All the words on my computer screen blur together in one mass of floating letters, looking like I’ve been pulled into the Matrix.
This is what normally happens to me when I’m tired. Except I’m not tired at all.
I just can’t focus today.
I’m at Sunset Cove working on my application for People Magazine.
I needed something to distract myself, but given my fluctuating state of mind, working on something so important might not be the best idea.
It’s been four days since I last saw Knight.
As he kissed me goodbye before I boarded the jet to head back to New York, I wished it wouldn’t be the last time we were like that. But in my heart, I knew it could be.
Although I was aware I wouldn’t see him for a few days because of his business trip, I can’t help but feel that we’ve slipped back into the shoes of the people we were before the wedding.
I especially feel that way today because I know he’s back in New York.
He got back yesterday morning. Apart from one text asking me how I was and another telling me he’d be at a hockey game tonight, we haven’t spoken.
I don’t know if that’s because he’s genuinely busy or if he’s gone back to avoiding me.
That makes me sound like one of those needy, clingy girlfriends who freak out about everything. But I’m not his girlfriend. I’m his wife.
His…business-arranged wife who’s crossed the line and thinks her relationship with her husband is real.
A buzzing sound grabs my attention. I grab my phone, thinking it’s a text from Knight coming through, but it’s not. It’s actually an email from the car wax suppliers offering me a year’s supply for a discount.
I delete it and will myself to push Knight out of my mind.
I need to.
“There she is.” Madison bounces into my office as if springs are attached to her stilettos.
The sudden sight of her is just what I need. “Yay, you’re here.”
“I am.”
I rush over to hug her, feeling like we haven’t seen each other in years, although it’s only been a little over a week since the wedding.
When I got back from Saint-Tropez, she happened to be away in Paris for an impromptu trip with Chad. Our friends and I suspect the trip was a surprise engagement.
‘So, what happened in Paris?’ I ask when we pull apart.
Madison stretches out her left hand and shows off the beautiful diamond engagement ring on her finger.
At the sight, the two of us scream at the top of our lungs and hug again.
I’m not surprised to see a ring on her finger, but the euphoria is the same as if I didn’t know.
“Oh my gosh, I’m so happy for you.” I clasp my hands, remembering when Chad and Madison got together. I always thought they’d be a match made in heaven. I’m so glad I was right.
“Thank you so much,” Madison says, tears pooling in the corners of her eyes.
“I knew he was going to propose to you.”
She drops her shoulders. ‘Well, I thought he might, but, I didn’t want to assume.’
‘Oh, please, of course, you can assume when it comes to him. The man is utterly in love with you. And you’ve always wanted to be proposed to in Paris. It was a given that this trip was going to be the proposal.’ I laugh and place my clasped hands on my cheek, awed by this news. ‘Was it exactly what you wanted it to be?’
Madison sighs and gives me a dreamy expression. ‘It was better, Aurora. It was just beautiful. He got a string quartet, got down on one knee and just asked me to be his wife with tears in his eyes.’
My heart warms, and I feel the way every good friend does when she sees her best friend end up with her dream guy.
‘That sounds more than beautiful. I’m so, so happy for you.” I take both her hands into mine and give them a reassuring squeeze.
“I just can’t believe it’s really happening. We’re seriously about to enter the next stage of our lives.”
“Yes, you are. So, when’s the wedding?’
“In the fall. We haven’t decided on a date yet, but we both love that time of year, and he’ll be on leave for a month.”
“Are you still worried about him being on duty?” That’s always been her worry. I would worry, too. Once, Chad was in Afghanistan for nearly a year. I thought she was going to go crazy with worry.
“Yes, but I’ve accepted that I can’t worry about that all the time. However, because he’s a lieutenant now, he’s thinking of transferring to the training center here in New York next year.” Her cheeks flush pink. “We think we might be ready for babies by then.’
Babies, my goodness.
The thought of children sends a rush of longing through my heart.
I was the friend who wanted marriage and babies once upon a time. I still want that, but my heart has been broken in ways that restrict me from seeing that vision anymore.
I certainly can’t see it happening with Knight.
By the time Madison gets married, I’ll be divorced. The word feels like poison in my head.
