MY FEET ACHE. I’m four beers and two shots deep into the night. Shockingly, I’m having the best time. It feels good to let go for a bit. Life doesn’t feel as heavy here. Not right now. Not in this moment.
Pippa and I laugh freely as I miss so many of the steps; my line dancing skills are a bit rusty from the years I’ve been absent. With every drink and every new song, I get more comfortable. The steps come back to me, and I’m reminded of all the nights Pippa and I spent here before we went off to college.
Pippa and I almost keel over in a laughing fit when we bump into one another by accident. The impact was so abrupt that we almost topple over.
A hand grasps my arm, steadying me before I can get too off-balance. Looking up, I find a smiling Brendan looking down at me. I’m reminded of how much I appreciated him at nineteen. I liked that I was never guessing if he was interested in me or not—unlike with Cade. Even now, it seems like the interest is still there. He hasn’t bothered hiding it tonight. It’s nice to look a man in the eyes and not question where I stand.
Right now, it’s nice to look a man in the eyes and not see pain, hurt, and anger staring back at you.
I’m nowhere near looking for anything serious, but I could look for fun. Brendan just might be the kind of fun distraction I need.
When he runs his hands down the sides of my arms, I lean into him slightly. I look up at Pippa, who is now dancing with Chase. I attempt to hide a smile when she winks at me.
It turns out maybe we both need the fun.
Another song starts up. Brendan grabs my hand, falling in step next to me as we move to the music. Our bodies brush against each other with the beat.
For a few songs, Pippa, Brendan, Chase, and I just laugh and have fun. Eventually, the tone changes. Our bodies get closer. My back presses to Brendan’s front as we move to the music. His hands bravely drift, lowering on my sides, coming to a stop right over the waistband of my shorts.
We rock back and forth before he spins me around. When he pulls me against him, there’s a wide smile on his face. “I like seeing you like this, Evans,” he says, his voice low. His breath tickles my cheek with each one of his words. It doesn’t feel the same way it did with Cade. But it doesn’t feel bad either.
“Like what?” I ask, intertwining our hands as both our bodies circle each other, copying the same movement as the other dancers on the floor.
“Happy,” he responds instantly.
I can’t help but smile right back at him. I do feel happy. At least for right now. I’d dreaded going out tonight. But it’s turning out to be exactly what I needed. “Me too.”
We dance to a few more songs before I decide I need water—and maybe another drink—immediately. I pull away from Brendan, watching him say something to Chase and Pippa.
“I’m going to go grab us some drinks,” I announce.
“I’ll go with you,” Brendan offers.
I shake my head. “I’ve got it. You keep having fun.”
He looks like he wants to say something else, but I don’t give him the chance. I slip through a narrow opening between two dancing bodies, disappearing into the crowd of people.
It takes longer than I expected to navigate through the dancing bodies, but eventually I make it to the outskirts of the dance floor.
Taking a deep breath, I look toward the bar to see how busy it is. I’m taking a step toward it when an arm snakes around my waist and pulls me into a hard body.
“What the h—”
“Shh.” A hand gently slips over my mouth at the same time a familiar scent washes over me. My body instantly recognizes the scent and the feel of his body pressed against mine. “It’s just me, Goldie.”
I’m relieved that a stranger isn’t trying to grope me. But it still doesn’t change the fact that I’m angry he thinks he can just pull me against him in the middle of all these dancing people after he hasn’t said a word to me all night.
“What do you want, Cade?” I ask, trying to step away from him. He doesn’t allow it. Instead, he pulls me against him—hard—as he takes a few steps backward. His steps lead us into the middle of a group of people, the rest of the bar disappearing around us as we get lost in a sea of bodies.
His hand travels down my back, resting right at the curve of my waist as he holds me tightly against him. There’s fire in his eyes when he goes from looking over my head to looking me in the eye. “What do I want?” He scoffs. “The answer is pretty fucking simple, actually. I want to not have to sit here and watch you dance with my friend all goddamn night.”
He roughly turns me, gluing his front to my back. I try to pull away, but it’s no use. I’m pinned against him. He begins to rock his body left and right, pulling me with him. I hate how my body breaks out in goose bumps, despite the heat from the surrounding bodies, at the way our bodies brush up against one another.
“I don’t know why it bothers you,” I snap, giving up and letting my body relax. There’s no way I can overpower him, even if I wanted to. And the sad fact is I don’t want to. Deep down, I don’t want to get away from him.
I’m extremely turned on by the jealousy that was heating his stare. My skin lights up with desire feeling his body against mine once again.
His body shakes with a sarcastic laugh. Cade leans over me, talking right next to my ear. “You don’t know why it bothers me?” His fingertips tease the top of my waistband, making my breath catch in my chest.
Why can’t it feel like this with anyone else? It’s tragic to want a man you can’t have.
My head shakes back and forth, falling against his chest as he inches deeper into the fabric. His fingertips scratch my tender skin in a way that lights up my entire body.
“It bothers me because he can’t fucking have you, Goldie. He couldn’t have you then, and he can’t have you now.”
I’m essentially panting as his fingertips slip into the fabric of my panties. We know way too many people in this town for us to be doing this on the dance floor, but all sense of reason has left my mind at the feeling of him getting so close to the wetness pooling between my thighs.
“That shouldn’t bother you.” I moan when one of his fingers slides against my sensitive core. Everyone around us seems to be swept up in their own movements, but it doesn’t make him touching me so intimately any less inappropriate. We go to church on Sundays with some of these people, yet here we are as he brushes up against my clit in the middle of a crowded dance floor.
Cade takes me by surprise when his lips tenderly brush along the top of my exposed shoulder. “It wouldn’t bother you to see me on the dance floor with another woman’s body hanging onto mine?” His fingers slip out of my shorts, and I don’t know if I’m upset or relieved by the loss of touch. “It wouldn’t bother you to see someone else’s hips moving against me like this?” His hands find my hips. He rubs them against his obvious erection.
I swallow, desire running thick through my veins from feeling him against me. This is so wrong, but it feels way too right. I feel power in knowing the effect I have on him. But with power comes the anger at the constant back and forth that comes with Cade.
“It wouldn’t bother me,” I lie. I’m sick at the thought of all the times that exact scenario has probably played out here in the years I’ve been gone.
Cade roughly spins me around, forcing me to look him in the eye. “You’re lying.”
There’s too much emotion in his eyes, so many mixed-signals considering he’s done everything in his power to ignore me since his mom’s funeral. Since the night I thought maybe he and I were turning over a new leaf. Frustrated, I rip out of his grip and throw myself into the bodies surrounding us.
“Goldie!” he angrily yells behind me.
Ignoring him, I force people out of my way as I try to get away. I haven’t had enough to drink to erase all the pain he’s caused me. I can’t do this with him. I can’t let him get under my skin—into my heart—again. I barely survived the first time I let him in my bed and heart. I’d be incredibly naive to let it happen again.
I refuse to look at anything but toward the back exit as I rush through the crowded bar. If Pippa were to see me right now, she’d immediately know something was wrong. She’s having the time of her life tonight. The last thing I want to do is bother her with my problems with her brother. I have to make sure she doesn’t catch me. She can think I’ve been held up waiting for drinks or something.
The moment fresh air hits my face as I push open the back door, I take in a relieved breath. I hadn’t realized how stifling the air was inside Slopes until I’m met with the air from outside.
Gravel crunches underneath my feet as I race to the edge of the back parking lot. I look at the mountaintops in the distance, their peaks lit by the moon as I continue to try and suck air into my lungs.
My entire body freezes when the door opens behind me.
