I wake up with a jolt, my heart pounding and a feeling that something isn’t right making the hair stand up on my arms. A snuffling sound next to me brings my head down to see my baby, Violet, snuggled next to me, my body curled around hers protectively. Taking a deep inhale of her addictive baby scent, my panic subsides somewhat, but I can’t shake that feeling of unease.
Needing the toilet and something to drink, I decide to get out of bed, but can’t bear to leave Violet behind, so I pick her up and take her with me. She stirs a little but soon settles into my embrace, and it feels as natural as breathing to carry her in my arms, but also weirdly alien. I can’t believe that she’s here.
Padding quietly downstairs, I’m surprised to hear the murmur of voices, and even more so when I round the staircase and find the twins and Mai in the living room, all with concern written across their faces.
“What’s wrong?” I ask, my voice lowered but my mouth really dry with all the possible scenarios running through my head. “Tell me.”
“Loki’s been shot,” Roman states and my body goes ice-cold and numb, instinct alone making sure that I don’t drop Violet, pulling her small body closer as if to protect her from the news.
“W–what?” I rasp, sinking down on the same sofa that I leaned on a few hours ago to give birth.
“We don’t know all the details, just that something went wrong and Loki got caught with a bullet,” Rowan elaborates, his knee bouncing.
“W–where is he?” I ask, pulling Violet closer to me, breathing in her scent which is the only thing helping me to stay calm right now.
“The private hospital, back in Brompton Lakes.”
“We have to go there then,” I say, standing back up and turning to head towards the stairs to get ready.
“Lilly, you only gave birth a few hours ago,” Mai interjects, a note of concern in her tone. “It’s a three-hour drive.”
“Plus,” Rowan interjects, “you’re meant to be dead.”
“He’s Violet’s father, and my soulmate,” I say, needing them to understand that any discomfort I feel is secondary to my need to make sure that he’s okay. Mai sighs, then gets up too.
“Luckily, we bought a car seat for Violet, just in case you had her whilst we were here,” she tells me, giving me a small smile. “Let me take her while you get ready.”
“Thank you,” I reply, handing over Violet, careful not to jostle her.
I rush up the stairs, well, as much as my aching body will allow, and say a prayer to anyone who’s listening that my baby gets to meet her father.
JAX
Ash, Kai, and I sit around Loki’s bedside, watching his still form lying there, and all I feel is sick with the thought that our freedom may have cost him his life. The doctor said that it was a clean entry and exit wound, the bullet passing through his shoulder, and although he may have limited use of the limb for a few weeks or months, with physical therapy he should make a full recovery.
But fuck, that was too close for my liking.
A groan pulls my worried gaze back up to my brother’s face, finding his eyes blinking as he struggles to open them.
“Fuuucck,” he rasps out, his voice cracked and painful sounding, and I leap to my feet, grabbing him a cup of water that the doc left for him.
“Shit, it’s good to have you back,” I say, holding the cup to his lips when his gaze finds mine. He drinks deeply, finishing the whole thing before resting his head back on the pillow with a long exhale.
“I feel like I’ve been hit by a fucking truck,” he comments dryly, closing his eyes and wincing, then opening them and looking around the room. Ash and Kai are on the other side of the bed, both with grins on their faces, their previously tight shoulders slumped.
“You were shot,” Ash tells him, and Loki’s forehead creases, then his eyes widen as he remembers.
“By Rafe!” he exclaims, though his voice is no more than a cracked mumble.
“Yeah,” I reply, then give a smile that I know is pure evil as I recall what the cops told us when we woke up a couple of hours ago. “Turns out he fell back down the basement stairs, cracked his head open like Humpty fucking Dumpty, and died in a pool of blood and piss at the bottom.”
I mean, I wish I’d been the one to put a bullet in his brain after I beat the shit out of him, but I guess, this way at least, he’s no longer walking the earth. Perhaps it’s not the way a son should feel about his father’s death, but I’m glad the bastard is dead.
“Talk about silver linings,” Loki jokes, and we all chuckle, the tension dropping away from my limbs.
My shoulders tense once again when I hear a commotion outside, a harried woman’s voice sounding in the hall.
“You can’t go in there, miss!”
“Fuck off!”
