Lucas had asked me on a date again. I wasn’t sure how I felt about it at the moment. I know I want it, but I’m also scared to get hurt again. Despite trying to keep it just about sex, I liked Lucas too much. I tried to tell my body to say no, but what came out was yes. On the drive to school, I slapped myself stupid.
The car was a damn dream. It drove so well and with the weather being nice; I had put the top down, feeling the wind whip my hair around. It probably wasn’t my brightest idea. I had to tie my bird’s nest of hair into a high bun when I arrived. I ran to my class, cutting it close, but somehow still making it on time. Professor Johnson greeted me with a small smile. All my professors had expressed their condolences. They had been keeping an attentive eye on me.
Class was quick, and oddly easy lately. I am not sure if it is because Professor Johnson is such a brilliant teacher, or because I got so far ahead in our textbook last week when I needed something to do. I had been losing my mind thinking of mom, and I thought math would make for a great distraction. It worked. As long as I was doing math, mom wouldn’t pop up into my head. I guess it took too much of my brain power to solve the math problems to leave room for anything else.
When I stepped out of class, I saw Leo with his black stylish glasses and his hair half up. He gave me a wide smile before hugging me. I gave him a one-armed hug back, since my other arm had my book.
‘You look cute today,’ he told me, squeezing the bun on my head.
‘Not at all.’ I shook my head.
‘Don’t be that way. Accept the compliment.’ He nudged my shoulder playfully.
‘If you say so, thanks.’
‘Do you have a class next?’
‘Not until 1.’
‘Wanna go hang out? It’s nice outside today. We could sit at the quad and enjoy the weather,’ he suggested.
‘Thanks for the offer, but I need to go see Hailey. Maybe some other time?’
‘Yeah, okay.’ I could hear the obvious disappointment in his voice, causing me to feel bad.
‘Let me call her and see if she’s even home. If not, I’ll come hang out with you.’
Leo smiled widely at my words, nodding his head. He looked like an adorable child. I called Hailey when we stepped out of the elevator. It turned out she was out with her dad right now. I’ll have to wait until later to tell her about my results. I want her to come with me to my screening, but this isn’t something I don’t want to say over the phone.
‘I’m all yours, Leo.’ I smiled up at him as I put my phone away.
‘If only.’ He gave me a smile, but it didn’t reach his eyes like usual. I wasn’t sure what he meant.
‘So what now?’
‘Follow me.’ He grabbed my hand, pulling me towards a larger tree out in the quad. He took a seat, pulling me down beside him as we looked out at everyone walking by. ‘Ever since you told me your story, I’ve been watching people and wondering what theirs is.’
He stared out at the crowd as he spoke, as if to make his point. I watched too, seeing many people heading to class, lunch, or home. One was almost jogging as she struggled to keep her items from falling all over the ground.
‘You honestly don’t know what’s going on in someone’s life, let alone what they’ve gone through. Not everyone wears their trauma on their sleeve.’ I squinted, watching the girl run towards the music building.
‘Wanna play a game?’ Leo asked randomly, going from deep to playful.
‘Uh, yeah, sure. What is it?’
‘I’ll pick someone, and you tell me what you think their back story is,’ Leo explained.
‘Alright, who’s the lucky victim?’
‘Him.’ He pointed to a guy in the distance with large headphones over his black beanie. He wore a faded shirt and baggy pants.
‘Okay. Um, his name is David, and what you wouldn’t expect about him is he isn’t listening to rap. No, David is actually listening to heavy metal because listening to someone scream in his ears helps him not to scream at others. He goes out late at night and cruises around on his bike, trying to find the best place to draw. He enjoys sitting at the beach off the rocky cliffs because of its beautiful scenery, but it also holds some danger. David still goes home to see his parents. His mom still does his laundry, but he forgot to take his clothes last weekend, which is why he’s wearing a faded shirt he hasn’t worn since high school.’
‘Okay, I can get down with that backstory. Why David though?’ Leo grabbed his chin in thought.
‘I don’t know. He looks like a David,’ I shrugged. ‘My turn to pick.’
