, who’d backed against the bar that separated our dining room from our mini-kitchen, his arms folded across his chest.
“Hey, Wilder,” Nick shouted. “You might be the leader of our little troop, but all four of us are the Originals. We have equal say, and when three go against four, the three win.”
Pax’s jaw ticked.
“So you don’t have to agree with her, but you’d better damn well support her, because the last time we weren’t fully there for one another I ended up in this goddamned chair.”
Pax’s head snapped up. “That’s not fair.”
“I’m not blaming you. I haven’t in a long time. But I’m in here because I didn’t wait for you. I competed against you, went on my own, and didn’t have everyone there telling me when I’d pushed too far, or compensating for my idiocy. So you don’t have to agree with Penna, but you will fucking support her, because that’s what we do.”
Pax looked at me, the weight of the world dimming his eyes. “What if you get hurt? What if you’re the next one paralyzed?”
“What if I live every day with that fear and never get out of bed? Come on, Pax. I’m just like you. Just like Landon and Nick. You can’t protect me from the same choices you’d make. You can’t shield me from myself, from what we’ve made one another.”
A long moment passed where it could have gone either way. Nick was right. We didn’t need him, but I wanted him to be there for me the same way I’d always been for him.
“Okay, I’m with you.”
My shoulders drooped with relief. The last thing I wanted on my mind at the same time I was trying to pull this off was infighting with my brothers. “Thank you.”
“But I’m not the one who has to sign off on it.”
“What?” Nick asked.
My eyes slid shut as my stomach hit the floor. “Fuck my life.”
“She has to convince Dr. Delgado.”
