THE NEXT MORNING when I stumbled out of bed, my head felt like it was in a vise, and I was sporting dark shadows under my eyes. I wanted nothing more than to crawl back under the covers and hide there all day, anything to avoid seeing Nikolas. How was I going to train with him, to be alone with him after realizing last night that I had feelings for him? I still didn’t know exactly what they were, but they scared the hell out of me. I honestly didn’t know if I could deal with any more complications in my life. Nikolas was my trainer and my friend, and he was nothing, if not complicated.
Despite Jordan’s assertions, I knew Nikolas wasn’t attracted to me, especially after seeing him with Celine last night. Anyway, it wasn’t like I wanted him to like me that way, did I? No, of course not. We didn’t even get along half the time. Although, I had to admit that the last few days he had been patient and understanding. He was different here, more relaxed than he’d been in Maine, and it was throwing me off. That had to be it. We were spending a lot of time together and this nicer side of him was confusing me.
Right?
I wrung my head in my hands. “God, I don’t need this right now.” My throat felt tight and my voice sounded hoarse. My sleepless night was screwing with my emotions, and I would be a total wreck if I didn’t get it together. I’d slept better than this when I’d had a psycho vampire hunting me. How messed up was that?
There was only one way to fix this. I had to act as if nothing had changed and put as much distance as possible between me and Nikolas until these stupid feelings went away. I wasn’t sure how that was going to work with him being my trainer, but I would have to make the best of it. Outside of training, I had to avoid him at all costs.
Feeling slightly better now that I had a course of action, I dressed and headed down to breakfast. I passed Olivia on the stairs, and the questioning glance she shot me was enough to tell me how awful I looked. My head felt like it was full of cotton, and I wasn’t sure if the queasiness in my stomach was from hunger or lack of sleep. If there ever was a day I needed Starbucks, this was it. A venti Mocha could do wonders for me right now.
All thoughts of coffee flew out of my head when I entered the dining hall and the first two people I spotted were Nikolas and Celine having breakfast together. They were not alone – Tristan and Chris sat with them – but that did not stop me from remembering the intimate scene between Nikolas and Celine the night before. As if she heard my thoughts, Celine leaned to one side to say something to Nikolas, laying her hand possessively over his. Anger burned through me, pounding in my ears and filling me with the urge to go over there and rip her hand away from him and let her know that he was . . .
He is what? I came up short, and my irrational anger immediately dissolved, leaving me confused and hot with embarrassment. Suddenly, the thought of food made me want to throw up. I spun on my heel and walked out as fast as I could without drawing attention to me. I sucked in a deep breath but it wasn’t enough; the air felt stifling and heavy. Outside – I needed to be outside, to breathe fresh air or I would suffocate.
I exited by the nearest door and stood still, breathing deeply of the crisp air, and letting the morning chill cool my heated face and calm my frazzled emotions. What was wrong with me? Had I really almost gone over to their table? The thought of how close I had come to total humiliation sent me striding across the lawn, searching for a place to pull myself together. A few people waved to me as I passed them, but to my relief, no one tried to talk to me. I found myself at the river, where the deep rushing water drowned out every other sound and slowly began to draw the tension from my body.
Sitting on the grassy bank with my knees drawn up to my chest, I stared at the fast-moving water without really seeing it. What had just happened back there? It was like I had no control over my emotions anymore, and that scared me more than I could say. I was fine before I’d started training with Nikolas. Had connecting with my Mori somehow made me more susceptible to its emotions and urges? Maybe it was my demon’s rage I’d felt a little while ago and not my own.
I folded my arms across my knees and rested my forehead on them, wishing there was someone I could talk to about this. My first thought was Roland, but I quickly dismissed it. He never let himself develop feelings for a girl, so he wouldn’t understand. Jordan might be able to explain the Mori emotions, but as soon as I mentioned Nikolas she would probably start planning my wedding. Hell would freeze over before I confided in my grandfather about my sudden attraction to a guy who happened to be his friend. That was just too weird, and I’d probably need therapy after.
Remy would know exactly what to say, but he was the one person I could not talk to. I took a deep shuddering breath. It looked like I was on my own for this one.
“Are you okay?”
My body tensed and my head jerked up when Nikolas spoke from a few feet behind me. I’d been so consumed by my thoughts that I hadn’t heard or sensed him approach.
