The next day, I call Sloane on my lunch break at work and tell her the whole story. She’s silent when I finish, until finally a low whistle comes over the line.
“Wow. This guy is really something else.”
“What do you think I should do?”
“I have two words for you. The first word starts with ‘Fuck,’ and the second starts with ‘Him.’”
I say drily, “So subtle.”
“Fine, then. What do you want to do?”
Agitated, I turn and pace the other direction in the teacher’s lounge. The turkey sandwich I brought for lunch lies uneaten on the table next to me. I don’t even know why I made it this morning. I suppose I thought my stomach would be more settled by now.
But it isn’t. Kage has a way of disturbing all my bodily functions. I’m sure if I ever saw him naked, I’d drop dead from a heart attack in two seconds flat.
“He’s just…a lot. You know what I mean?”
She makes a noise of sympathy.
“And he’s very mysterious. And gorgeous. He’s probably the best-looking man I’ve ever seen.”
“He’s not out of your league, if that’s what you’re trying to say. You could have any man you wanted in this town. Even the married ones.”
“I’m not sure why you tacked on adultery at the end, but thanks for the compliment.”
“What I mean is that you’re the kind of girl who makes normally sane men lose their minds. You could turn the pope into a sex addict.”
“You missed your true calling in pulp fiction.”
“I’m being serious. It’s the whole virgin-with-the-bod-made-for-sin thing. Men go crazy for that shit. You’re one of their ten standard fantasies.”
“I hate to burst your bubble, but I haven’t been a virgin since before Oprah went off the air.”
“Close enough. How many penises have you seen?”
“You know the answer to that question. And why does it sound like you actually have a list of men’s ten standard fantasies?”
“Because I do. You want to hear them?”
I say emphatically, “No.”
Ignoring that, she starts to tick off a list. “The threesome is number one, of course. Men just looove that fantasy. Forget about how most of them would be disappointing two women instead of only one, it’s their go-to jerkoff fare. Then we’ve got exhibition, voyeurism, virgins—”
“Anytime you’d like to get back to my problematic love life, I’ll be here waiting.”
“—role playing, deep throating, bondage—”
“Are we at ten yet? I’ve got a meeting right after lunch I can’t miss.”
“—spanking, domination, and anal.”
When I don’t say anything for a while, Sloane asks, “You still there?”
“Yes. It’s just that those last three…”
“What?” she demands. I can almost see her hunched over, gripping the phone in anticipation.
“I have a feeling those are Kage’s favorites.”
Her gasp is low and thrilled. “Oh my god. I knew he was perfect.”
“Anal? No, thank you. That hole is exit only.”
“Babe, the O is amazing.”
I’m highly dubious. “How do you even know you’re having an orgasm through all the flesh-tearing pain?”
She scoffs. “You don’t let him just stick it in dry, dummy! You’ve gotta get that little rosebud all lubed up and ready!”
One of my male colleagues walks past, smiling and nodding at me. I smile back, crossing my fingers that Sloane’s loud voice didn’t carry too far. I’ve got enough problems as it is.
Lowering my voice, I say, “Moving on. Spanking? Like I’m a misbehaving five-year-old? It seems silly to me.”
“It won’t when you’re facedown on his lap with a stinging rear end and a soaking wet coochie.”
I start to laugh and can’t stop.
“Laugh it up now, girlfriend, because I can guarantee that you won’t be laughing when he’s doing bad things to you while he’s got you tied up to his bed.”
I groan, resting a hand on my forehead. “This is too much for me. My idea of kink is leaving the lights on during missionary position.”
“Ugh. I know. It’s tragic.”
“I’ve gotta go. My meeting starts in a few minutes.”
“Happy hour tonight? I’ll be at La Cantina with Stavros and his buddies at five. You should bring Kage. See how that bull mastiff gets along with the other dogs.”
I’m about to decline, but it’s actually a good idea.
I’ve never seen Kage interact with anyone but Chris, and that wasn’t exactly under ideal circumstances. I can probably find out a lot about him by seeing him around other people. How he acts, what he says…
What he doesn’t say.
“Okay. I’ll ask him. I’ll text you if we’re coming.”
“Awesome. Can’t wait to see you, babe. And your luscious man. Don’t hate me if I wear something slutty.”
“I’d be disappointed if you didn’t.”
As soon as we hang up, I dial Kage’s number.
Not that I’d admit it to him, but I know it by heart.
I’ve spent an embarrassing amount of time staring at that business card he gave me with his phone number scrawled on the back. On the flip side is the contact information for a bespoke suit maker in Manhattan.
