I wake to the sound of a key sliding into North’s bedroom door as his arms tighten around me. His chest is warm against my back and one of his hands is tucked against my upper thigh, so close to cupping my core that I actually feel flutters of excitement down there before my brain catches up to what is actually happening here.
I freeze, turned on and ready to just let my bond take what it wants, consequences be damned, but then his door flies open and his secretary walks into his bedroom.
His secretary.
Has a key.
To his bedroom.
She doesn’t bother looking shocked or repentant at finding me in his bed, wrapped up in his limbs, she just starts opening up curtains and turning on freaking lights as she yammers on. “Good morning, sir. Your appointment has arrived here early, I’ve moved her into your office on the ground floor with refreshments and left her to go over her proposal one last time before she presents it to you.”
North pulls me in tighter to his body for a second, squeezing me tight, and for one treacherous moment, I think he’s going to tell the woman to get the fuck out of this room before we both kill her.
Then he unceremoniously untangles himself from me and gets out of the bed without a word, walking over to the bathroom as he says in a very kind tone, “I’ll be five minutes, Pen.”
He has never used that tone with me.
I lie here in his obscenely comfortable bed, surrounded by all of the intoxicating smells of him, and rage one last time about this man. One last time because I will never get in this bed again. I would spend the rest of my life sleeping amongst Nox’s nightmares in his little burrow of books and pillows and loathing rather than step foot in here again.
The secretary, who has no clue of the catalyst she’s become in my Bond, walks into his closet and starts to pull out clothing for him. Clearly, she hasn’t done enough damage already and needs a little more to truly rub the salt into this wound.
She fusses over picking out his suit and a button up shirt to go underneath it, and as the final nail in the goddamn coffin, she opens up one of the drawers and pulls out boxer briefs for him.
If it wasn’t crossing every goddamn line I never knew I had for him, it would be hilarious to think of this grown man having someone dress him like a child.
There’s a knock at the door and the secretary moves over to open it up, her body obscuring the room from Gryphon’s view. I can feel that it’s my Bond out there and I’m already absolutely fucking fuming about her being here, so the way she pops her hip and giggles at him sends me over the edge.
My eyes turn black.
Fuck.
I flop back onto the bed and take a deep breath, then three more until I can get my head back under control.
I hear Gryphon curse and then the bathroom door opens and for a second, I assume North is done in there, but then I hear Gryphon tear him a new asshole, so it’s clear he’s gone in there after him.
I cannot see a naked North Draven right now.
I definitely can’t be in the room while his fucking secretary sees him naked either, so I push myself up in the bed and throw the covers off of myself, stalking out of the room without looking anywhere but the door.
I find Kieran outside of the room and he curses under his breath at the sight of me. “Never a dull fucking minute with you around, is there?”
I huff at him and throw my hands in the air. “I’ve done nothing wrong. Nothing, even when I really freaking wanted to. So if that asshole comes out with a bad attitude, you can tell him to shove it so far up his ass that he chokes on it!”
That’s when my bedroom door flings open and Gabe pokes his sleep rumpled head out of the door, scowling until he gets a look at me. “Fuck, what’s happened now?”
“Nothing! Absolutely nothing, are you coming to training or not?” I hiss like a psycho, ducking past him and stomping over to the closet only to find Atlas in there getting changed.
I get a full view of his naked ass and almost swoon like a freaking maiden at the sight of the tanned muscle there, completely overwhelmed with all of the enraged, horny, gut-wrenching feelings swirling through me.
The man has a dump truck and I want to sink my teeth into it.
Jesus fucking Christ.
I press my palms over my eyes and mumble, “I fucking hate today. I would rather throw myself out of the window than ever deal with… any of this ever again.”
Atlas chuckles and pulls my hands away from my eyes, the chuckle turning into a throaty laugh when I keep my eyes screwed shut tight. “I’ve got my gym shorts on now, Sweetness. I didn’t think my ass would be the thing that sent you over the edge.”
