Underneath the pale moon’s glow, Chloe and Lloyd found themselves seated side by side on a wooden bench in the familiar city park, next to the very tree where Othello had once been rescued.
Feeling the weight of the silence, Chloe spoke first. “You mentioned you wanted to talk about something?”
Lloyd answered after a brief pause, “I thought it’d be best if I told you a little about my past.”
“Your past…?” Chloe swallowed. She couldn’t believe what she was hearing; this was exactly what she’d been waiting for.
“If you’d rather not hear it, just say so. I’m sure my life story isn’t particularly intriguing, and…it might be a heavy tale.”
“No, please!” Chloe blurted out. “I’m…interested. I’ve been waiting for the right moment to ask, actually.”
Lloyd allowed himself to relax slightly. “…Is that so?”
“But why now?” asked Chloe.
Lloyd echoed her question, deep in thought. “Why now? I suppose I realized that while you’ve shared so much about yourself, I’ve barely told you anything in return; it hardly seems fair.”
“I…I certainly haven’t told you everything either…”
“That may be true, but you’ve shared at least some of your story; I’ve shared none.”
“Yes, but…” Chloe’s voice trailed off. She knew she couldn’t argue her way out of this. Lloyd had never so much as hinted at anything about his upbringing or family, save for that one mysterious word: the jungle.
“And I don’t quite understand it myself, but after spending time at the Deputy Commander’s house, I’m…in a mood to share—but, not to just anyone.” Lloyd’s gaze met Chloe’s. “I want you to know.”
“I see…” Chloe murmured, a sense of warmth blossoming within her chest. Being chosen like this made her feel truly special. He trusts me, she realized.
With a determined expression, Chloe urged him on. “Please, tell me about your past.”
Lloyd opened his mouth to speak, but quickly shut it again. He tilted his head, lost in thought. “Apologies, give me a moment. I need to organize the timeline in my head.”
“Take all the time you need. I’ll be here.”
“Thank you.”
It occurred to Chloe that perhaps Lloyd had never shared this part of himself with anyone before. It wouldn’t be surprising if he needed time to gather his thoughts.
Moments later, Lloyd began his tale, his voice heavy with solemnity. “My parents died when I was very young. I don’t remember much, but from what I was told, it was a carriage accident, and I was the sole survivor.”
A wave of sorrow crashed over Chloe—how terrible it must be to lose your parents before you even had the chance to know them.
“I escaped death, but was instead swept away by the fallout. My parents came from different social classes, and had eloped to be with each other. As a result, neither side of the family would take me in. The state usually takes custody of orphans, but that…wasn’t what happened to me.”
Lloyd continued softly. “I ended up in an entirely different institution.”
“A…different institution?” echoed Chloe, her curiosity piqued.
“I was taken in by the Revolutionary Guard. This I came to know later, as well.”
A shiver ran down the length of Chloe’s spine.
“The Revolutionary Guard, as the name suggests, was not a state-sanctioned organization—quite the opposite. They were an ultranationalist faction that sought to overthrow the monarchy.”
“Does that mean you were…”
“I was raised as one of their own.” Lloyd’s gaze drifted towards the ground. “The Guard needed fighters for their cause. Their most effective method of recruitment was to groom children into ruthless, natural-born warriors—it was crucial to start them young, before they could develop a conscience. Orphans like me were an…easy target.”
Chloe reflexively covered her mouth. “That is…horrible…” She couldn’t believe such inhumanity existed without her knowledge. She cursed her own ignorance.
“They took me to their jungle compound, far to the south, where they trained us. There, it was a struggle just to survive.”
Chloe felt the pieces finally fall into place.
This is nothing compared to the time in the jungle when I ran out of provisions and subsided solely on mud water.
In the jungle I often went without food or water for three days and three nights.
It’s something you come to learn when you face off against guerilla fighters in the jungle. You never knew when they would attack.
All of Lloyd’s allusions to the jungle had been allusions to his own cruel childhood.
“Did you…never try to escape?” Perhaps an innocuous question in hindsight, but Chloe felt compelled to ask regardless.
