The whiskey burns my throat as I swallow two shots’ worth in one large gulp before I slam the glass down on my desk. Jessie is back. I thought that I could handle seeing her and not want to punish her, or fuck her, but as soon as I saw her I wanted to do both.
Fortunately, I didn’t get the chance to do either because as soon as she saw them she fell into the arms of my younger brothers instead.
I don’t begrudge them their happiness with her. They have missed her like crazy, and learning of our father’s impending demise has dredged up all kinds of shit from their pasts for them. So, why is there a ball of anger searing a hole in my chest? It burns white hot as I recall the way she looked at me. I have so much that I want to say to her, but she’s made it clear that she hasn’t come back for me. And how can I blame her after what I did the last time she was here? I suppose that’s only a good thing because I can’t go back there with her. It would kill me to lose her again.
“You want another?” Erin’s voice purrs from beside me.
“Yeah,” I snap and she pours me another large measure of Jameson’s and a small one for herself. She suggested a drink to celebrate the deal we closed today, and after my brief encounter with Jessie, it seemed like a good idea. But, it’s not.
As I look up at Erin, her cheeks flushed pink from the alcohol, and her eyelashes fluttering, I realize it’s a very bad idea. Erin has made her feelings for me more than clear repeatedly. She would jump at the chance for us to get back together, even though I’ve never given her any indication that I’m interested in reconciling. Apart from that one time, shortly after we’d called off the wedding, when we were both lonely and she’d turned up here in tears. But I swore to her and myself we would never do that again.
“Here you go,” she hands me the glass and her fingers brush mine as I take it from her. She smiles at me through her long dark lashes and I’m suddenly reminded of the night we first met back in Ireland almost fifteen years ago.
We were at an event for the law firm she was working for. I remember thinking she was the most beautiful woman in the room. She’d been there with her fiancé that night, but she had left with me, and we had stayed together for the next ten years. Coming to New York had always been a dream of hers, and when all that shit went down with my father and the twins, it had seemed like the perfect time to move.
We’d had our whole future mapped out — or at least I’d thought we had. But Erin had an entirely different future in mind. One that included babies and a house in the suburbs, and that just isn’t the life for me.
“For someone who just made a few million dollars this afternoon, you seem pretty miserable, Shane,” Erin says, snapping me from my thoughts.
I shake my head. “Sorry,” I mumble before I down the second glass of whiskey.
“Will you slow down? I’m struggling to keep up with you,” she laughs softly as she downs her own drink.
“You don’t have to keep up with me. In fact, you shouldn’t. You never could handle your liquor.” I arch an eyebrow at her.
“Well, that was the old me. The new me is much tougher,” she purrs as she perches on the edge of my desk and leans towards me.
“Is that so?”
“Yes,” she replies as she holds out her glass until I grab hold of the bottle and pour us each another.
