Getting through my day is almost impossible.
I find myself both hyper-focused and distracted all at once. It’s like I’m completely engrossed in my classwork and taking all of the notes I’ll need to get my passing grades, but I can’t hold down a conversation with any of my friends.
Sage gives me a curious look but doesn’t comment or attempt to force me into getting my shit together. Sawyer attempts to tease me about it but it all just goes over my head. Felix only sits with us at lunch, so he just follows Sage’s lead, politely leaving me the hell alone.
Gabe is extra affectionate and argues with Atlas over everything all day so that he can be near me. I’m grateful because after my morning with Gryphon, I feel untethered.
Like everything I’d come to know was wrong.
I’d accepted that they hated me. It was useful in keeping them at arm’s length. I’d convinced myself that it was only my bond that was desperate for their approval but, well, I can’t lie to myself about that anymore. Even if it brings up even more things I’ll have to work through.
Like if North feels like that too?
Is he harsh on me because he actually wants the Bond or because he wants me? I feel as though he’s made his displeasure at being stuck with me very clear, but am I just seeing what I want to in this situation or do I have it right?
Nox is like Pandora’s box; a whole lot of ‘no, thank you’ because if I start thinking about him, I’ll never stop. What is it about his behaviors and actions, all of them fucking terrible, that makes it impossible for me to just forget about him?
I have to consciously force myself not to think about his panicked heartbeat under my ear, the way his body had tensed at the weight of me on his lap. Brutus had even come out to watch, the closest I think he’s ever been to seeing me as a danger.
“I thought the bedsharing was helping? Should I kill Ardern for doing it wrong?” Atlas murmurs into my ear and I startle back into myself. The table has cleared around us, only Gabe is left, but he’s busy on his phone and not listening.
I don’t even remember Sage and the others leaving.
I clear my throat. “No, it’s just— I spoke with Gryphon this morning, and now I’m rethinking my entire life.”
He nods slowly, his eyes bright and a small smirk stretching across his lips. “Oh yeah? How far into your life are you? Have you gotten to me yet?”
I lean forward and brush my lips against him instinctively, just a tiny connection that’s over in an instant, but he tenses and chases after me as I pull away. I giggle and put a hand on his chest. “I shouldn’t have done that. I don’t know what’s gotten into me this morning.”
He quirks an eyebrow at me and glances back down at my lips. “Whatever it is, I like it. Kiss me all you want, Sweetness.”
My bond purrs in my chest at the sound of his voice, coaxing Atlas’ bond out to push at my skin.
“You two do realize we’re in public, right? Jesus, stop that shit before North catches wind of it and we’re all reamed out over dinner again,” Gabe drawls, and I slap both of my hands over my face and burrow into Atlas’ chest.
“Don’t say reamed to me right now,” I mumble and even though the words are muffled by my hands, they both hear me well enough.
Atlas barks out a shocked sort of laugh and Gabe rolls his eyes but they share a look that gets my bond humming in my chest, desperate for them both.
I groan and push up to my feet, slinging my bag back over my shoulder and giving them both a savage look. “What part of ‘horny bitch bond’ are you two not grasping?”
Atlas shrugs and grabs my hand. “You started it, but I will say, I’m not sharing you tonight. If you want a Bond pile, you need to pick someone else’s night to have one because I want you to myself.”
Gabe shakes his head and takes up on my other side, grabbing my other hand. It should be sweet, but I definitely feel as though they’re about to play tug-of-war with me in a battle for dominance. “No one is going to give up their night… except maybe Nox. Fuck, we’ll have to see how the first night goes and then reassess.”
I’ve been thinking about that a lot too, because after Atlas tonight, it’ll be his turn tomorrow and I’m quietly shitting myself over it.
Do I trust Nox? No, no I don’t. Do I trust North’s assessment of his brother? Also no, though I feel a little bad about it. He’d been so sincere about assuring me he would’ve stepped in, but I also get the feeling he has a huge blind spot when it comes to his younger brother.
Do I trust Gryphon? That one is harder. I believe that he believes North. It carries a little more weight because he can tell if Nox is lying, so maybe that could be a way to figure out if I can go through with this.
