I LOVE A COLORADO WINTER, but there’s something about a Colorado summer that makes it so I can’t imagine ever living anywhere else. With the sun no longer in the sky, the air that kisses my skin is cool and refreshing. The only thing that lights up the trees in the clearing around us is the full moon above us.
One of the horses whinnies behind us. Cade looks over to where they munch on grass not too far from where we sit. Looking away from the horses, his focus turns to me. Even with the chill in the night air, I feel hot under his heated stare.
“You’re quiet.” He pulls his hat from his head, tossing it into the grass next to him. It gives me the opportunity to take in the shaggy mess that is his chestnut hair. His momma keeps telling him to cut it, but he always finds an excuse not to. There’s a slight indent around it from the cap. He runs a hand through the strands, tousling it. His movement brings me back to attention.
“Maybe I’m just tired.”
Cade stretches his legs in front of him, leaning back on his elbows. He’d offered to lay a blanket down, but I’d declined. I liked the feeling of the grass against my skin. It makes me feel free but nothing could make me feel more free except the smirking boy right next to me.
“You look forward to your birthday all year. Something tells me you feel more awake than ever.”
I mimic his position, except instead of propping myself on my elbows, I lay all the way down. Blades of grass tickle my neck as I move my hair out from underneath me. My hands fold over my belly as I get comfortable.
“Am I wrong about that?” he presses.
My gaze moves from the bright, blue moon and turns to look at him. He watches me intently, his hair almost covering his eyes from its shaggy length. “Maybe you know me better than I thought.”
I stop myself from admitting that the reason I feel more alive—more awake—than ever right now isn’t because we’re minutes away from my birthday. It’s because I’m out here with him. This clearing has always been one of my favorite places in the world. I picture it as the same clearing Momma used to tell me about. The one with the field of marigolds that resulted in my namesake.
Every one of my nerve endings are awake, my brain the most alert it’s ever been, because of the way the air feels different around us. I rub my lips together in an attempt to hide the wide grin that threatens to overtake my face.
“Of course I know you, Goldie,” he responds, his tone offended. “Did you expect something different?”
I shrug, turning my attention back to the moon high above us. The stars are putting on a show tonight. They twinkle, as if they’re as excited as I am for what the late night will bring. “You just haven’t been around much lately.”
Things seemed to shift right after he graduated high school. Truly, things may have already been changing before that. Regardless, him graduating really changed things. For starters, I no longer spent every weekday morning in his truck, singing along to whatever new song he’d found the night before. I hadn’t realized how much I cherished those early mornings with Cade, Pippa, and me until they were gone. Even summer mornings are different. He’s awake before all of us, already out helping his dad around the ranch by the time we make it downstairs for breakfast.
“You know I’ve got to work,” he answers, his elbow bumping into mine as he lays all the way down next to me.
I bite my tongue. He does have to work. It isn’t the workday that has me missing his presence. It’s the time between work and bedtime that we used to see him more. Now, he quickly showers and leaves the ranch to hang out with his friends. I don’t always know what he’s up to or where he is, all that matters is that he isn’t home like he used to be.
Not that I have the right to admit that I wish he’d be home more. He’s nineteen and works his days away. He deserves to go out and have fun. I’m just jealous that I’m not part of that.
Cade sighs, the sound loud and dramatic compared to the quietness of the clearing. “Say whatever you’re thinking. You’ve got your lips pressed so thin I know you’re dying to say something.”
Damn. Maybe he does know me well. I don’t want to prove him right. Mostly, I don’t want him to know how much it bothers me that he’s gone. I’m left lying in bed every night wondering if he’s off with Rhiannon. Or maybe some other girl from our town. He could even be with a tourist, someone visiting for the summer.
“Mare.” My name is said as a warning.
“It’d just be nice to see you more. That’s all.” I turn toward him, propping my body up using my elbow as my hand cradles my cheek.
