I COULDN’T HANDLE STARING BACK at the hurt in Cade’s eyes any longer. I could’ve lied and told him that I didn’t want to kiss him, but it would’ve been the furthest thing from the truth. From the moment I saw him again, I couldn’t help but wonder if he still tasted the same.
I need to know if he still tastes like mine.
Our lips crash against one another in a wild frenzy. We’re all lips and teeth and tongues as we try to make up for all the lost time between us. He kisses me angrily, as if he’s throwing all his pent up aggression into the kiss.
He still tastes the same. But better.
He must’ve recently had a peppermint because that’s all I can taste when his tongue caresses against mine. My mouth opens wider for him when he pulls on the hair that runs down my back, angling my head in a way that makes the kiss even deeper.
I forget that we’re in the middle of a back parking lot, making out like a bunch of teenagers even though anybody could find us.
It doesn’t matter. I’d kiss him anywhere—in front of anyone—just to experience what it’s like to kiss Cade Jennings again.
I knew I’d missed him. I knew no other man I’ve kissed since leaving Sutten could even compete with the way Cade kisses. Now I’m reminded just how much the others didn’t compare.
Nothing has ever compared to how it feels with him. I’m willing to bet nothing ever will, either.
As if the kiss doesn’t already have me falling in love with him all over again, what he does after breaking our kiss is enough to have me falling fast and hard once again.
He presses a kiss to my hairline. It’s so tender compared to the way he sucked and bit my lips with our previous ones. Before I can try to kiss him all over again, he’s wrapping his arms around my body and pulling me into his chest.
I breathe him in, wishing I could bottle up the scent of pine that clings to everything of his and keep it forever. He presses his cheek to the top of my head. I feel his deep breath as he inhales and exhales. It’s like he’s just allowing himself to relax.
Maybe my touch brings him just as much comfort as his brings me.
The music from the bar wafts around us as we stay clutched in an embrace. If anyone has walked out to find us in this position, I wouldn’t know. I keep my face pressed against the person who’s still able to bring me comfort all these years later.
His hands move up and down my back in a soothing motion. “I missed this, Goldie,” he admits, his voice deep and gravelly.
I nuzzle deeper into his chest, trying to forget about all the reasons this moment can’t last forever and instead doing my best to make it last as long as possible.
“Me too,” I respond, my voice muffled as I talk against his chest.
“There’s one more question I wanted to—”
He pushes away from me when the door to the bar creaks open, the music now loud thanks to the open door.
We both look at the open doorway. I think we both let out a sigh of relief when we don’t find Pippa staring back at us.
Everything is complicated between the two of us. I don’t want to have to explain that to Pippa. I’ve always wondered if she knew something happened in the past between Cade and me. She hasn’t ever really questioned me about it. It’s one of the reasons I love her. She’s good at minding her own business, even if it may kill her natural curiosity to do so.
A man I don’t recognize, who has clearly had too much to drink by the way he stumbles around, goes to lean against the building. He pulls out a cigarette, not paying attention to Cade and me.
When I look from the man back to him, I find Cade watching me. His eyes are wide, but I can’t read what’s behind them. I want to ask him what he was about to say, but I don’t. Instead, I’m busy lecturing myself for falling right back into the trap that is him.
I spent years trying to get over him. Trying to mend the heart he broke when he pretended that what we shared was nothing to him. I gave in to him once again. Except this time, I only have myself to blame. I know what it’s like to try and get over Cade. I’m well aware of how impossible it is to forget his taste, touch, and kiss. Yet all it took was a few sentences from him to get me right back to where I started.
Naively in love with a man who won’t fight to keep me.
Although I can’t tell what’s written on Cade’s face, I’m confident he can sure as hell see what’s written on mine.
His eyebrows pull together as fear and fury flashes through his eyes. “Goldie, no,” he whispers, reaching his hand out toward mine. “Don’t do this.”
“We can’t do this,” I correct, already walking to go back inside. “I can’t handle it, Cade. Not again.”
He tries to get me to stop, but his efforts are useless. I’m racing toward the door, needing to get away from him, desperate for space and desperate for a moment to get my head on straight.
I just kissed Cade again.
What’s worse, I believed him when he told me he’d never fallen for anyone else.
At least for a moment.
Now as I shoulder my way through the crowd, looking for the booth where I’m sure Pippa and the rest of the group are waiting for us, I’m wondering if he was actually lying to my face.
There’s no way he hasn’t loved someone else in five years. That’s unrealistic. He can’t really expect me to believe that. He never even told me that he loved me. I try to think back on his words, to think if I misheard him. It shouldn’t matter anyway. He told me back then he didn’t love me. That’s what I have to believe.
