After Jessie, Liam and I took a shower, I left them in the bedroom and came to the kitchen to make a start on some late supper. I’m not sure any of us have eaten a decent meal at a regular meal time in days, and being in the kitchen is one of my favorite ways to de-stress and clear my head. The past few hours with Jessie have certainly helped. After the initial shock wore off, I wasn’t as worried as Liam was about her changing toward us because of who our father was. Of all people, Jessie gets that we are not defined by our biology, but it was still a relief to know that she trusts us the same way she always has, and what we all just did proved that beyond any words she could have spoken.
I rummage in the refrigerator for some fresh tomatoes and when I hear footsteps behind me I sigh inwardly. I’ve not spoken to Conor since this morning when he tore Liam and me a new one, and Shane… I don’t know what the fuck I’m going to say to him when I see him next. I pray this is Liam or Jessie coming in here but when I turn around it’s my oldest brother standing in front of me.
Shane checks his watch. “You’re cooking?”
“Yeah,” I shrug. “What doesn’t get eaten will keep.”
“Oh,” he stares at me, his hands shoved in his pockets and his jaw working.
I stare back as I close the refrigerator door, tomatoes in my hand and a dishcloth over my shoulder, but not a single word on my tongue.
Like divine intervention, someone opens the door and we both look away to see Liam sauntering in with a smile on his face. It disappears when he sees Shane and then the three of us stand there looking at each other in awkward silence, until Shane finally breaks the tension.
“Let’s have this out right now, boys,” he says as he walks to the kitchen table and takes a seat, indicating that we should do the same. We follow obediently, still conditioned to do whatever our big brother tells us.
I open my mouth to speak, expecting that he’ll be wanting an apology from us both, but he starts talking before I can get a word out.
“I’m sorry that I kept this from you both,” he says with a heavy sigh. “Em told me just a few days before you were taken.” He nods to Liam. “And I’ll be honest, I had no fucking idea what to say to you both.”
“But…” Liam starts but Shane glares at him and he closes his mouth.
“I know that is no excuse for not telling you sooner. But every time I wanted to, something else happened. I was planning on telling you after this trip. I wanted to see if Paul knew. I didn’t even know if Patrick was telling the truth or whether it was his way of trying to absolve himself of any blame for being such a shitty father to you both. Easing his conscience or something.”
“I’ve never known you not have the right words for anything in my life, Shane,” I tell him with a frown.
“Are you calling me a liar?” he glares back.
“No, but I don’t buy your whole you didn’t know what to say bit, is all.”
“It’s not that I didn’t know what to say.” He shakes his head. “I didn’t know how to tell you and not tear your fucking worlds apart. Can’t you see that?”
“That’s not the only reason though,” Liam adds and I turn and look at my twin.
“No,” Shane swallows hard and looks at him.
“You knew I’d blame myself for him killing mum?” Liam whispers.
Shane nods in response and Liam turns to me. My twin and I are like mirror images of each other, but we are so very different. I sometimes forget how deeply Liam feels. The traumas of our childhood taught him to turn inward and look to himself for answers — and more often than not, blame — while I am more practical and deal with things with head on. I use humor and my stubborn desire to prove Patrick Ryan wrong to process the shit we went through. And that was exactly what Liam did. He blamed himself. Then he questioned how everyone else would view him because Paul Ryan was our father and not Patrick, whereas for me, we simply swapped one monster for another. For me, it explained why Patrick Ryan hated our guts, and in that it has given me some peace, but for Liam it has only brought more insecurities and doubts.
“You must know that none of it was our fault, right?” I say as I place my hand on the back of Liam’s neck.
“Yeah,” he nods and while his head does know that, his heart will take a while to catch up.
Liam turns back to Shane. “I told you once that there was nothing you could do that would make me turn my back on you.”
Shane’s Adam’s apple bobs as he swallows and I feel my muscles tense as the emotion in Liam somehow spills over into me. The air in this room is so thick with tension, I could cut it with a knife.
