All too soon a knock on the door interrupts our post-orgasm bliss, and Ryan’s deep voice tells me that we’ll be leaving in twenty minutes. As if on cue, Lost Without You by Freya Ridings starts to play, and tears spring to my eyes, the words of the song expressing exactly how I’m feeling at the thought of being separated from my Knights once again.
Silently, I get up and have a quick shower, Ash and Loki following me in and washing me so tenderly that the tears fall and mingle with the water that cascades over my skin.
Knowing that we don’t have much time left, I step out of the shower to find Jax there with a towel, ready to dry me. Once he’s finished, he leads me back into the main room where Kai waits with my clothes.
“We’ll send the rest of your things as soon as we can,” Kai murmurs softly to me as he helps me to get dressed, his touch lingering as if he, too, is dreading what’s to come.
“How will you get them out?” I question in a quiet voice, finding Ash looking at me, eyebrows lowered.
“There’ll be a funeral,” he tells me, and I wince, freezing as I put my cardigan on.
“A–a funeral?”
“We have to go through with a burial,” he tells me, moving closer and helping me into the garment. “I’m sorry, Princess, but we need to keep up with the pretense.”
“I–I understand,” I reply, and I do. I get that this has to look real, and if the look of sadness on each of my guy’s faces is anything to go by, people will believe that I’ve died.
“It’s time, Pretty Girl,” Loki mumbles, reaching out and taking my hand in his. I look up to him, willing my face not to crack, and show him how much my heart feels like it’s breaking. His pained expression tells me that I’ve failed, and he pulls me against him, wrapping his arms around me in a fierce hug. “I know, baby. I know.” His voice breaks, and I can’t stop the sob that rips free from my chest as my pain overwhelms me.
“It’s only three weeks until the hunting trip,” Kai adds, but his voice is flat like he’s trying to convince himself that it won’t feel like an eternity. “And here’s a burner phone so we can keep in touch.”
I lift my head from Loki’s chest, my arm unwrapping from his torso as I reach out for the new iPhone that Kai is holding out for me.
“You ready, Lilly?” I hear Ryan ask from the other side of the door, and taking a deep breath, I step out of Loki’s arms, wrapping our fingers together as I step towards the doorway.
We head down the stairs inside the gym, following Ryan’s broad back as he leads us to a side exit that opens onto a dark alley that runs alongside the gym. It’s night out, and the cool air soothes my hot face a little.
“I’ll give you a minute to say your goodbyes, Little One,” Ryan tells me, squeezing my arm and then going around to the driver’s side of the car.
I’ve still got Loki’s hand in a tight grip, and he pulls me into another crushing hug, squeezing me tightly. I don’t care though, I need to feel him for the next few weeks so that I know I’m not back at that manor house in England, all alone and doubting the existence of my Knights.
“It’s not goodbye,” he whispers into my hair. “Just see you later, Pretty Girl.”
He pulls back enough to dip his head and capture my lips with his own, and I taste the salt on his lips as he must do on mine, our sadness spilling down our cheeks in the summer moonlight. I cling to him as he tries to step away, but I don’t want to be released, not now or ever.
“I fucking love you, Lilly,” he says against my lips, giving me one last kiss before prising my arms from around him and stepping away.
“I fucking love you too, Loki,” I choke back, a sob stuck in my throat as I watch his angelic features crease with despair.
Jax suddenly blocks my view, taking Loki’s place and grabbing me by the back of my neck, pulling me into a soul-searing kiss. I grip his arms tightly, more tears tracing their hot path down my cheeks as I fall into his kiss. It’s painful in its softness, in the way he teases my mouth and tongue, the touch of his own at odds with the way he grips me tightly, possessively.
I’m gasping when he pulls back just as suddenly as he grabbed me, looking into my eyes with his piercing blue ones.
“You are my fucking light, Baby Girl. My soul.” He places my hand over his thumping heart. “My heart. I’ll do whatever it takes to keep you, both of you, safe.” His other palm caresses my stomach, our baby pushing against it and making him smile in that way that only Jax can.
“I love you, Jax,” I tell him, watching that small smile brighten until it outshines the moon above us.
He places a gentle kiss on my forehead and then lets me go for Kai to take his place. My lips wobble, sheer determination the only thing keeping my knees from buckling under me.
Kai steps into me, so close that the heat from his clothed body spreads to mine, and I want nothing more than to bask in it. Both hands come up, palms cupping my cheeks as he brings our foreheads together.
“You are my freedom, sweetheart,” he confesses softly, and I love the new nickname, something that only he calls me.