“Never. We were indoctrinated—convinced the monarchy was the enemy, that they deserved to be overthrown, that we were doing the right thing. We were children. All of us truly believed we were fighting for a righteous cause—and I, more so than anyone else. It was my purpose in life, and my devotion to training was unmatched.”
Chloe realized that it was perhaps Lloyd’s overserious nature that sustained him for so long; the irony was not lost on her.
“I spent eight years there. We were pushed to our mental and physical breaking points daily. They threw us in the jungle with nothing more than a knife to survive—forced us to fight dangerous beasts and monsters…” Lloyd’s face contorted in discomfort. “Forced us to fight and kill each other…”
Chloe recalled what Lloyd had told her the day he took her in, when she asked him why he was so kind towards her:
It’s because you had the eyes of a dead man.
The eyes of a dead man?
A long time ago, I was in a place where I was made to train without relent, day in and day out. There, I was surrounded by men who had forsaken their dreams and all hope; their eyes were like those of corpses.
So that’s what he… The revelation struck Chloe like a bolt of lightning, and her words left her. Lloyd’s combat skills, which she had witnessed when they first met, were the product of blood, sweat, and more blood.
“Every day, we lived alongside death. Older comrades, younger ones, peers… They all died the same. The weak were denied food and left to rot. I don’t have to wonder if hell is real—hell is there. Hell is that..”
Lloyd paused to collect himself. “Fortunately, I had a smidgeon of talent for the sword and a strong will. I came close to death many times, but by pure, sheer luck, I survived.” Irritation laced his voice, and his face, bathed in the moon’s soft glow, twisted into a pained expression Chloe had never seen before.
“What…happened next?” she asked.
“It all ended without incident. When I turned twelve, the Guard gathered their most elite warriors, proclaiming that the revolution was upon us. At the same time, the royal knights had sniffed out the location of the compound and launched a raid.”
Chloe felt the tension in her chest dissolve in an instant.
“They attacked at night, and the compound was subdued almost instantly. I awoke and took up my sword in battle, but was defeated by the Sword Saint and captured. It was…a good duel. Our swordwork was evenly matched, but the advantage of experience was not in my favor.” Lloyd reminisced as if it had just happened yesterday. A hint of frustration laced his voice—perhaps the master swordsman within him found shame in the memory.
“After my capture, I spent two years at a facility in the capital. There, they purged me of my programming, and with it, my purpose. As I grappled with my newfound freedom, the Sword Saint approached me and invited me to join the knights.”
Slack finally returned to Lloyd’s face as he began to talk about his savior.
“At the time, there were many who were outraged that the Order would even consider a boy from a rebel faction joining their ranks, but the Sword Saint fought to secure my place, citing my fighting prowess and talent for the blade. Eventually, I was allowed in, and now you know the rest; I’ve been with the knights ever since.”
Eyes still fixed on the ground, Lloyd prepared to conclude his story.
“That…was a rough approximation of events, but it should explain everything,” he said, his words trailing off into a deep, soulful sigh. “I warned you it wouldn’t be the most compelling tale, didn’t I—”
Before he could finish, Chloe sprang to her feet. In the blink of an eye, she closed the distance between them, wrapping Lloyd in a warm, unexpected embrace, her arms pressing him tightly to her bosom.
She didn’t know what came over her. Before she knew it, Chloe found herself standing before Lloyd, her arms tenderly cradling his head in a heartfelt embrace.
“…What are you doing?”
“I don’t know…” Chloe shook her head vehemently; her voice quivered, thick with emotion. She hadn’t a clue what had possessed her to do this.
Lloyd’s story had torn a gaping hole in her chest. Her eyes glistened with unshed tears, as the torrent of emotion surging inside her raged to find an outlet. Overwhelming her, they seized control and propelled her into the fervent embrace that now held him.
“Sorry, I’ve upset you. I’ve said too much; it wasn’t my intention.”