“You are the only dad we’ve ever had.” Liam wipes a tear from his cheek and I feel like goddamn crying myself now. “And I’m sorry I was an asshole to you. You didn’t deserve that.”
“Yeah. Me too,” I add quietly. Liam is right. Conor has always looked out for us, too. He is the best big brother anyone could ask for, but this man right here is our father. He has protected and provided for us from the moment we were born, and how can we be pissed at him for still wanting to do that?
“I kinda deserved it,” Shane says and a tear rolls down his face and I almost lose my shit. I have never seen him cry my whole life.
The sound of Jessie and Conor laughing breaks the tension as they walk through the door. They stop when they see us.
“Everything okay?” Conor asks with a frown.
Shane looks to me and Liam.
“Yeah. Perfect,” Liam replies.
“Glad to hear it,” Conor winks at us and I’m grateful he’s no longer pissed at us because he is a scary motherfucker, and I hate him not being on my side.
“Are you cooking?” Jessie asks as she glances at the chopped onions on the side and the fresh minced beef.
“Yes,” I stand up and walk over to her. “I’m making a chili.”
“Oh, I love your chili,” she beams at me as she takes a seat on a stool at the kitchen island.
“Nice. I’m starving,” Conor agrees as he sits beside her.
“So am I after that workout,” I wink at Jessie.
“It was pretty impressive,” she laughs and blushes at the same time.
“What exactly were you three up to?” Conor growls at he leans down and nips her bare shoulder.
“Hmm?” She purses her lips together. Us boys have a rule that we don’t talk about what we do in private with her. It kind of feels disrespectful, but Jessie is entitled to tell them anything she wants. “It was something different. New.” She blushes further.
“New?” Shane walks over to her now, his interest well and truly piqued. “Now you have to tell us what the fuck you all did, sweetheart.” He smiles as he sits beside her and she is sandwiched between him and Conor.
“They both…” She closes her eyes and shakes her head as her cheeks burn with heat and I can’t help but laugh.
“At the same time,” Liam adds for her.
“But we always do that?” Conor frowns.
Jessie opens her eyes and looks at me, silently pleading with me to put her out of her misery and tell them so she doesn’t have to say the words. “Not in the same place though, bro,” I wink at him and watch with a grin as he and Shane realize what we mean.
Shane turns to her. “They both fucked your pussy at the same time?” he whispers, but loud enough for us all to hear.
“Yes,” she chews on her lip.
“Fuck!” Conor hisses.
“What was it like?” Shane frowns in bemusement, as though he has never considered this as an option before. And I suppose he hasn’t. He’s not as used to sharing as me and Liam are.
“Amazing!” she whispers.
“Fucking epic!” I add.
“Uh-huh,” Liam agrees.
“It’s not something I could do a lot though, if you know what I mean. I need some recovery time,” she purrs and my cock twitches in my sweatpants.
“Fuck, Angel, do you have to make me constantly hard?” Conor groans.
“Like how much recovery time?” Shane frowns at her.
“To do that again? Like a week or two, maybe?”
“And how about for just regular stuff?”
“I’d say nothing involving this whole region,” she waves a hand over her groin, “for at least four days.”
“Four days?” Conor snaps. “Fuck that!”
“You put our girl out of action for four days?” Shane glares at me and Liam and I see Jessie’s shoulders shaking as she laughs silently.
“She’s fucking with you.” I grin at him and he turns to her.
“Are you?”
“Of course I am,” she chuckles. “I’ll be fine tomorrow. Just nothing more tonight, okay?”
“Fine,” Shane says before kissing her temple, but Conor sighs deeply and shakes his head. Jessie wraps her arms around his neck and whispers something in his ear that I don’t hear, but it makes him laugh out loud. Then he kisses her too and she sits at the kitchen island with a huge goofy grin on her face and my older brothers looking at her like they might eat her if I don’t get this chili made soon.
