‘Tell me, Olive, how did you manage to get this guy so wrapped up in you?’ Rachel asked, leaning forward, resting her chin on the palm of her hand.
‘Um, I am not sure what you mean. I haven’t done anything. I don’t think he’s wrapped up in me.’
I mean, yes, he’s told me he wants me and he wants to get serious. Is it shocking for his friends and family? Has he not had a serious relationship before?
‘Oh, sweet girl, he most definitely is.’
I shook my head, not believing Lucas, of all people, could be that into me.
‘You’re the first girl he’s been serious with since Ivy,’ she said. I didn’t fail to catch the grimace that played on her face for a split second. I furrowed my brows at the mention of Ivy. I’ve never heard her name before. Honestly, I don’t know many of the names of the women Lucas has been with aside from Janessa.
‘Who’s Ivy?’ I asked.
‘Ivy was Lucas’ girlfriend in college. She died in the same accident as John. The one that put Leo’s dad in a coma for a year.’ She hung her head, picking at the sides of her nail beds.
‘Who’s John?’ I asked, feeling a swirl of emotions at her answer. Killed. Last year was hell for Leo and Lucas. Between what I heard about Francesca and now Ivy, I am surprised Lucas is still standing.
‘Geez, these guys don’t tell you anything. John was Leo’s older brother.’ My heart stilled, aching for Leo this time. He had lost his brother last year and now his father. It’s a wonder he’s still so kind and energetic. How is it he can keep such a genuine smile on his face?
‘I had no idea.’
I let my face fall in sadness. I felt guilty for not knowing, despite having no way of getting this information beforehand. I thought of them both and wondered how they managed through last year. When Leo told me the story of Francesca; he had said they leaned on one another, probably through grief. I feel like, despite them saying it’s okay, I shouldn’t be dating the two of them. I don’t want to cause a rift in their friendship when they need each other. I am sure they’re probably more like brothers than friends by now.
‘It’s a sad tale, so I’m not exactly surprised they didn’t tell you,’ she said, taking a swig of her drink.
‘How long had Ivy and Lucas been together when she died?’ I was curious how long his most serious relationship had lasted before abruptly stopping.
‘Three years. They met in their senior year of highschool, but didn’t start dating till the summer before freshman year of college.’
My eyes widened in surprise for a moment. Lucas can be serious. He can be very committed if he wants to be. I don’t know the details of his relationship with Ivy, but to have lasted three years, it must have been good. Granted, Julius and I had been together for over a year and he cheated on me. I guess length of a relationship isn’t the most determining factor of how well a relationship is doing, or did.
‘That’s a while.’
‘They were happy. Lucas had actually planned on proposing to her that night. John had been distracting her the whole day so Lucas could prepare everything without her knowing. They were on their way there when they were hit.’
Rachel looked like she could cry now, remembering it all. Hell, my eyes wanted to mist thinking about it. It sounded like some tragic movie scene. I could picture Lucas all dressed up with Leo at his side, waiting for her to arrive, and instead, be received with morbid news. How do you move on from that?
‘He refused to date anyone. He wouldn’t even look at other women. It wasn’t until after a party, where there was drama with Leo and some girl, Lucas started seeing women again. I am not sure what happened, but we were all happy to see him dating again. We didn’t realize he wasn’t actually dating till a few months later. We realized he was sleeping around. He’s been through a lot, Olive. You need to be careful, because he has grown exceptionally attached to you.’
I felt my heart shatter and reset inside my chest. Only it didn’t set back the same way. I felt deep pain for Lucas. He, indeed, has been through a lot. I am sitting here being insecure and immature about the women that used to be in his life when he very obviously told me the truth about breaking it off with Janessa. He is being serious about wanting me. I am still nervous and scared to let him fully into my heart. I don’t want to be hurt the same way Julius hurt me.
I don’t want to give my heart away so easily this time. Lucas may have been through a lot, but so have I. He’ll have to show me he is serious about me. He can’t just say it, and it can’t be something his family tries to convince me of. I have to see it for myself. I have to believe it for myself. Otherwise, I’m going to keep swinging on this pendulum of insecure emotions.
‘Thank you for telling me.’
Rachel and I chatted a while longer, trying to keep the topics light. She told me she would be moving back to New York once she’s done with her studies. She misses the noises and cold stagnant air here. She said she even misses the subway, to which I laughed.
‘Rachel kept you good company.’ Lucas’ voice came from behind me, cutting my laughter short.
‘She did. She’s great.’
‘I’m glad you think so.’ He kissed the top of my head as he passed by me, taking a seat beside me. He smiled at me so cutely. It was a smile I hadn’t seen before. He looked so happy, like a small child full of joy.
‘Did you finish working?’
‘Sure did. I’m all caught up now, so you have my undivided attention. Sorry, I had to work.’ He looked very sad about the fact. I found it endearing he wanted to spend so much time with me he had pushed his work back.
‘Don’t apologize. Your job is important. In fact, you should make sure you stay on top of it. Don’t fall behind on my account,’ I lightly scolded him. The right corner of his lip turned up in his signature half smirk.
‘I’ll do anything you tell me.’
‘Sure, you will.’ I rolled my eyes, not believing it.
‘I’ll prove it to you. Tell me what to do,’ he egged me on.
‘Okay, fine. Tell me what caused you to sleep around with so many women.’ It caught him off guard. He pulled his head back a bit in surprise. His eyes held mine in an intense gaze, but he kept quiet. I figured he would, which is why I asked.