I let out a sigh of relief when I see Pippa sitting at the table. She laughs at something Brendan says, her shoulders perking up when she spots me.
“Mare!” she shouts, her words slurring. “Where have you been?” She holds up a glass of beer. Apparently we’ve now switched from bottles to a pitcher of beer.
I feel him behind me, forcing my spine to go straight.
“We’re not done,” he hisses under his breath, his fingers running down my arm. I yank it from his reach, holding it close to my chest.
Pippa narrows her eyebrows, accusingly looking from Cade to me. Her head cocks to the side. “Why do I sense something is going on?”
“It’s nothing,” I hurriedly say, looking at Brendan apologetically. He also looks between Cade and I. Except where Pippa looks confused, he looks between us knowingly.
Cade’s shoulder bumps against mine as he comes out from behind me and stops next to me. I feel his gaze hot on my cheek. “I don’t know about that, Goldie,” he says through gritted teeth. “I definitely feel like something is going on.”
My head whips to look at him in disbelief. He was adamant we stayed a secret the summer before I left for college. Now he wants to hash out all the bad blood between us in front of a group of innocent bystanders that includes his sister and one of his ex-girlfriends.
I roll my eyes, appalled by his childish behavior. I train my eyes on Pippa. “I’m just not feeling that well. I think I drank too much or something.”
Cade lets out a sarcastic laugh, not even bothering trying to hide how much of an ass he’s being. “Or something,” he clips.
Pippa frowns, her focus leaving Cade and staying on me. “You sure?” she asks slowly.
I nod. “Yeah.” My eyes flick toward the front exit. “I think I’m going to get some air for a bit. Don’t worry about me, though. Keep enjoying the night.”
Pippa tries to scoot out of the booth, but I hold my hands up to stop her. “Really, Pip. I don’t want to leave quite yet,” I lie. I don’t want to just leave Slopes, I want to leave Sutten. It was a stupid idea to think I could handle staying here long-term. “I just need air for a few minutes. When I come back, I want to see you back on that floor.”
I don’t give her time to argue. I don’t meet anyone’s eyes as I turn on my heel and race toward the doors. Pulling my phone from the back pocket of my shorts, I look to see if I can find a ride back to the ranch.
I lied in there. The last thing I want to do is stay here for a second longer. I especially don’t want to be locked in a car with Cade and Pippa on the way home. Between the lingering tension with Cade and the questions Pippa is bound to ask, I’d like to wait until at least tomorrow to deal with either.
I’m not drunk enough to have that conversation but have had just enough to drink to know it’s not the wisest idea to broach the topic of what just happened with either of them.
Plus, I need to work out my own feelings about what the hell has transpired in the last hour before having to spend time with either of them.
I’m ordering an Uber ride when rough fingers wrap around my bicep and begin to pull me deeper into the parking lot.
“Get off me,” I screech, trying to yank my arm from the tight grip.
Cade stops, turning to face me. His eyes are ablaze with anger, all of that resentment aimed in my direction.
His fury doesn’t bother me because my own anger rivals his. He acted like a child in there, not making the already confusing situation we’ve found ourselves in any better.
‘Where in the hell do you think you’re going?” he growls, his fingertips digging into my skin.
I wave my phone in the air, showing him my screen. “Getting a ride. I can’t be near you for another second. Not after the stunt you just pulled in front of everyone in there.”
His nostrils flare. “Like fuck you are. You’ve got a ride. Me.”
I roll my eyes, attempting to step out of his reach. He doesn’t allow it. It takes little effort for him to tug on my arm and bring my body right in front of his once again. Briefly, I glance over my shoulder to make sure we don’t have an audience. It was dumb for Cade to follow me out here in the first place after the suspicious looks that were pointed at us from all of our friends in the booth.
Pulling my phone to my face, I toss a glare in Cade’s direction. “Sorry, Cade, hate to break it to you, but right now, you’re the last person I want to be stuck in a car with.”
“Does it look like I care?” he answers gruffly. He must trust that I won’t go anywhere for the moment—or have confidence in his ability to catch me if I did try something—because he lets me out of his grip. I take a few steps backward, but don’t make a run for it yet.
“Why don’t you go back in there and enjoy your night?” I ask, basically pleading for him to leave me alone. Eventually, we’re going to have to talk about how big of a mistake it was for us to kiss, but it’s the last thing I want to do at the moment. I need time and space to think about what the fuck just happened.
His eyes widen slightly, like my words are completely ludicrous. “I can’t,” he answers through gritted teeth.
