I wake up with a groan, a sharp pain tightening like a band across my stomach. It’s so intense that all I can do is lie there and breathe, just like Mai has been getting me to practise for the past few weeks.
Once it passes, I get up and head to the bathroom, sitting on the toilet. It’s when I wipe myself and notice the jelly-like, pink-tinged substance on the paper that I realise what is happening.
“Mai!” I yell, staring at what can only be my plug, or show as Mai kept calling it. Its presence tells me that the pain I experienced this morning might be my labour starting.
The door is flung open, and I look up with wide eyes as Mai rushes into the room, sleep tousled and still in her cotton PJs. I thrust the stained toilet paper in her direction, and she blinks, then straightens up and looks wide awake when she realises what it is.
“No need to panic, Lilly,” she tells me in a soothing tone, stepping closer and around my still-held-out hand. “This doesn’t necessarily mean that your labour will start today. Let’s get you cleaned up and some food in you, okay?”
“O–okay,” I reply, finally putting the paper down the toilet and flushing whilst Mai starts up the shower.
Getting to my shaky feet, my heart feels like it’s trying to fly free.
“Hey…” Mai takes my arm, helping me out of my sleep shirt. “Even if baby does decide to come today, we can handle it, okay?”
“Okay,” I repeat once more, stepping under the warm spray and instantly feeling my shoulders relax under the water.
After I get dressed and eat something, we decide to go for a gentle walk, the pains coming fairly regularly but not that often. The twins follow us, both with wrinkled brows and stiff necks.
“Oh, for goodness’ sake!” Mai exclaims after Roman hovers so close I almost trip. “Plenty of babies have been born a little early, Lilly is not about to keel over, so give her some bloody space.”
I giggle as, chastised, they step back a bit, and a pang of intense sadness hits me when I realise that my guys would be far worse if they were here.
“The guys will be at the cabin by now; they won’t be able to come here if things do ramp up,” I pause as an intense pain shoots across my stomach, making it go rock-hard.
“That’s it, Lilly, just breathe in and out,” Mai encourages, rubbing my back in soothing circles until the pain eases and I can straighten up once more. “Let’s head back, shall we?”
We turn to walk back, my arm linked in Mai’s, and I worry my lip as we walk.
“I think that maybe we shouldn’t let them know. I don’t want them distracted,” I tell them, and although I can see the twins scowling at that, they nod.
“It’s shit, but probably for the best,” Rowan says grumpily.
He’s right, it is shit. I want my guys here with me, Jax was meant to help deliver our baby, but we can’t always get what we want; I know that more than most.
Looks like this night may be one to remember in more ways than one.
ASH
We all take our seats on various couches in the main living room after a long day of hunting elk and a meal of freshly caught elk heart. My father likes the idea of eating the heart of our enemies, and it doesn’t taste too bad once you get over the idea. The staff that cooked it have gone home as planned, so it’s just the eight of us.
Jax hands out glasses of scotch, catching my eye and giving an imperceptible nod to let me know that he’s done his part and, at most, we have half an hour before the effects of the GHB kicks in.
The elders talk about business, lots of bullshit back slapping and congratulatory talk about this or that company that has been made bankrupt. I watch, sipping my drink and trying not to sneer at the devils these men have become. It turns my stomach the amount of lives they’ve ruined, have forced us to take, all in the name of getting richer.
This isn’t how the world is meant to work. Lilly has shown me that with her light and goodness, and her caring for others. We’re meant to help people, help to pull them up, and not knock them down for our own gain. How many families have struggled because of us? Because of my father’s insatiable greed?
“Asth—” the man in question slurs, grimacing as his eyes try to focus on me. Seconds later his glass slips from his hand, landing with a dull thud on the rug as he slides to the floor, eyes closed and slack-jawed.
Similar noises sound around the room, and I look up to see all four of them lying in a comatose state.
“Stephen won’t be out for long,” Jax informs us, going over to Kai’s uncle and giving him a vicious kick. A small moan leaves the man’s lips, but he stays down. Jax leans down, grabs Stephen under the arms, and hauls him in the direction of the basement.
“You ready?” I ask Kai, pausing him with my hand on his bicep. He turns to face me, and it takes more effort than I’d like to admit not to flinch at the sight of his cold, dead eyes, all the warmth drained away.
“Yes.”
I loosen my grip, letting him go, but the stiffness in my shoulders remains as I watch him.
“Let’s get this show on the road, brother,” Loki says, his usual, teasing tone gone and replaced with the hard Knight that we’ve all been moulded into.
Taking one final, deep inhale, I draw my own darkness to the front, letting my inner demon take over for this bloody night’s work.