‘See, not everything I tell you.’ I made my point.
‘Rachel, it was great seeing you. Text me where you’re staying, and I’ll make sure to come hang out. Rose and I need to talk privately.’ He had a serious tone, making me feel like a child who was about to be scolded for being a brat. Rachel caught the tension as well as she shot me a look. She got up, giving Lucas a kiss on the cheek as she said goodbye.
‘It was nice meeting you, Olive. Hopefully, I’ll see more of you before I leave.’ She waved at me from the door. I gave her a small wave back, but my nerves were on end. I wasn’t sure what Lucas was going to say, and now I felt stupid for saying what I did. What was even the point of it?
Lucas turned from the door, his attention back to me. He walked over to me with a very intimidating look on his face. I swallowed the lump in my throat from the nerves. When he got to me, he pulled my chair out, turning it to face him. His hands rested on the back of the chair as he stared deep into my blue eyes. He surprised me when he rested his forehead against mine, shaking his head so it rubbed against me. He then fell to his knees, laying his head on my lap. He looked so broken there, pulling at the strings of my heart.
‘I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have asked you to tell me.’ I sighed, running my fingers through his thick, silky hair. He shook his head in my lap. He didn’t look up at me as he started to speak.
‘Don’t be sorry, Rose. I said I would do anything you asked, and I meant it. It’s hard for me to share. The only person who knows about this is Leo. None of my family has a clue.’
I am pretty sure I know what he is talking about, but I need to be sure. I want to know how he felt. I want to hear what happened to him from his own mouth, but I also don’t want to push him if he’s not ready.
‘You don’t have to tell me now. I never said you had to tell me now. You can wait, if you’re not ready.’
I’m such an idiot.
‘No, I want to tell you. I can see it’s eating away at you and I hate it. Do me a favor and keep playing with my hair while I talk. I don’t think I can look at you while I tell you this story.’ His voice sounded so vulnerable already. He was exposing himself to me.
‘I can do that.’ I rubbed my fingers through his hair again to assure him. He gave me a small nod before taking a deep breath.
‘I went out to a party with Leo. He had lost his brother, and I recently lost my long-term girlfriend. They had passed away in the crash Leo’s dad was in.’
‘Rachel told me. I am so sorry, Lucas,’ I whispered, the sympathy clear in my voice.
‘Of course she did.’ He shook his head in disapproval. ‘It was Leo’s senior year and thanks to some stupid girl he was being outcast by everyone, so I decided to take him out with me to a party on campus. I had a fake ID made for Leo so he could drink with me and everything. We got there and the girl who had been spreading those rumors about him was there, too. I had offered for us to leave, but Leo didn’t want to give her the satisfaction.’ I am sure Leo feels guilty about it now. He had left that part out when told me the story.
‘We partied, and I stupidly left my drink unattended. I don’t know why I did that. I guess as a guy I never imagined anything would happen. After about 30 minutes or so, I started to feel weird, so I made my way to the bathroom downstairs. There was too long of a line, but I somehow managed my way upstairs, looking through the bedrooms for one with a bathroom. I found one at the end of the hall. It starts to get hazy after that. Whatever drug I was slipped took hold of me around then. I remember laying on the bed and falling asleep. I can remember the feel of small hands running along my body.’ His shoulders started to shake against me. I wanted to stop him, but I knew he needed to finish his story. Biting back the tears in my eyes, I listened closely. I rubbed my hand over his hair, keeping my promise of playing with it while he spoke.
‘I remember trying to wake myself up, but my eyes wouldn’t open any more than a slant. I would drift in and out of consciousness. My pants were pulled down with me trying to hold on to them. The feel of a hand on my dick woke me up more, but the drug was so strong, making it hard for me to move or think rationally. I recall the feeling of panic before passing out again. My eyes opened once more to the girl who had spread those rumors about Leo, jumping on my dick. I still remember how she felt since she hadn’t bothered to place a condom on me as she raped me.’
His voice cracked at the word rape. My lap was wet with his tears, and my own, falling down my cheeks. I didn’t want to speak. I wanted to give him a chance to finish his story before I interrupted again.
‘When I woke up again I found Leo fighting her off me. The details are fuzzy, but I remember worse rumors were spread about him at school. I felt like such an idiot. I couldn’t believe something like that had happened to me. It wasn’t possible. They didn’t believe Leo, and he told me not to tell anyone either. He didn’t want me to go through the ridicule, so he took the consequences of my rape.’ Lucas wrapped his arms around my waist, holding me close as he kept his face buried in my lap. I felt a sob leave his chest, which tore my heart in two.
‘I started sleeping around with women to try and claim back the part of me she took. I wanted to prove what she did had little effect, but it was a stupid hope.’
‘No, Lucas! You’re not an idiot. She raped you. None of it was your fault, not a single thing.’ I cried over him, bending down and hugging him in the most awkward way. ‘I am so sorry that happened to you. I am so sorry you had to go through something like that.’
I held onto him for a while, letting him cry, letting both of us cry. Eventually he lifted his head and asked me to come lay down with him. We held each other close, closer than ever before, as we fell asleep together. I rubbed him mindlessly, trying to ease his troubles, despite knowing that’s not how trauma works.
‘I love you, Rose.’ I heard him whisper in his sleep.
Surely I didn’t hear that right, did I?
