Conor, Mikey and I stand on the driveway of the house in Carrickfergus waiting for Liam to bring our girl home. I could have dropped to my knees with relief when he told me that he had her, but then he told me about the state she was in and the rush of rage and the guilt I felt almost floored me for real. I was hoping that Paul hadn’t had time to hurt her, but I was fooling myself thinking it wouldn’t be the first thing that sick fuck would do. Knowing that it’s my fault she’s had to go through that makes me feel physically sick. I have never wanted to hurt anyone so much as I want to hurt Paul right now. I know some pretty sick and twisted ways of causing people pain, but all of them would be too merciful for him.
I look over at my brothers and anger and worry is etched onto the their faces too. I never told them my suspicion about what Paul has done to her, only the state Liam found her in, and I’m sure like me they have come to the same conclusion. If I don’t say it aloud – that our own uncle raped her – then maybe it won’t be true.
We all look at each other with relief when Liam’s car turns into the driveway. Conor pulls the passenger door open as soon as the car rolls to a stop and takes Jessie into his arms. She’s still unconscious and he cradles her limp body to his chest and carries her straight into the house.
I don’t get a good look at her, but I do notice her lip is bleeding and she is only covered by Liam’s coat. I shove my hands into my pockets to stop myself from pummeling the gravel driveway to relieve some of the rage that is thundering around my body.
Liam jumps out of the car and jogs toward me. “She’s still out,” he says as he watches Conor carrying her into the house with Mikey on his heels.
“I know. We’ll check her over and see if we need to call a doctor. You did good, kid.”
He nods and his eyes brim with tears. “That cunt raped her, Shane.”
“I know,” I swallow before I wrap my arms around him. It hurts so fucking much to think about. But Liam has said it and now I know it’s true. I will make Paul Ryan pay for this if it takes every second of the rest of my life to do it. “But she’s safe now, and we’ll make him pay. I promise you.”
He looks up at me, his eyes red and full of a trust in me that I don’t deserve. I push down all of the emotion that is desperate to spill out of me. Now is not the time. “Come on. Let’s go make sure she’s okay,” I say, and then we follow our brothers into the house.
We have prepared the largest bedroom with the en-suite for her and Conor has laid Jessie down on the bed. Her hair is stark against the white cotton sheets. He’s pulled Liam’s coat over her to cover her. I can hardly bring myself to look at her when I think about how badly I have let her down. I feel so much anger and guilt and pain and I don’t know which one to process first.
“You think we should call a doctor?” Conor asks.
I walk to the bed and sit beside her. Lifting her hand in mine, her skin is warm to the touch after the heat of Liam’s car and her pulse is strong. The cut on her lip has stopped bleeding. I open Liam’s jacket and see the bruises on the tops of her thighs and rage threatens to spill out of me, but I swallow it down. There will be time for that soon enough.
“I think she’s just knocked out. Let’s give her a few hours to wake up and see how she is. You all okay with that?” I look around the room at the three grief-stricken faces of my brothers.
They all nod their agreement.
“You think we should dress her?” Mikey asks, his voice cracking with emotion.
“No,” Conor snaps. “She’s unconscious. He already violated her. We should let her come round first. Who knows how she’s going to react when she wakes up? We have no idea what he’s done or what he’s told her.”
That he might have filled her head with lies about our role in this is eating away at me too. What if she thinks that I led him to her? I can’t even begin to deal with the guilt and the anger of it, so I focus on what I can do. “Okay,” I nod. I’d prefer to put a t-shirt on her so that she is at least dressed in something familiar when she wakes up, but it’s clearly something Conor feels strongly about and I let it go.
“Let’s get those cuffs off her at least. Then we can leave Liam’s coat around her and pull the covers over her,” I suggest. “We’re going to need some supplies for when she wakes up. There’s no food or anything in this place.”
“I’m not leaving her,” Conor snaps.
“Nor me,” Mikey adds and Liam nods his agreement.
I look around the room at the three of them. None of us wants to leave her. I have always tried to be selfless when it came to my brothers, but I can’t now. I need this. “I can’t not be here when she wakes up. I need her to know that I didn’t hand her over to him,” I say, the words sticking in my throat so hard I almost choke on them. I feel like I’m going to break down if they make me argue with them about this.
Silence fills the room as they all stare at me. I know that each of my brothers is in as much turmoil as I am. Each of us is battling to keep a lid on our emotions because she needs us to be clear-headed right now. They all want to be by her side and make sure she is okay. They want vengeance as much as I do, but none of them have the guilt of being the one who allowed the Wolf to take her from right under his nose.
“Okay,” Liam says eventually as he taps Mikey on the arm. “We’ll go. Come on. We can be there and back in an hour.”
Mikey stares at me and there must be something on my face that makes him agree too, because he stands up and walks out of the room with his twin.
“What if she thinks that I handed her to him, Con? What if she thinks I knew all along who the Wolf was?” I choke on my words because the thought that she might have been lying in that cold room all alone, or even worse when that twisted fuck was raping her, thinking that I had let it happen, makes me feel like I can’t breathe. If I never get the chance to do anything else in my life ever again, I need her to know that I would die to protect her.
“She won’t,” he says with a frown.
“He had my fucking room key!”
“She won’t think that, Shane. She knows you wouldn’t do that to her.”
I pull up a chair and sit beside her bed while he removes the cuffs from her wrists with the bolt cutters. I wish that I could believe him.
Conor and I sit watching her for almost an hour before she finally starts to stir. I edge forward in my seat and my heart hammers in my chest as I wait for her to wake up.
Her eyelids flicker open and the first thing I see in them is sheer terror. She turns her head and looks directly at me. The fear that still lingers in them breaks me.
“Jessie,” Conor says softly. “You’re safe, Angel.”
“Where is he?” she says, her voice hoarse as she looks around the room like a frightened rabbit trapped in the paws of a lion.
“He’s not here,” he reaches forward and takes her hand but she pulls it from him.
“It’s just me and Shane,” he adds.
“Shane?” she looks back to me. The confusion and the fear in her eyes almost rips out my heart. Then the tears start running down her face and I bow my head because this is all my fucking fault.
Conor is up off his chair and sitting on the bed beside her. He takes her hand again and this time she lets him.
“He came for me,” she whispers. “He said he’s your uncle.”
“He is our uncle, Jessie. But we had no idea he was the Wolf,” Conor says.
“Did you know?” she directs her question to me and that she would even ask hurts more than I can stand.
“No.”
She stares at me and I can’t tell whether she believes me or not. I figure she’s still feeling the effects of whatever drugs Paul gave her because her expression is almost blank now and completely unreadable. “What happened? How did you find me?”
“Shane realized who the Wolf was after he took you. He had Liam follow him and he found you at that farmhouse and brought you back.”
“Liam is here?” the light flickers in her eyes at the mention of his name.
“Yes. And Mikey. They’ve just gone out for some supplies. They’ll be back soon,” Conor replies.
“And you’re here,” she frowns as she reaches out and touches his face. “Or am I dreaming?”
“No. I’m here, Angel,” he whispers. “I’m never leaving your side again.”
She smiles at him. I watch the two of them together. I am relieved that she is safe and that she seems okay, at least physically, but I am hurt that it’s Conor she still turns to, and that it was the thought of the twins that made her come back from whatever hell she was just in.
