Gabe has a craving for pizza, so after my shift is over at the cafe, we pile into Atlas’ car and pick some up from the small local pizzeria two streets over from the Draven campus.
There’s a crowd of students already there. Gabe is buzzing from the five coffees he’d drunk during my shift, so he’s practically bouncing off of the walls as he greets people and chats with them. They’re all more friendly than they have been for a while and my stomach roils with rage when I figure out why.
They want information and possible leads on William’s death.
They’re all just scared little sheep about the Resistance, and instead of doing something about it themselves, like taking up self-defense or working on their own gifts to master them, they’re sucking up to my Bonds for protection.
The same men they’ve been calling monsters for years.
I’m feeling extra bloodthirsty about it, so when Gabe waves me over to meet someone, I fix a bored and bitchy look on my face in their direction. He might be willing to play the golden boy of campus, but over my dead fucking body will I.
Atlas chuckles under his breath at my expression but comes with me to be introduced to the guy standing with my Bond.
Gabe quirks an eyebrow at me, but the grin doesn’t leave his face as he says, “Oli, this is Gray’s roommate, Shay.”
That snaps me out of my anger a little bit. “Is Gray back at school yet? Shit, sorry, nice to meet you.”
Shay grins at me, friendly even with my bad attitude, and shrugs. “Sawyer’s doing his best to get through to Gray’s parents, but they’re extra cautious. He’s Telekinetic, so they should trust him a little more.”
Huh. “Go Ice Hockey Hottie, that’s a good gift. Maybe we should go around to meet his parents, inspire a little confidence in them that we’ve got this under control.”
Atlas jerks me around to give me a look at my nickname for Gray and I grin at him, completely unrepentant. Gabe rolls his eyes at my antics because he’s heard it a million times but also, I think, because he knows I’m just hyping my friends up.
Gray’s hot, but he’s nothing compared to any of my Bonds… even the ones that I’m still not so sure about. That’s the power of the bond, they’re the only ones I can think about or crave. I think it’s completely fucking rude that being the Central means I feel this way, and yet Nox could bring a different girl to dinner each week without hesitation.
Bleh.
I can’t think about that right now because I’ll be climbing into his bed tonight, and I can’t go in there angry about him daring to touch other women when I know he despises me. Fuck. I feel as though I keep cleaning up my mess of a Bond group, only to turn around and find twice as much behind me.
“His parents aren’t on the council but they are a council family. They know all about William Draven, there’s no fucking chance Gray’s being let out of his tower any time soon, not even with you guys at his back. Jesus, I heard about what you did to that Resistance camp last night, Gabe. I’m sure half the fucking country has at this point. You’re a beast.”
Uhm.
What now?
I look over at Gabe, but he’s keeping a carefully blank face and it makes me feel a little violent. I don’t like being the last to know everything and now that we’ve found our way into this relationship of sorts, it makes me want to bleed Shay out for knowing something I don’t.
Atlas grabs my hand and tugs me away from the two of them, over to the pick up counter to grab our pizzas now that they’re ready. He doesn’t look back to see if Gabe is following us as he leads me back out to the car, tucking me into the front seat without a word or any judgement for the seething sort of hurt bubbling in my chest.
Gabe climbs into the back seat a minute later, chuckling under his breath as he waves again at someone outside, completely oblivious to the storm rolling through my stomach in the front seat.
There’s a quiet moment where only my steady breathing can be heard in the silent space. In the rearview mirror, I catch Gabe frowning at Atlas when he doesn’t immediately start the car and get us on the road.
Instead, Atlas strokes my hair back from my face, his fingers gentle where they brush against my cheek, but there’s none of that gentleness when he snaps at Gabe, “Did you forget Oli is violently volatile? You probably shouldn’t keep shit from her if it’s already hit the gossip mills of this place.”
Gabe glances at me and blows out a breath, running a hand through his hair and tugging on the ends a little. “I didn’t know how to throw it into conversation that I’d killed eighteen men last night. How do I just come out with that without sounding—”
Atlas cuts him off, “Without sounding like you did what you had to do to keep her safe? You just say it. Oli isn’t going to break, you know what she’s capable of.”