“No! Please, don’t apologize…” This is all my fault, she thought; Lloyd has nothing to be sorry for. “You had to relive your suffering due to my thoughtless request. I’m sorry.”
“That’s not something you need to concern yourself with. I shared of my own volition. There’s no need to apologize.”
Lloyd’s voice was close enough to tickle her ears; Chloe felt his warmth between her arms. His presence before her was tangible proof that his hellish past was real, and that the man before her had persevered through years upon years of torment to be next to her now.
The realization further sent Chloe’s emotions into turmoil. Her heart ached for him. The emotions she had striven to suppress now cascaded from the corners of her eyes.
“…Are you crying?”
“I am not!”
“That sounds like crying…”
Chloe could no longer halt the tears that rolled down her face. Lloyd’s history was so inexplicably irrational and so irredeemably cruel. He deserved to be raised in a warm home, doted on by loving parents, knowing nothing but happy memories at that age. Instead, he was made to suffer, made to fear, made to struggle just to survive.
His story had cloven her heart in two.
Lloyd tried to console Chloe. “It’s in the past. I’ve already found peace with it all—my parents’ deaths, my time at the compound… You don’t need to grieve on my behalf.”
“Still…” Chloe pulled her arms even tighter still. “It’s all so…all so…” Her words evaporated, leaving the sentiment unspoken. She couldn’t say it—she shouldn’t. Lloyd hadn’t told her his story just to be pitied; it wasn’t her place to project her own anguish onto him.
“You’re…very kind,” Lloyd murmured as he tenderly wrapped his own arms around Chloe’s waist, causing Chloe to emit a shrill whimper in reflex.
“Sorry, should I not have done that?”
“N-No… No, that’s fine, I was just a bit surprised…”
“I see.”
The arms that he had gingerly retracted from behind her back wrapped around her once more. Chloe melted into the reciprocating embrace in an instant. As she felt the strength of his large arms, the reassuring pressure of his hold, and his soothing scent, a separate, different kind of warmth surged within her heart.
“I know this is pathetic, coming from a man, and…unbecoming of a knight, but…” Lloyd said, in a vulnerable tone that Chloe had never heard before. “I’ll let go—I promise, just…stay like this with me for just a little while longer.”
“Oh, Lloyd…” Chloe gently raised a hand and rested it on his head, tenderly stroking his soft, silky hair just as he had always done to her.
When she spoke next, her voice took on an affectionate note. “Man or not, knight or not, you’re still only human. I don’t know one person who could endure everything you’ve been through unscathed. I understand—it’s all okay.”
Chloe’s heart ached for Lloyd; she knew the depths of suffering all too well. Her own days of torment and abuse connected her to his story in a way that perhaps no one else could. But for Chloe, whenever things got unbearable, whenever she was driven to tears, she always had somebody to run back to—Shirley had always been there for her.
It’s okay, young lady, it’s okay… I’m here for you.
Shirley would hold Chloe in a warm embrace and stroke her hair, assuring her that everything would be all right. Chloe always had someone to depend on, but what about Lloyd? What did he have? Was there anyone to comfort him?
Most likely, no. He didn’t have anyone.
As if soothing a small child, Chloe mustered her gentlest tone of voice. “So please, you don’t have to hold back. I’m here for you. Take all the time you need—in fact, I’m not going to let go until you do.”
In her heart, Chloe hoped Lloyd trusted her enough to rely on her for at least this much. Thinking back, Lloyd had never shown Chloe an ounce of weakness during their life together. He played the part of the knight in shining armor, resolute and undaunted, an unwavering iron will in spite of the world. But now she saw the boy standing behind the facade—the boy made to feel this way, made to act this way not by choice, but by discipline.
Here was the boy—and with him, his curse.
I know this is presumptuous of me, but if I could be his solace…
Lloyd likely had never let his guard down, not even for a moment—had he ever allowed himself the slightest opportunity to breathe easy and just relax? Chloe yearned to be that sanctuary for Lloyd, if not for forever, then at least for now.