“Is that Lilly?” Kai asks in a confused tone, but before we can answer, the door to the room bursts open, and in strides the woman herself, looking exhausted but beautiful in her wildness.
“Loki!” she exclaims, rushing across the room and practically pushing me out of the way as she flings herself on top of him.
He lets out a pained groan, but what makes me really pause is what sounds like the cry of a baby.
“Oh, poppet, I’m so sorry, shhhh,” Lilly coos, pulling back and rocking the bundle in her arms that I’d somehow missed when she came in.
“Lilly?” Loki asks, his eyes wide as he, too, takes in the squirming bundle she’s holding.
“Loki, guys,” she says, her eyes swimming with tears as she looks around at our stunned faces. “This is Violet, our daughter.”
She pulls the blanket away to reveal a beautiful baby with a shock of red hair on her head. I stare, stunned at the perfection of this infant, a wave of such intense love almost bringing me to my knees.
“Here,” Lilly says, placing the baby in Loki’s good arm, and a moment of panicked terror flashes across his face before he looks down at his daughter and he just fucking melts.
“S–she’s perfect,” he whispers, bringing her in close and nuzzling her hair. “Look at her hair!”
“I know,” Lilly beams, and I wrap my arms around her from behind, taking her weight as she sags into me.
“Fuck, Baby Girl, you should be resting,” I scold, trying to direct her to my chair, but she resists.
“Jax, I just spent the past few hours sitting in a car, feeling like my fanny was going to fall out every time we hit a bump, I really don’t want to sit down right now.”
I wince at her description, my respect for this woman increasing tenfold when I think about her having to give birth without us, or without full medical attention.
“But you’re okay? Nothing went wrong?” I can’t help but ask, pulling her closer as my heart beats wildly at the thought of her pain.
“I’m fine, fucking exhausted, but fine,” she tells me, her arms wrapping along the length of mine. “More to the point, Loki, how are you and why the fuck did you get yourself shot?”
“It wasn’t a choice, Pretty Girl,” Loki murmurs back, not taking his eyes off Violet. “But I think I’m okay.”
“He’ll be fully recovered in a few weeks with some physical therapy,” Ash answers softly, coming round the bed to draw Lilly into his arms and out of mine.
As much as I don’t want to, I let her go and watch with a warm feeling in my chest when she nuzzles into him and he kisses the top of her head.
“I’m so fucking proud of you, Princess,” he says, pulling away slightly to look into her eyes. “You are incredible.”
Violet makes a little squeak then, and Lilly steps away from Ash, taking her from Loki, planting a quick kiss on his cheek, and then turning around to face us. She steps close to me, holding her arms out, and automatically, I take Violet from her, feeling a little awkward with this tiny bundle in my huge arms. She looks so small and breakable, but Lilly helps me to support her head, then steps back to give Kai a hug.
I look down, Violet’s eyes closed, yet when I bring my finger up to her hand, her fingers grasp onto mine with a tight grip.
“She’s strong, just like her mother,” I marvel, my throat tight as I look up into Lilly’s tired gaze, her lashes damp with tears but her smile wide. “Perfect like her too.”
“I’m sorry you weren’t there, to help with her birth I mean,” Lilly says, her mouth downturned, Kai’s arms wrapped around her from behind like mine were moments before.
“I’m sorry too,” I say, and fuck, I hate that we weren’t there when she needed us. One look at my brothers and I know they’re feeling the same.
“D–did it all go to plan?” she questions, looking at each of us, settling on Loki last. “Well, apart from Loki getting shot.”
“Yeah,” Ash answers, taking a step towards me and brushing Violet’s hair back, placing a soft kiss on her tiny head. “Everything else went to plan, and Chad and my father are in police custody.”
Reluctantly, I hold Violet out for him to take, and he reaches for her with a gentleness that surprises me. None of us are soft men. We are hard and full of scars, our bodies built to hurt and take life, not to nurture it, but maybe we could be something more than what we were raised to be.
Ash kisses Violet’s head again before turning and handing her back to Lilly when she starts to fuss, Kai’s arms coming round both of them as we all stare at the miracle of new life before us.
Yeah, we are definitely more than what our fathers trained us to be. Life is not black or white, but a mixture of greys, and looking down at my brothers and our woman and newborn daughter, I know that they will help us to become what we were always meant to be.