Does he though? Well, he does, I guess. I told him enough that he should know. “I’ve killed people too, Gabe. I’m not going to think differently about you for doing that.”
“Yeah, but you didn’t tear eighteen men apart with your bare… okay, well, paws I guess. You know what I mean, I killed them physically, up close, and that’s pretty violent.”
I shrug, not fussed about that distinction, and tug on my seatbelt as Atlas finally gets the car moving. None of us speak until Atlas gets stuck at a red light in the last intersection before the gated community that the Draven manor is in.
“North and Nox went hunting after they found William. Gryphon and I found out after they were already elbows deep in a Resistance camp, they were too far gone to stop, so we just had to wait out their killing fury and make sure no one got close to them,” Gabe says softly, and I get the feeling he thinks he’s betraying his family right now by telling us this.
Being around them almost twenty-four hours a day, I’ve started to figure out the dynamics that were already in place before I got here. North isn’t just the oldest, he’s also the one who’s taken on the responsibility for them all. He makes decisions with Gryphon, both of them natural leaders. Nox is the wildcard, loyal to the others, but very much walking his own path. I don’t fully understand it yet, mostly because the way they treat him and refuse to call him out on shit confuses me, but I’m getting my head around it.
Gabe is definitely the ‘kid brother’ in this group.
They don’t treat him like he’s lesser than them even though he’s younger and still in college, but they definitely have the same protective, nurturing sort of relationship with him that an older sibling would have.
The fact he’s talking about it with us now is an offering, it’s an act of faith that we’re all doing what we can to bridge the chasm that we’re all staring at in the middle of the Bond group.
The light turns green and Atlas gets us moving again as I ask, “How was North injured? Was Nox okay?”
Gabe rubs a hand over his eyes. “North’s creatures aren’t like Nox’s. They’re fucking rabid. He pushed himself too far in his anger at what happened to William, so when it was over, he barely had the energy to get them… put away. One of them took a chunk out of his arm before he got it under control.”
Holy shit.
I turn around in my seat to look at him and his eyes drop down to where Brutus is curled up behind my ear. He’s so quiet and calm that sometimes I forget he’s even there, only the soft vibrations of his snores are a sign of him with me always.
“Nox was fine. Exhausted because he also pushed himself past his limits, but Gryphon got him home and cleaned up. His creatures have never let him get injured, not the entire time I’ve seen him fight. North’s kill indiscriminately, but Nox’s are very well trained in keeping their master safe.”
I swallow and nod, my cheek turning in towards Brutus instinctively as he nuzzles at my skin affectionately.
“How did they know where to find the camp? I find it hard to believe they just tripped over a camp in the middle of the night while they were pissed,” Atlas says, changing gears and then resting his hand on my knee in his own way of supporting me and showing me that none of this is scaring him away from me.
Gabe shrugs. “North and Gryphon have been tracking and mapping out Resistance sorting camps for years. They estimate that they have around thirty percent of them under monitoring, but they’re struggling to get the TacTeam numbers they need to take them out. It’s a catch -22 here because the upper society families refuse to join teams and fight, but they also became pillars of our community because they’re Top Tier gifted. The lower families are willing but don’t necessarily have the gifts we need in the fight.”
Jesus.
I blow out a breath and watch the night pass us through the car window. Guilt climbs up my spine about how much of a brat I’ve been about the TT classes because that’s where Gryphon needs to be finding more recruits. Fuck, Zoey would’ve been handy with her knockout power.
I’ll have to talk to him about getting her back in the class.
It’s not like she can touch me now, and I’m sure they can beat her into a better team minded headspace.
Atlas groans and glances over to me. “You’re going to force me to keep training with that sadist, aren’t you?”
I give him a half smile and shrug. “Think of it as a way to prove your stamina to him. I don’t doubt it, but you guys are weird about proving who’s the top dog around here.”