He watches me carefully. His eyes travel over my hairline, down my cheeks, and pauses for the slightest moment on my lips before he makes eye contact once again. “You’re seeing me right now.” His voice is low and husky. I don’t know why it’s said so quietly with no one else around.
Heat flushes in my cheeks. “Yeah, but you’re only here because you feel bad for me.”
A dark look passes over his features. In one swift motion, he sits up, leaning closer to me with a serious look on his face. My body freezes when he reaches into the space between us and tucks a piece of hair behind my ear. It’s something he’s done before as an innocent act. Your hair is always in your eyes, Goldie. One of these days you’re going to take a horse right into a ditch because your hair is in the way. His constant gripes about my hair rush through my mind.
It doesn’t seem as innocent right now. Maybe it’s because, for the slightest moment, his fingers paused against my cheek before his hand fell back into his lap. His breath tickles the tip of my nose when he exhales. “You’re giving me more credit than I deserve. I’m not that nice. If I didn’t want to be here, I wouldn’t be here.”
My heart lurches in excitement. It’s like it wants to jump out of my chest and prove to Cade right here and right now that it’s completely his after one simple sentence.
“Understood?” Even with the boyish haircut, I’m realizing how much Cade is no longer a boy and now every bit a man. He’s grown into his wide shoulders. Dark stubble now peppers his cheeks. Even the tone of his voice is more commanding. It’s deeper and seems to wrap around me and caress different parts of me.
All I can do is nod. Words don’t come to me. I’m too locked in on what’s happening between Cade and me in this clearing.
He taps my thigh, a slight smile on his lips. “Get up real quick.”
I do as he says, but stare at him, confused. I watch his moves closely, wondering where he’s going with this. Maintaining eye contact, he reaches into the pocket of his worn Levi’s. He pulls out a black lighter. The air around us becomes thick as he inches across the grass until his knees bump against mine.
His full lips tilt up ever so lightly. He holds the lighter between us. “If Pippa had been awake she no doubt would’ve brought some homemade birthday treat for you, but I’m shit at baking, and wasn’t exactly prepared for tonight.”
“I don’t need anything,” I interrupt. What I don’t say is that no matter how much I love Pippa, tonight with him, is a better way to spend the night I turn sixteen than what I’d originally planned. A dessert isn’t needed. The alone time with him is more than enough. It’s all I could’ve ever wanted.
Cade slides his phone out of his pocket, looking down at the lit screen. It’s one minute until midnight. One minute until it’s my birthday. “It’s your birthday, Goldie. Everyone deserves to make a wish on their birthday.”
He flicks the lighter, a flame illuminating the space between us. He leans in closer, his breath hitting my cheek as he breathes out. Lifting his hand, he cradles the flame to protect it from the breeze around us.
My breath catches in my chest when he looks up at me. The moon reflects off the flecks in his copper eyes. I’m so close that if I dared, I could reach out and feel his sharp jawline. I might even feel the soft prickle of facial hair that dusts his skin. I don’t dare to move, afraid if I moved even a fraction of an inch that I’d ruin the moment between us.
His eyes flick to the phone on the grass in front of us. We both watch it as it turns to midnight. Cade looks back at me and smiles.
I’ve never been more sure I’m in love with him. This isn’t just a crush. It’s the soul crushing kind of feeling, one I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to recover from. His lip twitches before he speaks. “Happy birthday, Goldie. Make a wish.”
Leaning forward, I move my hair to my back so it isn’t in the way. I close my eyes, already knowing what my wish is going to be.
I’ve never wasted a wish on Cade because it felt silly to wish for something that I couldn’t have. But the way his eyes lingered on my lips as my eyes fluttered shut had me thinking what-if.
With a smile on my lips, I make my wish.
I wish for Cade Jennings. I wish for him three times, hoping maybe the extra two times will be the reason it comes true. When my eyes slowly open, I find him watching me with hooded lids. My lips pucker before I blow out the flame.
