Life is unfair.
But if I keep pondering on that, all I’ll be having is a pity party with chips and apple juice as an audience.
So I don’t.
It’s been three weeks since Mom dropped the bomb about her cancer.
Three weeks of trying to be there for her even while she insists on continuing to work as if nothing has happened. She said she wants to keep everything perfectly organized and ready for when it’s time. Besides, it’s not like Mom to flounder about and think about death.
When I begged her to go on a trip with me, she said we’ll go to Japan because that’s where she would like to spend her last days.
Fortunately, she’s not in much pain, thanks to her meds. It’s probably because she didn’t undergo any surgery or chemo.
But the fact remains that the cancer is eating her from the inside, festering in her while she goes through her meetings as if the end isn’t near.
I’ve tried to see it from her perspective and respect her wishes like the doctor advised me to. But it’s hard to pretend. It’s hard to cook together, watch movies, and take hikes while knowing these activities may be the last I have with her.
It’s even harder to have no one to talk to about it.
I can’t forgive Lucy, even though she came begging, telling me she suspected there was something going on but didn’t know what it was.
She also stood up to Brianna in public and got called names and was shunned out of the inner circle. Not that it makes up for what she did, but I’m glad she left that toxic bunch.
It’s been getting crazier in that circle.
That same week, after Friday’s game, Reina was assaulted in the forest and lost her memory. So now, she’s this completely different person who smiles and laughs and cares about people.
Even me.
The other day, she apologized to me after she learned that she bet Sebastian to fuck me, and I choked on my spit. After I told her to fuck off, that is.
The guy himself has been relentless.
There hasn’t been a day where he didn’t corner me, approach me, or talk to me.
Sometimes, it’s a joke about how his dick misses me. Other times, it’s intense, where his chest flattens against mine and his face is mere inches from my mouth.
He absolutely has no fucks to give about my decision or the fact that I told him we’re over. In fact, he still thinks we’re together and that sooner or later, I’ll cave in to the connection we have.
I’ve held on to my anger as much as I could. Add in my constant grief about my mom and I’ve been in no state of mind to even think about him.
But I do.
God, how much I do.
I think it’s because of the loneliness. The lack of friends and the need to burst bubbling inside me.
Besides, I’m well and truly an addict now. No matter how much porn I watch, there’s nothing that resembles the intensity of what I felt from Sebastian’s hands.
There’s nothing out there that matches the raw chase and the raw hunger I experienced with him.
Sometimes, I lie in my bed and think about his huge cock, rough hands, and wicked tongue.
Sometimes, I let my fingers slip beneath my panties in a hopeless attempt to recreate the sensations.
It doesn’t work. Not really.
How long will it take before I get over it? Because I’ve been on the brink lately, snapping at anyone who moves.
Coming to campus has become a nightmare. Surprisingly, no one bullies me or throws jabs in my direction, but looks don’t lie. They regard me like I’m a pest.
Besides, Brianna has been making it her mission to turn me into an outcast—even more than before.
Now that Reina has lost her memories and is no longer her bitchy, authoritative self, Brianna has been spreading her venom all over the squad. She’s been actively trying to make my and some of the other girls’ lives hell.
I’ve been at the point of rage-quitting for a long time, but I haven’t. I won’t upset Mom when she doesn’t have much time left.
Sighing, I head to the parking lot while checking my messages. I don’t know why I wish to find one from the PI, Kai.
I know I won’t. After Mom begged me to stop searching for my father, I did.
It took all I had to call Kai and tell him to abort the mission. He asked me why and I told him it’s because having Mom was enough.
And it is.
Holding on to the anger more than I should have has kept me from realizing that fact.
Kai simply told me to call him if I needed anything and that was that.
And yet, I still think he’ll one day call me and tell me he found my father or send me his address in a text message.
None of those texts appear. But my screen overflows with messages from someone else.
Sebastian.
He now has this habit of telling me all about his day and giving me a monologue with the weirdest things, even when I never reply. And when I do, it’s to tell him to go fuck himself. To which he replies that he’d rather fuck me.
The messages of this day include:
I’m meeting Nate later this week. You were practically drooling when we had dinner together, so do you want to join?
On second thought, no. I don’t want you drooling over him. It’s best if you don’t ever see him again.
Though if you insist on going, I can make him wear a mask. What do you think?
As much as I enjoy my one-sided conversation, you can at least give yes or no answers.
And before you ask, no, fuck you, leave me alone don’t count as an answer. As much as I love it when you’re Tsundere, the cold shoulder is getting tiresome.
Anyway, date tonight? Or a chase? I’m open to both as long as I get to bite and suck your tits while your tight cunt clenches around my dick.
Or your ass. It feels as good as your cunt.
And don’t even try to pretend that you don’t miss the chase as well. You’re fucking torturing us both and it’s not fun. At all.
But I’ll wait.
Now, see what you do to me and feel guilty.
He’s attached a selfie from the chin down that looks to have been taken right out of the shower.
And he’s naked. Fully.
My eyes fly open as I lean on my car. I try focusing on the droplets of water sticking to his six-pack or to the tattoos in Arabic and Japanese, but my eyes immediately stray down.
His eight-inch cock stands erect between his legs. It’s big when it’s flaccid, but it’s huge when hard and ready.
The veins pop on the side and the crown is purple and swelling, leaking with precum.
Fuck.
This is really not the image I need to see in my sexually-frustrated state of mind.
“Is that Sebastian?”
I startle and shove the phone in the pocket of my jeans at Lucy’s sheepish voice. Thank God she’s a safe distance away and she couldn’t have seen me ogling a dick pic.
“Why are you talking to me?” I sound like a bitch, but I really couldn’t care less at this point.
Maybe I’m indeed a bitch.
Lucy’s mouth turns downward. “I’m just trying to make convo.”
“Well, don’t.”
She sighs heavily. “I’m sorry. I’m ready to apologize for the rest of my life if you want.”
“Maybe I just need you to leave me alone.”
“Stop being an asshole.” Reina joins Lucy and crosses her arms.
She might have lost her memories and done a one hundred eighty-degree shift in personality, but apparently, she still likes Lucy.
And she still has that glare no level of amnesia can erase. “She already apologized to you.”
I place a hand on my hips. “Doesn’t mean I’ll forgive her.”
“You don’t have to, but that will only hurt you both in the long run. Weren’t you supposed to be best friends?”
“Best friends don’t stab each other in the back.” My voice breaks and I hate it. I hate the weakness.
“I didn’t mean to.” Lucy’s lids shine with tears. “I swear I didn’t want to hurt you, but I admit to being too blinded with the glamorous side of being popular and I let that get to my head, and for that, I’m terribly sorry.”
“It doesn’t matter whether you’re sorry or not. It changes nothing.”
“Of course, it does.” Reina sighs heavily. “Listen, the whole Sebastian thing is fucked up, but it’s all on me. Lucy had nothing to do with it, so if you want to blame anyone, blame me.”
“Blame you?” I laugh with no humor. “You don’t even remember why the hell you did it.”
“I’m sorry for that, too.” She lowers her gaze. “If I could, I would’ve found out why so I could give you closure.”
“Who says I need closure?” My voice breaks again and I curse myself for it.
Reina smiles and it’s weak—haunted, even.
She’s been making these types of expressions more often than not since she lost her memories and her estranged fiancé, Asher, returned to town.
“It’s okay if you do, Naomi,” she says. “We all do.”
Well, I don’t.
I really don’t.
Maybe if I repeat that long enough, I’ll start to believe it.