I huff and blink at him, double checking that he does in fact have his shorts on. They’re so freaking short that they’re almost obscene and I hate him all over again. Instead of saying that, or something remotely normal, I blurt out, “Can we kill North’s secretary? Can I kill her and hide her body, please? Are we sure we’re the good guys? Can we be bad for, like, five minutes? I don’t even need five whole minutes, I’ll have the bitch out in a spilt fucking second.”
Gabe ducks his head around the wall to look at us both, with jeans on and a shirt in his hands. “Seriously, Bond, what’s happened?”
I shake my head. “I’m not talking about it. I got pretty close to frying that woman, so I’m just going to go run on a treadmill until I can’t freaking move anymore.”
They share a look over my head and leave me to get ready.
When we head down to the basement gym, there’s no sign of Gryphon anywhere, but I do exactly what I said I was going to do. I set the treadmill to a full-blown sprint speed, shove earphones into my ears with the loudest screaming metal playlist I can find, and then I run until I think I’m going to die.
I hit the stop button when my legs are wobbling so badly that I’m becoming a danger to myself, popping out one of the earphones to hear the furious spat happening behind me.
“—his fucking rules, if he can’t follow them, then why the fuck are we?” Atlas snarls, and I hear the impact of them sparring, but I don’t turn yet.
My bond is quiet in my chest, worn out from the rage-running, and I don’t want it flaring back to life at the mere sight of them on the mats, so I give myself another second to get my shit together.
“I’ve dealt with it. We have the memorial service to go to this afternoon, he’s not thinking right at the moment. I know it’s hard for you, Bassinger, but think about how you would be coping with the loss of a father figure. William has been the only stable family member they’ve ever had, and they’re both barely keeping it together. To be clear, they’re only keeping it together because of Oli. Her safety and the welfare of our Bond group is the only thing keeping them from wallowing in their gifts and being the monsters the whole community think they are.”
Fuck.
I swallow and step off of the treadmill, my knees buckling underneath me as I slump down onto the ground. I should stretch or something, but I have nothing left in me to do the things I’m supposed to do right now.
So I lie down and splay myself out like a sweaty, awkward starfish and stare at the ceiling, lost in my own thoughts.
I never got the chance to grieve for my parents.
There wasn’t a memorial service or a funeral, no burial that I got to attend. Nothing, because the Resistance already had me. I don’t even know where their bodies ended up. Was my mom buried with her Bonded or cremated separately? My chest tightens at the thought of all of their ashes being in separate little urns somewhere out there, waiting for their monster daughter to claim them.
My mom would hate that so much.
Tears quietly stream down the sides of my face but I just let them, ignoring them because they’re the same old useless type that mean nothing.
I don’t forgive North’s actions today, or any other day, but the frigid distance between us is only going to get worse if I don’t do something. Yes, I still need to get out of here. Yes, I still need to lie and omit all of the important details to them all as much as I can now that Gryphon knows what I am.
But I can choose to be a decent person to my Bond.
I take a deep breath and start to think about getting up but my body feels as though it weighs a thousand pounds. I hear footsteps and then Gabe’s face appears in my eyeline as he stands over me, getting a good look at the puddle I make on the floor.
“I really wish you weren’t crying over your Bonds again,” he murmurs, groaning a little as he folds himself onto the ground next to me.
I swallow back the tears lodged in my throat. “I’m not. I’m crying about my parents. I can’t do anything else today training-wise. I’ve wrecked myself.”
Gabe nods and reaches out tentatively to push my hair away from my face before he slumps down onto his back beside me. “We don’t have to do anything else for the rest of the day if you want. We can just go back to your room and… mope.”
I scoff at him, my head lolling on my shoulders to look over at him. “Nope, we’re going to the memorial. We’re going and there isn’t going to be a single question in anyone’s minds after today over whether we’re a united front or not. It doesn’t matter about how I feel right now, it matters that we don’t have some idiot show up here and ruin the brand new landscaping all over again.”