Cade lowers his hand, tucking the lighter back in his pocket, never once looking away from my lips. “What’d you wish for?”
My tongue peeks out to wet my lips. I can’t help but wonder what he tastes like. Will he taste like the peppermints he’s always sucking on? Will he taste like something different? More manly? At seven I told him to kiss me on a dare, telling everyone he was my first kiss and I was his because I was afraid he’d kiss someone else. Since then, I’ve shared soft kisses with a few other boys in my grade.
But deep down, the only boy I’ve ever wanted to kiss was the one staring at me like he might do just that—kiss me.
“If I tell you my wish, it won’t come true.”
“That must be one special wish.”
I laugh. If only he knew. “Only the most special.”
Everything around us fades to black as he leans in closer. Heat washes over my body in anticipation.
I think Cade Jennings wants to kiss me. And I’m desperate for him to.
My eyelids flutter shut, my lips parting slightly, eagerly waiting for him. One second ticks by, and then another and another. When I don’t feel him press his lips against mine, I open my eyes, to find him farther away than he was.
His expression has hardened once again.
My heart sinks. Maybe my wish was silly. His body language says everything. He isn’t going to kiss me. But for a moment, it really felt like he wanted to.
Cade plucks a blade of grass from the ground, bringing it closer to his face. “We shouldn’t be out here.”
Annoyed, I bring my knees to my chest and wrap my arms around them. “And why is that?”
“You know exactly why.”
“Don’t be vague with me, Cade.” I’m shocked by the bluntness of my words. My head spins from the back and forth of the last few minutes with him.
His features soften. As if he’s trying to drive me crazy, Cade pops off the ground. Before I can ask him what he’s doing, he’s bounding down a hill, only his head visible.
I’m about to get up when he returns, his hands behind his back.
I raise an eyebrow. “What could you have possibly found out here?”
One side of his mouth upturns. “A birthday present.”
I stand up, wiping dirt and grass from the backs of my thighs. “For me?”
Cade looks around us. “No. For Tonka. Is it his birthday?”
I smack his stomach. His muscles are hard underneath my skin. He grunts, having to take the hit because his hands are still tucked behind his back. “You don’t have to be an ass.”
“Close your eyes.”
Mine narrow on him. He tucks his chin, gesturing for me to do as he says.
He doesn’t know I’d do anything and everything he told me to. Even with the rollercoaster ride of an evening with him, it’s the most excitement I’ve had in a long time.
Doing as I’m told, I close my eyes, eager to see what he found. My eyes don’t have to be opened to know he’s gotten closer. I can just feel him—sense him.
“Open.” His voice is much closer.
My eyes flutter open, focusing on what he holds in his hands.
“A marigold,” I whisper, marveling at the vibrant flower clutched tenderly between his thumb and pointer finger.
I look at him, silently asking if I can take it. He nods, handing the flower over to me. “I didn’t know we had any here.”
He shrugs. “I guess we do now.”
My eyes take in the vibrant yellow and orange colors of the petals. They’re so bright. The colors remind me of the flame of his lighter. “It’s beautiful,” I marvel, twirling the flower between my fingers.
“That’s the thing about marigolds. They’re all beautiful.”
My eyes immediately find his. He just called me beautiful. Right?
“Cade.”
He softly takes the flower from between my fingers. I don’t protest. I can’t. Not after what he just said. Not with the butterflies fluttering in my stomach.
His rough fingertips brush the tender skin of my cheek. He pushes all my hair behind my ear before he tucks the flower right behind it. He must feel the thump of my racing pulse against his fingertips as he cups my cheek. There’s the rough scratch of a callus from his thumb when he lets it brush over my cheekbone.
“Thank you for spending your birthday with me, Goldie.”
Cade Jennings may not have kissed me tonight, but even without the press of his lips to mine, I feel like he’s said so much without really saying anything at all.
I don’t think I’m the only one who has felt the shift between us, but I just might be the only person who wants to act on it.