Had Lloyd sensed Chloe’s intentions? It was unclear. He uttered a simple word of thanks and, with a profound release of tension, melted into Chloe’s arms.
For a while, he entrusted himself entirely to Chloe’s embrace as she continued to tenderly stroke his hair.
◇◇◇
A few moments later, Chloe returned to her seat next to Lloyd. She bowed her head low, though a faint expression of satisfaction graced her face. “I’m sorry; that was unseemly of me.”
Lloyd, too, hung his head, his gaze fixed on the floor. The experience of being embraced and caressed like a child by a younger woman seemed to have been a brand new experience. “No, I…I should be the one saying that.”
He felt strangely uncomfortable in his own skin, as if the layers of identity he’d built throughout his life had suddenly crumbled around him.
He felt—in a sense—stripped down and utterly exposed.
“But… Thank you. I’m not sure what it is, but my chest feels lighter now.”
“No, no, please. I…didn’t do a thing.” Chloe waved her hands in front of her in a dismissive gesture. “I’m…glad to hear that, though…”
As Lloyd gazed upon her bashful face, a question escaped his lips. “Are you sure you’re okay being with me?”
“What—um, what do you mean?” Chloe replied.
Lloyd hesitated for a moment. When he spoke, a bitter tinge crept into his voice. “I’ve come to realize—after having dinner with the Deputy Commander, playing house with his daughter—that I’m…deficient in many ways. I’m far removed from what it means to be ‘normal.’ I can’t do what normal people do, I don’t feel the way they feel… And I’m sure I’ve caused you no end of trouble for it. That’s why I believe…it’d be wrong of you to keep living with me—to remain by my side.”
“That’s not—!” Chloe fought the urge to reject Lloyd’s claim outright, and chose instead to suppress it. I see… she realized. He just doesn’t understand…that at heart, he’s a delicate and kind person…
After learning Lloyd’s past, not a single doubt remained in her mind. Lloyd and I… We’re alike… The phrase “birds of a feather” grazed her mind.
Unable to know what others know, unable to feel what others feel—Chloe could sympathize deeply. She was the “cursed child,” ostracized and abused, starved of love and affection, denied even the right to pursue happiness. She too was “far removed from what it means to be normal.”
She recalled Freddy’s words from earlier in the night, He’s…not one for expressing himself. He’s got his quirks—he’s a bit of a lone wolf, for sure. I’ve nothing to say about his skill in combat, but when it comes to being a team player he’s… Well, let’s just say he’s been the source of many a great headache among the top brass—including me.
His inability to form connections with his comrades had surely been a long-standing source of distress for him. What he needed now was not another judgmental lecture, but a compassionate and understanding presence.
Chloe spoke calmly and with measure, “You know, I don’t think you’re deficient in anything.”
Lloyd lifted his head and looked at Chloe.
“Yes. It may be true that compared to most people you’re more different than not, but…is that really so bad? Sometimes we lack what others have, and other times, the opposite is also true; it’s only natural. There’s no point trying to reject who we are; we have to meet these things where they wait for us. The only question you need to ask yourself is how do I cope?”
Earnestly meeting Lloyd’s gaze, Chloe continued, “Take me for example. I’m untrusting, weak…jumpy, and always reading too deeply into others. But when I’m with someone like you—someone who’s honest, sincere, kind, straightforward, and…yes, so endearingly awkward—I feel at ease.”
“You…don’t dislike being with me?”
“Have I ever indicated otherwise?”
“…I’m not sure. I think you at least tolerate me, but I can’t say for certain. And this is not just you—I always have a hard time telling what anyone else thinks.”
“Fine. In that case…” Chloe let her head fall and rest onto Lloyd’s shoulder. “If I disliked you, would I be doing this?”
“…No.”
“Good.”
An apologetic look flickered onto Lloyd’s face, and he averted his gaze. “Sorry, I’ve made you worry.”
“Pay it no mind.” Chloe said, sidling closer to Lloyd.
Lloyd remained silent for a while, basking in her comforting warmth, before slowly opening his mouth. “You’re…more than just a housekeeper.”