Gabe stares at me for a second, his eyes softening and going all liquid at me in a way that pulls me into him.
He murmurs quietly to me, “You make me proud to be your Bond. Even when you hate us, your backbone, endurance, and integrity is unmatched.”
I want to cry all over again but instead, I kiss him, a brief pressing of our lips together that coaxes my bond out to play, even when it’s over before it starts.
I PICK out one of the black dresses I’d bought on my shopping spree that, at this point, feels as though it happened years ago. I’d been hoping to wear it out with my Bonds to a party or something fun, but with a black jacket over the top and a pair of flats that Sage had lent me weeks ago, I look respectful and put-together.
I curl my hair and put on a tiny bit of makeup, just enough that I look like I’m putting effort in without being too much for such a somber event.
Gabe and Atlas both wear black slacks, button-up shirts, and polished leather shoes. Both of them look like wet dreams. Gabe’s shoulders are so broad that the fabric stretching over them pulls tight as he moves, and Atlas’ tattoos give him an irreverent feel.
I’m a very happy Bond to be escorted down to the main foyer by them both.
We find Nox and Gryphon already there, both of them dressed the same as the others, except Nox has a waistcoat on that should make him look overdressed in comparison, instead it just accentuates his trim waist and bulging arms. I refuse to drool over this man, so I focus on Gryphon instead.
There is nothing quite like the sight of a man in formal clothes with weapons strapped all over him. His hair is still wet from his shower and slicked back, and his eyes are hot on my body as he takes in my outfit choice, lingering on my bare legs for too long to pretend that he’s not enjoying what he’s seeing.
Then North stalks in from one of the doors down the hall that I’ve never been through and breaks the mood with his scowling, snarling rage. I tuck into Atlas’ side a little closer, a small movement that they all pick up on thanks to how hyper-focused on me they all are right now.
I open my mouth to attempt to deflect from how smug Atlas is about it but Gryphon steps in and saves the day, something I’m coming to rely on.
“We’re taking one car over so we can have a full escort. This is a high profile, high stakes situation, so I’m driving, with Gabe on point. We’re taking the armored BMW so we’re not worried about bullets, only gifts. Oli is to be with two of us at all times, no exceptions.”
I nod along and follow him into the garage without question. I’ve already made up my mind about how today is going to go, the stuff I can control anyway. Everything I’ve done for the last five years has been to keep these men safe and alive. I can play the part of a subservient and placid Bond today if it helps to keep them safe.
Someday I’m sure they’ll all appreciate it.
Just not today.
Gryphon and Gabe climb into the front seat and when North opens up the back, I can see it’s another one of his modified vehicles with the two rows of seats facing each other. He holds out a hand to help me in and I take it, scooting in and arranging myself so that I’m not flashing them all my underwear.
North slides in after me, sitting next to me, and I see Atlas frown at him. “I should be sitting with her, my gift is the best protection she’s got.”
Nox scoffs at him, climbing in to face his brother. He doesn’t so much as glance in my direction. “It’s a bulletproof car, you’re useless in here compared to the rest of us.”
Atlas’ lip curls at him and I press my foot against his, smiling at him as though this is all completely fine and not bothering me in the least.
The car ride over to the cemetery is silent.
I try not to stare at either of the Dravens but my eyes keep getting drawn back to them. Nox’s hands are curled into fists and there’s a small black band of smoke around his wrist that can only be seen as he moves. It’s weird that he’s using his gift right now in the small space of the car, but his eyes are sharp as he looks out the windows.
North is barely holding himself together.
Every inch of his body is tense, the muscles all trembling a little with the effort he’s using to not just explode on us all right now. Atlas is watching him like a hawk, poised and ready to grab me the moment North actually loses it, but I trust him more than that.
Grief is an unpredictable bitch of a feeling and it’s riding him hard.