“And you are mine,” I say back, closing the distance between our lips this time, desperate for one final taste.
We kiss as though it will release us from the tyranny that still holds us hostage, as though it will kill the monsters that lurk in the dark waiting to spill our blood and devour us.
“I love you,” he whispers against my kiss-swollen lips, pulling away but keeping hold of my face for one final moment.
“I love you,” I repeat back, swallowing hard when he lets go and steps away to stand back with Jax and Loki.
My darkest Knight, my husband, steps up to me next, and I hate the turmoil churning in his silver eyes.
“We will come for you soon, my love,” he tells me, invading my personal space so that I crane my neck to look up at him and his fierce expression. “I swear on my cursed life that we will do what needs to be done, and then we can all finally be free to live.”
He doesn’t give me time to answer, to say a single damn thing before his lips are on mine and he’s kissing the life out of me. It’s a kiss that sends warriors into battle, that gives soldiers something to fight for, and I give freely, pouring all of my love and adoration for him into it.
We end the embrace softly, lingering for just another touch, another second more, trying to stave off the inevitable. He heaves a great sigh, like the weight of the world is on his shoulders.
“You are my everything, Lilly Vanderbilt,” he says against my lips.
“You mean Lilith Taylor,” I try to joke, but it falls a bit flat, and no one laughs, myself included.
“Regardless of your name, you are fucking mine, Lilly, and I am yours,” he says vehemently, angling my head with his hand gripped under my chin so that I’m looking into his hypnotic, grey eyes. “We are fused and nothing can tear us apart. Not my father. Not the rest of the board. Not even the devil him-fucking-self.”
Fresh tears sting my eyes and fall as I nod my head.
“I love you so much, Ash,” I tell him, my own palms coming up to cup his stubbled cheeks.
“I love you too, Lilly.”
The engine starts behind us, and the pain in the back of my throat intensifies as I try to swallow but can’t. Taking a shuddering breath, I pull the last vestiges of strength I have and take a step away from Ash, then another, my hands falling away from him as his fall from me.
“I’ll see you soon,” I tell them all, indulging in one final look at my Knights, the moonlight casting them in its glow until they appear like vengeful gods, ready to wage war, all hard lines and corded muscles.
Turning around, I give them my back as I open the car door and get inside, wincing slightly as my sore arsecheeks hit the seat. But I welcome the pain, the reminder of my lovers, of the other parts of my soul that are waiting to be reunited with me.
I just hope that it’s not too long before we can once again be in each other’s embrace.
The drive to Utah is mostly silent. As much as I want to talk to Ryan, to find out more about his mercenary jobs, I just can’t bring myself to make conversation. My soul aches so damn bad, like pieces are missing, and there’s a heavy weight on my chest, as if I’ll never be able to take a full breath again.
Ryan must sense my reluctance because he just puts some classical music on the radio and drives, leaving me to be lulled into a restless sleep full of broken hearts and dark shadows.
I wake as we pull up in front of a wooden cabin surrounded by forest, the predawn light fading from a deep purple to orange on the horizon behind it.
“Let’s get you settled, Little One,” Ryan suggests softly, switching the engine off and opening the door.
Taking a deep inhale, I follow, breathing in the fresh, damp air as I exit the vehicle. Looking up at the wooden structure, it reminds me of the hunting cabin that the guys took me to on Halloween, and I pause as I wonder if that’s the cabin that they’ll be going to in a few weeks. Seems fitting that the place we took revenge on Robert all those months ago will see justice served once more.
This, too, is double-storied, and as I walk inside, I notice that it has a much more homely feel, with cosy sofas covered in blankets facing a huge fireplace. Unlike the guys’ cabin, there are no dead animals on the walls, which I am grateful for.
“Lilly, come look at this,” Ryan’s voice calls from the other end of the room, and I turn, gasping as I see that the entire wall is windows, letting the rising sun filter into the space.
Walking over to where Ryan stands by some open bi-folding doors, I can see there’s a deck, and we have an uninterrupted view over the mountains and the valley below, all bathed in the beautiful dawn. Birds are singing, and tears spring to my eyes with the majesty of it all.
“There’s always a new day, Little One,” Ryan says softly from beside me, his big arm wrapping around my shoulders and pulling me into his side.
“Mum used to say that.” I sniffle, breathing in his familiar scent and letting it comfort me, even as my heart fractures at being so far from my soulmates.
“She was a wise woman, your mum,” he replies, his own voice a little thicker than usual.
I wrap my arm around his waist in a side hug, and we stay that way, watching the sunrise and letting its rays fill us with light, chasing away the darkness.