Kage would slay in a suit. I hope I never see him in one, because whatever willpower I have around the man would crumble instantly.
A handsome man in a well-fitted suit is my Kryptonite.
The line rings only once before it’s picked up. No one says anything, so I say hesitantly, “Hello? Kage? It’s Natalie.”
He says, “You called.”
His voice is gruff. He sounds pleased and surprised.
And here I thought I was a foregone conclusion.
“I did. I am. Hello.”
I should just shove my turkey sandwich into my mouth now so I don’t say something stupid. I can feel it coming on. He makes my brain turn to mush, like overcooked risotto.
“Hello yourself. I was just thinking about you.”
Heart, calm down. Get control of yourself. Jesus, you’re pathetic. “Oh?” I say, trying for a nonchalant tone.
“Yes. My dick is rock-hard.”
Aaand here comes the heat in my cheeks. Wonderful. I’ll be going into my meeting looking like I was just tossed over a table and shagged to within an inch of my life.
“May I ask you a favor?”
“Anything.”
“Would it be possible for you to dial it down a few thousand notches?”
“It?”
“Your blistering machismo. It really messes with my equilibrium. I honestly don’t know how to properly respond to the use of the word ‘dick’ within five seconds of the start of a conversation. Especially when it’s accompanied by ‘rock hard.’ I must’ve missed that day in etiquette class.”
There’s a pause, then he laughs. The sound is deep, rich, and altogether wonderful.
“You’re funny.”
“Is that a yes?”
“It’s a yes. Apologies. You just make me…”
“I know the feeling.”
“You don’t know what I was going to say.”
“Keyed up? Unsettled? Off balance? Confused?”
Another pause. “You did know what I was going to say.”
“I’m good that way.”
“With mind reading?”
“With naming emotions. It’s from all the therapy I’ve had.”
I stop and close my eyes, shaking my head at my own idiocy. I never had this problem with any of the men I’ve known, but around Kage, I can’t be trusted to open my mouth. Dumb things fly out in every direction.
“Did it help?”
He sounds interested, so I answer honestly. “Not really. I still felt like shit, I just had better adjectives to describe it.”
I hear some rustling on the other end of the line, like he’s moving around. Then he exhales. “I’m sorry you’ve had such a rough time.”
“Oh god. Please don’t feel sorry for me. I hate pity more than anything else in the world.”
“It’s not pity. It’s empathy.”
“I’m not sure they’re so different.”
“They are. One is condescending. The other is understanding what someone’s going through because you’ve been there. And you wouldn’t wish that kind of suffering on anyone else. And you wish you could make it better.”
His voice drops. “I wish I could make it better for you.”
Emotion wells in my chest, rising up to form a lump in my throat. After swallowing a few times, I say quietly, “In that case, thank you.”
After a moment when I don’t say anything else, he murmurs, “If it’s all right, I’d like to kiss you when I see you next.”
“I thought I was supposed to be making the first move.”
“You did. You called me. The ball’s in my court now. What do you say?”
I like it that he’s asking permission. He doesn’t seem like he’s a man who asks permission for anything.
“I say…probably. But I can’t guarantee it. My feelings around you are pretty unpredictable. I could want to kiss you one minute and push you into traffic the next. We’ll have to play it by ear.”
He chuckles. “Fair enough.”
“So…” I take a breath and gather my courage. “The reason I’m calling is to find out if you’re free tonight.”
In his pause, I feel his surprise. “You’re asking me out on a date?”
I groan. “Cut me a break, will you? I’m not good at this!”
“I don’t know, you seem pretty good at it. Professional, even.”
I bristle at his mischievous tone. “Are you teasing me?”
“Maybe a little.”
“Well, stop it!”
“Sorry,” he says, not sounding sorry at all. “Teasing is one of my favorite things.”
The innuendo in his voice stops me cold. “Did we, or did we not, just agree that you would dial it down?”
He says innocently, “I have no idea what you mean.”
Yeah, right. “Back to tonight. Are you in?”
His voice turns thoughtful. “I don’t know. It depends. Where are you taking me?”
I put the phone down by my waist, lean my head back, and close my eyes. After a moment, I put the phone back to my ear.
“What happened? Did I lose you?”
“Still here. Just feeling bad for every man who’s ever asked a woman out on a date.”
“No fun putting yourself out there, is it?”
“It’s really miserable. I don’t know how you guys do it.”
“We’re a persistent bunch.” He lowers his voice. “And in my case, relentless.”
The teacher’s lounge has emptied. Lunch is over, and I’m due at a staff meeting in two minutes.