“You left without eating and you can’t train on an empty stomach.” He came to stand near me. “These are your favorite, right?”
I looked up to see him holding a wrapped blueberry muffin, and I stared at it for several seconds before I took it. “Thanks,” I said thickly without meeting his eyes.
“Are you going to tell me what is wrong with you?”
“I’m fine.”
“I think I know you well enough to know that is not true.” He sat on the grass beside me, and I became hyperaware of his scent and his arm almost touching mine. I tried to swallow, but my mouth was dry.
“I didn’t sleep last night and I’m tired,” I managed to say. I picked at the muffin’s plastic wrap and hoped my explanation would satisfy him.
“Is that all? You sound upset.” The concern lacing his voice made me want to cry on his shoulder and run away from him at the same time. Why couldn’t he be overbearing, annoying Nikolas right now instead of the nice one?
I stared at the foaming water; half wishing it could take me away from his perceptive gaze and unsettling kindness. “Not getting any sleep messes me up.”
He was quiet for a long moment, and I felt his eyes on me. “Perhaps we overdid it yesterday in training.”
“Maybe you’re right.”
“We’ll skip training today,” he said to my surprise. “Is there anything else you want to do instead? We could take that trip to town.”
My pulse quickened at the idea. But then I remembered my resolve to put some distance between us. “I think I’ll eat my muffin and then I’ll go take Hugo and Woolf for a walk.”
“Just as long as you don’t do anything to tire yourself too much.” He stood, and I felt his presence towering over me before he turned to walk away. “I’ll see you later.”
“See you, and thanks again for the muffin,” I called after him.
“Anytime.”
I didn’t talk to Nikolas again that day, a feat I accomplished by eating lunch with Sahir in his office and then by grabbing a sandwich to take to my room for dinner.
The next morning, as luck would have it, Nikolas was called away on Mohiri business. I was actually glad to train with Callum again, something that surprised both of us. I surprised my old trainer by demonstrating my new ability to use my Mori’s strength to pick up heavy objects. It was the first time I’d ever received a nod of approval from him. We worked on my reflexes after that, and though I managed to avoid being pummeled only once, he admitted I was finally making progress.
It wasn’t until that evening at dinner that I saw Nikolas again and only in passing. He entered the dining hall as I was leaving, and I was immensely relieved that none of the crazy feelings resurfaced. I couldn’t imagine how awkward it would have been living under the same roof with someone, having to see them every day while harboring unrequited feelings for them. We were both immortal and forever is a long time to try to avoid someone. But now things could go back to normal – as normal as my life could be.
I was in the common room after dinner watching an awful sci-fi movie with Michael when a flustered-looking Sahir found me. “Sara, there you are. Can you come with me? I need your help.”
“Sure. What’s up?” I got up from the couch and joined him by the door.
“We got a new creature in today and it is . . . ” He exited by the main door. “Come on, it’s easier if I just show you.”
A new creature? Bursting with curiosity, I hurried to catch up with him. “What kind of creature, and what do you expect me to do with it?”
“She’s a griffin, and she is – ”
“Whoa!” My feet skidded to a stop on the grass. “A . . . a griffin?”
Sahir stopped a few feet ahead and looked soberly at me. “A young griffin. From what I can tell she is little more than a child.”
My mouth refused to close so I slapped a hand over it. “Oh my God.” If there was one race more elusive and protective of their children than trolls, it was griffins, and they were just as vicious when one of their young was threatened. Not that I’d ever seen a real live griffin or had dreamed of doing so. Griffins are not native to North America; they live in the most remote mountains of southern Africa. Capturing one, especially a young one, was almost unheard of.
“Some of our people raided a warlock in Los Angeles who was raising demons, and they found her locked up in a cage. Griffins have powerful blood, and we believe he was using hers to create a protective spell against the demons.” Sahir shook his head in disgust and started walking again. “He refused to say how he got his hands on her, so we have to try to track down her flock. It won’t be easy; griffins don’t like to deal with outsiders.”
“What can I do?”
“She flew up to the rafters before we could shut her cage door, and she’s been throwing herself at the windows. You obviously have a way with Hugo and Woolf, and I’m hoping you can help calm her before she hurts herself.”
We were almost at the menagerie when the door to the arena opened and Nikolas and Chris stepped outside. Judging by the swords they carried, they had just finished sparring.
“Where’s the fire?” Chris asked.