“Oh, so you’re incapable of turning around and going inside?”
“If you aren’t going with me, then yes.”
I let out a frustrated groan. “Cade, just go,” I beg. Looking down at my phone screen, I find the little car icon, showing me my ride will be here in eight minutes. “I’ve got a ride. We’ll talk tomorrow or whenever, maybe never,” I add under my breath.
“What the fuck happened?” he asks.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
Cade catches me off guard. I’d let my guard down for a fraction of a second, long enough for him to reach between us and pluck my phone from my grasp.
“Hey!” I yell, trying to swipe it back from him.
He holds it above his head, tapping the screen a few times before he slides my phone into the pocket of his jeans. “Looks like you no longer have a ride.” He nods his head in the direction of his truck.
“What the hell, Cade!”
The smirk he aims my way is infuriating. He gives not a single indication that he’s sorry for canceling my chance at getting some space from him. “Come on, Goldie. Time to go home so we can have the conversation you’re so clearly trying to avoid.”
“No.”
He adjusts the hat on his head, pinning me with his stare. “Fine. You won’t get in the car? We’ll have it here.” His arms cross over his chest. I have to stop myself from focusing on the ripple of the muscles on his forearms with the movement. I look at the noticeable vein that runs into the sleeve of his T-shirt, trying to remember the way it felt to have that arm draped over me the night of Linda’s funeral.
If he notices me gawking at him, he doesn’t say anything. Instead, he angrily kicks at a loose piece of gravel while he clears his throat. “Tell me what the fuck happened earlier. What changed?”
Looking into Cade’s eyes, one word comes to mind as he stares back at me. Betrayal. I don’t know if he feels betrayed by himself for giving into the tension between us, or if he feels betrayed by me for stopping what we should’ve never begun. “It’s not about what has changed, it’s about what hasn’t.”
“The fact that there’s no use fighting our feelings for each other? I agree. We couldn’t fight them years ago, and I’ve given up on fighting them now. So good point, nothing’s changed. We can hate each other all we want. It doesn’t make denying one another any easier.”
I shake my head at him. “You know that’s not what I meant.” Before I can say anything else, the breeze picks up around us. My body shivers. I hadn’t expected to be out in the cold for long tonight so I hadn’t brought a coat. Now I regret it as goosebumps rise on my skin.
Cade uses the opportunity to grab me by the hand and roughly begins to pull me toward his truck. ‘You’re going to get in the damn truck so you stop shivering, and then we’re going to finish this conversation.”
I attempt to push the heels of my boots into the pavement, but it doesn’t work. He’s pulling too hard. I’m afraid if I pull against him too much that I’ll fall flat on my ass. He’d probably let me and find it hilarious if the rage in his eyes was any indication on his feelings toward me right now.
I slap at him with my free hand. “You can’t just leave your sister here alone,” I argue.
He grunts. “Leave her alone like you were going to? Pot fucking kettle, Goldie.”
“Technically, I wasn’t leaving her alone. I was leaving her with you as her ride. If you kidnap me now, she won’t have any ride home.”
Cade throws a dirty look over his shoulder when I pinch the skin on his forearm. “Well, it’s good that at least one of us gave a shit enough to check in with her. She said she’ll uh”—he coughs—“find a ride back to her place tonight.”
My eyebrows raise in understanding. Go Pippa. At least someone is having a good time tonight.
Cade angrily rips open the door to his truck. Before I can protest, his large hands find my waist and he lifts me up until he’s placing me in the passenger seat.
“I can do it on my own,” I argue, pushing him away from me.
He smells too good. He smells too familiar. His warmth surrounds me, and I’m scared I’ll give in all over again and yank him toward me so I can taste the peppermint once more.
Cade hovers above me. Even though he still looks angry, the slightest bit of humor lights his eyes. “Oh but I enjoy helping you,” he says slowly. My whole body heats when he doesn’t hide the way his eyes focus on my lips for a few moments longer than necessary.
Before I can attempt to shove him away again or do something stupid like pull him closer to me, he backs away from the truck and closes the door.
Like a child, I cross my arms over my chest and pout. If I’d known he’d be such a stubborn ass and follow me out, I would’ve just sat in the booth for the rest of the night.
At least then I wouldn’t be alone with him right now.
The engine roars to life as he starts the truck. He doesn’t say a single word to me the entire car ride.
He doesn’t have to. Even with his silence, I know the conversation isn’t over. He’s just dragging it out, waiting until we get home to really battle this one out.
This night is nowhere near what I’d expected it to be. And it isn’t even over yet.