Gabe heads off to football training with a quick kiss to my cheek and then Atlas drives me over to the cafe for my shift. I’m expecting him to leave me there like he usually does, a little calmer about my protection now that he’s aware that I can hold my own, both with my gift and physically thanks to my training, but he parks and walks me in. I roll my eyes at the grin he gives Gloria as he orders coffee and enough food to get him through my four hour shift and then sets himself up in the booth he’s claimed as his own.
People come through in waves all afternoon, students and frat boys and professors alike, but clearly I’ve missed something major in my brain fog today because they’re all talking about one thing.
One of the councilmen has been kicked off of the board.
It doesn’t really register as important to me at first because I’d already know if it was North and the Council don’t mean shit to me, except for the fact that they keep letting North do whatever the hell he wants with me without any repercussions. But then I hear the name.
Councilman Sharpe.
He was one of the two men Gabe had warned me about before Sage’s party months ago. He said something about him rummaging through my head to find out all of my secrets… I’m curious about what would get a man kicked off of the council when their seats are reserved from birth.
Literally.
North had inherited his father’s seat, apparently even killing one of your Bonds isn’t enough to lose your family’s chair. Gabe said that North’s uncle took it over temporarily and then when he was old enough, North took it back.
I’m curious as hell about it but no one around me knows anything, or they’re not openly talking about it anyway. I share a look with Atlas when I come to the table near his booth and he shrugs at me.
“I can ask my parents about it, but they’ll only know the official statement.”
I nod and I already know that we have access to a councilman who will know exactly what the reason is but I’m fairly sure North won’t tell us shit.
And that just gets me thinking about my Bond issues all over again.
I wait until the cafe is quieter, the last wave of frat boys finally clearing out, and let Gloria know that I’m going to use the restroom. I grab my phone on the way and lock the door behind me, fumbling a little as I write out the text to Gryphon.
I need to ask a favor from you and it’s really hard for me to do that, so please don’t be an asshole about it.
I’m not sure if I’m actually expecting an answer from him, he literally never messages me, but my phone buzzes almost instantly.
Tell me what you need.
Huh. I guess clearing the air with him this morning has done wonders for us and figuring out what the hell we’re doing.
Can you please speak to Nox about me sleeping in his bed tomorrow night and make sure he’s actually okay with it? I don’t want to get there and have him tear me to pieces about it.
He doesn’t reply straight away and there’s only so long I can sit in the restroom without Gloria thinking I have IBS or something, so I send one last text and then shove my phone away, getting back to work.
Please? I trust you to make sure I’m okay.
WHEN I FINISH MY SHIFT, Atlas doesn’t drive me right back to the manor. Instead, he drives me out to get tacos from a food truck Gabe has been talking about for weeks. I didn’t know that Atlas had been watching me closely enough to see how badly I wanted to try it. Fish tacos are in my top ten favorite foods, so when we roll up there, I grin at him so wide that my teeth feel like they’re going to bust out of my face.
“You’re so easy to please, Bond. Shoes, food, and sweaters I’ve worn… the others are fucking idiots if they can’t get that right.”
I roll my eyes at him. “It might be a little more complicated than that, but you’ve picked good places to start.”
He scowls at me when I reach for my door handle, hot-footing it around the car to open it for me and help me out. Gabe is usually in the backseat and doing it for me, I didn’t realize Atlas was old-school about this too. It’s cute though. When we order, I attempt to pay for our food. I still haven’t managed to pay him back for all of the breakfasts he’s bought me, but he acts as though I’m trying to mortally wound him.
“You said you’d cover things until I had my feet under me. Well, I’m working now. I can buy us dinner,” I say, waving my hand at him, but he just gives me a playfully withering look.
“Over my dead fucking body is my Bond paying for dinner. Who do you think raised me? Put that away before you embarrass me any more.”
He says it in a joking tone but his eyes are the type of serious that gets your attention. I watch as he pulls out his own credit card and swipes, grinning at the girl taking our order in a very polite but frosty way.
He’s always very careful about being friendly but very unavailable with people on campus, and when the girl’s eyes flick down his body, she settles on where his fingers are laced with mine, and he tugs me into his side a little more securely so there’s no question of whether he’s taken or not.
My bond likes that a lot.
We wait together in the cool night air, wrapped up in each other as we watch the other patrons come and go. All of the students we see sneak looks and whisper amongst themselves about us, but I’m too content in my Bond’s arms to kick up a fuss.