“The young griffin we got in today is in distress, and Sara is going to help me with her,” Sahir told them.
Chris gave me a lopsided smile. “Griffin wrangling? Another one of your talents, cousin?”
Nikolas strode toward us. “Griffins can be very dangerous when they are cornered. Sara is not going in there unprotected.”
Ah, now there’s the old Nikolas I know and – I let the thought die a quick death. “She’s just a child, Nikolas.”
He stepped in front of me. “That child could easily rip a grizzly bear apart with her claws.”
“So could the troll you thought was going to kill me,” I said, reminding him of the night he met Remy.
Sahir stared at us. “Troll?”
“I’ll tell you about him later. Let’s take care of your griffin first.” Excitement curled in my stomach. I was about to meet a real live griffin.
Nikolas didn’t move. “Not without us.”
I let out an aggravated sigh and moved around him. “Fine, but you better not frighten her. You two can stay by the door unless the vicious griffin attacks me.”
“I think she’s gotten bossy since she came here,” Chris said to Nikolas in a stage whisper. “What have you been teaching her?”
Nikolas muttered something in Russian. I knew he was just being . . . Nikolas, but it wasn’t like we were going to face a pack of crocotta for heaven’s sake. This was a frightened child who had been stolen from her family, and she needed compassion, not force.
We entered the menagerie, and Nikolas and Chris stayed just inside the door while Sahir and I walked toward the cages. Hugo and Woolf started to whine as soon as I drew near them, and I had to stop and pet them, then order them to go lie down so they did not upset the griffin.
Alex was crouched in the back of his cage as usual, and I called softly to him while giving him a wide berth. He watched us with that unblinking stare of his that never failed to give me the willies. People who trained wyverns must be either the bravest or the most insane people on earth.
A golden feather floated in front of my face, and I looked up at the ceiling. “Wow, oh, wow.” I stared at the creature perched on the highest rafter at the center of the glass roof. She was as big as a Golden Retriever with a leonine body, the head of an eagle, and wings folded against her sides. Even from this distance, I could see that her feathers were ruffled and dirty, an unusual state for a creature known for its preening and cleanliness. At the sound of my voice, she tilted her head and peered down at me with a sadness that tore at my heart.
“Sara, this is Minuet.”
I couldn’t take my eyes off her. “She’s incredible,” I breathed.
“She won’t be that way for long if we don’t get her down from there and get her to eat something,” Sahir said, reminding me why I was there.
“Right, sorry. I’ve just never seen anything like her.” I studied the griffin a minute longer, then looked around for a place to sit. This might take a while – if it worked at all. I settled for a spot on the floor with my back against the cage across from Minuet’s. “Sahir, could you stand with the others so you don’t frighten her?”
“What are you going to do?”
“I’m just going to talk to her for a bit.”
He walked over to join Nikolas and Chris, and I felt their eyes on me as I began to release my power into the air. Trying my best to ignore my audience, I spoke to the young griffin.
“I hope you don’t mind me keeping you company, Minuet. I bet it’s pretty scary and lonely for you here.” She blinked and turned her head away. My chest tightened. “I know how you feel. I miss my family, too.”
She did not make any sounds, but I saw her shift from one foot to another. Another feather drifted toward me. According to Remy, griffins are very intelligent, and they can understand every spoken language. I wasn’t sure if young griffins had the ability, but I hoped my soothing tone would put her at ease – that, and the power rising through the air toward her.
“Minuet, would you like to hear a story about a girl who got lost far away from her family? Kind of like you, I guess. It has a happy ending, I promise.
“The girl’s name was . . . um . . . Mary, and one day she disappeared and none of her friends or family knew where she’d gone. They all thought she was lost to them forever. But what they didn’t know was that Mary was very sick, so sick she almost died, and some good faeries had taken Mary home with them to heal her. For a long time, Mary lay in a deep sleep while the faeries worked their magic on her. And then one day, she woke up and found herself in the most amazing place she had ever seen.”
I looked up at the griffin and caught the slight tilt of her head toward me. Hiding my smile, I continued with my story. “Mary was lying in the softest bed you could ever imagine surrounded by walls made of vines and pretty flowers. Then the vines moved and in walked the most beautiful red-haired sylph who told Mary they had healed her. Then she shocked Mary by telling her that she was actually half faerie, which was why the faeries had saved her. She took Mary outside and gave her the most delicious food and drink, then took her on a walk to show her a place so beautiful it brought tears to Mary’s eyes.” I described a glassy lake, lush greenery, a brilliant blue sky, and the birds and creatures living there.