Atlas waits until the car is parked and we’re heading up to my room to eat the pizza before he pulls me in close to his side to whisper in my ear, “The only person I care about proving myself to is you, and I can think of much better ways to do that, Sweetness.”
I LIFT my hand to knock on the door but I chicken out.
For the third time.
This is getting pathetic. Honestly, what’s the worst Nox can do to me for showing up to his room on the night that we were assigned, when he’s already agreed to have me here? The problem is that I’m not feeling particularly rational about it and, even with Gryphon’s instructions swirling around in my head, I’m feeling freaking terrified about doing it.
My bond is quiet in my chest and I think that freaks me out more than anything else, the way that it’s just decided that he’s never going to change his mind about me and so I need to lower my expectations down to… well, nothing.
Is it too late to argue with North about this?
I glance over at his door because of course there are only three bedrooms on this level of the building and of course those rooms belong to North, Nox, and the one they’ve put me in.
Right.
Just knock on the door, Oli. Man up. Woman up? Fuck, what’s a better, more inclusive way of saying ‘get your fucking shit together and stop being a little cry baby about this, woman’? I don’t know but also, this is probably just another method of procrastinating doing this.
I force myself to knock on the damn door by imagining how scowly Gryphon would be at me right now if he knew I was freaking out about this. He’d be insulted that I was doubting him and how confident he is that everything is going to be fine.
I wait for a full three minutes before I stomp my foot and huff like a petulant toddler, of course he’s not going to answer it and actually let me in. He’s probably set up a spy cam to watch me waiting around for him like some pathetic—
Okay, snap out of this wallowing self-pity, Oleander.
I try the door handle and it’s not locked, so I take a breath and poke my head through to call out, “Nox? This isn’t funny, can I come in or not?”
Nothing.
Fucking men, I want to murder him and bathe in his innards.
I push the door open the whole way and step into the room, kicking the door shut behind me as my arms wrap around myself nervously as I look around the dark room.
I’m fine.
This is fine.
Fuck it, I call on my gift to let my eyes adjust to the darkness and I find myself standing in a library.
Right, so it’s not exactly a library because it’s the same size and general layout as the other rooms on this level, but there’s no bed, and bookshelves line every wall. I step forward and, yep, the ensuite is in the same spot as mine is and so is the closet, except Nox’s is full of books, and I mean full of books. There isn’t a surface here that isn’t overflowing with old, leather-bound tomes.
It’s a different side of the professor, one I shouldn’t be so surprised at… I’m not sure what I was expecting, but it wasn’t this.
I walk around the shelves and it’s only when I get to the end side of the room that I find the small, narrow spiral staircase tucked around a corner that definitely doesn’t exist in my room.
“Nox? Are you up there?” I call, my voice a little less thready than last time, but still he doesn’t answer.
I take one last look around the room but there isn’t even a couch or armchair to curl up in down here, so I have to have a look up there at the very least.
I’m slow and hesitant at first, but once I get a look at the bedroom on the second floor, my feet move a lot faster.
Nox sleeps in a dream.
Okay, that’s a bit dramatic, the room is smaller than the one downstairs and once again covered in books, but it’s not as orderly here. No, he’s clearly reading the ones up here, piles of them on every surface. There’s a set of drawers in one corner and bedside tables on either side of the king-sized bed.
It’s meticulously clean but cluttered, the type of busy clutter that comes with a very active mind, and it’s the closest I think I’ve ever come to knowing something personal about Nox.
I perch on the bed to text Gryphon to ask him what the hell I should do, but his reply doesn’t exactly fill me with confidence.
Just go to sleep. I’ll be there at 4am to hit the gym.
A four o’clock start, that gives me six hours of sleep so, whether Nox is here and likes it or not, I need to pass out.
I’m already dressed in a pair of sweatpants and one of Gabe’s old tees, so I just climb under the covers. I don’t know which side of the bed is Nox’s, so I climb in the far side and curl up in a ball. I’m tired enough that even with how nervous I am about being here, I slip into sleep easily.
I wake up hours later to the soft glow of Nox’s nightmare creatures.
They’re everywhere.
