Now I understood why Jared drowned himself in constant partying over Tate. Distractions were useful. If you had too much on your mind, then you could push your thoughts away with noise, liquor, and girls and keep moving forward at lightning speed. When my friend slowed down long enough to think, that’s when he got into trouble. But eventually things worked out for them. He pushed her, and she started pushing back. He kept pushing, and she finally knocked him on his ass.
Fallon and I were a lot like them. Only I didn’t love her, and she didn’t love me. I was infatuated with her once—and loved that she let me take my pubescent urges out on her—but we weren’t in love.
We were two people in a fucked-up family taking our cues from fucked-up parents.
And neither one of us knew how to do anything differently.
She stomped up to her room after pancakes, and I got ready for my party that was starting mid-afternoon but going ’til the next morning if I had anything to say about it.
I hoped that she’d show up, and at the same time I wanted her far away from me.
Fallon affected my body in weird ways.
But only because she’s different, I told myself.
The last time I saw her she was sleeping on the leather couch in the theater room wearing only my T-shirt. She had twisted her lips up as she rubbed her nose in her sleep, and I remember thinking how much I couldn’t stand her during the day but how much I wanted her when she put her forked tongue away at night.
Everyone at school thought she was a freak. They definitely thought she was a lesbian. And none of the guys thought she was hot.
Pretty? Sure. Even with the beanies that covered her head and the glasses that hid her eyes.
But not hot. Her piercings were scary to them, and her clothes were an embarrassment to any guy calling her his girlfriend.
Only I knew the truth. I’d seen her without the clothes—accidentally of course—and I knew what she covered up.
But that was two years ago. She wasn’t sexy to me anymore.
Now she was lethal. Despite her pale Irish ancestry, her skin was golden with the most beautiful sprinkle of freckles across her nose and under her eyes. Her hair had been colored. Whereas before it was a dull, light brown, now it was about three different shades of brown with some modest chunks of blond blended in.
Her green eyes stood out more than I remembered, and it took clenching every muscle in my body this morning to look like I wasn’t checking her out. Seeing her walk into the kitchen in her pj’s, looking like she’d been blissfully fucked all night long, made me hot.
But what-the-fuck-ever. That ship between us sailed long ago, and there was no way she’d redeem the damage she’d done.
“No one drives.” Addie pointed a finger at me as I set up my laptop and hauled my speakers outside onto the patio in preparation for the party.
I gave a halfhearted salute and shooed her away. “Go watch your reruns of The L Word.”
She rolled her eyes before walking up the stairs to her bedroom on the third floor.
We weren’t that pretentious that we kept the servants so far away from us. It was just that Addie was our only live-in, and the third floor was like an apartment in itself, complete with a kitchen, two bedrooms, two bathrooms, and a living area. It wasn’t always like that, but my father had it converted for Addie when he realized he wouldn’t let her go in his lifetime.
Fallon had taken off on her sport bike late this morning and had come back around one. Other than that, I hadn’t seen her. And by three thirty, my house was slammed with just about everyone from my graduating class. Jax arrived early on, helping me set up and put out the food I had had delivered. I saw Jared’s car parked on the side of the house, which meant Tate and he were in their room—the one I gave them so they could have “alone time” without her dad on their case.
Screw him. They’re in love, and I loved them like family, so mi casa es su casa.
“Come on, dude. Hurry up,” Jax pressed, carrying the tap for the keg while I grabbed the cups. Everyone filtered in and out of the house and in and out of the pool, enjoying the balmy afternoon.
“Jamison,” I called out to Ben, who was in the pool hitting on Kendra Stevens. “Don’t even think about it, man. I’ve already been there,” I teased.
“Shut up, Madoc. You wish,” she shot back, flying her hand across the water, trying to splash me.
“Hey, you were good, baby.” I shrugged, following Jax to where the keg sat. “For a fat chick, you didn’t sweat much.”
Ben’s eyes bugged out and Kendra screamed, “Madoc!” She kicked her skinny legs on the raft, spilling her drink.
I turned back to Jax, who was silently laughing so hard his face was turning red.
Pulling the seal off the keg and plugging in the nozzle, Jax poured about five bags of ice into the bucket around the keg, while I began pumping and pouring out the first few cups of foam.
“Hey, Madoc.” Hannah and her friend Lexi came up to my side. “Jax.” They nodded to him while he did no more than nod back.
“What’s up, ladies?” I asked, taking a gulp of beer.
“Are you having a good summer, Madoc?” Hannah asked as if we hadn’t just seen each other last night.
“Absolutely. You?”
“Pretty good so far,” she answered and put her hands on her hips, making her chest more prominent. “How’s your summer, Jax?”
“Couldn’t be better,” he mumbled, still loading ice.
“Oh, I think it’s going to get a lot better.” She trailed a hand down his back, and I saw him stiffen. Her meaning was clear. “See you around,” she taunted, and she and Lexi walked off.
I laughed again under my breath and took another gulp.
Jax was getting a lot of attention at school, and with Jared off the market and me leaving for college, I was pretty confident Jax could handle the workload. It really depended on his mood, though. Sometimes he went all predator with a seek-and-destroy mentality. Other times he acted like he’d rather pull out his toenails than talk to certain girls.
“Resistance is futile, Jax.” I slapped him on the back. “Don’t let them scare you. Just enjoy the ride.”
“Give me a break.” He stood up straight, throwing the empty bag aside. “I’ve been having sex longer than you. I just don’t like women like that.” He stared off into the crowd across the pool. “They see me as a toy.”
I handed him a beer. “And what’s wrong with that?”
His jaw twitched, and his voice was quiet. “I just don’t like it.”
Jax wasn’t scared of women by any means, and while I knew he’d had a hard life, I often wondered if I really knew what the hell “a hard life” was like. I’d caught on after more than a few clues that Jared and Jax’s dad—who was currently in jail—had abused them physically. Jax more so, because he grew up with the man, whereas Jared had only spent one summer with him.
Jared’s dark moods tended to be more noticeable and more volatile than his brother’s. Jax had them, too, but we rarely saw them. He’d disappear for long hours, stay out half the night and still be up for school early the next day. The brothers both had a lot of anger, but they had different ways of dealing with it.
When you stepped on Jared’s toes, you’d get punched in the gut. If you stepped on Jax’s toes, he’d hack into the county database and issue a warrant for your arrest.
If you hit Jared, he’d pound you into the dirt.
No one hit Jax. He carried a knife.
“Now her on the other hand,” Jax piped up, gesturing with the beer in his hand. “She looks like a librarian in a porno bookstore. Who the hell is that?”
I followed his gaze across the pool to the patio doors where Fallon had just appeared.
Jesus Christ. What the hell?
Fallon didn’t show skin, she didn’t wear makeup, and she didn’t tame her hair.
So why the hell was she doing it now?
Tate walked up to her, taking her hands and smiling. Leading her over to one of the tables, she looked like she was introducing to her to Jared.
But Jared knew Fallon.
How did Tate?
