Hot liquid lands on my cheek, my nose, my mouth, and I taste metal.
Blood metal.
Oh my God. Oh my God.
My hand shakes uncontrollably and I release the shard of glass, letting it fall to the mattress. The blood mars the white sheets, soaking them red.
No, no…
Flashbacks from that day slam into me. The bloodshot eyes, the vacant look, the blood that trickled down her arms.
It’s happening again. It’s coming back.
Jonathan pushes off me, sitting on the bed, groaning. That manages to finally jerk me out of my daze.
Oh my God. I did that to Jonathan. I…I sliced his throat.
“Oh my God…” I breathe out loud as I straddle his lap and wrap a quivering hand on the wound in his neck. “I’m so sorry, so s-so sorry, I…I d-didn’t mean it, I only wanted… I’m s-so sorry…”
“I’ll survive,” he says it with enough ease that it should soothe me. It doesn’t. All I can focus on is the blood seeping through my fingers, covering them. I did that. Just like Dad.
I’m just like Dad.
Oh, God.
I’m going to throw up.
“Hey…” Jonathan’s soothing voice echoes in the air. “Look at me.”
I can’t. All of my attention is on the trail of blood that is seeping through his cut and slipping between my fingers. The blood that I brought out. What was I thinking? This is Jonathan. How could I cut him?
“Aurora.” His fingers stroke through my hair, then slowly slide to my chin, lifting it and gently guiding me to stare at him.
I’m trapped in those eyes I spent weeks and months getting lost in. Eyes I was going to turn vacant just like my dad did to those women.
“It’s just a graze.”
“It’s not!” My voice shatters, tears falling down my cheeks. “I’m just like him, aren’t I?”
“No, you’re not.”
He grabs a tissue from the side table, removes my hand, and wipes his neck. “See, it looks worse than it is.”
Now that it’s not covered with blood, the cut isn’t long, but it’s there, and it’s still bleeding. The more blood comes out, the harder the tears leave my eyes.
“I’m going to fix it,” I say through sniffles. “I know how.”
I crawl to the first aid kit on the bedside table, then go back to straddling Jonathan’s lap. Although I expect him to push me away, and he has every right to, he doesn’t.
Jonathan leans on one hand as the other goes back to stroking my hair.
I retrieve the disinfectant and clean the wound with barely steady hands. I can’t stop crying, even when the blood dries. By the time I place the gauze on his skin, I’m a sobbing mess.
Jonathan pushes me back so that I’m sitting on my haunches on his thighs and changes my bandages. He glares at the cut on my palm from when I clutched the shard of glass earlier. The fact that he disapproves of how I reopened my wounds, and then made them worse, is loud and clear in his dark gaze.
“Hurt yourself again and I’m tying you the fuck up, Aurora.”
A sniffle is my answer. I couldn’t talk even if I wanted to. My attention keeps filtering back to the gauze on his neck, to the blood that’s soaking the collar of his shirt.
“How do you know how to do it?” he asks in a quiet tone.
“W-what?” I manage through tears.
“You said you know how to fix it.” He pours disinfectant on my palm, but I don’t even wince. He pays special care to wipe his blood from between my fingers and from under my nails.
That makes me cry harder, feelings of shame and regret haunting my words as I try to speak, “I w-was stabbed when I was young and I-I sutured my wound myself.”
I don’t know why I’m telling him this. Maybe, like him, I’m trying to get my mind off the present.
“Why didn’t you go to the police?”
I shake my head frantically. “I didn’t trust them. I still don’t. They hated me and would’ve probably accused me of doing it to myself. I…that’s why I didn’t go to the hospital either, because they would’ve reported me. Besides, if the perpetrator was a victim’s family, I didn’t want to hurt them. They’d experienced enough pain for a lifetime.”
“There.” He drops my bandaged palms to my lap, and I soak in the comfortable feeling when the wounds stop pulsing. He then wipes what I’m sure is the mess on my face with a wet piece of cotton.
My brow furrows. “What?”
“There’s the reason why you’re not Maxim. He wouldn’t give a fuck if people suffered as long as he got his gratification. You got stabbed and remained quiet to protect others.”
“But I c-cut you.” The words burn in my throat.
“You were cornered, and I’m certain you won’t do it again.”
“How can you be so sure?”
“I just am.”
My chin trembles. “I-I’m so sorry, Jonathan.”
“Stop apologising.”
“But —”
“If you don’t, I’m going to spank you.”
My insides liquefy at that promise. This feeling of utter surrender to the lust I have towards Jonathan is the reason I trashed everything. I tried to get anyone’s attention so they would open the door and I’d get to flee.