I couldn’t care less.
“I noticed that about you. Right after I noticed you have a tendency to do an about-face that could give a girl whiplash.”
“Yes, but have you noticed my biceps? I’ve been told they’re impressive.”
The playfulness in his voice makes me cock my head. “Are you flirting with me?”
“You sound as surprised as I did when I found out you bake cookies.”
“It’s just that you change moods like I change shoes. I’ve never met someone who could go from smoldering to silly so fast.”
“Silly?” He sounds disgusted. “I’ve never been silly in my life.”
“Too macho, huh?”
“Way too macho. As you can tell.”
I have to laugh, because he’s flirting with me again. A lighthearted Kage is not something I expected. “You’re in a good mood today.”
“You called. You asked me out on a date. You’re obviously helpless against my many, many charms—”
“Let’s not get carried away.”
“—which means my plan is working perfectly.”
“What plan is that?”
He does another about-face, going from playful to scorchingly sexy as quick as two fingers snapping. He growls, “Making you mine.”
I decide this is a good time to sit down. I sink into a chair at the table and moisten my lips. My pulse is a roar like crashing ocean waves in my ears.
“You’re not saying anything.”
“Just recalibrating.”
“You already know I’m very direct.”
“What I didn’t know is that there’s no warning. I’m never ready for it. We’ll be going along at a normal speed, talking like two semi-strangers—”
“We’ve been over this. We’re not strangers.”
“—then out of nowhere, wham! Christian Grey appears and starts snapping his leather riding crop and barking commands.”
There’s a momentary pause, then Kage says, “I don’t know who this Christian Grey is, but it sounds like I’d like him.”
That’s exactly what I’m afraid of. “I need to say something before we go on our date.”
“That sounds ominous.”
“It’s just that you’re very intense, Kage. You’re very…provocative. Forward.” The heat in my cheeks flares hotter. “Sexual.”
He waits for more. When I don’t continue, he prompts impatiently, “And?”
“And I’m not.”
After a beat, he says in a low voice, “I can’t tell if you’re saying you don’t like it or you do.”
“It’s a little complicated, actually.”
I hesitate, unsure how much to reveal, but decide it’s too late to back out. If I didn’t want to talk about it, I shouldn’t have brought it up. “If I’m being totally honest, I do like it. The things you say shock me, but they also…”
His voice drops another octave. “What?”
My pulse throbbing, I whisper, “Turn me on.”
The silence crackles. I hear him breathing. It’s different from before. Rougher.
“I need you to know I’ll never hurt you. I need you to trust that. To trust me, without reservations. Until you can, all this is up to you. You call the shots. You make the rules. You have my word I won’t do anything you don’t specifically ask me to do.”
I balk at the thought of having to specifically ask him for anything. “See, that’s just it. I’m not, um…”
Be a big girl, Natalie. Just tell him the truth.
Keeping my voice as even as possible, I say, “I’m not so sure I can be as direct as you are. Truth be told, I’m pretty conservative.” I clear the frog from my throat. “In bed.”
His voice husky, he says, “You think I don’t know that?”
My stomach sinks. “It’s that obvious?”
“What’s obvious is that you’re so fucking sweet, I just want to sink my teeth into every inch of you. If you’re worried you’ll disappoint me, don’t be. You’re perfect. You’re a wet dream. If you don’t like something I say or do, tell me. I want everything on the table, because I don’t want to unknowingly do something to fuck this up. That means you’re going to have to communicate with me, good or bad.”
He chuckles. “Which, so far, you’ve been very good at.”
I’m all out of breath, and the only thing I’m doing is sitting down.
I need to see a doctor about my cardiovascular fitness.
Kage must know I’m not up to a coherent response at this point, because he shows mercy by turning businesslike.
“All right, Ms. Peterson. I accept your offer for a date. What time are you picking me up?”
“Me? Pick you up? Wait—”
“You’re right, I should drive. People who burn cookies so badly can’t be trusted behind the wheel of a car.”
I laugh. “Oh, so you want me to communicate with you? Here’s where I tell you not to be a chauvinistic jerk.”
“You weren’t kidding about missing that day in etiquette class.”
“I missed the one about not being a wisecracking little smart aleck, too.”
Once again, he pulls a one-eighty, going from light to dark like quicksilver.
“Don’t worry,” he says in a hard, dominant voice. “I’ll correct that bad behavior. I’ll correct it over and over again with the palm of my hand on your naked ass until you’re writhing on my lap and begging me to let you come.”
Then he tells me he’ll pick me up at six and hangs up on me.
