A SLIGHT RUSTLING sound outside the tent pulled me from my sleep. I look to see if maybe it was just Pippa coming to bed for the night. I find her fast asleep on the other side of the tent, her forearm covering her eyes.
I pull the blanket up to my chin. I’d gone to bed early, too upset with Cade to enjoy what was supposed to be my birthday celebration. After he’d ruined the moment between Brendan and me, he’d gone right back to not talking to me.
He stopped ignoring me at least. He didn’t grace me with another word, but he did glare at me the entire night. Even when his on and off again girlfriend, Rhiannon, tried to get his attention, he’d barely looked at her. He’d barely looked at anything but me or the labels he kept tearing off his beer bottles. The only time he pretended that I existed was when I tried to spend alone time with Brendan. If I even looked in Brendan’s direction, Cade would find a way to stop it like a damn guard dog.
I let him scowl and throw a temper tantrum. I was throwing one of my own. Words spun through my head all night as I’d planned what I’d say to him the first time we were alone. He can’t ignore me until he sees me try to give my attention to somebody else. It was a shame we’re in the presence of our friend group for tonight. I didn’t want to hash it out for all of them to see.
I’d still gone to bed angry. Pippa had been shocked I’d wanted to go to bed so early, but I told her I’d be ready to keep up with the celebrations tomorrow.
When another rustling sound comes from outside the tent, I figure people must still be up and having fun. At least someone on this little trip is having a good time for my birthday.
The tent zipper moving and getting pulled open catches my attention. I sit up immediately, watching it warily. At first I panic thinking it’s a bear, or a serial killer, but when Cade’s face pops through the opening, I let out a sigh of relief.
For a second.
Then anger courses through my veins at what he pulled earlier.
I open my mouth to tell him exactly how I feel, even with Pippa sleeping soundly right next to me. Before any sound comes out, he puts a finger to his lips.
“Come here,” he mouths.
I narrow my eyes at him. My mouthed “no” in response is clear as day.
“Goldie,” he responds silently.
I shake my head at him.
He doesn’t get to ignore me, get mad at me for spending time with someone else, refuse to speak to me, and then wake me up because he feels like it.
His eyes soften. “Please,” he mouths.
I’m so fucked. One simple word and the anger dissipates enough from my body to have me crawling out of my sleeping bag and leaving the tent.
I say nothing as Cade quietly zips the tent back up as I shove on my boots.
“What do you want?” I whisper, stepping away from the group of tents so no one hears us.
Cade fixes a backpack on his back. What does he need that for?
“To celebrate your birthday.”
“You already had that chance.”
He shoves his hands into the pockets of his jeans. A small worry line forms on his forehead. “I’m asking for another.”
I let out a resigned sigh. “I’m tired of this, Cade.”
“Tired of what?”
I start walking even farther from the group of tents. When I’d envisioned talking to Cade tonight, I thought it’d be me convincing him to finally give in and kiss me. Instead, I’m now convincing him to just leave me alone and stop pretending like he wants me if he doesn’t.
Once I feel like we’re far enough away from everyone, I spin to speak with him. “I’m tired of this back and forth with us. I’m tired of guessing how you feel. Really, I’m just tired of you.”
Cade’s lip twitches, which only annoys me further. “I’m done,” I say exhausted, already turning my body toward the tent.
I’m going to go to bed and wake up tomorrow and pretend that my heart never wanted him so desperately. He clearly doesn’t deserve it.
A strong hand grabs me by the wrist. “Goldie, wait.” Cade pulls, spinning me so I’m looking at him once again.
Why does he have to look so good under the moonlight?
I feel like so many of our encounters, some of my favorite moments with him, all take place in the dark. It’s like the moon is the only thing to know anything about us. It’s a sad thought. Maybe I want him to acknowledge me in the sun, too.
“I’m tired of that nickname, too,” I point out. If he ever stopped calling me that, I think my heart would break, but he doesn’t have to know that.
Cade’s thumb brushes the inside of my wrist. He keeps it there, looking down at where our skin touches. I look down, too. At the spot where my pulse gets stronger and stronger with the connection of our skin.
“I’m tired, too,” he confesses. He looks up at me, and I forget every shitty thing he’s done when I see the vulnerability in his eyes.