‘I’m thrilled for you, Madison. The two of you deserve this.’ I shove away my own worries so I can be happy for her.
‘I knew you’d be ecstatic for me. Apart from my parents, you’re the second person to know.”
“I feel truly honored.” I give her a curt bow.
“Speaking of honored, of course, I’d love for you to be my maid of honor. Or matron of honor.” She quirks her arched brows and gives me big hopeful eyes.
“I’d love to.” I smile back at her, feeling even more honored, but sad at the same time when I think of what my situation will be by then. “I’ll be back to being a maid by the time you say, ‘I do.’”
She nibbles on the inside of her lip. “You’re still seeing how things go with Knight, right?”
I shrug and keep my palms up. “I don’t know.”
“Okay, let’s put me on pause for a moment and talk about Saint-Tropez.”
“It might not be best to talk about that.” I can’t help the dullness in my tone.
Her smile fades. “What happened? In the little time we spoke while you were away, it sounded like you were having a blast. ‘
“I was.”
We didn’t get a chance to speak that much on the phone. I usually don’t call her at all when she’s with Chad because I respect the time she has with him. Also, this was the first time I had a man in my life who made me think of nothing else but him.
“Tell me what happened. I was so excited to hear he took you to Saint-Tropez. And you sounded happy. What’s changed?’
“Everything, and I suppose nothing.”
“Tell me everything and we’ll figure it out.”
We sit together on the sofas near my desk, and I give her the full rundown of my stay in Saint-Tropez with Knight and his family and the beautiful time we had.
‘That sounds amazing, Aurora.”
‘I know, but I think things have gone back to how they were before.’
‘How can they be? Maybe he really is just busy.” She nods as if she’s certain that’s the answer.
‘Or maybe things have just run its course.”
‘I don’t believe that for a second.’
‘He’s Knight Grayson. He can do anything.’ If he chooses to, he can decide to drop you in a heartbeat before you take your next breath.
‘You’re his wife. And, Aurora, don’t you see this newly found closeness could be the opening to get him to come around to using your mother’s designs?”
I’ve already thought of that. There were moments when we were in Saint-Tropez when I wanted to bring it up, but I didn’t want to spoil what we had going on. Now that I’m back in the sphere of uncertainty, I’m not sure how I would approach him. Everything just feels so stagnant to me.
“I’m going to ask. I just don’t know when. Things are always so unpredictable when it comes to Knight.”
“Listen to me. Your time in Saint-Tropez sounds too precious for him to forget what happened. It sounds like you guys really bonded.’
“We did.” That wasn’t my imagination. Those parts were all real because it was just us on an island enjoying each other. ‘It was amazing, Madison.”
‘Sounds amazing to me, too,’ a deep, cold voice says from the door.
I haven’t heard that voice—the voice of my almost-fiancé—in such a long time I almost believe I imagined it, but I get the confirmation when Madison and I look across the room and find Nathan standing by the door.
My stomach squeezes on seeing him. The last time we were together, he was being led away by the FBI with his father. I almost married this man.
Almost.
The conversation I had with Dad weeks ago comes back to my mind. Dad said Nathan had left the country for a while to lay low after the scandal.
It seems he’s back. And here. For me?
I certainly hope not. Of course, I remember the other thing Dad told me about Nathan. That he still hoped to be with me.
He would know by now that I’m married. Is he here to start the clock?
Madison stiffens next to me, and disgust curls her lips. It’s strange that for all that Knight has done, she’s never hated him the way she does Nathan.
“Nathan.” Lord knows I tried to say that without the cringe in my voice.
“Hi.”
“I’ll leave you two to talk.” Madison stands. I noticed how she didn’t even say hi to him. “I’ll grab some coffee and come back in a bit.”
“Sure,” I answer, trying to push aside the angst I feel for seeing him.
With her head held high, she struts past Nathan.
Her overt rudeness has never bothered him, and it doesn’t now.
Nathan walks in. This is the most casual I’ve seen him in a while. He’s wearing a ribbed, long-sleeved T-shirt and dark jeans. He doesn’t look like he’s been suffering, either. He still wears arrogance like no one I’ve ever met. Not even Knight.