The fact that he could use my body against me scared me. It still does, but now, I feel like I’m suspended in an altered reality. Now, I don’t have the right to think about anything past the fact that I hurt him.
I could’ve killed him.
I could’ve lost him once and for all.
“Jonathan, I —”
“Shut up, Aurora.”
“But I —”
His hand wraps around my throat and his lips capture mine. My words and tears come to a halt and my thoughts scatter into thin air. Something tells me I shouldn’t do this, but that reason can be damned.
I moan into his mouth as he claims me whole. He tastes of cognac and coffee. I love this taste on him so much. The fact that it’s mixed with his woodsy, spicy scent feels as if I’m diving deep into him.
My tongue meets his, keeping up with his pace — or trying to, anyway. He’s too intense for me to maintain the same rhythm. Having his fingers around my neck adds to the lethal feel of his sheer presence surrounding me like a vice.
Still kissing me, he flips me over so I’m lying on my back on the mattress in the midst of the chaos of thrown clothes, towels, and sheets.
His mouth leaves mine, and I breathe heavily, my lips are swollen and raw, but I want more. I need the confirmation that he forgives me, that he sees that I didn’t mean to hurt him.
Jonathan’s fingers tighten around my throat, and I clutch his hand, not to remove it, but to keep it as leverage. I need to hold on to something, and it’s strange that he’s the only thing I can turn to.
“Don’t cry again.” His voice is hard yet tender at the same time. “Those eyes aren’t made for tears.”
Before I can make complete sense of his words, he crawls down my body and flings the nightgown to my waist.
I didn’t bother with underwear after my morning bath, and I’m glad I didn’t.
An appreciative groan comes from Jonathan’s lips as he slides his fingers through my folds. I’ve forgotten what it felt like to be dead down there. Jonathan made me bury that part of me with every orgasm he’s wrenched out of me.
Now, I don’t even need pain. I just need his presence and my entire body flames back to life.
He releases my throat, and before I can protest, he settles on his knees at the foot of the bed and starts to open my legs.
They widen of their own volition as his fingers slide from my core to my inner thighs, leaving a wet trail.
I’m falling into that sensation when Jonathan’s tongue does a long swipe. My back arches off the bed as a zap of pleasure sparks down my spine.
He holds my thighs in a merciless grip as he thrusts his tongue inside me. At first, it’s slow, almost as if he’s sampling me.
I’ve never allowed anyone to go down on me. It felt too intimate and just wasn’t something I was willing to give up. Just like, before I met Jonathan, I’d never gone to my knees to suck a man off. However, Jonathan has burnt through my inhibitions one by one like it’s his God-given right.
The foreign sensation causes my lips to part in a needy whimper.
“Fuck.” His head peeks up from between my legs. “You’re the best thing I’ve tasted.”
And then he’s back to feasting on me. Gone is his unhurried pace. Jonathan thrusts in and out of me with a rhythm that liquefies my limbs. My nipples turn into hard pebbles, straining against the nightgown’s material.
I grip his hair with both hands, fingers digging into his skull as he ruthlessly devours me. There’s no other description for it. Jonathan doesn’t only eat me, he claims me. He owns my body, but he doesn’t stop there. In a way, it’s like he’s also coming after my soul.
The detonation sneaks up on me and grips me in its ruthless clutches. I brace the sheets for leverage, nails sinking into the cloth as more of my arousal coats his face.
If that bothers him, he doesn’t show it. Not one bit. Jonathan goes on and on, lapping his tongue against my most intimate part. The feel of his stubble adds friction I didn’t know would be this pleasurable. He does one long sweep from the bottom of my slit to the top, then he does it again.
He doesn’t stop until I’m a quivering mess on the bed. “Ohh…J-Jonathan… Aaah…”
My words end on a gibberish sound as I come all over his mouth. My legs are boneless and my spine tingles due to the force of my orgasm.
Jonathan climbs atop of me, his hand wrapping around my throat as his lips find mine again. It’s almost as if our mouths were never separated. This time, his tongue smears mine with my own juices.
The intimacy kills me, but it’s not only that. It’s the fact that Jonathan is kissing me without me having to somehow manipulate him into it.
It’s the fact that he ate me out even after I hurt him.
It’s all of him.
My fingers curl in his hair, gripping it as hard as he’s holding my neck.
He removes my palm, gently stroking the bandage and shaking his head. “You’ll reopen your wound.”
A sniffle tears from my throat as I murmur against his mouth, “Why would you care?”
His expression doesn’t change. “Why wouldn’t I?”
The words leave me in a haunted whisper, “Because you killed my sister.”