Chloe gently tilted her head up, catching a serious look etched on Lloyd’s face.
“You’re…someone very important to me.”
She felt her heartbeat surge; her body grew hot and a lump formed in her throat, making her breath hitch.
Without thinking, she pulled herself away from Lloyd.
“Is something wrong?” Lloyd’s brow furrowed in perplexity.
Chloe found herself unable to respond, overwhelmed by the exhilaration in her chest.
From the moment they met, she had been aware of the feelings she harbored for Lloyd. But she had always told herself that she was merely a housekeeper—one of unknown origin at that—and he was a distinguished knight of the Kingdom. There’d be no point. Smother that fleeting hope of yours. No good could come from such a gallant knight falling for someone like you. The cruel whisper of her insecurities had kept her feelings at bay, until now.
Chloe’s mind echoed Lloyd’s words: he had said she was someone important to him.
She couldn’t be sure what he had meant by that; in fact, there might have been no deeper meaning at all, but it was still enough to send her heart soaring.
I want to be even closer to Lloyd.
I want to accept Lloyd for all that he is.
I want to be there for him—protect him from all the cruelty and unfairness of the world.
These thoughts proliferated, racing through her mind. Feign ignorance all she could, the feelings were there, raw and undeniable.
“T-Talk to me. What’s wrong? Did you hurt yourself?” Lloyd’s voice held a note of helplessness as he looked at her with concern.
Oh, Lloyd… Even that.
I love him.
I love every single part of him.
Chloe could no longer deny the truth that had been building up inside of her. As she surrendered to the realization, a far greater wave of feeling crested over her: her heart pounded in her ears, seemingly loud enough for Lloyd to hear, and a dizzying heat suffused her head, setting even her ears aflame.
After all, there she was, sitting side by side, face to face with the first love of her life.
How could she not?
“Are you really fine? This is quite unlike you.”
“…Sorry, I was just thinking about something.”
“Thinking about something?”
Chloe looked up at Lloyd’s bewildered face.
There it was, gallant and tremendously handsome as ever, a faint trace of a child’s innocence still clinging there—his strong, chiseled nose and his tightly pursed lips, his loose-trimmed hair, darker than night…
His features lit up one after the other, like constellations in the night sky.
This…this is bad…
Her mouth threatened to slacken into a sloppy, disheveled grin, which she managed to stop just in time.
A primal urge to confess her feelings nearly took hold of her. Chloe battled fiercely with herself, exerting every ounce of willpower she possessed to prevent the words from spilling over her tongue and slipping past her lips.
No, not yet, Chloe. She thrashed her head from side to side. If you’re going to tell him…you need to tell him everything about yourself first.
You need to tell him that you’re the daughter of a margrave.
You need to tell him about the birthmark on your back.
You need to tell him that you’re a cursed child, the contempt, the abuse, all of it.
She had kept these topics hidden from Lloyd, and for good reason: What if he couldn’t accept her? Rejected her outright? The doubt had long taken root in her heart.
Just as he wanted me to know about him, I want him to know about me…
Though the fear of rejection still lingered, it was now overshadowed by the growing dread that everything would remain the same between them. Her desire overpowered her fear and gave her courage.
She stared Lloyd deep in his eyes, and opened her mouth. “Lloyd? I also had something I wanted to—”
Before she could finish, Lloyd surged to his feet and positioned himself in front of Chloe, taking on a defensive posture.
“L-Lloyd…?”
“Stay behind me. Do not leave my side.”
Lloyd’s quiet, tense voice caused Chloe to straighten her back instinctively. As she followed the direction of his focused gaze, several shadowy figures emerged from the darkness.
“Long time no see, Sir Lloyd Stewart… Or should I say…Mister Ebon Reaper?”
Chloe’s mind went blank upon hearing the voice, recognizing it all too well. Her mind took her back to her first day in the royal capital, when she had encountered the three hoodlums who had tried to abduct her.
Standing out in front of the group was the large man with the clean-shaven head—Alan, licking his lips like a predator before his prey.
