JOEY
‘MOLLOY, WAIT UP!’ Pushing off the wall outside the GP surgery, the one I’d been waiting against for the past twenty-minutes, I hurried after her. ‘Wait up, will ya?’
‘Can’t,’ she called over her shoulder – her rigid shoulder – as she pulled up the hood of her raincoat, gave a quick glance left and right and crossed the road. “I’m late for school.”
Yeah, we were both late for school, but I was the asshole late for her appointment.
Swallowing down my self-loathing, I clenched my jaw and jogged after her. ‘How did it go?’ I asked, falling into step beside her when I reached the footpath. ‘Is everything okay with the, uh…” Shoving my hands into the front pocket of my hoodie, I concentrated on the footpath as I spoke. ‘Are you okay?’
‘Am I okay?’ She stopped dead in her tracks and let out a humorless laugh. ‘Am I okay?’ she repeated, swinging around to glare at me. ‘Hmm, let’s see, I’ve just spent the last hour being lectured by a doctor who’s known me since childhood about the dangers I’ve been exposed to, because unlike the pregnant women waiting with their husbands and partners for good news, I’m the fool at risk.’
‘Risk?’ Panic roared to life inside of me. ‘For what?’
‘I’m at risk,’ she hissed, ‘because I was the fucking eejit who laid on her back for an intravenous drug user who can’t remember his own bloody name half the time! A little fucking humiliating, don’t you think, Joe?’ she demanded, tears filling her eyes. ‘To be that girl.’ She narrowed her eyes. ‘To be the girlfriend of that guy.’
It took me a while to register her words.
The fog in my head made it so fucking hard to focus.
But once I did, my heart cracked in my chest. “Jesus Christ,” I strangled out. “I didn’t give you anything, did I?” Panicked, I choked out, “I’ve never cheated on you.”
“I know, Joe.” Sniffling, she shook her head. “My test results are all clean.”
Relief flooded my body. “I’m so fucking sorry.”
‘Yeah, well, I guess I should say thanks for showing up,’ she deadpanned, turning on her heels. ‘Better late than never, huh?”
“I overslept.”
“Uh-huh. I bet whatever you took knocked you out hard.”
“Aoife, I’m sorry!” I called after when she stormed off. “I can do this. I can take care of you and the baby—”
“You can’t even take care of yourself!” She pulled her hood back up when the wind knocked it down. “You’re sick, Joe. You’re so sick and you can’t even see it.”
“I’m not sick,” I argued, hurrying after her. “I’m just going through some shit right now.”
“You are a drug addict,” she cried out hoarsely, as she swung around to glare at me. “You are killing yourself and you are killing me!”
“No.” I shook my head, desperately refuting her words. “It’s going to be okay.”
“Look at what’s happening to your life!” she all but screamed. “You’ve been kicked off the hurling team. You’re failing at school. You’re constantly off your head. You’ve lost yourself, Joe. You promised me that you’d stay, but you’re not here anymore. I bet you don’t even know what day it is.”
“It’s Thursday,” I choked out, trembling. “And I don’t give a fuck about school or the hurling team.”
“What about me?” she sobbed. “What about our baby? Do you care about us?”
“You’re all I care about,” I snapped, pushing my hair back. “Fuck, you’re all I’ve ever cared about, Molloy. You know that.”
“Then fight, Joey Lynch,” she begged, fisting her hand in the front of my school jumper. “Fight this.”
“I am.”
“Liar.” She accused, tears spilling down her cheeks. “You’ve thrown in the towel. You’ve given the hell up and we both know it.”
‘What do you want me to do?’ I shot back, struggling to rein in my temper. ‘Jesus fucking Christ, Molloy, I am doing everything that’s been asked of me. Fucking everything!”
“The only thing I’m asking you to do is the one thing you point blank refuse to do,” she argued hotly. “Get clean.”
“Aoife –”
“You don’t get it,” she screamed. “You can’t see how far you’ve fallen, Joey. I’ve had to beg and borrow to get you out of trouble with Shane Holland and those monsters, and you keep going back to them! I owe Gibsie money. I owe Podge money. I owe Casey money and she doesn’t even have it to spare. I am doing everything I can to keep you alive, but you just won’t help yourself!”
“I’m fine,” I bit out. “It’s all good.” When she didn’t respond, I gently tipped her chin upwards, forcing her to look at me. “I love you.”
‘I used to think that was true,” she breathed, tears flowing freely down her cheeks. ‘But I’m beginning to think that you don’t know what love means.”
“Molloy—”
‘Look at my face, Joe,’ she told me, and I did. Fuck, I did. ‘This is what hurting the person who loves you most in the world looks like.’ She sniffled, tears dripping down her face, mirroring mine. ‘Remember this moment,’ she added quietly. ‘Remember what I looked like the day you broke my heart.’