One last life to take.
LILLY
The pains increase steadily as the day wears on, becoming more intense and frequent as evening draws in. When we returned from our walk, Mai helped me to set up the main living area as my birth space; placing affirmation cards around the room, and plugging in fairy lights that she’d brought with her. The twins helped to set up the bluetooth speaker, and the classical playlist that Loki and I had created specifically for the birth is playing softly in the background. There’s a sharp pain in my chest which has nothing to do with my labour and everything to do with my missing Knights.
I keep walking round the space, pausing and breathing every time a contraction hits me. It’s full nighttime now, the moon shining through the French doors, the curtains left open at my insistence. I’m looking out into the darkness as another pain tightens my abdomen, and I grab hold of the back of a chair in a tight grip as it washes over me.
“That’s it, just breathe through them, Lilly,” Mai soothes, rubbing my back in circles. “You are doing so well, sweetheart.”
Tears sting my eyes at the endearment. It’s Kai’s new nickname for me, and I would give anything to have him here. To have all of them here.
“They’re getting stronger,” I pant out, straightening up once it passes and resuming my pacing, Mai giving me the space to walk.
“And closer together,” she says with a smile. “Baby is growing impatient to meet its mama.”
“Here,” Rowan says, holding out a bottle of some kind of sports drink. “You need to keep your energy levels up, especially as you haven’t eaten much.”
I take a sip, my heart aching when mango fills my mouth and I remember Jax taking care of me in his truck after Julian had said those awful things at the paintballing centre.
I gasp as another searing pain hits me, and Rowan quickly grabs the bottle before I can accidentally drop it. I grasp his arm, digging my nails in as I pant, this pain stronger than the last and much sooner.
A cool cloth smelling of lavender is pressed to my forehead as the contraction subsides, and I sigh, breathing in the relaxing scent. It reminds me of all the bubble baths the guys ran for me.
“Sorry.” I wince when I see the crescents in Rowan’s forearms left from my nails digging in.
“No worries, pixie,” he assures me with a grin.
The next hour or so is more of the same, walking and panting through the pains, time slipping away as I get lost in my own body and the war that is raging inside me.
I come to realise that’s what birth is, a war with only one outcome. Your body is literally being ripped apart, and all you can do is ride the waves of agony, praying that you both come out of the other side.
JAX
Agony contorts Stephen’s face as the cat-o-nine tail lands on his torn-up back, blood spraying over Kai holding the whip. Can You Hear Me Now by The Score plays loudly in the background, Loki dancing around like a fucking insane person as the lyrics ramp us all up to a state of fury.
I lift my gaze to Kai, watching as he observes his handiwork with a cold detachment that’s fucking scary. His chest is bare and glistening with crimson drops and splatter covering his face as he brings the whip down again.
Stephen struggles against his binds, crying out around his gag, but Ash tied him up good, hanging from the basement ceiling as Kai requested, so the fucking paedo isn’t going anywhere. The beast inside me purrs in approval at the bastard finally getting what he deserves. Kai meting out the punishment that his uncle gave him all those years ago is the icing on the cake.
Tears track down the man’s face, fucking pathetic sack of shit. He’s saying something, and Ash steps forward, removing his gag.
“What was that, Stephen?” he asks, and a dark bark of laughter bursts out of me at Ash’s tone. It’s like we’re in one of those shitty board meetings at Black Knight HQ, his tone bored and unemotional.
“P–p–please,” Stephen rasps out, the whites of his eyes showing as he looks at Ash.
“Did you listen to a small boy’s pleas, Stephen?” Ash questions and his voice is fucking arctic, his hand fisting in Stephen’s hair. He holds his grip as another hit lands on the man’s back, and we all relish in his loud scream, the sound unhindered by the gag.
Roughly, Ash lets go, stepping away and leaving bloody shoe prints on the concrete floor. Luckily, he’s wearing his father’s shoes, we all are except Kai who has plastic shoe covers over the top of his. Gotta keep up appearances and all that, footwear marks are evidence after all.
There’s a loud sound of wet leather and metal hitting the floor as Kai drops the whip out of his gloved grasp. Casually, he strolls over to the workbench, and I watch, my arms folded as he picks up a pair of bolt croppers, a small blowtorch, and pliers. Turning, he catches my gaze, and there’s no warmth there. A demon stares back at me, calling to my own, and when he holds out the blowtorch in a gloved hand, I don’t hesitate.
I walk up to my brother, and with my own double-gloved hand, take it from him, knowing what he wants. Giving the pliers to Loki as he walks past, Kai strides to face his uncle, the man broken and bleeding, sagging in his chains before him. Stephen lifts his head, his wide eyes taking in his nephew and the bolt croppers he’s holding.