“Mary and her new friend talked for a long time, and the sylph told her this was her home now if she chose to stay. Mary looked around her and knew she might never feel as safe or as content as she did at that moment. She could have that forever if she gave up her life in the human world and stayed in Faerie.”
I stopped when I heard a scratching above me, and I looked up to see Minuet sidling along the rafter. I held my breath when she ruffled her wings as if she was going to take flight, but she stopped moving as soon as she caught me looking at her. I quickly lowered my gaze until I was looking straight ahead.
“Most people would never want to leave Seelie once they saw it. But Mary thought about her family and how they must be worried about her and – ” I froze as a gust of air lifted my hair and four paws landed on the floor less than five feet from me. Slowly, my eyes travelled up the feathered body until they met Minuet’s golden eyes. A sound near the door drew her attention away from me, and I knew Nikolas had drawn his sword.
I looked away from her and continued my story. “Mary knew that, even though the human world can be dangerous and scary, she could never leave her family and friends behind. So she asked the sylph to bring her home. The sylph was very sad because she had been so happy to find Mary and thought of her as a sister. But she did as Mary asked and brought her right to her front door. Mary was overjoyed to be home, and soon she was reunited with her family and friends, who could not believe she was alive and well. And they were grateful to the Faeries for taking care of Mary until she could come home again.”
Minuet made a small squawk, and I met her sharp, intelligent eyes. “I know it’s scary being away from home. I don’t know if you can understand me, but I promise you’re safe here with us until we find your family.”
She stared at me for another long moment. Then she walked forward until she stood over me and all I could see was a wide feathered chest. I held my breath as her head lowered until it was beside mine, and then she began to slowly rub her beak and face against my hair. After a minute, she pulled away and walked into her cage where she began to tear at the whole raw salmon in her food dish.
No one said anything as I got up from the floor and shut her cage door. I turned to face the others and saw that their shocked expressions mirrored my own.
Chris was the first to speak. “I thought I’d seen it all when I met the troll, but this . . . ”
“Sara, do you realize what just happened?” Sahir asked with some difficulty, and I shook my head. “She marked you with her scent. To her you are one of her flock now. I-I have never seen anything like it.”
“So, I’m like an honorary griffin? Cool.” I smiled as I walked toward them, still dazed from the experience. My eyes met Nikolas’s. “See, piece of cake.”
The words had barely left my mouth when I heard a rustling to my left. I realized too late that I had been so distracted by my success with Minuet I hadn’t noticed how close I was to Alex’s cage. I turned my head to see the wyvern rushing toward me, flames already shooting from his mouth.
The flames seared my arm a split second before I was snatched away from the cage and out of the wyvern’s range. Nikolas brought us to a stop and put out the fire on my sleeve, but already I could feel the agonizing pain from my wrist to my elbow. Tears welled in my eyes, and I cried out when my charred sleeve touched the skin that was already blistering.
“Sara, are you okay?” Sahir cried, running toward us.
Nikolas turned on him, eyes blazing. “Goddamnit, Sahir, I told you it wasn’t safe in here for her. That thing could have killed her.”
“It’s not his fault,” I said between clenched teeth. “I was careless. I got too close.”
“The hell it’s not,” Nikolas raged, still holding me. “He should never have allowed you in here.”
“Nikolas,” Chris said sharply. A look I could not decipher passed between them, and Nikolas’s hold on me loosened a little.
I tried to pull away from him, but his arm was still like a steel band around my waist. “D-don’t blame Sahir for this. I’m old enough to make my own decisions.” I tried again to move away from him to no avail. “Let me go.”
Nikolas glared down at me, totally ignoring my request. “You can’t keep taking risks like this.”
His condescending tone drove all thoughts of pain from my mind. “Would you just get the hell over yourself?” I shouted, pulling until he finally released me. I rounded on him. “You don’t get to say where I can go or how I spend my time. And I’m not some weakling you need to jump in and save all the time.”
He cocked an eyebrow at me, and it only made me madder. “Okay, you just did and I’m grateful, but that doesn’t give you the right to yell at everyone or treat me like I’m useless. If that’s all you think of me, I wish you’d just stayed away.”