“What do you have to be tired about?” I’ve given him every clear signal in the world. He doesn’t get to be tired.
“I’m tired of fighting myself over how much I think about you. I’m tired of telling myself that I shouldn’t look at my little sister’s best friend the way I look at you. I’m really just tired of pretending that my entire head isn’t full of you and only you.”
I’m too stunned to say anything. I hadn’t expected him to be so honest—to be so vulnerable.
“I’m tired of pretending that my day doesn’t begin and end with thoughts of you,” he admits, his chest heaving up and down.
His fingers caress against mine as he watches me closely.
“Cade.” My voice shakes as I try to figure out if I’m hearing him correctly.
He reaches out and grabs me by the waist, pulling me against his warm body. “I know I haven’t acted like it. Truthfully, I’ve tried fighting it for as long as I can. There are so many reasons I shouldn’t be saying this, beginning with Pippa and ending with the fact you’re leaving in a few months, but I don’t care anymore.”
His hands move from my waist to cup my face. His callouses scratch my cheeks. It’s the best feeling in the world. “Forgive me for not being able to fight it any longer.”
I want to make a career out of putting words to paper. I’ve always been one to find the right words, but right now—I can’t think of anything to say back to him. So I do what I’ve been dreaming about for years.
Standing on my tiptoes, I press my lips against his.
As soon as our lips collide, it feels like everything in the world has fallen into place. Kissing him is familiar but exhilarating. It’s like seeing your home through a whole new lens.
I may be the one to start the kiss, but Cade takes control immediately. His fingers weave through my hair as he tilts my head, giving his tongue access to slip between my lips. He tastes like the peppermints he’s always stealing from the stable.
I’ve waited so long to kiss him like this that it almost feels like it really isn’t happening. It feels too perfect—too right—for this to be real life.
We both gasp for air as we refuse to even pause long enough to breathe. Peppermint has never tasted so good as his tongue caresses mine. I don’t even like peppermint, but I can see myself becoming a fan.
“Cade,” I whisper as he feathers kisses along my jaw. My heart threatens to erratically beat right out of my chest at the rush of adrenaline that comes from finally kissing the man I’ve been in love with for years.
Our foreheads press against each other’s as we both catch our breath. My fingers press against my lips in disbelief.
I finally got to kiss the boy I’ve loved for as long as I can remember. And he kissed me back with a matched passion and desperation.
Cade’s fingers wrap around my wrist as he pulls my hand toward him, pressing it to his sharp cheekbones. “If I’m being honest, Goldie, I’ve always loved the beautiful words you write, but I might like how your body speaks to me even more.”
The mountain breeze tickles my cheek as I shyly smile up at him. “What’s it saying?”
He quickly presses another kiss to my lips, taking me by surprise. I like the hastiness of it. I’m comforted by the idea that he’s as desperate to taste me as I am him.
“It’s saying that you’ve been thinking about that kiss just as much as I have.” His knuckles brush against my arm right before he joins our hands together. He tugs on our linked hands, pulling me down a narrow path.
“I’ve probably thought about it more.” I don’t ask where he’s taking us. It doesn’t matter. I’d follow him anywhere. I’m still riding the high of kissing him. The destination where he’s taking us makes no difference to me. It’s just about the journey of going on it with him.
Cade looks over at me, the moon reflecting in his eyes. “I don’t think so. It seems like more and more recently, my mind is full of nothing but thoughts of you.”
His words steal any kind of response. I’m trying to wrap my mind around what’s happening between us. I’d gone to bed swearing that by the time I woke up the next morning, I’d never pine after my best friend’s brother again. When sleep finally took me, I’d been chanting over and over again how he was nothing to me anymore.
My, how things have changed.
Cade lifts a large evergreen branch over his head, giving me room to cross underneath it. I keep walking, wondering where he’s leading us to. There’s no longer a clear path, and we seem to be somewhere we haven’t visited before. Well, at least I haven’t. With the way Cade effortlessly steps through the tall grass, his eyes trained in front of him as his thumb brushes my knuckles, I wonder if he’s taking me somewhere familiar to him.
I’m about to ask him where he’s leading us to when there’s a break in the trees. He pulls us through it and I’m met with one of the most stunning views I’ve ever seen.
My feet stop, my body too stunned by the sheer beauty of the scene in front of me.