“You forced your disgusting dick inside me when I was a child, when I thought that you were my savior, but soon discovered you were nothing but a monster,” Kai tells him, his voice deep and rough, and my hand tightens around the blowtorch at his words. “So I thought that I’d cut it off.”
Stephen struggles, and I wrinkle my nose as piss springs out from the appendage, the smell adding to that of blood in the room. Fucking disgusting.
“Y–you won’t get away with t–this!” he cries, his voice hoarse and cracked.
“Yes, we will,” Kai answers. “Loki.”
Loki steps forward, grabbing the end of Stephen’s dick with the pliers, and Stephen lets out a cry of pain as Loki pulls it out. It doesn’t go far, small dicked motherfucker. Although, I guess if someone had my cock in pliers, I might not be showing them all I have to offer.
“Doubt you’ll miss this much, Stephen,” Loki comments, clearly thinking the same as me.
I light the blowtorch, Stephen’s eyes darting to me as I step up close.
“You didn’t think we were going to let you die that easily, did you?” I ask him, my voice low and dark. I laugh.
Rest in Peace by Dorothy starts to play, and I arch a brow at Loki.
“It’s the perfect song for revenge torture!” he argues, his head bobbing with the rock music.
“Fucking madman.” I chuckle, turning my stare to Kai.
“This,” Kai tells Stephen, opening the cutters and placing them around the base of Stephen’s dick, “is going to hurt.”
LILLY
“Aaarrrggghhh!”
My scream echoes around the room as wave after wave of agony rips through my body, barely letting me breathe.
The pads that Mai placed on the floor cushion my knees as I kneel, my upper torso resting on the seat of the sofa as I grip Roman and Rowan’s hands so tightly I’m surprised I’ve not broken them.
“That’s it, Lilly!” Mai encourages me from behind. “I can see baby’s head, breathe deeply and let your body do its thing.”
I manage to follow her instructions, breathing through gritted teeth as I feel my vagina being stretched to an impossible size. Fuck, I thought Jax and Ash together down there was a lot, but it has nothing on this. This burns like nothing I’ve ever felt before.
“Good girl, that’s exactly it,” Mai praises, and it’s all I can do to focus on just breathing.
Shit, I wanted to be all zen earth mother, and here I am screaming like a fucking banshee. Some things never change, a brief flash of meeting Loki for the first time flits through my mind before the overwhelming urge to push fills me.
“I–I need to push,” I gasp out, sweat dripping down the side of my face.
“Then push, my lovely,” Mai encourages, and I take a huge inhale, pushing as I breathe it out through another loud scream.
A rush of liquid and something else expels from between my legs, and my muscles feel suddenly weak as all tension leaves them. Seconds later the most wonderful, unexpected sound of a baby’s cry sounds behind me, and I straighten my back as Mai passes a wriggling slick bundle between my legs.
Oh shit.
Instinctively, I grab my baby and bring it in close, marvelling at the miracle that I’m holding.
“Congratulations, Lilly,” Mai says, her voice thick, and I sit back on my heels twisting to look at her.
“Is it a boy or girl?” one of the twins asks, and I look down at the bundle in my arms, the cord still attached and pulsing slightly.
“A girl,” I whisper. “She’s a girl.”
I look up at them with tear-filled eyes, my forehead creasing as another slight pain hits me followed by more slickness between my thighs.
“That’s the afterbirth,” Mai informs me, and I do an awkward shuffle to see a large blob of red on the sheets we put down, the cord flowing from the placenta to my baby. My baby girl.
My eyes trace her tiny body, taking in every detail, and a choked laugh falls from my lips when I get to her head.
“She’s ginger!” I exclaim, delight filling me as I look at her mop of red hair, just like her dad. “And has so much hair.”
“She’s beautiful,” Mai tells me, coming beside me and wrapping her arm around my shoulders. “The cord has stopped pulsing, so let’s cut it and you can have a lie down with her.”
Mai orders the twins to get me something to drink and eat then helps me onto the sofa that’s been pulled out to create a sofa bed. She helps me clean up after she’s checked me over to make sure there were no tears, all the while I hold my baby girl to my chest and just fucking marvel at her existence.
“Does she have a name?” Roman asks, and I look up to find him and Rowan waiting with snacks and a drink.
I look back down at my baby, who’s happily taking her first feed, and I can feel my lips lift up in a soft smile, warmth suffusing my entire body.
“Violet,” I reply, not taking my eyes off her, my hand gently stroking her soft head. “Her name is Violet.”