He took a step toward me. “I didn’t say you were – ”
“Just forget it.” I put up a hand, and my sleeve chafed painfully against my burnt arm. Biting my lip did not stop the whimper of pain that escaped me.
Concern replaced the anger in Nikolas’s eyes. “We need to get you to the medical ward.”
I turned for the door. “I don’t need your help. I can get there on my own.”
“I’m coming with you.”
I pushed open the door. “No, you’re not. Just leave me alone.”
I could barely see through my tears as I hurried to the main building, and I didn’t know if they were tears of pain, anger, or hurt. I felt miserable on too many levels to try to separate my emotions, and all I wanted was to put some distance between me and Nikolas.
The healer on duty was the same one who had tended to me the first time I’d been burned by Alex, and she shook her head when she saw my charred sleeve. Before she looked at my arm, she gave me some gunna paste, and for once, I took it without complaint. Within minutes, the pain receded, and as soon as I relaxed she set to work removing my shirt and coating the burn with the same cool salve she had used the last time. Then she wrapped my numb arm in a soft gauze bandage and helped me back into my shirt, ordering me to lie still for a few minutes.
When the door opened a few minutes later, I turned my head, expecting to see the healer, but saw Nikolas instead. His expression was unreadable, and I turned my head to look up at the ceiling. “I’m really not up to arguing with you again, Nikolas.”
“I wanted to make sure you were okay.”
“I’m fine. I’ve had worse injuries, remember?”
“I remember,” he said in a gruff voice.
Neither of us spoke for a minute, and the silence in the room quickly unsettled me. Feeling vulnerable in my current position, I sat up, letting my legs dangle over the side of the exam table. I held up my bandaged arm. “Look, all taken care of. I’ll be as good as new in no time.”
He did not smile, still wound up from the incident. I didn’t understand why he got so angry over these things. No one else had made a big deal of it.
“You don’t have to stay with me. The healer said I’m fine.”
“I’m sorry for yelling at you.”
My jaw dropped. Did I hear that right? Did Nikolas just apologize to me?
“I never meant to make you feel useless. It just angers me to see you taking risks like that.”
I tried not to let my own anger resurface. “What do you expect me to do – hide out in my room so I don’t get hurt? I can’t be safe all the time. You have to realize that I will get hurt sometimes, especially if I become a warrior.”
The glint in his eyes told me I had said the wrong thing again. “I thought you didn’t want to be a warrior.”
I threw up my good arm. “What am I training for, if not to become one? Isn’t that what we do?”
He started walking toward me. “I’m teaching you to defend yourself if you ever need it, not to go out looking for trouble.”
“I’m not looking for trouble, and that thing with Alex was a freak accident. It could have happened to anyone.” I looked away from him and hugged my stomach with my uninjured arm. After all the progress I’d made in training this week, did he think I was totally useless? “Why is it so hard for you to believe I can take care of myself? I’m not a child, you know.”
He stopped two feet away, and I discovered that my seat on the exam table put our gazes at the same level for once. Unfortunately, that meant I had nowhere to look but into his eyes.
“No, you are not a child.” His husky words made my mouth dry up like the Sahara. The air in the room grew warm and thick, and I suddenly found it hard to breathe.
Another step and he stood between my knees, close enough for me to feel his body heat and smell his warm, spicy scent. My heart pounded in my ears; I tried to swallow and failed. In my stomach a troupe of acrobats were having the performance of their lives.
Nikolas’s stormy gaze refused to release mine. His hand rose, and his thumb traced my jaw in a featherlike caress that turned my limbs to noodles. Dimly, I felt my Mori stirring. “Sara,” he said in a strained voice as he touched his forehead to mine. I sat very still, battling the onslaught of emotions that threatened to push my heart from my chest. “Yell at me. Tell me to go,” he whispered.
I brought my hands up between us and laid them flat against his chest to push him away, until I felt the strong rapid beat of his heart beneath my fingers. I closed my eyes and swallowed hard. “Nikolas, I . . . ”
He pulled back, and I felt like I’d been set adrift until his fingers curled under my chin, lifting my face to his. My eyes moved over his sensual lips, and all I could think about was what it would be like to taste them. Shocked by my sudden boldness, I raised my eyes to his and was lost in their smoky depths. Something tugged at my chest, a vaguely familiar sensation that drew me toward him. I read the intention in his eyes before they lowered to my mouth.
Then I forgot how to breathe.
