I plan to drive as far as my gas can take me.
Maybe I can leave and never come back.
I can go to an Eastern European country and live there alone forever. I can go to Finland. They have the most beautiful landscape I’ve ever seen.
Instead, I find myself in the park.
The same park I ran to when I was eight. The same park I run to whenever I feel like the world is closing in on me.
I ignore the rain and park my car, step out of it and head inside. The rain soaks me in an instant.
My hair glues to my face and my clothes stick to my back all over again.
I stand in the middle of the empty park, my breathing harsh. My face burns, but it’s nothing compared to the thing clawing and beating inside me.
It needs to be out.
Throwing my head back, I stare at the dark grey sky and scream.
I scream so loud, I think someone will call 999.
I scream for all of the accumulating emotions and the pain, none of it having to do with the burning bruises Elsa left on my face.
I scream because the option of going to another country is impossible. No matter how much I theorise about it.
Mum, Papa, Helen, and all my life are here. Even the bastard, Cole.
I place a hand on my stomach and let the tears loose. The thought of getting rid of the baby rips a harsh sob out of me.
It’s weird how I haven’t even taken a test, and yet, I somehow feel it. It could be my imagination, right? I could be making up a pregnancy because I’m going out of my mind.
Or it could be real and I’ll have to deal with it.
On one hand, I have my family, my future — our future. Cole and I are eighteen. We still haven’t gotten a proper start into life. We still have our entire futures ahead of us. I’ll never be able to go into politics if I become a teen mum — or worse, go through childbirth before marriage.
Aiden is out. I know his limit is to stay engaged to me. He’ll never — and I mean, ever — hurt Elsa by taking responsibility for the baby.
Worse, Cole and I are stepsiblings. He can’t take responsibility, even if he wants to. Our world doesn’t work that way.
On the other hand, there’s a life growing inside me. Little hands and feet. A human being. How will I ever live with myself if I murder it? How will I have a future? How will I wake up every day and pretend I’m not a killer?
I scream again, the intensity popping my ears. There’s so much pent-up frustration inside me, broken pieces and wishes for an alternative reality.
A shadow appears in my peripheral vision and I jump back, my heart stammering in my chest. If it’s Adam, I swear to God —
“You’re kind of predictable, Butterfly. The park, really?”
Cole comes into view and pauses when he notices the tears in my eyes, the way my hands are balled into fists, my trembling lips, and the general mess I’m in the midst of.
His brow furrows. “Why are you crying?”
“Why am I crying?” I hit his chest. “Why am I fucking crying? Fuck you, Cole, okay? It’s all because of you.”
He lets me hit him, curse him, and doesn’t attempt to stop me. “Correction, Silver. It’s because of you. You shouldn’t have provoked Elsa. You knew she’d snap one day.”
He thinks it’s because of Elsa? I hit him over and over again. Hit. Hit. Hit. “Idiot. Wanker. Bastard. I hate you. If it weren’t for you, none of this would’ve happened. You barged into my life and invaded my space and now…now look at this mess!”
“I barged in?” He grabs both my hands, forcing me to stop, but he doesn’t yank them away from his chest. “I did it? How about you? Why the fuck did you have to be here that day? Why did you jump me, push me to the bench, and cry your glitter tears on me? Why did you refuse to let me go and promise me your firsts? If you want to blame anyone, blame yourself. You made me obsessed with you to the point I can’t fucking breathe until I see you.”
Oh, God.
Oh. My. Freaking. God.
That’s the first time he’s ever said anything like that to me.
I hiccough, my fingers splaying on his wet shirt, feeling over the muscles of his hard chest. “Cole…”
My voice trails off when I can’t find words to say. Should I be mad or touched right now? Should I kiss him or bite his lip off?
Cole has always been an enigma I couldn’t figure out, even if I tried.
“What?” His voice softens.
“Why did it have to be you?”
“What kind of question is that?”
“Stop answering my questions with questions, wanker.”
He strokes my wet hair away from my face and I shiver, then wince when he touches my bruised cheek. “Come take shelter from the rain.”
Cole leads me to his car that is parked nearby. After we slide inside, he brings out a towel from a grocery bag.
“Did you make a stop to get this?” It looks new.
“Shut up.” He throws the towel over my head and dries my hair and face. He brings out a tube of ointment and applies it on the area where Elsa hit me.
His ministrations are gentle and I find myself caught up in his tender touch. Cole doesn’t show this side. Ever. At least not in a genuine way, so I know not to take it for granted.
“Take off your clothes.”
I cross a hand over my chest. “No. We’re in public.”
“The windows are tinted. Take them off before you catch a cold.”
“No.”
His jaw tightens, but he continues speaking in that infuriatingly calm tone. “What did I say about that fucking word?”
“I won’t take them off.”
“I’m mad at you right now, so don’t make me rip them off you.”
“You…won’t.” Right?
Just as I’m contemplating the option, Cole reaches out for me. I wiggle away from his merciless clutch at the last second.
“Fine, I’ll do it!” I remove my jacket and unbutton my shirt, murmuring under my breath, “Brute.”
“I heard that.”
I make a face, then grimace when my bruises burn.
By the time I’m down to my underwear, Cole yanks the bra away and I shiver, even though he already turned on the heater.
I grab the big towel and wrap my body in it, peeking at him through my lashes. His shirt is also wet and it’s completely transparent, showing his muscular chest and hard nipples. “You’ll catch a cold, too.”
“I don’t catch colds.” He reaches into the grocery bag and retrieves a thermos.