I scanned the crowd, trying to find someone who might be hard for him. My eyes landed on a taller girl. She had her back turned to us, but she wore a short black skirt with a red tank top and red high heels. She looked like she was ready to go out and not to class. Her dark brown hair was straight, reaching above her lower back.
‘Her,’ I told him with a mischievous gleam.
‘Easy. Her name is Francesca. She comes from a wealthy family. She’s daddy’s little girl who gets everything she wants. Only one time, daddy couldn’t get her the one thing she wanted, a guy she thought she liked. She got so mad she retaliated by trying to get with his best friend. When he rejected her too, she spread vicious rumors about the pair. Many people believed them, causing everyone to avoid them. The best friends found solace in each other, which only angered her further. She tried to get between them, drugging the guy she originally wanted at a party.” Leo had an unreadable expression on his face as he looked at the girl.
“She took him to a room and had sex with him in his drugged state. The best friend found them and had to fight her to get her off him. No one believes a girl can rape a guy, so to everyone there, they assumed the best friend had gotten jealous and took the frustration out on her. They deemed him an abuser of women, causing him to have to drop out of high school and finish his senior year online. While his friend spiraled in college, almost not being able to graduate. Francesca got away with everything, because no one would believe the best friend. He, however, was charged with assault, but his mother got it dismissed.’
‘Jesus, Leo.’ I shook my head. ‘What makes you think that’s her story?’
‘I know her.’ He shrugged. I stared at him so fast, my neck hurt. I tried to replay everything he had told me.
‘Leo, were you the best friend in this story, or the original guy?’ He met my eyes with a look of surprise on his face. He was almost shocked I had pieced it together.
‘The best friend.’ He sighed. I wrapped my arms around his neck instantly, pulling him against me and squeezing tightly like I could piece him back together from his trauma.
‘I’m sorry you went through that. I know you would never hurt a woman. Fuck her. I’ll go beat her ass right now,’ I told him with his cheek pressed beside mine.
‘Thanks, Liv, but I’m okay now. She can’t say anything here without bringing up secrets of her own.’
‘Leo, who was the original guy?’ I pulled back, looking into his eyes. I think I know the answer, but I hope I’m wrong.
‘He wouldn’t like me telling you.’
‘It’s Lucas, isn’t it?’ I felt my chest tighten, and my heart break as I saw Leo’s expression change.
‘No way,’ he tried to lie, but he’s a terrible liar.
‘Okay, good. Still, I am sorry for whoever your friend is.’ I let him believe his lie worked, but secretly I was fighting back tears for Lucas. I looked back at Francesca, waiting for her to turn her skanky ass face our way. I wanted to memorize her face, so if I ever got the chance, I could punch her right in the nose. I wanted to exact revenge like no other. I hate her worse than Julius and Clover right now.
‘I knew a girl named Francesca back in my high school. She was a freshman when I was a senior and even joined in on bullying me. She was a spoiled little shit, too. The school wouldn’t put up with her anymore, having her kicked out. Last I heard, she had to move out of state, because no other school in New Hampshire would take her. Francescas must be a real breed of bitch.’ I shook my head.
‘I can stand behind that statement.’
We both watched her with murderous intent until she turned, revealing an all too familiar face. Her sharp nose and thin lips made me flash back to when she stole my clothes from the locker room, making me walk out with nothing but a towel to the office. She even tried to take the towel, but I had a tight grip on it.
‘Holy shit!’ My mouth dropped open. ‘She’s the same fucking Francesca.’
‘Are you serious?’ Leo sat up, looking at me more intently.
‘Yeah, I would recognize her bad nose job anywhere.’
Her eyes landed on us, causing the corner of her lips to turn up mischievously as she approached. Leo stiffed beside me as he noticed her. I hated that she had caused him so much trouble. I could tell it traumatized him, showing a slight fear of her.
‘I got this, okay?’ I told him, squeezing his hand before I stood up, approaching her too. Her eyes were fixed on Leo as I stood in front of her. She spared me one small glance before trying to walk past me. I grabbed her arm, pulling her back to me.