Brutus is bigger than he usually is as he stretches out on the bed next to me. When I look past him, there has to be at least a hundred different creatures laid out all over, covering every surface in the room. Most of them are barely more than smoke outlines but I can pick out other puppies of varying sizes. They’re all asleep and curled up with each other in piles, and my breathing stutters to a stop in my chest at the sight of them all.
They’re beautiful, made from a killing smoke but with a strange glow, as though even in the darkest of nights there’s still the glow of millions of stars to lead you through the night. They’re haunting and beautiful and I’m obsessed with them all. I want to know each and every one of them the way I know Brutus and there’s a deep sort of pain in me to know that I probably never will because Nox wouldn’t even let me.
With that ache in my chest, I spot him on the couch with his head thrown back, his hair a mess of dark curls as he blows out a long breath. I freeze but try to keep my breathing even and slow so he doesn’t notice that I’m awake. He’s wearing slacks and a shirt with the top three buttons undone. His feet are bare and he looks more exhausted than I’ve ever seen him, the lines of a rough couple of days all over him.
I can’t comfort him but that doesn’t stop the longing in my chest to be able to.
I lie there and watch him brood on the couch, his eyes a little glassy as he looks around at each of his creatures with something close to fondness. They’re definitely not the rabid creatures his brother commands, all of them docile and snuffling even as they nap around us.
It’s peaceful.
If I could just forget how much he hates me, it would be the perfect little moment between us. Well, not really, because he has no idea I’m awake and watching him right now. I should open my mouth and find some words for him, offer my condolences and tell him how badly I want to wipe the Resistance from the Earth, but they get trapped in my throat.
I hear the door downstairs open and shut quietly, my bond tugging at my chest to say one of mine is here, and then North comes up the stairs, his feet quiet on the carpets when he walks over to get a look around the room.
He looks a lot less calm and pleased about the creatures everywhere.
Nox doesn’t look at him but his tone is snappy as he snarks, “You’ve come to check up on me as well? Gryph has already been very firm about what is allowed to happen here.”
North takes a seat on the couch next to his brother, but it’s still so dark that neither of them notice that my eyes are open.
“I’m here to check on you. I know you didn’t want this, and I don’t want to find you drinking during your lectures again… or running off to find someone stupid enough to fight you like last time.”
Nox huffs at him, rubbing a hand over his chest. He stops and looks down at his fingers, holding them up and looking at them in the pitch black room. His gift has to be at play here.
“I don’t think I’m ever going to get used to them being straight. I’m angry at her for messing with something she had no right to.”
North shrugs. “She didn’t know. She didn’t have any control over it, you know that. I have as many reservations about this as you do, but you have to be reasonable, Nox.”
He wriggles his fingers as though he’s testing them. “I don’t have to do anything. You told me that when you brought me back here. I don’t have to do anything if I don’t want to.”
North presses his lips together and I can almost see Nox giving himself a point for that little win of his. Brutus snuffles in his sleep, turning towards me, and I let my eyes slip shut again just in case they look over here more carefully at the movement.
When North speaks again, his voice is lower, softer in the quiet, “They like her. I thought you’d just sent a spy, but look at them all.”
“Or they’re surrounding her to make sure she can’t move from that bed without them noticing.”
North makes an annoyed noise at the back of his throat. “She’s barely more than a kid, Nox. She’s not going to do anything. She’s not—”
“Don’t. I’m not talking about it. If you try, I’ll throw you down those stairs. She’s here because she’s your Bond, and Gryph’s, and Gabe’s. If you insist on keeping me alive and here, then I’ll play my part, but she’s not mine. She never will be.”
For the first time in a long time, my bond gets upset at the thought of not having him and even as I swallow down at the bile that creeps up my throat at his words, I push it down.
He’s made his decision and so have I.
I wouldn’t Bond with him even if the world didn’t depend on that not happening.
North slips out of the bedroom quietly and Nox collapses back on the couch, pulling the blanket back over himself as he turns to get some sleep. Three feet never seemed so far away before, but now?
Now I don’t think I’ll ever bridge that gap.
