I feel my brothers’ eyes burning into me as we sit waiting for Lisa to finish checking Jessie over. When Conor walked out of the elevator with her and I saw her covered in blood, I swear my heart stopped beating. For a few awful moments, I thought she’d hurt herself, and that we would lose her for good. Conor was furious with me, and I couldn’t blame him. It was Liam who started my heart again, whispering in my ear and telling me she had got her period. And because I’d left her in that room with nothing other than a bare mattress and a few sheets of tissue paper, she’d had nothing to soak up the bleeding.
As a precaution, I called Lisa and asked her to check Jessie over anyway. Perhaps it was a way of easing my guilt, although I would never admit that to anyone.
Lisa walks through to the kitchen and places her medical bag on the table with a heavy sigh.
“How is she?” Conor asks.
“She’s sleeping now. It would do her good to get some rest,” she replies, and the tone of her voice and the expression on her face is one I’ve never seen before. Lisa knows what we do, and she never judges — at least not usually.
“What is it?” I ask.
She swallows as she turns to face me. “Have you been giving her drugs?”
“We gave her a sedative three days ago when we brought her back here. Why?”
She narrows her eyes at me as though she’s deciding whether to believe me.
“Why, Lisa?” I snap.
“I took a urine sample, and that girl has so many drugs in her system, I’m surprised she’s able to function”
“Like what?” Conor snaps.
“Everything! She lit up my tox screening like a Christmas tree. Where the hell was she?”
“Nowhere you need to be concerned about. So, what are you telling us here?” I ask.
“Well, if you didn’t give her them, someone else obviously did.”
“So, she was being drugged?” Mikey asks.
“Or she took them herself?” I add.
“It’s a strange combination to take yourself,” Lisa says, shaking her head. “I never got any sense she was into drugs, did you?” she glances around at all four of us and my brothers shake their heads.
“That would explain why she’s been talking crazy about the Wolf?” Conor says with a frown.
“That or being kidnapped and held in a cell with very little light and no idea of what was going to happen to her.” Lisa snaps.
Conor closes his eyes as though he is deeply ashamed.
“You have no clue what’s going on here, Doctor. So, I suggest you tread carefully. Besides, you can’t believe half of what comes out of Jessie’s mouth,” I say.
Lisa walks up to me and looks me in the eye. “That’s just it. She didn’t tell me shit. I’m aware of the room downstairs because Mikey showed me where she’d been. I wanted to know how much blood she’d lost because when Conor showed me her clothes, I suspected a miscarriage.”
“Miscarriage?” I frown and I swear I’m going to have a fucking heart attack if I get any more surprises today.
“It wasn’t. Don’t worry. Her HCG levels were normal,” Lisa says and the relief washes over me. “She suffers from incredibly heavy periods. But she told me nothing. In fact, she barely spoke. I can hardly believe it’s the same woman I saw here five months ago.”
“Well, a lot has happened since then.”
“No shit! Physically, she is exhausted, but fine. Emotionally – not so much. I don’t know what your game plan is here, but she is in a vulnerable state right now. She is terrified of something, but she won’t tell me what. You need to tread carefully, Shane.”
I nod my agreement and her face softens.
“I told her that she has nothing to fear from you. Please don’t make me a liar,” she places a warm hand on my arm and then she glances at her watch. “I have an appointment to get to. I’ll call back in a few days and see how she is.”
“Thanks, Lisa,” I say.
“Any time,” she nods. “Bye, guys.”
Liam escorts her to the elevator and we wait for his return before we discuss what Lisa just revealed. When he does, it’s Conor who speaks first.
“So, Jessie was being drugged by whoever took her. And then we drugged her, kidnapped her, and left her alone in a tiny fucking cell?” he snarls.
“Nobody took her. You watched her on that video. You watched her stroll right out of here,” I shout.
“Just because she held the guy’s hand doesn’t mean there wasn’t something else going on,” he shouts back.
“Then why won’t she tell us what the hell is going on? That’s all she has to do,” I remind him.
Liam and Mikey sit down at the breakfast bar, knowing better than to get in the middle of anything between me and Conor.
“You heard Lisa. She is terrified. She was on a cocktail of fucking drugs. And then we drugged her and kidnapped her, Shane,” he says again, as though I might have forgotten this information in the last twenty seconds. “She woke up in that tiny fucking cell and who knows what the fuck she was thinking. And you wonder why she wouldn’t talk to you? Then you fucked her instead, before you left her to lie there for twenty fucking hours, shouting for help. Shouting for something so she wouldn’t have to lie there bleeding all over herself.”
“I didn’t know that she was going to get her period, Conor.”
“No. But you would have if you’d have fucking checked on her like we agreed. You’re convinced that she’s the enemy…”
“She walked out of here holding the hand of the head of the Russian fucking mob!” I stalk towards him, my face inches from his.
“You don’t know that!” he hisses.
I don’t even see Mikey or Liam move, but I feel Liam’s hands on my shoulders. “This whole situation is fucked up,” he says in that quiet tone he has that seems to tap into something in me that reminds me so much of our mother. “But, we can fix this, can’t we? Let’s give Jessie some time to rest and then we can talk to her tomorrow and straighten everything out.”
The tension slips from my shoulders. I realize my anger is fueled by my guilt too. Perhaps I have been too harsh on Jessie. What if there is an explanation for what she did? But I can’t forget the looks on my brother’s faces when they realized she had left us. I can’t forget how my world ended when I read that note. She looked in my eyes and promised me she would never leave us, and like a goddamn fool, I believed her.
We made her family, and she walked out on us like we were nothing to her. I can admit I wanted to punish her for that. I don’t believe in happy ever afters. To think that it might have been some sort of misunderstanding, and that everything she told us while she lived here wasn’t a lie, is too hard. It’s easier to be angry and blame her than to hope that she might come back to us.
“If she doesn’t want to be here, then we have to let her go, Shane,” Conor says quietly. “Because the alternative is unthinkable.”
I nod at him. I’ll never forgive her, but I could never hurt her either. “I still want answers.”
He places his hand on the back of my neck. “Then, we’ll get some. I promise.”