“What is it?”
“Hot chocolate I got from Aiden’s kitchen.”
I try not to be touched that he not only came after me, but he also thought it all through.
Sipping from the thermos, I let the warmth seep through me. “What else do you have in that bag?”
He retrieves a Snickers bar and my eyes double in size. I snatch it away and eat almost half of it in one go.
I don’t even think about the calories in the big bar. I usually eat small ones, and only occasionally or when I’m feeling really down.
“No one will take it away, Silver. Eat slowly.”
I face away from him to finish it. What if he changes his mind?
“Damn. You’re really not you when you’re hungry.”
I throw him a dirty look over my shoulder, still chewing on my bar.
He chuckles, the sound like music in the quietness of the car. I pause chewing to listen to it and memorise it as if it’s a piano sonata. Will there be a day where I won’t stop and stare when he laughs?
“What are we going to do now?” I ask to distract my brain.
“We’ll wait until you’re warm, then we’ll go back home.”
“Right.”
He raises a brow. “Unless you want to stay the night here?”
I don’t want Papa and Helen to see me like this, and I don’t want to feel the guilt I do whenever I stare at them and realise I’m letting them down. Besides, I’m in no mood to explain the wet clothes and the bruises.
“I want to stay the night here,” I whisper.
His eyes widen a little. “I was only throwing it out there, but wow, it worked.”
“Remove your clothes, though. You’ll catch a cold.”
“Just admit you want to see me naked.” He unbuttons his shirt, and then his trousers, throwing them amongst the wet clothes in the back seat.
Water forms a sheen on the smooth ridges of his abs and thighs. His dark blue boxer briefs tighten around his semi-hard cock.
“That’s not true.” I clear my throat, pretending I’m not ogling his half-nakedness. “So what are we going to do?”
“What do you want to do?”
I think about it, and an idea hits me. “Read to me.”
“Read to you?”
“You’ve always read quietly, even when you were a child. I’ve wondered how it would be like if you read aloud.”
Or rather, I’ve fantasised about him reading aloud to me.
“What do you want me to read?” He reaches into his glovebox. “I have a few books here.”
“No. Not one of your boring philosophy books.”
He raises a brow. “Boring, huh?”
“Yeah, well, you can read me those when I want to sleep.” I reach into my bag, retrieve my phone, and open my Kindle app. “Read me this novel.”
“I don’t read from e-books.” He stares at my phone with distaste as if he wouldn’t touch it with a long stick.
“Stop being a paperback snob. Besides, the Kindle app has all your books in one place. You don’t have to carry a few tons with you whenever you want to go somewhere.”
“I don’t carry tons with me. I only take the ones I want to read.”
“Come on, try it.”
“I did and the answer is no.”
“Just this time.”
“Still a no.”
Smirking, I use his own tactics against him. “Are you a coward, Cole?”
He narrows his eyes on me but snatches the phone from between my fingers. As soon as he sees the text, his snobbish expression withers away, making way for a smirk.
“What do we have here? Erotica?”
“Nope, erotic romance. There’s a difference.” Okay, fine, so maybe I went overboard with that, but I wanted to see his expression.
“This is a sex scene, Butterfly.”
“So?”
He raises a brow. “You want me to read sex to you?”
I nod, wrapping the towel tighter around me.
“Why read it when I can perform it? I can even do a lot better than what’s written here.”
“Stop being an arrogant bastard and read.”
He taps his thigh. “Lay your head here.”
“Why?”
“Do it or I won’t read.”
I pretend to grumble as I rest my head on his hard thigh. The view from below is ethereal. The way his face turns serene whenever he reads has always been one of my favourite sceneries. I thought it’d appear somewhat disturbed when he reads a sex scene, but it remains the same.
“Their clothes lay in a heap on the floor beneath them. He pulled her by the waist, slammed her back against the door, then lifted her up so her legs wrapped around his hips. He started to thrust into her heat and she moaned in pleasure as he hit her womb.” He pauses. “Can he do that? Hit her womb, I mean.”
“Cole.”
“I’m asking an innocent question. I’m genuinely curious.”
“Well, you don’t get to be. Read without commentating.”
He goes back to his cool narration voice. “She writhed against him and all she could think about was his cock ramming into her over and over again until she couldn’t breathe. He was taking her to lengths she didn’t know were possible. At that moment, everything turned clearer and she knew she would take the next step. Her decision was made.”
He pauses again.
“Why did you stop?” I frown at him.
“Do all women think too much about things during sex?”
“Which part of no commentating do you not understand?”
“Fine.” He focuses back on the phone. “His hands grabbed her waist and he picked up his pace until the whole building could hear his grunts and moans. That’s when she knew she’d orgasm.”
Once again, he stops.
“Now what?”
He stares down at me with a gleam shining in his dark greens. “Does this turn you on?”
“Why are you asking?” I pretend my core hasn’t been tingling since he started reading. Only, it has less to do with the scene and more to do with his voice.
“This is your form of porn, isn’t it?”
“Shut up and read.”
“The sex could use more intensity, like, let’s say, ropes?”
“Not everyone is into kink like you.”
“They should be. They’re missing out. After all, I converted you, Miss Prim and Proper, to the dark side. Admit it, you’ve been thinking about it since you saw that picture on my phone.”
“I have not!” My voice is too defensive.
He chuckles but goes back to reading. I fall asleep listening to his soothing voice, hoping that tomorrow I’ll find a solution to this whole mess.