‘Franny, you better leave him alone.’ I used the nickname she hated. The girls in highschool would bully her too, because she pissed off queen B one month. She narrowed her eyes at me, trying to place me. It took her a second to remember, because of the vast changes to my appearance.
‘Holy shit, Brilo Liv?’ She smirked like she was happy to see me.
‘Olive, actually.’ I squeezed her arm tighter until she flinched.
‘Let me go, before I yell.’
‘Go ahead. No one’s going to care. They’ll look at you like you’re crazy. In fact, by all means, please yell,’ I egged her on.
‘Whatever, let me go. I see my boyfriend. He’s calling me over.’ She pointed to Leo.
‘Funny, I am pretty sure Leo is dating me,’ I lied.
‘As if he’d stoop to your level.’
I pushed her back a few steps before running over to Leo and straddling his lap. He looked at me, a bit confused for a moment, before I crashed my lips against his. It probably wasn’t the best idea, but I wanted her to see. I wanted her to leave him alone. The sound of her scoff was like music to my ears as her heels clicked away against the sidewalk. I pulled back, looking her way to make sure she was still walking.
‘Shit, Liv. You can’t do that to me,’ Leo groaned. I felt the bulge of his excitement between my legs, making me quickly hop off him.
‘Sorry. I didn’t want her to think she could come bother you. She said you were her boyfriend, so I told her we were dating.’ I slapped my forehead lightly, shaking my head. ‘I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that.’ Leo laughed, a big smile gracing his face.
‘Don’t apologize. I truly enjoyed it, and the lie.’ He winked at me, making me blush for a second.
It was kind of hot. I didn’t think Leo had it in him, but it wasn’t the same way Lucas set me aflame. I know mom said this was fine as long as they knew of each other, and neither of them have asked me to be their girlfriend, but it still felt wrong. It still felt kind of slutty kissing Leo after I had kissed Lucas this morning. Hell, we had done more than kiss.
How do people deal with these guilty feelings when they date more than one person?
Hailey twitched her leg beside me, full of nerves, even though I should be the one freaking out. She bit at her thumbnail as we waited in the doctor’s office for her to return. She had done my screening yesterday and asked me to come in today. Lucas had gone with me yesterday, being a significant support, so I brought Hailey here with me today instead. I didn’t think she would panic on me. She was raising my anxiety up.
‘Hailey, stop, you’re making me nervous.’
‘You should be! Doctors never call you back to the office to share good news.’
I knew she was right, but I was hoping this was a ‘hey you’re clear, but let’s discuss options’ kind of visit. Dr. Payne came in, clearing her throat as she shut the door behind her.
‘Olive, I am glad you could come in so soon,’ she greeted me, as she sat behind her desk with Hailey and me sitting across from her. ‘I am afraid I have some bad news, and some good news for you.’
My heart was speeding with nerves, making my stomach twist, and hands feel clammy. I felt a cold sweat work its way through my body.
‘We found a small mass in your right breast.’ It felt like the walls had crashed down around me. Dr. Payne sounded so distorted as she continued talking. ‘We will need to schedule a lumpectomy to remove the mass. We’ll send it to pathology to be biopsied. If it comes back positive for cancer, we’ll start you on target radiation to the breasts.’
‘You said there was good news. What’s the good news?’ Hailey quickly asked, looking for her silver lining.
‘Since it’s so small, if it is cancer, we caught it early enough. By removing the mass, and getting targeted radiation, she should be fine. I’ll schedule to remove the mass within the next few days. Depending on your results, I’ll refer you to an oncologist if needed.’
I knew she was talking to me, but all I could hear was womp womp like the adults in Charlie Brown. I stared at my right breast like the traitor it was. It wasn’t a piece of me anymore. It was foreign, making me want to tear it off and be a cyclops breasted woman.
‘Olive, let’s take this one step at a time. Keep in mind your survival rate is extremely high even if this is cancerous. Try to keep a positive mind.’