On Knight, it’s sexy. On Nathan, it’s like the kind of arrogance you want to avoid at all cost.
“No hug?” He raises a brow. “You were mine the last time I saw you.”
I get up and give him a hug. Then I try to think of being cordial for Dad’s sake. “I just wasn’t expecting you. Dad told me you were away.”
“I got back last night. Thought I’d swing by to see you. And congratulate you, I suppose.” He glances at my rings.
“Thanks.”
“Your father told me the situation, but it sounds like you like this guy.”
“He’s good to me. There’s nothing not to like.” That’s a bold-faced lie. There are tons about Knight I still dislike, but Nathan doesn’t need to know that.
“Be careful of Knight Grayson, Aurora. He’s not the kind of guy to fall for, and definitely not the kind of guy you should trust.”
“You sound like you know him.”
“I know enough.” There’s a bitter edge to his words I don’t like. “I was far from perfect, but you knew me. We’ve known each other since we were kids. You know I would have always honored that relationship if I were with you. I still want that chance.”
I didn’t expect him to jump right in and get to the point so quickly.
“You know I’m married.” I swallow hard.
“But that will come to an end in six months’ time. By then, I’m hoping to have rebuilt what I’ve lost. And if your father agrees, I’ll be working with him soon. It would make perfect sense for us to be together.”
Business, business. Nothing is ever mentioned about love.
I could never love him, though. Even if we’d known each other for a hundred years, this is all we’d ever be—children of our fathers who were best friends.
“I only have your best interest at heart,” he adds. “At least you know that. Knight Grayson is only in this for himself. Don’t make the mistake of forgetting that.”
“Well, it’s been good to see you,” I say in a hurried tone, changing the subject with the hope to getting rid of him. The last thing I need is to have anyone confuse me more about Knight. Least of all Nathan.
He grins, the look in his eyes understanding the hint. “Alright, I see. It was good to see you too.”
He leans forward and plants a kiss on my forehead. It’s harmless, but it makes me feel awkward.
“Just remember what I said. See you again soon.”
I say nothing.
I just watch him as he turns and leaves. I’m sure he could see that I’m different from what I was before.
Back then, I was thinking of my father, and I didn’t even know just how bad things were. That debt has already been paid with my marriage to Knight, so the only allegiance I owe when my six months are up with Knight is to myself.
I don’t know what I’ll be doing then, but I certainly won’t be with anybody because it makes business sense.
Madison walks back through the door, nibbling on her inside lip in that habitual way.
“Did you hear what he said to me?” I know she wouldn’t have gone too far that she couldn’t hear, and I don’t think she’d want to leave me alone with him either.
“Not everything, but enough to get that he doesn’t think you should trust Knight.”
“What do you think?” I search my best friend’s eyes, knowing she’s the person with my best interests at heart.
“I don’t care what that puffer fish said to you. He’s just a nasty little cockroach waiting to spread his bed and make a nest.” She rests her hands on my shoulders. “Girl, what you need to do is go find your husband. Only you know how you feel. If you think he’s avoiding you, go get his attention.”
“What if it doesn’t work?” I’d hate it if Knight shunned me away or put me in my place by reminding me I’m just a business contract. It’s not like Nathan is completely wrong.
“It will work.” Madison gives me a reassuring nod.
“How are you so sure?”
A saucy smile spreads across her glossy lips. “The man is crazy about you, so I know it will work. He’ll want to see you. Doing it this way will also be on your terms. You don’t have to sit up at home waiting for him.” She tightens her grip on my shoulders. “And while you’re at it, it wouldn’t hurt if you kill two birds with the same stone and get him to see the light with your mother’s designs. Do those two things, and you’ll ease a chunk of your worries.”
I shove Nathan out of my mind and think about what I could do to see Knight. The more I think, the more attractive the idea sounds.
I already know where Knight is going to be later. He’ll be at that hockey game.
And I just might have the perfect idea.
Or in the worst-case scenario, it’ll be a perfect disaster.
Either way, I need to do something. I don’t think I could go back to how we were before, where I didn’t see him at all for weeks on end.
God … listen to me.
What has this ruthless devil done to me?
Everything I never wanted but never knew I needed.