Once we get our food, Atlas leads me back over to the car but instead of getting in, he surprises me by lifting me gently onto the hood to sit together here and eat.
I ease my way back carefully so I don’t scratch the paint or dent it. He’s less fussy about it though and just climbs on up after me, handing me my drink and setting the food up between us. It’s the perfect way to just be alone together without the crushing weight of the Draven manor hanging over us.
I dig into the tacos and can confirm they’re the best I’ve ever eaten. I moan a little around my mouthful and Atlas grins at me again, shifting and readjusting himself so obviously that I laugh back at him.
“Tease! And after all I’ve done for you, Sweetness,” he drawls, and I salute him with my food.
“I told you, you’ve all gotta work a little harder than dinner and a movie to impress me, baby.” I jokingly tack the pet name onto the end, but his eyes flare and I think I’ll be calling him that some more in the future.
Fuck.
I can’t forget myself here.
I swallow a mouthful and look away, taking in the busy night around us. There’s no one close to us, no one that could overhear what we’re talking about, but there’s plenty happening in the early night of this sleepy college town.
The food trucks are a popular choice and the lines for each of them have dozens of people in them. Some of the students are openly drinking in the parking lot, laughing and joking loudly, and it’s like we’re in our own little bubble for a minute.
“You don’t have to worry, Sweetness. I’m not taking you for dinner and hoping for anything. I just didn’t want to have to share you at all tonight,” Atlas murmurs, leaning back on his elbows and watching me intently.
I don’t understand how he can be so… perfect for me. He’s never asked anything of me. Not to Bond or be together, not a damn thing.
He’s almost too good to be true.
My brain is all sorts of the worst because I have to push him, test him, figure out what is really going on with him because if he turns on me later, I will break in half. “What do your parents think of you moving here? What do they think of you having a monster Bond?”
The dreamy look slides off of his face but he doesn’t look angry at me asking, only that it’s not his favorite topic. “Neither of them were happy about me moving. I’m a trust fund baby though, so there wasn’t much they could do about it. Also? No more monster bullshit, Oli. I know you. I know exactly who you are and I know a monster when I see one. That’s not you.”
I pick at the second taco on the tray, half eaten and still looking delicious, even if my appetite is starting to wander off thanks to my prying. “How, though? How would you know all about me if you only know about one of my gifts? Atlas, it’s— the gift you know about is my secondary. It’s not the big one.”
He nods slowly and rubs the back of his neck. “I don’t want to lie to you, Oli. There’s a lot we don’t know about each other, a lot that you’re choosing not to tell me, and a lot that I’m not saying as well. We’re both guarded and trying to keep each other while we’re carrying baggage.”
Well, that’s true of me. I know it, and even though I know that he’s had a whole life before we met, it makes my bond twitchy to hear him say he has secrets too.
I mean, duh, Oli. Of course he does, in the same way all my damn Bonds do, but still. There’s something about hearing it that digs under my skin.
He looks over at me again and puts his empty tray back down onto the hood of the car. “Your eyes, the void, it’s the thing that’s keeping North guessing. He thinks your power is Neuro but the voids say it’s not that.”
Fuck. I force a whisper out, “It’s not Neuro.”
He nods. “No, it’s not. I know it’s not. I know exactly what it is, Oli, and I’m still here. I know exactly what your gift does to people, and I’m not running away scared. You’re still the exact Bond I’ve been dreaming about since I was a kid, the beautiful girl who I’d give my life for… except that I’m indestructible, so I don’t have to worry about that anyway. See? We were made for each other.”
We definitely should be talking about this and not just alluding to it, because how the hell would he know? “Have you… seen eyes like mine before? A gift like mine?”
He clears his throat. “There’s no one alive today with your gift except you. I know of people who had lesser gifts like yours though. You broke the mould, Sweetness.”
Fuck.
Okay, he’s probably got it wrong anyway. He’s probably thinking that he’s got me all figured out but is way off base.
“The real question I have, Oli, is why didn’t you destroy Nox when he touched you? Why not just kill him for daring to touch you?”
Fuck.
Does he know? He can’t. Destroy… He’s definitely talking about the soul-triggering, brain melting that I can do. It’s definitely not… anything else.