Unable to speak with the weight of my tongue, I nodded my head. I stood up, rushing to get out of there. It felt like the walls were closing in on me, making me need an escape. I rushed outside with Hailey hot on my tail. When I felt the sun hit my skin, I took a deep breath, not having realized I had been holding it. I kept gasping for air like I couldn’t get enough of it. Hailey stroked my back, hugging me and telling me it would all be okay. I shook my head, remembering mom. Remembering how awful she felt and looked at the end.
‘Let’s get you home,’ Hailey whispered, pulling me to the car. She drove me home and laid me on the bed. ‘It’ll be okay, Livie, I am here for you. We’ll get through this. I’ll be here every step of the way.’
She tucked me in, patting my head. I silently cried myself to sleep, waking up to Hailey’s hushed whispers. I strained my ears to listen as the fog of sleep lifted more.
‘She probably wouldn’t tell you guys herself, but I felt you should know. Honestly, you guys are the only other friends she has. She is going to need support, but she’s going to be stubborn about getting it from you,’ I heard her.
I groaned as I tried to open my eyes, sitting up on the bed. I turned to find Lucas and Leo on my couch staring up at me. Lucas looked so serious, biting his cheek. Leo looked like he would cry as he looked at me. I sighed, because I didn’t want Hailey to tell them. She was right. I wasn’t planning on letting them know. They’re not just my friends. Leo is trying to date me more seriously, and Lucas is sleeping with me. They don’t need to be involved in this.
‘Do you need anything?’ Leo was the first to get up and step by my side. He was acting like I didn’t know how to walk anymore.
‘I’m fine.’ He tried to grab my side, but I smacked his hand away. ‘Leo, I still know how to use my legs. I have a small mass on my breast. I’m not an invalid.’ Leo froze, staying back as I walked towards the couch, narrowing my eyes furiously at Hailey. She shrugged her shoulders like I should have expected it. Honestly, I should have.
‘What would you like us to do?’ Lucas asked me, leaning forward on his knees.
His intense brown eyes stared deeply at me, straight to my soul. All I could see now was a man who had been hurt, humiliated, and traumatized. I couldn’t stop thinking of the story Leo told me. Lucas had been raped. Is that why he is the way he is with women? Is it to gain back a part of himself?
‘Go home,’ I told them flatly. Lucas sighed, bowing his head into his hands. He lifted his face back up, wiping it against his hands.
‘Fine, but you better tell us when the surgery is. We want to be there,’ Lucas demanded as he got up. I have noticed he’s always quick to do what I say. He’s good at listening to my demands and wishes. He never argues about them, he respects them and follows them.
‘We can’t leave. We just got here,’ Leo protested. ‘You don’t want us to go, do you, Liv?’
I felt a slight guilt at Leo’s tone. He sounded sad, almost hurt that I would send him away. He wanted to stay to feel better himself.
‘You heard her, Leo. She said she wanted us to go home, so we’re going,’ Lucas answered for me, saving me from caving and letting them stay. I didn’t want the attention right now.
‘I will tell you when my surgery is. You can wait with Hailey. I am sure she wouldn’t mind the company.’ Leo wrapped his arm around my waist from behind, kissing my temple.
‘Fine, Liv. After surgery, I plan to stay glued to your side. I am going to pamper you, stupid,’ he promised, causing me to roll my eyes. He’s sweet, but I don’t want that. I want my space right now. I have a lot to process.
‘Yeah, okay,’ I told him, feeling him let me go. Lucas came forward next. He grabbed my hips, pulling me flush against his chest. His eyes softened as they looked at me. He rubbed his knuckles against my cheek sweetly, making me blush. He then ran his thumb over my lower lip.
‘I’ll be waiting for you. Can’t wait to see how you’ll fight this one.’ He made my heart skip as he kissed my forehead. How I fight this one, huh? Lucas knows I love a fight and thinking of this as something I have to fight made me feel less panicked. I can fight. I can fight this the same way I fight in the ring. You’re going down, breast mass!
‘I always win my fights,’ I whispered.
‘I know you do, Rose.’ He winked at me with a small smirk. He gave me the words I didn’t know I needed to hear. He made me feel more ready for this than I had all day. I don’t know how he lifts me up like this. It’s something only he can do.