When Gryphon pulls into the parking lot filled with luxury cars, we’re flanked by two TacTeam vehicles. We wait until they empty out before we get out of the BMW. It’s strange to have them watching over us so intensely, like we’re celebrities or royalty or something, and I’ve got an itchy, uncomfortable feeling about it.
North holds out his arm for me to take and I do so without hesitation, though I look around to be sure Atlas is also going to be with me. I might’ve made the decision to play my part today, but I still want one of my trusted Bonds with me while I do it.
North leads me through the crowd of people waiting for us to arrive, dozens of the Gifted higher society members around us, and I pick out my friends straight away.
Sage nods at me with a tight smile from where she’s wedged between Sawyer and her father. I’m shocked to see Gray standing with them as well, an older Bonded group standing around them that I would guess are his family.
Riley and Giovanna are there too.
It’s harder for me to keep my reaction to them standing so close to Sage with sneers on their faces off of my own than it was for me to keep myself calm about my furious Bonds, and North’s arm tenses under my own. I squeeze it a little, hoping he understands that I’m saying I’m fine, but he just keeps us moving forward together.
We walk up to the church and North greets the priest at the front, briefly thanking him for being here and holding the service, then we walk in together.
There’s already a TacTeam in place and I give Kieran the same nod of greeting that I’d given Sage, acknowledging him without making a big fuss about it. His eyes are sharp as he looks around at the people coming in behind us, vetting and checking each person off in his mind, I’m sure.
I’m doing the same thing.
I didn’t meet a lot of people in the camps but the ones I did meet are the worst of the worst, and if I spot any of them here today, I will take them out without a second thought.
We all sit in the front row together, North at one end and Gryphon at the other. North is careful about wedging Nox between the two of us, and I’m careful about not touching him too much without being obvious about it.
I can’t get his reaction to my Bond frenzy out of my head. If my touch is so abhorrent to him, then I need to do what I can to respect that boundary… even though I’m very aware that my boundaries aren’t nearly as important to him.
The service is long and detailed.
I learn more about the Draven family in that hour than I have in the months that I’ve lived with them, like the fact that William had custody of them both when their parents all died. Or the fact that William never found his Bonds and still managed to keep his sanity and good health.
He had started several charities to help underprivileged children and domestic violence victims. He had donated to non-Gifted and Gifted alike. He was a pillar of the community, and he was murdered by crazed, elitist zealots for daring to want good things for the world.
I’m silently crying by the end of the eulogy, and when North stands to do his own speech, he glances down at me and freezes at the sight of me dabbing my eyes dry with the tissue that Gabe had tucked into my hand, passed down from Gryphon on the far end.
When North steps away from us to walk up to the podium, his steps are more sure and steady, and when he faces everyone, he no longer looks like he is filled with rage.
“Thank you for being here today to honor my uncle, William Draven, one last time. His life will be remembered as one full of many accomplishments, but the ones that I hold closest to my heart aren’t any of his most lauded achievements.”
He sets down the cards and glances up at the screen behind him, a photo of William grinning there. He was a very handsome man, much like his nephews, and as I watch North swallow and turn back to his speech, I have to dab at my eyes with the tissue again.
“He didn’t have to take me or my brother in. He wasn’t even supposed to be our guardian, but he fought the council to have custody of us. He took the Draven seat, even though politics made him queasy, because he wanted to make sure that it would still be there for me when I was old enough. He kept us safe, loved, and in my darkest hours, he was always there to offer me an ear. He never judged us or made us feel like monsters. He put us on the right path in life, and we both plan to honor the chance he gave us by ensuring that we continue his legacy in the community to make this a better, safer, and more inclusive place for all, Gifted and non-Gifted alike.”
It’s a risk, a huge one, but I very slowly reach over to take Nox’s hand in mine. I’m expecting him to pull away or shake me off, something subtle enough not to upset North’s vision of us all being seen as a united front, but harsh nonetheless.
His fingers are warm and tight around my own.
I’m not stupid enough to think that it means something, that he’ll suddenly change his mind about me, but it feels like a tiny victory anyway.