I want to run away from him. I want to take off screaming into the streets as a cold sweat runs down my spine. He’s watching me closely, his arms tense like he’s preparing himself to chase me down.
“He’s mine. I know it’s stupid. I know he crossed a line, but he’s mine. I’d protect him the same as I’d protect you. It doesn’t mean I forgive him or want him around… I just don’t want his death on my conscience.”
He nods and starts packing up the mess from our dinner as though he hasn’t just told me he knows what I can do and rocked my entire world on its axis while I scramble to figure out if he means it or not.
He can’t.
Right?
He smiles at me as he climbs down from the hood and throws away our trash. “Draven’s little spy is still hanging out in your hair. I’m not saying another word about it with it around.”
Oh.
Oh shit, I forgot Brutus was even there. Jesus, what if I’d blurted something out and ended up on the Dravens’ radar with the extent of how bad my gift really is?
I want to scream.
Atlas helps me down and then tugs me into his arms, resting his cheek on the top of my head. “Stop it, Sweetness. I don’t care if it takes me the rest of my life, I’m proving to you that you’re everything to me, gift or not. I’d kill for you without a second thought, and I know you feel the same way. I’ll prove it to you, no matter how long it takes.”
I desperately want to believe him.
He helps me back into his car and then we drive back to the manor together. The garage is missing all of my Bonds’ usual cars, and I raise an eyebrow at Atlas when he helps me out once he’s parked.
“Did they say they were all going to something? Where would they all be going at once that we wouldn’t be invited to?”
He huffs out a laugh, wriggling his eyebrows at me. “Who the fuck cares, we have the place to ourselves! We should go fuck with their stuff. What’s the worst thing we could leave in North’s bed? Come on, Sweetness. What’s the worst you’ve got?”
I cackle at him, enjoying his playful mood, and I let him lead me through the house. He’s far too good at directions and I’m a little pissed he’s figured the maze out so quickly.
Trust fund baby.
I groan at him. “It just clicked in my head. You grew up in a house like this, didn’t you? Fuck, you grew up in a mega-mansion too.”
He slings his arm over my shoulder and pulls me into his body, pressing his lips close to whisper to me, “It’s even bigger than this place. There are servants’ quarters and separate staircases for the help. My parents are filthy rich. The Bassingers are the Dravens of the East Coast.”
I shake my head at him with a grin. “How did I get so lucky to end up with all of these wealthy, arrogant Bonds, hm? Blessed.”
He chuckles at the sarcasm dripping from my tone, but I’m also not joking. My parents were well off and I know that there’s an inheritance waiting for me somewhere, but the years I spent on the run have given me a real appreciation for hard work and taking care of my own shit. The very idea of living off of other people’s money, their hard work, it makes me itch.
Then North’s warning about me being a gold-digger filters into my brain and I’m mad about it all over again.
I clear my throat and change the subject before my bond wakes up swinging about it. “So where did North put you? If you’re in the basement, we can just go sleep in my room tonight.”
He grumbles under his breath and then leads me through the second floor. When he stops, I recognize the hallway straight away and giggle.
“He put you next to Gabe? How are you taking that?”
He shoots me a look of warning as he gets his door unlocked, shoving it open and flicking the lights on.
It’s a barren room.
Okay, that’s a little dramatic, but it has about as much of his personality in it as my room has of me. It’s the same layout and color scheme as Gabe’s, but the only thing of Atlas’ in there are his bags, which are open but still packed neatly, and his laptop, which is sitting on the bed.
“I haven’t really been doing anything but sleeping in here. If we’re sticking around, I should get rid of my apartment and move in properly, but I’m waiting until you’re sure.”
I nod and step around him to collapse on the bed, letting myself sink into the luxurious mattress. It’s the same as all of the mattresses in the manor, and I think my taste has suddenly become expensive because I refuse to sleep on anything less ever again.
“Are you… sure? Or are we lulling everyone into a false sense of security here? Gimme a sign, Sweetness,” he says as he toes his shoes off and climbs up next to me.
My bond is happy with how tonight has gone and his close proximity. It doesn’t even try to take over when I curl up next to him, tucking my face into his chest.
“I really need to figure out how to get the chip out. Once that’s dealt with… I’ll have to leave.”
He nods and tucks me in even closer. “We. We’ll have to leave. You’re not getting rid of me, Sweetness. Not ever.”