“Oh my god,” I whisper, taken aback by what I see.
Cade comes to a stop next to me, his shoulder brushing against mine. “I know it’s not our typical birthday spot for you, but I was hoping this scene might make up for it.”
From our spot on the mountain, you can see down to a stunning valley, a body of water tucked in between the trees below us. The moon reflects off the water in a way so stunning that it takes my breath away. If you look far enough into the distance, you can see another looming mountain where the highest peak still has snow at the top.
“Is it Mare approved?” he asks. I know him well enough to know there’s a hesitant edge to his voice. I don’t know why he’d ever think that this wouldn’t be one of my favorite scenes in the world.
I turn to him, my eyes burning with the tears of happiness that are threatening to spill over. “I didn’t know this spot existed,” I manage to get out. “It’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.”
Cade cocks his head, a lopsided smirk appearing on his face. “I could think of something even more beautiful.”
My heart leaps in my chest at his words because Cade isn’t staring out at the scenery. He’s staring at me.
He doesn’t give me time to form any kind of response. His rough hands grab either side of my face, his thumbs brushing over my sunburnt cheeks. “I think this might be my favorite birthday night of yours.”
‘I think this might be my favorite night out of all the days I’ve lived—not just my birthdays.”
He pulls me into him, like now that we’ve both addressed the shift in feelings between us he can’t handle losing any kind of contact between our bodies. “Mine too,” he says with a large exhale.
We carefully walk down the slope of the mountain until we’re steps away from the pond.
Cade pulls the backpack off his back. Reaching inside, he pulls out one of the nice blankets Linda keeps in the house. She’d kill him if she knew he brought it tonight. I can vividly imagine how angry she’d be at the sight of him spreading it over the damp grass next to the water.
He points to the blanket. “Sit.”
I follow his direction, sitting down and pulling my knees against my chest. I tuck my chin against my knees, staring out at the captivating scenery in front of me. “I’m not over this view.”
His side presses against mine. I like how adamant he’s being about keeping our bodies touching in some way. He sets his backpack in front of him, reaching in to grab something else from the sleek, black bag.
He pulls out a few marigolds. They’re a little smashed, maybe from the contents of whatever else he has in the bag. It doesn’t take away from their beauty. If anything, that in combination with the sheepish smile on his face makes me prefer them the way they are right now. “I found these this morning before we left. I wanted to give them to you before we headed out, but you were with Pippa.”
I take the marigolds from him delicately, not wanting to do anything to jeopardize the petals falling from the stems.
His breath tickles the back of my neck as he leans over me. “They’re probably not the best birthday present now that they’re all messed up.”
I clutch them to my chest, angling my head so I stare into his chestnut eyes. “I love them.”
“So your birthday isn’t ruined?” he jokes.
“I thought it was earlier when you were being a dick.”
Cade swallows, a muscle rippling along his jaw. “I’m not sorry for acting that way. Seeing you with Brendan made me…” His words trail off as he stares out at the pond in front of us.
“Jealous?”
His eyes find mine. “So fucking jealous, Goldie.” He traces my bottom lip with his thumb, watching my lips intently. “The thought of another man touching you, tasting you, is enough to drive me fucking mad.”
“Even if they tried, I’d still be thinking of you.”
He traps my mouth with his. His kiss is dangerous and possessive, something I hadn’t seen from him until today.
When he finally pulls away, both of us are breathless. “Don’t think I won’t act like that again,” he warns, his eyes traveling my face.
“There’s nothing for you to worry about. For me, it’s always been you.”
He seems to accept my answer. He leans back, pulling me along with him.
It feels like second nature when he wraps his arm around me and tucks my head against his chest. Maybe it’s because we’ve spent so many nights in bed with some sort of contact. In fact, all the times I found myself in his bed, I never woke up without some part of us touching.
It always felt meaningful with him—but this feels like so much more. We’ve kissed. He’s admitted that I’m not the only one whose head is spinning from the feelings between us. The contact of our bodies feels like so much more now. Something I didn’t even know was possible.
“Look at the stars with me, Goldie,” Cade whispers.
As I adjust my body, getting comfortable in his warm embrace, I fight the urge to tell him I’d lie here with him forever. I’d count every star to infinity to stay locked in this moment with him.
